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Witch's Faith
She opened her eyes to see her murderer's face close to her own. Buffy was about to finish her off. It hardly mattered... she knew nothing could save her now. But she needed to know about Willow before she died. She remembered Willow's body crashing down on her own. Dead? She tried to speak, to stop Buffy long enough to find out if her lover still lived. But she didn't have the strength to speak.
As usual, Buffy saw fear when Faith's eyes opened. She had not yet learned how to calm Faith, persuade her quickly that no one wished her harm. Sometimes Faith passed out before ever understanding what Buffy was saying. Sometimes Faith found Willow beside her and forgot that Buffy was even there. Sometimes Faith was too frightened to understand, and simply leaving the room was the most merciful thing Buffy could do. Tara was much better at this. Faith was afraid of Tara, but less so. Or better yet, Willow, when she was awake.
Buffy opened her mouth to speak soothingly, to try once again to make this easier for Faith. But before she could say a word, Faith's eyes changed. The fear turned to relief, and Faith turned her head weakly to look at Willow, then back to Buffy.
"Faith, I'm sorry for what we did to you."
"I... know... " Faith passed out again. But, at last, her memory was functioning again.
Buffy felt as though time had been frozen for days, and now the world was turning once again. Now the word "future" had some meaning. Maybe, someday, a future with all of this behind her. A future in which she did not hate herself. She knew just a taste of what it felt like to be Faith. To hate yourself and know that you were truly bad. How had Faith had the strength to survive that? It was no wonder Faith had succumbed to her darker side in the past.
Buffy kissed Faith on the forehead and left the two girls to rest.
"Faith... wake up, Faith." Willow touched the Slayer's shoulder gently, aware of how much it hurt Faith to move.
Faith murmured something Willow couldn't make out, and then her eyes slowly opened. She felt stiff, weakened and cold. Always just a little cold, no matter how many heavy blankets were piled on the pair. And something was wrong with her hand. She couldn't move it. Her fingers were trapped in something soft and wet. And hot. The warmth felt lovely.
Faith came fully awake. "Again? I'm sorry!"
Willow just smiled. "Now where were we?"
Faith resumed her gentle manipulation of Willow's wet vagina. Her constant loss of consciousness had the effect of holding Willow close to orgasm for long periods of time, resulting in an incredible climax... eventually. Having sex with minimal movement and very little strength was quite a challenge. Especially for Faith, who tended to make love aggressively to say the least. And Willow had no energy to go into her sprite trance. But unbeknownst to their caretakers, the two lovers had been living a life of near-constant sex for days.
Willow grimaced, feeling the pressure inside her building fast.
"OK, tomato honey sandwich time!" Dawn barged in gleefully, bringing a tray of her latest invention. "Willow? Are you OK?"
Willow nodded, not looking OK at all. "Muscle cramp. I'll be fine. Thanks!" Willow feigned enthusiasm for the meal. Dawn was very sweet, but Willow and Faith felt a little like lab rats, forced to test whatever experimental concoction was placed before them.
Dawn waited to get the pair's reaction to her recipe. "Dawn, I think we'll eat these a little later. They look delicious!" said Faith, smiling.
Dawn's face fell for a moment, but she shrugged. "OK, well, I'll let you guys rest!" She bounded out, forgetting to close the door.
Faith didn't care. She moved her fingers and brought Willow to the place she had been waiting for. Faith found Willow's grunts simply adorable.
They heard Dawn returning up the steps, and Faith rolled her eyes. "You guys OK? I heard a cry."
Eyes bulging slightly, Willow gave a thumbs up. Dawn returned it with a grin and went back downstairs. She loved taking care of Willow and Faith! Faith seemed like so much fun! She couldn't wait until Faith was on her feet at last. Then Tara could live with Willow again, and everything would be back to normal.
"Wish me luck," said Willow, "I'm gonna try for the door." She slipped out of bed, naked, and made her way to the door, leaning on the walls and furniture. She closed it and fell back into bed, shivering. She snuggled carefully up against Faith's warm body. "Your turn!"
Willow let her hands glide very lightly over the undamaged areas of Faith's body. Her external wounds were fading quickly, but she was still very tender. Faith chose not to take her pain killers, since staying awake was hard enough already. Willow was doing much better: she almost never passed out unexpectedly anymore.
Willow let her hand wander between Faith's legs, and found her vagina wide open. Now it was her turn to savor the warmth inside her lover's body. She began leading Faith on what would be a long but rewarding journey.
Inevitably, Faith passed out in the middle of Willow's attentions. No matter... the Slayer would soon be pleasantly awakened. Willow continued sliding her palm over Faith's clitoris, allowing her fingers to slip deep inside at the same time. And after a few minutes, Faith awoke to a glorious orgasm. Her vagina contracted over and over on Willow's fingers. Willow removed her hand and licked her fingers, making sure Faith knew what she would prefer instead of using her hands. But with no privacy and little ability to move, the two found that fingers could be quite effective.
The two lovers slept pressed together, and their mutual warmth kept the cold inside at bay. Willow awoke to Faith's movements rummaging under her pillow. Faith took her pajamas out of hiding, and Willow helped her into them. No one knew that the two were naked virtually all the time, dressing only to use the bathroom. It was sexy, yes, but more importantly... it was warm. Skin on skin was a blessed relief from the magical cold that was only slowly leaving their weakened bodies.
Willow rang the little bell on Faith's behalf, and Dawn returned dutifully. She took most of the Slayer's weight without complaint, and helped her into the bathroom. Dawn waited outside until Faith called, and then helped her back into bed. Thankfully, she remembered to close the door this time.
Willow helped Faith out of her clothing again, and handed her a sandwich with a wry smile. She bit into her own and shuddered. Evidently, the secret ingredient in a good tomato honey sandwich was massive chunks of garlic.
Buffy and Tara returned from patrol long after dark, having made at least a little progress towards finding Elise's new base of operations. They quietly opened the door to peek at their sleeping patients. They looked peaceful and content. Dawn was right. The girls were getting much better, somehow drawing strength from one another. Against all odds, they were fighting the magical energy in their bodies and winning.
Buffy felt the beginning of something she never expected to feel again. Happiness. She took Tara's hand, hoping that the witch was at last able to forgive herself just a little. And Tara did feel a terrible weight lift slightly. But happiness was not possible for her anymore. She looked at Willow longingly. She looked at Faith and tried to hate her, wished for her to be as evil as they had believed. She could find no hate. Not even jealousy exactly. Just the loss of a love she had once known nothing could change. She would love Willow for the rest of her life, but she no longer deserved to be loved in return. Willow had a new love... and more: a savior who would give her own life for Willow.
Buffy and Tara needed forgiveness from Faith. She could see it in their tired, haunted eyes. Faith did not want revenge, as she would have in the past. But she could not forgive them. It wasn't as simple as that.
"You wanted to talk to both of us," said Buffy, leading Tara into the room, giving the witch's hand a small squeeze. Faith and Willow both noticed the bond that had formed between Buffy and Tara since their shared crime. A closeness born out of shared remorse and guilty comfort.
"Yes," said Faith, sitting up in bed. It was wonderful to see how rapidly she was getting better. "I thought about telling you two I forgive you for what you did to me. But that wouldn't really be honest." She tried to find the words that would say what she needed to. "I do forgive you for thinking the worst of me. I have earned that–don't even remind me! I've done far worse things than either of you. But I will not forgive you for shooting me." Buffy and Tara seemed to shrink a little. "The only honest thing I can do is thank you. With all my heart. There's nothing to forgive." Faith did not add that, after all she had done in her life, she felt she deserved every moment of pain that she had received.
Buffy and Tara clearly did not follow what Faith was saying. "Thank Xander," said Buffy, "He ran to call 911 as soon as we knew we couldn't break through the spell. He figured someone was going to get hurt." Willow was surprised that they didn't understand. She let Faith explain herself.
"You shot me to save your friend's life. To save Willow, the most important thing in the world to me. Take my word for it–that's not evil. You tried to get to me and you couldn't so you shot me. I want you to know I understand... it was about Willow. You didn't know Elise had already touched her and started the spell, and you thought she would live if you kept me away."
Buffy blinked. Tara had acted out of desperation to save Willow, and so had Buffy. But deep down inside, Buffy knew that years of shameful and dark emotions were also driving her own attack. Someday perhaps she would confess that to Faith. Faith was the only person who might actually understand such a thing. Because Faith had faced that moment herself. Willow had related how Faith had nearly shot Buffy... Only Faith had not shot Buffy. No words from Faith would make Buffy feel good about what she had learned about herself.
Faith took one of Buffy's hands and one of Tara's. "Your only intent was to save Willow's life. But you didn't. You saved my life."
Buffy started to shake her head, so Faith tried again to make herself understood. "I was going to stand and take the full bast of the spell myself. That would have saved Willow and killed me. You stopped me, and I only took part of the blast. And that is the only reason that Willow and I are both alive today. You meant to save a life and you did. Thank you." Faith kissed each of her attackers on the cheek.
Deeply moved, Willow started to cry first, and put her arm around Faith's waist. Faith moved to hold her, but suddenly Buffy and Tara were letting out their own grief in harsh sobs. They needed Faith's comfort more than Willow did. Faith held them, and cried with them.
Buffy would have to live with the darkness she had found in herself. But Faith's caring hand on her shoulder helped more than a little.
"Tara... I never hated you. Don't say that," Willow whispered, caressing Tara's hand as the witch sat on the edge of the bed crying quietly, trying not to awaken Faith. "You're the same person I have always loved. You have no idea how guilty I feel sometimes, lying here in your bed with Faith instead of you. To be honest, I have thought about asking to be moved out to the couch, so I could have more privacy to be with you. But I get so cold alone, and so does Faith."
Tara did not stop crying. She was amazed all over again at Willow's complete goodness. How could Willow not hate her? Her heart leapt... but that wasn't good. Because what she needed to do was stuff her heart down deep inside and bury it. And what Willow was saying made that so much harder.
Willow glanced over to make sure they had not awakened Faith. "I'm getting stronger every day, Tara. One of these days, you owe me that romantic night out!"
Faith seemed to be asleep. The only hint otherwise was the faint wet track where a tear had rolled down her cheek, and the tiny wet spot on her pillow. Only Tara noticed.
"Buffy and Dawn decided to take her to a movie," Tara reported. "Nothing too strenuous yet, just a chance to get out of the house."
"Lucky Willow!" said Faith. "But I'm catching up fast."
"I'm glad they're gone, because... we need to talk alone." Tara sat on the bed beside Faith.
Faith looked down at her hands. Sometimes a problem was so big it was easiest just to pretend it didn't exist. But here she was, in Tara's bed, with Tara's lover, being waited on by Tara and Buffy night and day. You could only pretend so far. And Faith was coming to believe that what she and Willow shared was a beautiful but tiny lake beside the mighty ocean of Willow and Tara's love. She wanted to cling to every minute, every second that she still had with Willow, and not think about the future. Faith was not a different person today than she was a month ago, or two years ago. She would always have the darkness inside her, the killer, the abused little girl ready to betray anyone close to her before they did the same to her. Faith knew that darkness would awaken if she lost Willow. Power would again replace love as her fundamental driving need. She hoped she would have the willpower to take her own life when that started to happen.
"First off, I want to tell you again that I really am sorry for what I did. I want you know that's not something I would say just for Willow's benefit. I know it saved your life, and I'm glad of that. But I hurt you like I've never hurt anyone before, and I don't like knowing that I'm capable of that."
Faith put her hand on Tara's thigh and forced a small smile. There was little doubt about who deserved Willow more. Tara was almost too kind-hearted to be believed. And it was no act–the witch was completely sincere.
"Faith, I know that you love Willow. You know I do too. And she loves us both. She really does. And she knows the pain you and I are in. It's tearing her up inside, and she doesn't feel she even has the right to talk about her own pain. It just can't go on." Tara sighed sadly. This would be so much easier if she could find it in her to hate Faith.
"I know."
"Faith, you turned her life around, brought her back from the depths of her addiction to black magic. I could only run away from that. And she'll be facing that temptation forever. She doesn't need another witch, reminding her of the power she craves. She needs the person who is her cure. She needs the person who wanted to die for her. She needs you. And I think you need her just as much. She's revealed someone... pretty great inside you."
"Tara, you are something else!" Faith was taken aback. "But what if you two are meant to be together? I don't know what that means, I guess. It's just... she loves you... so much. And I can see why." Faith tried to smile again, but she was crying.
"She will always love both of us. That's something we'll have to deal with. But I'm here to tell you that... I'm..." Tara began crying too, so hard she could barely speak. "I'm backing away from this... I'm letting her... go... Willow is yours, Faith!"
Faith was touched beyond words. Tara might just be saving Faith's life all over again. But she could not easily shake the idea that Tara was the person Willow should be with. That they deserved each other, while Faith deserved nothing. "I don't think it's that simple, Tara."
"Simple? There's nothing simple about it... But you give her the strength to remain the girl I fell in love with. If she loses you, she loses herself. So you see, I can't have her. No matter what. So take her. Help her. Help each other."
Faith shook her head, tears flowing. There just might be another soul in the world as good as Willow.
"Faith!" Tara cried desperately. "Promise me!! Promise me you will help her! Promise you will keep her safe! Promise you will love her!"
Faith took Tara into her arms, and felt hot tears soaking her shoulder. "I promise, Tara!" she sobbed. "I promise!"
Tara did not see how life would ever have meaning again. She did not want to burden anyone else with her private pain, but she needed someone to understand. There was only one source of comfort for her lately. Only one person who understood what it felt like to need to hate Faith, and be unable to do so.
Later in the evening, Buffy and Dawn helped Willow into the house, laughing. Dawn volunteered to make dinner, and got out the blender and toaster. Buffy opened her mouth to ask what she was making, and then decided it was probably better not to know.
The Slayer helped Willow into bed with Faith. The witch was shivering–she had probably stayed out too long, despite the heavy coats her friends had wrapped her in. Faith looked as though she had been crying, but she pulled Willow against her with strength she didn't even know she had, and kissed her on the mouth with nearly the same passion she had shown when she was healthy. Willow melted against her and returned the kiss, slipping a leg over Faith's body. Faith felt only slight pain from her nearly-healed injuries. Buffy hurried away, and heard the lock click behind her. By the time she reached her own room, Faith and Willow were already voicing sounds of passion that made Buffy hope Tara wasn't home to hear.
Buffy opened her door to find Tara collapsed on her bed, shaking and crying. She looked as though she had been crying for a long time.
"Buffy! Hold me... I... I have to leave... I... Willow... it's over! It's all over...!"
Buffy rocked Tara on her shoulder for a long time before she finally cried herself to sleep.
Continue to Episode 15 – Leaving.
Faith sat astride Willow's face, pleasuring Willow with her own mouth in return. Trapped beneath the Slayer's satisfying weight and heat, Willow was glad to have Faith mobile again. Both girls still became too cold to do this in the open, so several heavy blankets covered the pair, turning them into an unlikely-looking mound in the bed.
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