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Witch's Faith
Faith was so sad and small... What's wrong, Faith? Faith why are you so small? Talk to me, small Faith.
Willow gradually grew more lucid. She had been trying to talk to a small wooden statue of Faith, stained with dried blood. Her vision kept blurring, and she felt herself losing consciousness again. Something was terribly wrong, she knew, but she couldn't hold a thought. She was so very cold.
Willow took a deep breath and gathered her strength, opening her eyes again and lifting her head to look around. She blinked and squinted. She was in Tara's bed, piled with an incredible number of blankets, and yet she still felt cold. Faith's statue rested on the nightstand beside her head. And sitting in the corner, head in hands... "Tara..."
Tars slowly looked up. She appeared to have aged ten years. Heavy bags hung around her red-rimmed eyes, and she looked as though she barely knew where she was herself.
Memory came flooding back. Willow saw Faith screaming in pain, pierced by cruel crossbow bolts, and throwing herself in the path of the deadly spell. "Faith!" she cried, "Where is Faith?!"
Tara rose and took a shaky step towards the girl who had been her lover.
"Tara, where is Faith?!"
Tara dropped to the floor, screaming incoherently. Footsteps pounded on the stairs and Buffy rushed in, looking as tormented and weary as Tara. She pulled Tara to her feet and hurried her out into the hall. "Don't do this, Tara! Please!"
Tara kept screaming, and Willow could make out the words, "I can't do this anymore! I can't! It's too much!"
Willow called out again "Where is Faith?! Tell me!"
Buffy and Tara descended the steps. Dawn was crying in the living room.
"Dawn, I need to get Tara out of here." The witch was still screaming. "I need you to talk to Willow."
"I can't! I just can't!" cried Dawn. But her sister's eyes were pleading, and Dawn could see that Tara's hysteria was not good for Willow. She nodded and climbed the steps in dread. Buffy half-carried Tara out the front door.
"Dawn!" said Willow, sobbing heavily, "What happened to Faith?"
Dawn tried to speak, but she was crying so hard she could barely breathe.
Buffy helped Tara into the driver's seat of her car, although the witch was in no state to drive. The Slayer climbed in beside her and shut the door, tears running down her own face. She put her hand on Tara's shoulder and waited for the witch to calm down.
"How many times, Buffy? How many times have we told her? Thirty? Forty? Is this our Hell? I can't tell her one more time. I can't watch her face one more time!"
"There's no telling when Willow will improve, Tara. We don't even know yet if she will live... But whatever happens, we need to be strong for her. Dawn is in there telling her about Faith. It should be you or I." The Slayer's cracking voice betrayed the fact that she too was closer to the edge than she let on.
"I wish this had never happened Tara, but we were only trying to save Willow's life. We're not cold-blooded murderers." Tara shook Buffy's hand off of her shoulder. She didn't deserve to be comforted. "We had no way to know that Faith was good. We saw her and the demon attacking Dawn!"
"I think she was rescuing Dawn from the demon." Buffy thought about this and sadly nodded her agreement. "And, Buffy, we should have known Faith was good."
"How, Tara?"
"Because Willow told us!"
Buffy lowered her head into her hands. Everything Tara said was true.
But at least, after so many days, Tara was finally willing to talk. Buffy had tried once before, when she came upon Tara in the back yard smashing the crossbow on the ground and crying with self-hate. But Tara had been unwilling to speak about what they had done, and Buffy had found herself crying as well, helping Tara to smash the weapon to pieces.
Buffy spoke slowly, hoping to give Tara the strength to go on a little longer. "Faith would have died even if we hadn't done a thing. She would have stood and taken the entire blast from the spell. It would have killed her. Look what just part of that energy did to Willow. A week later and she still hasn't improved. Faith didn't stand a chance. She chose to do what she did, and it was very brave and noble. But nothing could save her."
Tara was crying so hard Buffy had to strain to understand her. "So we gave her a slow, painful death instead! And made Willow watch! And if Willow doesn't make it, because we stopped Faith from blocking the spell, then we killed Willow too!"
Tara grew still, speaking very softly. "And if Willow does make it, what will be left for her? She'll have lost Faith, and she'll never want to speak to you or I again. She'll go back to black magic, you and I both know it! She'll destroy herself... Faith was the one who could heal Willow's weakness for magic. I certainly couldn't, I'm just a living temptation to do magic. Now Willow has nobody to keep her together."
"No, Tara, I don't think she will go back to black magic. I don't think she would dishonor Faith's memory that way. I don't think she'll waste the life Faith gave her. Faith will give Willow strength as long as she lives. But... I'm afraid we may never see Willow again once she's strong enough to leave." This drove both girls to tears once again.
They had to find a way to continue functioning, for Willow's sake. Buffy tried more words of comfort, even though she did not believe them herself. "I feel terrible too, but... in a way it's not really anyone's fault, Tara. It's just a terrible misunderstanding."
"It is! It's my fault. I should have checked to make sure the spell was what Greta told us. I could have stopped the whole thing before it ever began. I could have saved Willow and Faith. But I didn't check until it was too late!"
Buffy could not calm Tara's frantic sobs, so she simply waited until the girl was spent.
"I need to get back inside, Tara. Someone should be with Dawn. It's your turn to sit with Faith... can you drive to the hospital?" Tara nodded. "I'll be there this evening and we'll bring her home. She's getting worse, but we don't know she's going to die. We just don't know. So we'll be strong for both of them. All right?"
Tara squeezed Buffy's hand.
"Buffy... where is Faith?!"
Buffy smoothed Willow's hair. "She's in my room. She's very very sick, Willow. It's been a week since... what happened... and she has never regained consciousness. We only just brought her home tonight."
"She was willing to sacrifice her life for me!" Willow felt like throwing up. The Oracle's prediction weighed on her mind. She did not think Faith would be waking up. She wanted so badly to tell someone about the Oracle... she almost said something to Buffy now. But she saw the tortured look in Buffy's eyes. She knew what Buffy would do if Willow told her one Slayer would die. Buffy would take her own life, trying to cheat fate. And then both Slayers might be gone. "Tell me what's wrong with her."
Patiently, Buffy explained the situation to Willow yet again. "She has three broken ribs. She has damage to her liver and one kidney. One lung was punctured and filled with blood. She suffered muscle damage as well. But the most dangerous problem was blood loss. She had massive internal and external bleeding." These words were habit to Buffy by now, spoken in the language the doctors used. And yet still, as she said them, she heard the sickening sound of her crossbow bolt penetrating Faith's body. And the pitiful shrieks of pain. "She went into shock and her heart stopped. We gave her first aid and CPR, and the paramedics gave her blood transfusions just in time. The doctors don't think her heart was stopped long enough to cause brain damage, but nobody really knows. She's been through four surgeries. They cleared out her lung, and in time her other injuries may heal. She's a Slayer after all, and she has done well, considering how close she came to dying. Her wounds are much better healed than a normal person's would be after only a week. Now she's on IV drugs for her liver and to fight infection. We've got pain killers in case she does wake up."
Buffy took a deep breath. "But the doctors can do nothing about the black magic that is attacking both of you. It's a mystery to them.. and to us. That's why you're so cold. And you've had memory problems. Willow... we've had this conversation many times, and you probably won't remember it this time either. You don't seem to be able to remember anything since the spell. But at least you are conscious sometimes, and your temperature is stable. Faith never woke up at all, and she just keeps getting colder and colder. It doesn't look good, but we're doing everything we can. Tara is tending to her right now. We've got everything we need to give her her injections and her glucose drip."
"I don't understand," said Willow, crying for her lover, "How can she be home? She should be in the hospital!"
"Willow, we forged a Do Not Resuscitate request..."
Willow grabbed the Slayer's arm. "You did what?!?"
Buffy looked sadly at Willow. "The doctors have done all they can. Of course we'll take her back if something more goes wrong with her medically. But it's the magic that's killing her now. And she doesn't seem to be able to fight it. So we wanted to bring her to you. We didn't want her to be there for no reason when she could be home with you."
Willow looked hopeless and lost. Buffy stroked her arm, and was grateful that her friend did not flinch away.
"There's another reason we hurried her home," said Buffy. "The police. This kind of injury attracts the wrong kind of attention. Tara's been doing memory spells all week at the hospital, trying to prevent people from realizing just what went on. And to stop people from checking on the false names we've been using. You know she wouldn't do that lightly. It's taken a lot out of her. I don't think she's slept for longer than an hour at a stretch all week. She can't keep it up. So... we had to get Faith out of there. If she does live, she shouldn't go back to prison."
"I understand..." Willow's eyes fluttered and her consciousness faded for a moment and returned. "What about Elise?"
"She was gone by the time the paramedics showed up. She must have come to and slipped away in the confusion. She's still after Dawn, I'm sure, and we're keeping Dawn in sight at all times. But I haven't been tracking Elise, or even patrolling. Tara and I have been taking turns staying with you and Faith around the clock." Buffy looked into her friend's eyes. "We both feel so terrible about this, Willow. I would do anything to take it back. I'm so sorry."
Willow looked at her silently. Just as she had every time Buffy or Tara had apologized in the last week. Although to Willow, each time was the first.
"Anyway, you need to eat and drink something before you pass out again. You're still in a great deal of danger yourself. Have some soup. It's not too hot..."
"No. I want to see her."
Buffy saw that there was no use arguing. She picked Willow up in her arms. But the witch was unconscious again by the time they reached Faith's bedside, and she had begun to shiver from just a few seconds out of bed. Buffy returned Willow to her bed and smoothed the blankets over her. She prayed that Willow's mind and body would both be healed. What if Willow's memory never returned to normal? That wouldn't just be hell for Buffy and Tara. It would be hell for Willow.
"Faith... where's Faith? Tara, what happened to Faith?!"
"She's right here, Willow... be gentle."
Willow turned the other way, and relief flooded over her. Faith was lying unconscious beside her, pale and gaunt but as lovely as any sight Willow had ever seen. An IV stand stood by the bed, although it was not connected at the moment.
"She was crying for you in her sleep. On and off, for hours. It's the first sign of consciousness she's shown. She seems much calmer since we brought her in here. But she's very badly injured, you need to be careful if you touch her. And she's under the same magical attack you are. Only worse."
Willow stroked Faith's hair, and the tiniest smile appeared on the dark Slayer's lips. "Willow..." she whimpered, very softly. Willow kissed her lover's forehead tenderly. Tara felt utterly miserable, witnessing what would at best be the end of the love she had thought she would share with Willow forever. And at worst... it might turn into the end of two wonderful lives at her guilty hands.
"Why all the blankets? What's wrong with her? What's wrong with both of us?"
Tara steeled herself to tell it all over gain.
Although still terrified by the Oracle's prediction, Willow took Tara's words much better this time, with Faith's physical presence beside her. And this time, she did not forget.
On the nightstand, a second wooden figure sat next to the lost-looking image of Faith. Buffy had found it beside Faith's bed when she went to collect some things from Faith's basement. The two carvings seemed to belong together. The new figure was sitting down, extending a hand toward Faith with a look of love and understanding. It was Willow.
Continue to Episode 14 – Forgiven.
Buffy felt as though time had been frozen for days, and now the world was turning once again. Now the word "future" had some meaning. Maybe, someday, a future with all of this behind her. A future in which she did not hate herself. She knew just a taste of what it felt like to be Faith. To hate yourself and know that you were truly bad.
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