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Faith thinks it's over between us. I wish it had never started.

I want my love to be good for her. I want that so bad it hurts. I want that as bad as I want her. But it's far too late now.

After our big fight, I sent a letter telling her what she ought to know already. I knew we'd try to talk things out face to face in half a week, but I needed to get it all out, so I wrote to her. In a few minutes I'll be able to say the same things to her in person. But what's the use?

She sent a letter just after our fight, too. I got it yesterday and it makes me hate myself.

She begged. She actually begged me not to leave her. She said she'd do anything. She didn't quite come out and say she'd marry me, but I bet if I demanded it, she just might even do that. That's how desperate she's gotten. Just like when she pleaded after me when I left. But I was too hurt to answer. I felt like she had torn out my heart. Her words when I asked her to marry me still hurt, but it's her I'm worried about now.

You were right, Willow. I knew it all along, but now it's happening and it's too late. I'm the free one. I've got all the power, and my needs end up coming first.

Why couldn't I just wait? Why did I propose to her like that? What's the rush? Why couldn't I control myself? I was overcome with love, and I did the most hurtful thing I could do. It could have been OK... I could have just accepted her "no" and not discussed it. Let her have a little control over her life. But instead we got into it and set each other off. Just like the bad old days. With less punching.

I was selfish again. Just like when I let this whole thing start. And she's the one who stands to get hurt. If I were stronger, we would have just stayed friends. Until she got free. That's when I could have finally let myself get closer. But I was too weak to wait.

"Buffy, I need you! I'm sorry about everything I said. I'll do anything to make you happy, Buffy. Just give me another chance."

I feel sick inside just thinking about that letter. That's not the Faith I know and love. I know damn well she's never thought very much of herself, and now I've got her frightened and begging. Some friend I am! Some lover.

I don't even want to face her. What can I say? I can tell her she shouldn't have to beg–she shouldn't have to be afraid just because of one fight. And then, guess what? She'll stop begging. Because it's what I want her to do!

It's too late to back out of this relationship. It's gone too far already. We both need it now. If it's going to end, it will have to end slowly and gently. But I don't know how that could possibly leave us as friends. She'll never understand. And I promised I would never leave her alone. So what's going to happen? I suppose we'll make up. Maybe not today, but eventually. I'll tell her to forget I ever mentioned the marriage thing and that will be that. But we'll fight again someday. And she'll think she's losing me again. She'll beg.

Or maybe we'll never fight again. Maybe she'll be afraid to disagree with me at all. God, what a terrible letter! Like she doesn't matter at all and only I do. Which she'll deny once she knows my opinion, but she'll still feel like that deep down. She'll always be a little afraid of being left alone.

When she does get out of this awful place, what kind of relationship will we have, after years and years of her as the captive and me with the power to leave? What will be left after she's been trained that her feelings don't matter as much as mine? She'll hate me.

I hope she'll be strong enough to hate me. I hate me. I'm the worst thing that ever happened to her.

I want to be the best.

I stayed up all night last night, trying to think of some way to make this right. But it's just too late. I should never have let us get serious. Not with things the way they are. I should have just been a friend. That would have shown her more love than this mess does.

Maybe it's better that we fought. At least I know how insecure she is now. I wish I'd known before I started all this.

But of course, I did know. Didn't stop me. Sure, it was mutual from the start. But as Willow said, she's trapped with nobody but me to get close to. So how mutual is that?

Twenty minutes. We'll have twenty minutes to make this right. But as long as she's locked up and I'm free, nothing can do that.

Oh, God. That's me they're calling for. Phone number six. She's just sitting down herself.

We stare for a moment through the glass. She looks so sad. What have I done? I'm so sorry, Faith. I guess I was born to hurt you.

Shakily, I pick up the phone. She doesn't pick up hers.

Finally, with a deep sigh I can see but not hear, she lifts her phone to her face.

"Hey, Buffy."

"Hey." I don't know what to say. There is not a single useful word in my head. "I got your letter."

She nods and looks down at the desk.

"Did you get mine?"

She shakes her head no. It will probably get to her today after I've left. Well, I guess that gives me some things to say, anyway.

"Faith, I'm–"

"Buffy, can I talk first?"

"I just want you to know that..." I trail off. She should be able to talk first if she wants. I have to be very careful about imposing my wants and needs any more than I already have. "I'm sorry. Go ahead."

"I want to tell you what I didn't say in my letter, that I should have. I'm so sorry, Buffy."

"You don't have to–"

"I'm not sorry for what I said when you asked me... when you proposed. I'm sorry for what I said in my letter. What I didn't say, too."

Not sure where this is headed, but I'm not going to interrupt her again.

"Buffy, all I can say is that trust doesn't come easy for me. And being in here... I feel helpless. You really have no idea unless you've been here. So when we had a fight, I panicked. I'm sorry." This isn't what I expected. She's far calmer than I thought she would be. Maybe she's already decided it's over between us. Is that good or bad? Bad. Because I'm still weak. I don't want it to be over.

"I thought you might leave me if you didn't get your way, Buffy. That was pretty shitty of me. I should know better. And I do, Buffy. Once I calmed down, I knew. It was just a fight. A fight about some important stuff, but just a fight. You still love me, and I shouldn't have been afraid of losing you. I thought about what you said back at the beginning, about not wanting to take advantage of me. And what I am afraid of is that you'll feel that way. Well, you're not taking advantage of me. I couldn't wait years to be with you. I just couldn't. So... anyway... I just wanted you to hear it from me before you said anything. I wanted you to know that I know you're not going to leave me just because we don't see eye to eye all the time. We need to be equals, and I had a little lapse, but I'll be fine. I'm sorry."

My mouth is open but I'm not breathing. Please let this be true. It's like she knows everything I had to say in my letter. Only she figured it out on her own... so it really means something. I had a million apologies ready for her, and the last thing I wanted was yet another apology from her... but maybe this apology is the one that can save us.

"I'm still afraid this won't last forever, Buffy. I think one day this arrangement will be too hard to take, or you'll meet someone else, someone out there. But I don't think that will happen soon. And I don't think it will happen just because you want to get married and I don't. And besides..." She smiles a little. "Even if getting married doesn't work for me... it still feels pretty awesome that you asked!"

I let out my breath. "Oh, Faith! I... I love you! So much!"

"That's what I'm starting to figure out, B!"

My tears are flowing like rain. Thank God. I thought there was no way to heal this... but there was... it just had to come from her, not me. Not from the one with the power and the freedom.

I don't have to regret being her lover. I don't have to hate myself.

But... something's still wrong. I can't put my finger on it, but... something about her face when I asked about my letter.

Oh, no. Oh, please, no!

"Faith, did you really come up with all that yourself? Did you really not get my letter?"

She stares at me for a long moment, then looks down. She pulls an envelope out of her uniform's only pocket and sets it down. It's my letter.

Oh, God.

I think I'm going to be sick. Now I'll never know if she really feels those things, deep down, or if she's just saying what she thinks I need to hear. No... I think it's worse than that. On some level, she's making herself believe she feels what I want to hear. When deep down she's still scared I'll stop loving her. I start to cry.

She looks up at the sound. "Buffy! No... Buffy... we're going to be OK!"

Let the begging commence. I just shake my head. Can't speak. Time to start hating myself again.

"Buffy, look!" She holds the envelope up to the glass.

It's unopened.

"You didn't..."

"I got it this morning, but I didn't open it. I wanted you to know I understand. I'll open it later, but it doesn't matter what it says. We don't agree about the future, but we love each other and I think we understand each other. That's enough." She's crying a little, too, but not much. She knows we're OK. It's me with the doubts.

I lean in close and look at the envelope. No question. She never read my letter. She does understand. On her own. I let out a shaky breath. "Yeah. That's enough."

We waste the rest of the twenty minutes just looking into each other's eyes. That's all we need right now.

 

---

 

Four days later. A weekend visit.

"I thought Willow was coming."

I roll my eyes. "So did I. But she's too busy being strip searched."

"What!?"

"Not literally... God, I hope not. But they found a bag of oregano in her sleeve. Depending on how long it takes them to figure out it's not marijuana, she might still join us." We even have a speakerphone this time. There's only one of those here, but we try to schedule it when I'm bringing someone along. Sometimes we get lucky. It beats leaning in to share one phone.

"Oregano? As in cooking? Or witchcraft? I thought she was done with magic!"

"She's started doing a little. Just white magic. Spiritual and healing rites. She seems to be handling it fine. Staying away from the dangerous stuff."

"What does Tara think of that?" Faith looks worried. I've noticed that Willow and Tara's breakup really gets to Faith somehow. She barely knows Tara but she's always asking about the two of them.

"Oh, it was Tara's idea. I think it's her way of showing she knows Willow is better now."

"So are they..."

"Back together? No. I keep after both of them, but I swear, they are the two most shy people I ever met. It's a wonder they ever got together at all! They're both afraid to bring it up. It was a pretty bad breakup. Some nasty fights, and Willow was having some real problems. I'm glad they've at least started seeing a little more of each other. It's a start."

"I used to think you and I would never fight. Pretty naive, I guess!"

"I know, I felt the same way. But fighting with each other is one of our talents, I think!" I smile. Just kidding. Sort of.

"You know, Buffy, I want you to know I really do understand why you wanted to get married. You wanted me to trust that we'll be together forever. That's not such a bad thing."

"I know. I wasn't planning on saying it though... not so soon."

"The thing is, I don't think getting married should make us know we'll be together. I think it should be the other way around. We shouldn't get married if we don't both already believe we'll be together forever."

I hadn't thought of it like that. "You're right, Faith. I hope someday you do believe that. If not... well, I guess I'll just go on proving it year after year!"

Her face clouds like it always does when we talk about the future. "Faith, I know it hurts to think about the future. But I have good reasons for wanting you to. For one thing, I love thinking about when you get out–all the things we'll do... your flower garden... our bedroom... everything. I think about that stuff all the time, and I want to be able to share that with you."

"I understand. It's very sweet of you, really. I just can't get my hopes up."

"The other reason is the important one. Faith, I don't want you to... hurt yourself." A lump forms in my throat.

"Oh, Buffy! I never will. I promise you that. I don't get like that anymore. Not since you showed up. Really."

I nod. I won't stop worrying... but that's good to hear.

"So... is the Key still after you to dump me? I think she knows I'm convincing you to be extra cautious about her."

"We don't call her 'the Key!'" That's a habit Faith can drop right now! One of these days, Dawn will become our next fight. "She'd rather forget that whole thing, I'm sure. And I'm not being cautious about her, she's my sister! Remember, you were wrong about Angel, once upon a time! But... yeah, she's dedicated herself to making me wake up and see reason. I think she's jealous. Plus she trusted you once before and got burned. At least, that's the way we all remember it. She figures you've got plenty of reasons to want to revenge against me."

"I sure, do, B! I just happen to prefer the hot, nasty sex."

A distracting thought. "You know, it's no fun to kiss and make up after a fight. Not without the kissing!"

"Don't worry, B, I'm saving up. You'll get all the kissing you can stand in nine weeks!"

"I'm counting the days."

Willow rushes over. "Hi, guys!" She sounds cheery but she looks pissed.

"Willow!" Faith smiles. "Got your spices confiscated?" I'm so glad the two of them ended up on good terms.

"Yes. And I got molested by a guard in the process! She patted me down everyplace... and I mean everyplace."

"Welcome to my world, Red!"

Time's almost half up, but I pretend I have to use the ladies' room. I'm going to try to let Faith have time alone with everyone I bring along. Well... everybody but Dawn. Part of my new program of giving Faith a little more independence from me.

After a few minutes messing with my hair in the mirror, I return. Faith's voice is coming from the speakerphone.

"How about you, Willow, do you have a side of the bed saved?"

I blush. Willow! That's private! I'm surprised Willow even noticed. I used to sleep in the middle of the bed. Now I sleep on one side. Kind of a superstition. The other side is Faith's side. Someday. But even Willow doesn't know that sometimes I kiss the pillow goodnight! I keep some of Faith's love letters under it, too, where I can read them in the night when I get lonely.

"Saved for Tara?" Willow answers. "No. I don't know what's going to happen with us. Maybe nothing." Willow's face falls.

"Willow, I don't know Tara like you do, but I think she's worth going after."

"She sure is. But I was just awful to her. I raped her mind! There's no way around it. I don't think she's going to want to get close to me again."

"Look here, Red, everyone knows you still love each other. Everyone but the two of you! Some of us can't be with the one we love. You can be. Don't waste this time."

"I appreciate your advice, Faith... but it's just not that simple."

"Willow, how many days have you two been apart since you gave up doing magic?"

"I don't know... a lot."

"Well I guarantee you've wasted more days together than Buffy and I will have the whole time I'm in here!"

Faith is raising her voice. She's jealous of what they have–so am I!–but she also wants to help. I'm starting to understand why Willow and Tara's separation bugs Faith so much. They're taking something precious for granted.

Willow is silent, lost in thought.

"I'm sorry, I guess it's not my business... but Willow, if you don't go to Tara today, and tell her you love her, you're crazy!"

Willow doesn't answer, but somehow I think Faith has struck a chord I haven't managed to hit, even though I've been trying with both witches for months. They're each afraid the other won't still love them. Neither one will say it first.

"Willow," I interrupt the silence. "Time's almost up. I need a minute with Faith." She nods and says goodbye to Faith, and wanders off looking solemn.

"I have a little something for you, Faith." I give the nearest guard an envelope. It has the green stamp on it: already been x-rayed. He passes it through the bars at the end of the room and I wait nervously as another guard brings it to Faith.

Faith opens it and takes out a polaroid photo. Her eyes get wide and I smile slyly.

"Something to keep you company for the next two months!"

"Oh, my.... Buffy... um... wow!" I've actually made her blush!

"I borrowed Tara's camera. It has a timer."

"I'm really wanting some of that kissing right now!"

"Me too! But be patient. In nine weeks, I'm gonna kiss you... everywhere."

"Everywhere?"

"Everywhere."

"Wow."

 

---

 

Willow and I are walking to the car. Patrol time.

"Buffy! For you!" Dawn yells out the door.

I go back inside and pick up the phone. "Hello?"

"Am I speaking to Buffy Summers?"

"Yes, who is this?"

"I'm with the California Department of Corrections. I'm calling regarding a pornographic photograph you gave to an inmate last week."

"What?"

"Prisoners are not permitted to possess pornographic materials. We just wanted you to know that Faith has been very distracted by it. She can't build parking meters worth a damn anymore."

"What!?"

The woman on the other end starts to laugh. I know that laugh! "It's me, B! How's slaying?"

"Faith! Where are you?"

"I'm in the mess hall, wasting my dinner hour on the phone with you!"

"But you can't make personal calls!"

"No, but my lawyer can."

"You said you don't have a lawyer."

"Not until today I didn't. She's somebody Angel knows. He brought her by to see me. Buffy, how would you like to have a CV every month instead of every other?"

"Don't even make jokes like that!"

"Well it won't happen for a long time if ever, but she thinks maybe I can get transferred to minimum security. Because of my age, and because I turned myself in, and my good behavior. It would be a different prison, a longer drive for you... but it would make CVs a lot easier to get. And when we meet in between CVs, we could sit together with no glass in the way! Don't get your hopes up yet, but she thinks she can probably get that for me some day."

"Why can't it happen now?"

"I just don't have the money to pay her. Not even close. She's really nice, she said she'll give me a low rate and she came to discuss my case without asking for any money... but she's just out of law school and she's so far in debt she can't do work for free. There are all kinds of hearings she'd have to take me through, and travel time and... I don't know what all. More than she can afford to do for free. But I'm going to save up. I hardly worked at all when I first got here–I was all studying and training–and even now I only work part-time. Plus the pay's less than minimum wage. But I'm going to stop training in the afternoons, and work on the assembly line all day now. Weekends too, if they let me."

"I'll save up, too!"

"Don't worry, Buffy, I know you're sunk in debt yourself. I don't know how you afford the gas to come see me! But in a few months, I should have enough saved to at least start the process."

"That's great! What about... what about how long..."

"Minimum security won't change my sentence, Buffy. But if I get that, it might be easier to get out in eight years instead of the full fifteen. That would be just five and a half more years. Too early to say... but it's one more thing to help me get parole"

"That's awesome, Faith! I'm so happy!"

"And there's one thing she'll do for me for free right now."

"What's that?"

"She'll forward my calls to you! I'm only allowed to call my lawyer's phone number... but she can transfer me to you! And if you call her, she can connect you to me! We can't do it much, 'cause it's kind of a hassle for her, plus she pays the bill. But once or twice a week we can talk without waiting days for a letter or a visit. Or if there's some emergency, or... you know... our next big fight!" She smiles to show she's kidding.

"Oh, Faith, I'll feel so much better just knowing I can call you!"

"Me, too. I worry about you out on patrol. Now I can call you and know you're safe. Plus, of course, we can have phone sex!"

I'm glad she can't see my expression to make fun of me. "I'm kidding, B!" Whew! She had me scared. Don't think I'd be much good at phone sex!

I get the lawyer's number. I'm so happy I could sing! It's such a simple thing, really. But now I can talk to Faith right here in my home. We talk Slayer stuff a little, and she gives me some good ideas for going after the latest vampire to cross my path. Just hearing her voice is so nice.

"There's something else, though, Buffy. It's Angel... he knows about us... I'm so sorry. It just came out, I was going on about you, and then I suddenly figured out you hadn't told him yet. I'm sorry."

I wish it had been me who told him, but I've been putting it off. "That's OK. I should have told him before now. How did he take it?"

"He was very quiet. I don't know."

"Maybe I better call him."

"Yeah, you probably should."

She has to go. Five minute time limit on outgoing calls, even to lawyers. Probably because inmates do the very thing she's just done!

"I love you!" I say quickly.

"I love you too!" The connection clicks off.

 

---

 

Somewhere in the back of my mind there's a crisis. A powerful demon we can't find, lives on the line, and the clock ticking. The usual drill. But lying here half-asleep with my lover and fellow Slayer, I can forget stuff like that. I can have a few hours of peace and comfort.

I reach over sleepily and put my arm around her.

Something's wrong. I grope around in the blankets. She's gone! No light from the bathroom cubicle, either.

"Faith?"

I come fully awake and recognize my bedroom window. Faith's not here!

Oh, God. Faith! I'm starting to cry a little. Then a lot. I need her.

What time is it? Eleven. I hadn't meant to nap so long. I'm meeting the gang at midnight. But it's been a rough few days. Guess I needed a little sleep.

Faith! I can't stop crying. I go down to the kitchen for some cocoa, but Dawn has used it all up. I grab a chair and give in to the tears. It's not the first time I've woken up thinking Faith was here, and it won't be the last. This is every bit as hard as it was with Angel.

After while I sniff, clear my throat, and reach for the phone.

"Hi, um, this is Buffy Summers... yeah, that's right... thanks so much for doing this. I hope you weren't asleep... OK, thanks. This really means a lot to both of us."

I'm on hold for a good twenty minutes before Faith's lawyer comes back on the phone. "Here she is." A click.

"Buffy?"

"Faith!" I sniffle.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know... I just... I miss you."

"I miss you, too... Is everything OK there?"

"I guess so. There's a demon and everything... I haven't been home much to sleep, and I got beat up a little today. I just took a nap and I thought you were with me. It was so real... and then I woke up and I was all alone. I miss you so much!" My voice cracks and I start to cry again. "I'm sorry, you don't need to hear about my problems, you have plenty of your own to deal with."

"You're right, Buffy, you only go out every night and fight for your life while your friends risk death beside you. I don't know why you complain." I smile a little. "Buffy, you should always call me if you need me. I feel like you're always doing nice things for me, and I wish I could do a few for you."

"OK." I sniffle again and catch my breath. "And you do, Faith. You make a big difference even when we're apart."

"Just hang in there and take care of yourself, Buffy. One of these days we'll be going after the latest demon together."

"I wish it was today!"

"Me, too, B." Now she's crying. Nice work, Buffy.

And I cry again, even harder.

Dawn's up. She hugs me sleepily from behind. It helps. I put my hand on hers.

"Buffy," Faith says after a while, "Is it true, what Willow told me, that you save a side of the bed for me?"

"Well... yeah. I know it's silly. I didn't think anyone would notice."

"It's not silly. It's very sweet. I guess you really think I'll be there some day."

"I really do. And then... there's the key..."

"Dawn?"

"No, not that key!" I squeeze Dawnie's hand as she kneels behind my chair. I'd rather have her comfort than privacy right now. "No, I mean I made you a key to the house."

"Really?"

Suddenly I know I've done it again. Gone ahead and assumed she'd want what I want. Taken her freedom away. "It doesn't mean you ever have to live with me... you can have your own place, or whatever you want.... in fact, we'll probably change the lock a few times between now and when you're out anyway. It's just that... stuff like that helps me cope." Dawn doesn't know what to make of all this, but at least she's here for me.

"I understand." Her voice is choked with tears.

"I didn't mean to call and make you miserable."

"You didn't, Buffy! You made me happy."

 

---

 

Every month or two I haul Dawn in to see Faith. No thaw is in sight, but they're the two most important people in the world to me, so I keep trying. I tell Dawn I just want company on the trip, but I'm hoping they get used to each other eventually.

"Hi, Buffy!" Faith smiles. "Dawn." Less of a smile.

"Hi," says Dawn, looking at Faith with a fake little smile that doesn't hide the resentment in her eyes.

My eyes plead with Faith. I asked her on the phone to try and make some effort to get to know Dawn.

"So, um, Dawn..." Faith begins, nervously, "Buffy says you might get to skip a year of English."

"She tells you what I'm doing in school?"

"She talks about you sometimes."

"She talks about you all the time. I mean all the time." I elbow her, not caring that Faith can see. "Um, yeah, I might test out of English."

That's the extent of the conversation. Oh well, I tried. It may be a mercy that Dawn will have moved out by the time Faith is free.

"I have something to confess, Faith," I say with a wry smile.

"Yeah?"

I take a withered, dead, rose out of my bag. "I'm a terrible gardener! I tried to plant a few things you like outside the house. I think this one is the least dead-looking! I tried, but I think I'd better give the flower thing a rest."

She laughs. "Well don't feel bad, Buffy, just because I want a flower garden doesn't mean I'd be able to keep anything alive, either." She narrows her eyes. "How long ago did you start this?"

"After our second CV. Just by the front door, nothing major. I thought it might be a nice surprise... if anything lived."

"That's so nice, Buffy! I wish your hard work wasn't wasted!"

"That's the problem, I think! Between work and patrols and training and seeing you... I wasn't very good about taking care of the flowers. Victims of neglect."

"Well I'll remember that lesson when I have my own garden. And that reminds me... since I work on the assembly line all the time now, I hardly ever work out. So promise you'll tell me if I'm going soft!" A little over a month until CV time. Although the cuddling is what I dream of most, a little hand-to-hand combat sounds fun, too!

"I don't think you'll ever go soft! But if I whomp you too badly, I guess that can be your excuse." Dawn sits back, bored. "You know, I'm thinking of fixing up the training room at the Magic Box, making it really nice for us, little by little. It's going to be great training with you instead of alone! Or instead of wrapping Anya in foam and going at her like I've been doing."

"A demon's a demon I guess, B!" I thought Faith would distrust Anya like she does Dawn. But Anya's not so mysterious to Faith. And Anya doesn't sleep in my house. Faith just seems happy for Xander and Anya.

"Don't forget we'll need some nice practice targets, Buffy. I haven't fired a bow in years!"

I nod, but something strikes me about what she just said, and I can't put my finger on it. Her shooting Angel? No, that's not it.

"Bring me any more photos, B?" She winks and I give her a glare. Not in front of Dawn! "Oh, well. I don't think I could take it anyway. You don't know how close I was last time to finding out what a Slayer can do to bulletproof glass!"

Dawn slides her chair back quickly, alarmed. Her sudden movement scares Faith, who braces her arms on the counter like she's ready to spring. Honestly! Note to self: if we ever can have these visits without glass, don't bring Dawn.

Faith switches gears to hide her reaction. "Have you talked to Angel, Buffy? About us?"

"Yeah. I called him. He's taking this harder than he took Riley."

"Or Sp–" I warn her with another glare and she turns it into a cough. My little sister is not going to learn about my weird fling with Spike.

"I think he can sense that this time it's forever, Faith. What he and I wanted and couldn't have. Now I have it, but he doesn't, and I think it hurts. Probably more than he even lets on."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I hope he's OK. I wouldn't mind hanging out with the two of you from time to time one day. After you, he's the person who cares most about me."

Her words trigger something again, and this time I know what it is. "You're talking about the future, Faith. About us, together, when you're free..."

She shrugs. "I've been thinking about the future a little more than I used to. It's scary, but you're right, it's nice to have some things to look forward to."

"Yeah, it is... and it's even nicer if I know you're looking forward to the same things."

Dawn's looking back and forth between us. She knows we're lovers, but I doubt anyone but Angel and maybe Willow has guessed just how serious we are.

"I'm starting to, Buffy. You'll just have to bear with me. Nobody ever loved me before. I don't quite know what to make of it."

What a sad thing to say! "I don't think that's true, Faith... your mom was awful, but I'm sure she loved you in her own way."

"No. Believe me. She never did." Her eyes are brimming with tears and she's giving me the strangest look. Dawn's fidgeting uncomfortably.

We fall silent. Faith looks like she's about to speak several times, but nothing comes out. I sense that I should wait for her to find whatever words she's searching for, and even Dawn stays quiet.

Finally, Faith speaks, in the tiniest voice I've ever heard from her. "Buffy... can I have your name?"

I stare at her. "What?"

Still in the same vulnerable tone: "If we get married... can I have your last name? Instead of my mom's?"

Dawn's eyes open as wide as I've ever seen and her jaw drops open. Not a soul knows I proposed to Faith.

"Of course, Faith... if the day comes that you're ready for that... we can do it any way you want."

Faith is trying to speak again. After a while she speaks in a louder voice, but filled with emotion. "Buffy, will you marry me?"

Now my eyes widen to match my sister's. "Do you really mean that, Faith? Now? Have you thought about this?"

"Yeah. For a couple of weeks. I've been slowly realizing... that I'm not afraid you'll leave me anymore. I know we'll be together!" Her voice breaks. "Will you Buffy? Will you marry me?"

Dawn is staring at the two of us, shell-shocked. I'm speechless myself.

I know the words, it just takes some effort to get my mouth going. "Yes! I will, Faith!"

We're absolutely bawling now, and laughing too!

Dawn's eyes have somehow gotten even bigger, and she's frozen in her seat. But I pull her into my arms. I just have to hug someone!

 

Continued with "CV-7"

 

I would be grateful if you would give me your comments and rate my stories in my Guestbook, or email me. Reader responses will determine whether I publish more stories, and will help improve them! Thanks for reading! (If you'd like to be notified when I post new stories, let me know. Further "CV-1" sequels are planned.

FAQ: The details of the conjugal visit thing are completely imaginary, not from experience, and may be quite inaccurate. I have never actually had a conjugal visit with a Vampire Slayer. I would, however, certainly consider it. Incarcerated Slayers may inquire here.

If you enjoyed this story, try Witch's Faith. Feeling rejected by Tara and Buffy, Willow finds herself helping Faith get out of prison–and falling in love. When the dark Slayer's plots turn deadly, Willow must betray someone she loves. But who will she choose?

Faith walked out to Willow's car in a daze. She didn't truly believe this was happening until the prison gate closed behind them and they were on the open road. The afternoon sun turned to rain and it was the sweetest sound Faith had ever heard. She wished Willow would drive faster. A hundred miles an hour... two hundred! She was ready to slay–vampire after vampire turning to dust before her. And then she wanted sex... real sex, not a stranger's head between her legs in the bathroom, forcing orgasm quickly because privacy might end at any moment. Faith glanced curiously at Willow, wondering if the girl had ever had thoughts of homosexuality.

In the back seat, Faith found a bundle of lovely, wood stakes. The real thing! The Slayer took a stake in her hands. She caressed it, felt its perfect weight. Its solidity made the future suddenly solid as well. "Hey, Red... thanks."

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