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Red closes the door as Tara sets out a few things. I notice pages from the Books of Ascension. That must be how they've known what I've been up to.
The two witches sit down on the floor, eye-level with me as I lie on Red's bed, looking at me very intensely. It's making me nervous. Magic or no magic, I don't think I want to cross these two. I was so worried about Buffy, I really wasn't preparing myself for Red and her girl! They were Dawn's parents for half a year... they love her too.
Tara looks down and mutters a few things, moving her fingers over the torn pages. Willow holds my eyes like she's reading my mind. I'm getting more and more nervous. I know I stopped doing the rites, but... what if something shows up in Tara's spell? I feel like I'm about to get caught red-handed and then I don't know what will happen with Dawn and me. If Buffy and her friends try to stop me seeing her... I don't know what I'll do. I'll probably fight them just like old times. Only with Dawn here to judge me.
Tara's not doing anything anymore, just looking down. She's been like that a while. Not saying spells or anything, just sitting there, like in a trance. Nothing seems to be happening.
I clear my throat to break the silence. "Hey, um... what you two did... looking out for Dawn... when Buffy was... gone... um... that was pretty cool."
They both nod. Tara doesn't look up. Minutes keep passing. Just how long is this going to take? My ribs are killing me.
"Nothing's happening," I point out after a while.
Tara looks up. "Nope." Willow glances at her and back at me. "That tells me you stopped the rites in time. Dawn's OK. You're telling the truth."
So that's it? But they're both staring at me again, like this is far from over.
Willow speaks. "Dawn really loves you. Or what she thinks you are. Or some made-up memory of you."
I'm itching to blurt out some cocky comeback. Not helpful. "Well, I really love her."
"So you say," says Tara quietly. "We're supposed to believe that you and Dawn just met and fell in love, and no trickery involved. That you saved her from the bus without any evil schemes in mind. But all I know is what I've heard from Willow and Buffy. You're a killer. A traitor. You had a knife to my Willow's throat and you would have used it. And the one time you and I met before today, you didn't have much nice to say about two women in love. So you can see how it's a little hard to believe you could really care about Dawnie."
"I can see that. And I'm sorry about being such a shit before. Buffy put me in a coma for a year and I woke up mean. And after leaving Dawn... well, it always hurt a little to see two women happy together. I know that's shitty."
They just stare at me calmly. Willow leans forward. "Faith, why do you love Dawn?"
"What?" I ask, caught off guard.
"We love Dawn," says Tara. "There's no spell that will tell us if you really love her or not. And that's really the only question that matters. You're the only one who knows the answer. So... tell us what you love about her."
"Jeez, that's kinda personal."
They just keep staring at me intently. Great. Looks like I'm on trial here.
I sigh. "Well, um... she's real nice. And she's... really pretty."
The two witches' gazes harden.
"Look, I just love her. That's all. I don't know what I'm supposed to say!"
After a moment Red speaks, softly. "I think we know what we came to find out." I do not like the look in Tara's eyes. She may be shy, but I can tell she's loyal and brave when put to the test. I'm glad Dawn had her for a mother while Buffy was gone.
Well, screw it. I can't convince these two. Dawn knows I love her. That's all I care about. Dawn always believes in me.
I tell them that. "I love how she finds the good in me even when I think there's none in there."
The witches were starting to rise but they sit back down.
"I love how brave and strong she is after everything that's happened to her. I love how brave and strong she makes me. She makes me feel like I'm actually worth loving." I'm staring into space, hardly even thinking about Willow and Tara any more.
"I love how she does her homework like it's actually fun. I love how she makes me study with her, and it is fun. I love how we used to go up on the roof in Boston on hot nights, to curl up on a blanket and watch the lights. It was like the whole city belonged to us. It was like we actually had some control over our lives, for a few hours. The night felt like a loving, peaceful place for a change. I could almost forget the vampires and the demons."
I fall silent for a while, thinking back with a tear in my eye. "I love being silly with her and laughing, and staying up so late that everything is funny. I love how she won't let me fast forward through the previews when we get a movie. I love showing off Slayer stuff in front of her. I love how she trusts me and feels safe if we're out late at night. I love how her hair looks all wild after she showers. I love how I give her a tiny little kiss on the lips and then suddenly I can't get her off me. I love how she makes fun of my slutty outfits. And I love how she stares and me in them when she thinks I'm not paying attention."
Red and Tara's expressions had softened, but now their eyes are narrowing. "Do you sleep with her?" asks Willow.
"Yeah. I love that too." That didn't go over well at all! "Sleep with her. That's all. I made up a room for her, and we got posters and everything, but I just could not get her to use it. She'd always end up in my bed. She can't get enough cuddling." I shrug. "And neither can I."
"Just... cuddling?" asks Tara. I can see this is an important issue. What exactly has Dawn been saying?
"Well.... pretty much." What do they want? We're teenagers in love. "We make out a little. Don't worry. I will never have sex with her. She wanted to and I told her no. Never. Not that it's any of your business."
"Never?" says Tara, confused.
"Never. Sex is awesome. Until you actually do it, and you feel like shit. Love is better. I will never hurt Dawnie."
Tara's brow is furrowed still, but Willow seems satisfied. "Go on," she says. "What else?"
But I can't think of anything more to say, and I don't feel like talking about this stuff. It's private. Nobody in the whole world ever knew about us before today. Not even my mom guessed. And I liked it that way.
"I love being her secret. Hiding from her dad, hiding from you guys. I love how she let me have my other secret. I never told her I was the Slayer, not even when I left her. I didn't want that world to touch her. I love how she waited for me all this time, and never forgot me, and I love how she hunted across the country and back to find me again. I love all our crazy dreams for the future, and I love how it doesn't matter if they never come true. Because either way we'll be together. I love thinking of the day I'll ask her to marry me. Someday. And I love knowing that she'll say yes. I love how she takes care of me, worrying about every little cut and bruise when I come back from patrol, even though she knows they'll heal by morning. I love spoiling her. When I had money, anyway. I love the way she squeals when something really makes her happy. I love making her crappy little gifts. Which was all I could afford to give her, in Boston. And they'd make her as happy as any ruby or new computer. I love finding her love notes hidden around my place after she leaves. I love seeing her eyes light up when I pick her up after school. I love how just holding each other makes almost any problem go away, for a while."
I smile to myself, thinking of a million little things. "I love thinking up ways to surprise her when she comes over. I love walking around just thinking about her, not even noticing how much time is passing. I love how she treats me like an idiot when I can't work the computer. I love eating dinner on the floor with her, like we used to do in my room in Boston. I love feeling the warm spot under the covers after she leaves for school. I love how she cracks the whip to make me get my diploma. I love when she makes me flash cards, and there's always one that just says 'I love you.' I love the way she gets all confused and squinty when she wakes up. I love brushing each other's hair. I love the weird things she makes to eat. I love crying with her. I love making her smile after we've been crying."
Eventually I slow down, and start to feel extremely foolish. I look at the witches sheepishly. "So... um... what about you two? Back together?"
They look uncomfortable, not making eye contact with each other.
"We... ah...." Willow says, flustered.
Tara interrupts. "We went for the coffee, we had coffee."
"Yes! The coffee!" Willow agrees.
I'd say that's a no. Not quite together. Way to put my foot in it. "None of my business, I guess. I just noticed you holding hands."
They both turn slowly to look at their clasped hands, and then suddenly pull away. "Oh!" says Tara, blushing. "I was..."
"Yeah," agrees Willow, stumbling over her words worse than ever, "just... that... thing... not really holding hands..."
Oh well, they'll get there. Dawn's right, I can tell. They're supposed to be together. "Anyway, I'll stop running my mouth. Any more interrogation?"
Willow and Tara look at each other and smile, shaking their heads no. They get up. Tara puts her hand over mine. "Give Buffy time. She's had a rotten year, and she's been really stressed about Dawn."
I feel the tension leaving me at last. My ribs are hurting worse than ever, but I'm beginning to see an end to all this mess.
"Can we get you anything?" asks Willow.
"I'd sure like to see my girlfriend."
Almost forty-five minutes. I'm sitting with Dawn, stroking her hair and wondering how I can ever help her broken heart to heal when she realizes what Faith is really like. The TV's on with no sound, but we haven't really been talking. She's letting me touch her, but she acts like I'm not even here.
Eventually Willow and Tara come back down the stairs. My heart pounds. Please let Dawn be OK! Let her be spared by Faith's dark magic. And let her kind, loving heart somehow be spared by Faith's cruelty.
"What's Faith up to?" I consider sending Dawn away before they report, but I know they'll break it gently, and she needs to hear it.
Tara kneels down in front of us. "She's not up to anything anymore. She stopped the rites just in time. Neither of them ate any of the creatures. No harm done."
Thank goodness for that. "What about the Key? What about Dawn's... feelings for her? What else is going on?"
Willow smiles fondly at Dawn. "Nothing else. Faith loves her. Really loves her."
"For all the right reasons," adds Tara. Dawn smiles and gets up to hug both witches. She's still ignoring me.
I'm in shock at my friends' report. Relieved, but... it's more than a little hard believe they're serious!
Giles appears at the kitchen doorway. "You're certain."
"Completely," says Tara. "I trust Faith with Dawn. You know I wouldn't say that lightly."
Giles heaves a sigh of relief. "That is excellent news. It looks like my mission here is a failure... but even without a Watcher perhaps she can be a fine Slayer."
My sister speaks up."You can be her Watcher, Giles. She'll be a lot better Slayer with you than without you."
"I rather think that decision has been made. For better or worse, I can't be Faith's Watcher against her will."
Dawn shrugs, smiling. "She'll do it. She does what I tell her."
Now I've heard everything. "You'll tell Faith to take a Watcher, and she'll just do what you say." Yeah, right.
She nods, smiling confidently. "You just have to know how to tell her!" She glances briefly at me, scampers to the stairs and hurries up.
"Dawn!" She stops and looks back down. Willow catches my eye and tilts her head like I'm behaving badly. I see how it is, now. Faith seduces my little sister and does all kinds of black magic on her... and suddenly I'm the bad guy?!
Faith never wastes any time stealing my life away. She won over my friends, my Watcher and my mom within minutes when she first showed up in Sunnydale. When she came back from her coma she went one better: she took my body, too. Even my boyfriend! And now she's back. Winning over my friends again. Taking Giles away from me! And taking my sister! Making me the bitch. Poor Faith, be nice to her, Buffy!
I'm glad Dawn's out of danger. I'm glad she hasn't just been used, and deep down, I do trust Willow and Tara about this. But somehow this is the last straw. I just don't know if I can take having Faith back in my life. Not on top of everything else. Coming back from Heaven... Willow and Tara broken up, and Xander and Anya, too... the trio of nerds out of control... me and Spike totally out of control... Dawn stealing and running away... the social workers after her... and now this!
Dawn's looking down at me, exasperated.
I sigh. I have to swallow my pride for Dawn's sake. Hide my jealousy and just stay away from Faith, so I don't say or do something that will push Dawn even farther away from me.
"There's aspirin in the bathroom mirror. Maybe she wants some."
Dawn's smile makes me feel a little better. She races up the stairs so fast she trips.
I clench every muscle, fighting not to run up and check on her too soon. "Dawn!" I call again. "The door stays open!"
~ Continue to Episode 10 – Starting Over ~
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If you enjoyed this story, try CV-1. Buffy agrees to a meeting with someone from her past. It's not what she expected.
I turn around. The woman's pissed. And wearing a uniform. What now? They think I can hide a weapon in this skirt? Maybe a sewing needle! "CV's this way."
CV? "But I..." I gesture helplessly toward the phones, getting more confused and nervous by the minute.
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