August 24, 2003
My horoscope for yesterday.....If there's been something that you've been wanting to take on, dear Libra, today's the day. Yesterday saw an increase in physical and mental strength, and this continues on for you. Put any insecurity or a lack of confidence in the trash and take the steps you must to tackle the project or goal. You have an innate ability to make sound judgments and it's this that you need to put your trust in. Take steps to get what you want. Nice, huh?
Web business research notes: Like Verio and Jumpline for hosting....
December 05, 2002, 4:35 am
Okay, I’m not going to go into this huge detail about what I already know has happened. I was in a severely debilitating car accident. I learned who my friends are and who I am. The internal strength that it has taken to overcome this physical trauma has been more than I ever thought that I possessed. There have been many emotional humps to get over during my recovery, just as difficult as the physical pain. No, they were actually more difficult, because many times it involved having to re-examine what I believed to be a truth, and I was wrong many times. I believed that when push came to shove that Mother would reprioritize her life, have a tinge of maternal instinct, and come willingly to my side. Well, I don’t think that I truly *believed* that, but my sub-conscious was holding onto that with everything I had. She eventually came to my side, but only by way of a good old-fashioned Catholic guilt trip. About the 7th week into recovery, I let her go. I let go of the guilt trip, which was truly my only hold on her, and she flitted off into the sunset. Fine. I’ve learned that even though a person can want to be a good friend, due to circumstances in their own lives, they are incapable of being such. I am still learning that I do not have to tolerate this in the way that I was raised to. I have to learn to put myself first, emotionally as well as physically. If a person has a good heart and wants to do good, but makes me miserable, then they are making me miserable. End of story.
This has been a lesson about myself. I solely am responsible for myself. I am not saying that I can’t allow people to help me, but I am the person who has to choose and cultivate those people. It is completely my fault that I was in that accident. It is through the accident that I was forced to realize the lesson about my friends. It is the accident that has made me see my strengths and my weaknesses. I am an incredibly strong person. Not many people could have gotten through what happened to me in the way that I did. A weakness that I discovered is that I don’t recognize my strengths. I did not know how strong I was. I have lived much of my life as a weakling. Most of my decisions were made based on a level of mediocrity that I knew I could achieve. Most of my failures were due to lack of trying, and that lack of trying was blamed on my parents for treating me like shit. I have now learned that none of that matters. I no longer need to focus on past hurts, they are done. I am strong, I will no longer ‘not try’ when there is something that I want. If I fail, it is no one’s fault but my own.
During my recovery, I have been wrestling with my body, and it’s lack of desire to move the way that I want it to. Only through sheer determination and willpower have I made the progress that I have. As I have reflected on this strength I have found, I lamented that, while I was doing great physically, I could not seem to apply this strength to other parts of my life such as losing weight, selling my truck, facing up to the court to fight the DUI charge, seeking financial security, etc. One day (yes, I was on the toilet when I had this great revolution…) it struck me that, “hello!” I can apply this strength to various parts of my life. And why can I do that? Because I am strong! If I can get through having two broken legs and bones sticking out of my body, then everything else is cake.
This seems kind of heavy, but I recognize that I need positive reinforcement, often. Writing this down will enable me to come back and remind myself that I can do anything that I set my mind to.
I look back at the last couple of years and wonder where the time has gone. Actually, I look back at the last 30 years and wonder that. When I first began dating women, I felt like I had finally found my skin. But in all honesty, I think that I was looking for another tree to hide behind while not dealing with my true issues. After the first thrill of adventure, things really became messed up. “These people” have done nothing but caused heartache in my life. I have not seen the sun for quite some time.
June 2, 2002
Feeling pretty great today. Think I may have pulled a tricep. Won't be able to do triceps tomorrow. Rather be safe than sorry.
Food:
4 hydroxycut
Vitamins
1 Diet Dew
1 Diet Iced tea
2 squeezies water
3 w/o squeezies water
1 Gatorade
2 tomatoes
2 cucumbers
1 plate salad
1 pkg turkey
1 Slimfast protein shake
1 pkg ham (7g fat, 28g protein, 0g carb)
1/2 lb strawberries
Workout:
Chest, legs & abs
10 min treadmill
June 1, 2002
193 lbs.
Okay. Yes, I have been essentially a fuck up for the past two days. No gym even though I know it makes me feel really good and eating like a mo'fo'. Chips and sour cream and taco bell and satan. However. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Today is Day one of my body transformation challenge. Today is the day I do things right. Today is the day that I change my own world. YAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Wicked excited. No longer will I allow myself to sabotage my own happiness. I am a good person and I am allowed to be happy and successful, damn it! I will no longer be a talker and not a doer. I am a doer. I will do all things that I say I will and I will do them well. I will let nothing and no one stand in my way. I am invincible! I will control the world and the world will like it because I tell them to. I will set goals and accomplish them. I will set my mind to something and I will do it. No excuses, no regrets. Just mother fucking do it. Yay.
Some diet thoughts I found:
"Success comes down to one word: focus. The one surefire strategy is to focus your energy on one single healthy habit at a time — to learn why that particular habit is so important and practice adapting it to your tastes and preferences."
"Your metabolism functions better when you're fully hydrated. A strong metabolism requires a lot of water…. Water drives all the chemical reactions that are needed to burn calories both at rest and during exercise."
"Food isn't the enemy; sitting still is."
"Stress can make you fat. The stress hormone cortisol leads to carbohydrate cravings and overeating, as well as to abdominal fat."
I did great at the gym tonight. I feel really good. I couldn't do those damn dips behind the back, but whatever. OMG, I was totally woozy when I got off the cardio. I thought I was gonna go over or something. And my arms are sore :-)
Food:
1 banana
1 orange
2 plates salad
1 piece carrot cake (oops)
Vitamins
3 Hydroxycuts
1 Diet Dew
1 Diet Iced tea
3 squeezies water
2 w/o squeezies water
1 Luna bar
1 avacado w/shrimpees
Workout:
Biceps & Triceps
33 min treadmill
5 min stairmaster (high intensity)
20 min treadmill
May 29, 2002
Yay! I am having a totally lazy day off. I have done nothing today! Nothing! It has been really nice. I feel guilty, but I'll make up for it tomorrow. No big thing. Accidently had some chocolate the last two days. Boy are my arms, back, neck and shoulders sore. Yay.
Food:
3 pieces cheese
Vitamins
1 thing crab (butter/lemon)
1 tomato
1 bottle mineral water
1 Diet Dr Pepper
May 28, 2002
I don't know if anyone noticed, but I had a bad day yesterday. Memorial Day and I'm supposed to be at the bar. Kim didn't let me down becuase she didn't go to the bar, she let me down in other ways. I decided it is time to have another midlife crisis, figure out what I'm doing with my life and what I want to be when I grow up...I don't want to be the life of the party any more. I want to get attention for other, better things. So I came home and drank and ate bread. actually, I did really good, cause I'd wanted to get potato chips and sour cream and I was standing there on the chip aisle and I realized that I didn't want it. YAYAYAY! So had the bread and shrimp and avacado instead. much better..... My belly is very large today. ick. Was thinking about going to the bar tonight to catch some people I haven't seen (Kelly) so I can get their numbers (Annie) but I am just highly uninterested. What am I gonna do? Go to the bar, put 400 USELESS calories into my bod (not to mention they are carbs...) to listen to Kelly beee-yatch about life and wait for more people to show up? Waste my money? Waste my time? I could be kicking at home with my babies. And then, what if more people do show up? I know they love to hang with me, so they would get all whiny if I said I have to go, and I would stay and get totally smashed and consume about 1200 calories and just kick myself in the ass tomorrow. Maybe I'll go to open mic tomorrow to see Annie. That would make me way more happy.
Food:
1 bowl salad
3/4 cup pasta
2 squeezies water
a few almonds
5 pieces cheese
1 lb strawberries.
Workout:
Back & shoulders
35 min treadmill
May 27, 2002, 7:25a
Kinda cranky at myself. I got home okay last night and then started to feel hungry. I don't know if I was really hungry or just wanting to eat. I probably should have drank some water and seen what happened...But no, I went on a carb binge. Finished the risotto and had a mini-wheat pita with some cream cheese. I mean, it's not really that bad, but I could have done better. And next time I will! Looking forward to getting to the gym tonight. Today (Day 1) is back and shoulders, and I'm supposed to do close grip pulldowns, one arm dumbell rows, front dumbell raises, and standing lateral raises. I'm going to be venturing into some new territory today. Hope I don't look like an ass. Just remember to keep your form and don't throw the weights. Yay! I can't wait til I'm thru the initial stages and I'm wicked serious. I'm wicked serious now, but I want to be hard core baby!!!! YAYAYAYAYAY!!!!! (note to self - STOP weighing yourself everyday! 193 again today...)
Food:
2 tomatoes
1 glass water
1 glass green tea
2 mikes hard lemonade (oops)
2 plates salad
2 avacadoes with shrimpees
3 pieces olive parmasean bread.
May 26,2002, 7:39p
Okay. I've gotten over the shock from this morning and the gain of the 2 pounds. Yes I know better than weighing oneself everyday, but darnit, I wanted just a smidgeon of hope in the form of downward scale movement!!!! Well, over that now. I made a huge stride last night!!!!! I resisted the urge of getting potato chips. OMG! It was hard. I wanted them so bad I could taste it! And then I started to think about actually having a chin one day and how great it is going to be to see Lori in a month or whenever I run into her, and I'll be all kindsa hot, and I thought about how I can never move onto my 47th career (as a personal trainer/fitness consultant) if I don't get healthy. So I did it. I did not buy any freaking chips!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!! Gold Star Day! You Rock! I've been doing pretty good today, as I walk by the vending machines, my mouth doesn't water *as much* as it used to. I found this *great* website, freetrainers.com that is just cool, they set up an 8 week workout regime for you, complete with exercise instructions and a DB that you input your info in. YAY! Wicked excited. Let's see. Life - I have a huge zit and it's pissing me off. Nobody has responded to my PNO ad yet. That means that I will be alone forever and ever. Better get used to masterbating. I'm this {--} close to making reservations out at the Gorge for camping the first week in June. I had no idea, but they have 26 miles of bike trails.....hmmmm. Better get some speakers in the truck so I can take her out so I can lock the bike up at night.
Food:
2 glasses water
2 glasses green tea
1 Diet Dew
1 Diet Iced tea
1 cucumber
1 handful almonds (OMG - gotta stop that - the fat is OOC)
2 plates salad (too much dressing - gotta stop that!)
1/2 lb shrimpees (on the salad - Punkin will be pissed)
Seems to be holding for me...but DAMN! do I have to pee!!
1/2 the thing of risotto
1 mini whole wheat pita
2 Tbs? lite cream cheese
May 26, 2002, 10:20a
193 lbs.!?!?!?!?!
What the fuck is that? Nice, I've gained two pounds. Well, at least I'm making progress. Progress in the wrong direction, but progress all the same. Breakfast: 2 laxatives.
May 25, 2002, 3:33p
Okay, you wanna know why I'm cranky? Stacy made me cranky. She wanted to go out last night and I didn't. I want to be a bit more responsible and not be partying on school nights except for special occaisions. Last night was no special occasion. So she came over to hang out while I was doing chores and tasks and etc. She moves slow. I'm trying to walk down to the laundry room and she's talking, moving about a mile a year. So I had to slow down to keep up. Hunh-unh. Then she was standing infront of the door and not moving...Um, Hello? We are leaving now... Then back up at the house, I'm trying to make her comfortable and everything, but you know, she's been there a lot, she's stayed over and you'd think that she'd like start to get up and get her own drink every once and a while. Nope. Instead I end up making her a salad for dinner when I wasn't even having any. I felt like a fucking maid. Uncool. Then she was sitting there surfing the net forever (I'd been wanting to watch a movie, but whatever) and I was asking her a question. What pic should I put up on my profile? She ignored me. I asked her again. She changed the subject. I gave up. She answered me 10 minutes later, but it wasn't even what I'd asked. Then at 10:30p, she says, I thought you wanted to watch a movie. "Well, I did, but you've been online." Um, hello. I told her that it was now too late because I have to work in the morning and wasn't planning on staying up that late. About 11:20 she gets off the computer and lays down on the futon. Then asks if she can spend the night because she's too tired to drive and she's had 1 & 1/2 Mike's. I don't play sleepover on school nights. I explained that of course she could but it was going to be really inconvenient for me, so really only if she needed to. She left. I was pissed. I can't believe that she totally squandered my time like that (and that I let her.) I mean, I'm a big grown up adult and I really don't slack off that much. It really just pissed me off. And. AND! I was asking her if she wanted to go out on Monday night because that is the big annual Wet TShirt contest at the Eroom, and she's whining about how she doesn't want to go out on a Monday because she has to work the next day. (Um, hello, isn't that what you wanted to do tonight???) and then I realized that my bank wasn't going to be open on Monday and I had forgotten to get money. Shit. I said - hey - can I borrow some money until I can get to the bank on Tuesday so we can go out? $40? Holy God. It was worse than trying to get money from my parents. I'm serious. The guilt trip was ridiculous. I finally said forget it. Then she's all - of course I'll loan it to you...blah blah blah. What the fuck ever. That is ridiculous. unh.
May 25, 2002, 1:43p
191 lbs.
Food:
1 plate salad
1 Mt.Dew (yes, regular)
1 Diet Mt. Dew
2 glasses water
3 tomatoes
2 handfuls of almonds
1 string cheese
1 thing of turkey 150 cal, 0 fat, 27 protein, 9 carbs
3 gummy candies
1 handful raisins
Sobe green tea (way too much sugar)
Trader Joes mushroom risotto 275 cal, 5 fat, 42 carbs, 4.5 protein
Wicked cranky today. Didn't get enough sleep last night and wasn't able to go for a bike ride this morning. My calves and thighs are killing me. Wicked cranky.
May 24, 2002
Okay. Here it goes. Gonna try this again. All I can say is Fuck, Shit, Damn, I'm a big fat hairy loser. Actually, that is not correct because that is negative thinking and negative thinking is not an acceptable option. I am going to do things (everything in life) to make IT work. And that would start with positive thoughts. I am going to get healthy and pursue a health related career. I am going to find a way to continue to live outside of the mainstream. I am going to set goals and achieve them. I am gonna be a happy camper, dammit!!!!!
Yesterday I did the stairs. Went down to 2, up to 11 and back to 6. Today I did the stairs. Went down to 2, up to 11, down to the main floor. Then walked down to p/u a Willy Week and a just out. As I was crossing the streets, my legs went to Jello and I almost fell over. Wow, was that fun!!! I have had salad for lunch 2 days in a row and managed to beat the urge to buy chips last night. I don't know how long I'll be able to fend that one off. Had a bit too much pasta for dinner last night. Oh, well whatever.
Been partying a bit too damn much lately. Going to try to calm that down a little bit and take care of some more responsible things if I can. Had a great night at home last night. Did a load of laundry, took out the garbage, did some dishes, had all the windows in the house open. It was great. I'm gonna try to do that again tonight if I can, but my time constraints are a bit limited.
Food:
1 Diet Mtn Dew
1 Diet iced tea
2 glasses water
2 med plates salad
5 good chunks o'beef
1 Trader Joes chicken enchilada dinner (12 g fat)
1/2 cucumber
2 string cheeses
February 02, 2002
The Shape Magazine Survey:
This is so disgusting, I had to put it up here……hopefully I will redo it in a few months and it will be different…
Part 1 - Your Body, Your Satisfaction
1. How tall are you? 5’4”
2. How much do you weigh? 190 lbs.
3. How would you best describe yourself? (a. very underweight, b. underweight, c. just about right, d. overweight, e. very overweight)
- Your weight as a young child (up to 7 years)? D.
- Your weight as a teenager? D.
- Your present weight? E.
- Your mother’s typical weight? C.
- Your father’s typical weight? ?
4. When you look at your body in the mirror, how satisfied do you feel with what you see? Somewhat satisfied.
Part 2 - Your Eating, Your Under/Overeating, Your Dieting
1. How often over the past year have you gone on a diet to lose weight? 5-10 times.
2. How old were you the first time you went on a diet for weight loss? 12 years.
3. Have you done any of the following things to lose weight or keep from gaining weight over the past year?
YES - over exercised, exercised moderately, fasted, restricted calories to less than 1,400 daily, took diet pills, used laxatives, made yourself vomit, skipped meals, ate more fruits and vegetables, ate fewer high fat foods, ate more healthfully in general. (Did not add to other category ‘tweeking’, thought it a bit too un-pc.)
NO - used diuretics, used food substitutes (i.e. Slimfast), ate fewer sweets, started smoking.
4. In the past year, have you ever eaten a large amount of food - more food than most people would eat in similar circumstances? Yes.
5. If yes, did you feel you could’t stop eating or control what or how much you were eating? Yes.
6. How often, on average, did you eat this way? Once a month or less.
7. How guilty or ashamed were you after bingeing? A lot.
5. Which of the following are likely to trigger or cause your overeating?
YES - Anger, depression, stress/anxiety, loneliness, boredom, feeling fat, feeling out of control.
NO - Happiness, being hungry because you haven’t eaten enough earlier in the day, time of day.
6. Has a health professional ever told you that you have: Anorexia nervosa - No. Bulimia nervosa - No.
Part 3 - Your Self-Esteem
1. How much do you agree with the statement: “Overall, I feel good about myself”? Disagree.
2. Which of the following would you be willing to give up 3 years of your life for? Becoming a millionaire.
Part 4 - Your Workouts
1. Do you work our regularly? No.
2. Are you currently in training for an event? No.
3. Do you set fitness goals that are unrelated to your appearance or weight? Yes.
Part 5 - Your Relationships
1. There are people in my life who continuously drain my energy. True
2. I avoid confrontation with people I depend on. False.
3. I lack quality friendships in my life. True.
4. I am close to at least one of my siblings. False.
5. I feel a void in my life created by the lack of closeness to a romantic partner. True.
6. I miss being part of a loving and supportive community. True.
7. A parent or blood relative suffers from depression. True.
8. A parent or blood relative suffers from alcoholism. True.
9. I have a family member with whom I feel close. False.
10. I have people I can turn to in times of need. False.
Part 6: Your Habits, Your Health
1. I procrastinate too much and it causes me stress and anxiety. True.
2. It’s difficult to put my feelings into words. False.
3. Most of the time, I am not sure whether or not I am hungry. False.
4. I watch too much television. True.
5. I do not get the sleep I need to feel fully rested. True.
6. I derive satisfaction from numerous interests outside my work. False.
7. I worry that I drink too much alcohol. True.
8. I abstain from or limit caffeine. False.
9. I put aside time each day to relax and center myself. False.
Part 7: Your Work
1. My work is stressful and leaves me exhausted at the end of the day. False.
2. I tolerate bad behavior from a boss or co-worker. False.
3. I know I need to delegate specific tasks but am unable to let go of control. False.
4. I feel overwhelmed by the amount of information that enters my life in the form of voicemail, books, magazines, and e-mail. False.
5. I derive significant satisfaction from my work. True.
Part 8: Your Spirituality
1. My religion is my main source of spirituality. False.
2. I derive spiritual satisfaction from other sources (i.e., getting out into nature, communication with a higher power, prayer, meditation, reading inspirational literature). False.
3. I lack a source of spirituality in my life. True.
Part 9: Just You
1. How old are you? 29
2. You are: female.
3. Are you married? No.
a. If not, are you involved in a long-term relationship? No.
4. Do you have children? No.
5. What is your racial or ethnic background? Caucasian
6. What is the highest level of education you’ve completed? Technical school/some college.
7. What is the total annual income of your household? $20,000 - $49,999
8. What is your sexual orientation? Bisexual.
February 02, 2002
Well, let’s hit the personal side first. Lori and I have gotten together and broken up probably 3 times in the last month and a half. As we broke up this last time (or did we? I’m not really sure where we left it. Who knows?) I was crushed. I cried. I had decided that I was in love and wanted to stay with her and make everything work because she made me so damn happy. Then she yelled at me as usual and I got pissed and so be it. So I haven’t slept for 3 days. I also have not been partying at all. Not since about a week ago when a bunch of us were out at the E and DeeDee was hanging all over and stalking the cute girly that I liked. I was way too drunk and got so pissed and stormed out. She had been really pissy to me before that and I had offered to buy her a drink a few times and she would have nothing to do with it. The next day she was lording it over me that I hadn’t loaned her gas money the week before. I will do anything for my friends, but when they start to ask for money and expect me to give it to them, I start to reconsider what kind of friends they are. Especially after all the DRAMA crap that her and little Heather have put me through as of late. So after Big Heather and I had our macking session, her and I saw each other on Saturday (the day of Gayle….) and she took off from the bar early that night. Then I didn’t see her until Thursday when I got cranky. I talked to her on Friday and everything seemed okay, then I found out on Saturday that she was having a get together for her birthday and didn’t bother to call me????? So I sent her an e-card and left it at that. I had not heard from her, and was a bit disappointed, but whatever, then I get a call from Little Heather last night asking me to call her back because she has a BIG favor to ask me. Big Heather has no money to pay her rent and is going to get kicked out. Can she crash at my place? I basically said that she hadn’t called me to talk about it, so I really have no idea if she is a friend or not, and that I always am happy to help out a friend in need. What the hell???? If Big Heather needs something, shouldn’t she call me herself? And wow, isn’t that saying true, ‘A friend in need is a friend indeed.’ Don’t even hear from her and then all the sudden she wants to ‘crash’ at my place????? UG. Turns out that she had sent me a couple of offline messages on yahoo messenger, but she has both my work and cell phone numbers, is there a reason for her not calling? Neither her nor DeeDee have found jobs yet, I’m pretty sure that Little Heather is paying for food/drinks/cover when they go out, along with party favors – a lot. Re-fucking-diculous. The Gayle thing. On Saturday (01/19??) I called up Gayle to thank her for paying me back and she went OFF on me for talking trash behind her back and lying about her and all her friends are telling her to watch out for me and she was insanely furious. I’ve never felt that kind of hatred directed to me before. I ended up crying for hours. That was the night I got into a huge fight with Lori at the bar. So I have drafted a letter to Gayle spewing the truth, just not sent it yet. Based on that day (the Saturday), I’ve decided that I want to live with a pack of wild wolves. My reasoning behind this is that even if the wolves chewed off all my limbs, they would still be treating me kinder that all the humans in my life of late. So since Lori and I have broken up (or whatever) this last time, I haven’t spoken to anyone. My folks even came into town and I wouldn’t see them. So this is the current status of the world…
December 27, 2001
Wow, I've been such a slacker. But I am still totally sick. I went to the doctor and he gave me antibiotics, but I didn't want to take them because I thought that I almost kicked it. Then yesterday I started getting a cough that sucked real bad, sitting on top of my chest. So I decided to go ahead and take them so I don't get bronchitis, because that is what it feels like.
I have been hardly eating for the last week since I was totally sick, but when I did start to eat again, I went for the Maria Callender pot pies and had a big ole pot of beef stew last night. I have not been pooing much either, since I've had no food in my system. I weighed myself this morning. The pin went past 200. I am really not happy. I need to fix that. I think part of the reason why that happened is because I've been drinking so much Sprite while sick. that would be a handy dandy 140 calories right there. Times that by 4 or 5 and I'm a bloody idiot.
So DeeDee and I went to Eugene for Xmas. It was okay, mainly because both of us were on Vicadin for the majority of the day. I actually had a Vicadin hangover the next day. That holiday was very cathartic for me. I have made some decisions. I am much happier than I have been in a long time, but there are still a couple things that I need to do to completely break my mind free. First, I am going to change my name. I am going to drop the Rain. I am not and never have been a member of that family. Since the last name is very significant in the identity process, it is going to go. I will be going by Shae Christi, no middle name. Second, my tattoo. The understanding of oneself. Very central to my world now. Third, I want to have a rebirthing ceremony which involves water.I am really not sure yet what it will entail, but I want to come out of water a new person.
I am doing good right now. I am eating the cucumber/apple salad. I forgot the celery....
December 20, 2001
Slept much better last night, totally molested by Beemer. Still sick, woke up hacking up the nastiest stuff you've ever seen....
December 19, 2001
Still sick. Care about stuff a bit more. Not too hungry, just ate 3 tomatoes and have been drinking soda/juice all morning. Took that cough syrup with codeine last night and *wow*, that stuff tweaks me. After randomly deciding to do some push-ups, I started cleaning the house in a skittish, haphazard manner. It culminated with me cleaning the toilet with rubbing alchohol. Then slept fitfully, maybe catching about 5 and a half hours.
Oops. There was a bunch of snack food in the break room (cookies, chips and stuff), and I just grabbed it. Then as I was sitting at my desk, eating the deliciously salty chips, I began to feel bad about it. What the hell was I thinking????? So I stuffed them in my drawer where I will probably just pull them out later and eat them.
Okay, so I ate them. And another tomato (yay!)
Went home and had some pre-processed risotto dish (about half) and was pleasantly full. Cleaned more.
December 18, 2001
Sick. Don't care about much.
