One sleep deprived night, over a cup of bad coffee at twenty-four-hour slop house, Avery came up with a theory that I like. She postulates that some time in the past, my heart collapsed. The weight of the deep blackness of sarcasm that is the Mad Pirate Bippy was too great for the normal rules of physics to apply. My heart was then so dense, and so heavy, it ripped the space/time continuum in a way it was never meant to be warped, and a black hole was born. The event horizon migrated over to the right side of my body, underneath my right breast. Someday, the black hole will grow until the entire universe is sucked into it’s merciless gravitational field, and what was left of my heart will eat all the life and light that ever existed.
At this point, the added gravity is only strong enough to make sure I get a cup of water and an elbow in the tit now and then.
