Sunday, February 29, 2004
Long time, no nothing.
Mainly because I've been at
But I want to freshen up my site a bit in the near future.
No doubt while at work.
Cause why not do it while getting paid for something else, right?

Thursday, January 08, 2004
And the days go by/ like a strand in the wind/In the web that is my own/I begin again...
So it looks like I have a job. At least once I receive the offer letter, which has been drafted according to Paul S.
I am mildly happy but mostly resigned.
I'm giving up a lot of freedom to begin this new thing.
I'm looking forward to it and have plans within plans.
I made the mistake of telling Alice B. and Rodney at the 11th floor office (where I was abusing my printer privileges, but what the hell) after I saw Paul's email telling me the offer letter was being drafted at that moment (apparently he fought to get me more money but the Pres. was not going for it, which is what I figured). I even emailed Jim as he was the catalyst in the whole thing. But me being me, until I actually have the thing in my hand and all the papers are signed, I still feel like it could go south. I've managed not to talk about the process to anyone but Dad since the beginning. So I really should have waited until everything was set in stone before announcing anything.
After all the Pres. is known for taking a LOOOOOONG time to hire new people (a decision he really shouldn't have had to make since I'll be reporting and dealing directly with Paul 99% of the time, but apparently there was a problem with my predecessor). But Paul says that once the Pres. decides on someone, they are in for good.
This whole process has been going on since July. Which is nothing, considering that Jim told me that when he was there, the Pres. took a YEAR to approve someone to be hired. Of course, this person had left the country by that time, but it gives an idea of what I've had to deal with.
I did research today and have tons to read (as usual). And none of it got done tonight as I was too busy watching that new Trump show "The Apprentice" and "ER" (as usual).
Got some movies: Lantana, Why has Bodhi-Darma left for the East, and Children of Paradise which I started last year and never finished.
Listening to:Belladonna-Stevie Nicks, The Beach Boys, Manu Chao, Edu Lobo

Got some good news from Paul S. but I'm still not ready to talk about it until I know for sure.
But, of course, I discussed it with my dad and brother. Couldn't track down LaLinda, but it doesn't matter as I'm not ready to go there with him either. More later I guess.
When the rain washes you clean/ You'll know
Another slow-ish day of contemplation and some planning, though not too much as I feel slightly on hold.
But this will be resolved.
Got the James Lavelle Global Underground today in the mail. Good stuff. First Global Underground I've encountered where the 2nd cd was better than the first.
But I think all my spendthriftiness is about to end anyway. I really need to go on a strict budget this year. I mean, it already is kind of strict. But I need to really start socking it away. Between one thing and another, I owe quite a bit (from my perspective anyway). And I really need to start back on investments again. After all, it was only due to some quick footwork a few years ago that made it possible for me to survive in 2002 when I had no prospects happening.
Sometimes I feel like I'm one of those 19th century creatures whose whole life was devoted to certain academic or artistic pursuits but their feet never touched the ground financially.
I do not wish to continue that way.
I mean, I've been doing that for too many years. Last year, it was research that kept my boat afloat. In the past, it's been the meagre sales of my designs.
My romance with aristocratic poverty is over.
I blame mom and dad. A little too much Southern disdain for money mixed with a weird pragmatism and a side order of entitlement.
Oh Well.
You can go your own way/You can call it another lonely day
Listening to: Rumours-Fleetwood Mac

Tuesday, January 06, 2004
cold, cold day in chicago.
thus, i did not leave the house and instead watched TONS of t.v. and had 2 big bowls of dad's delicious wintertime-only chili.
received two new cds (that i can't afford) in the mail: Thrills n Pills and Bellyaches by Happy Mondays. I managed to avoid this when it first came out in 1990 because the whole Madchester thing was fun but I was fixated on Stone Roses and Chameleons U.K. at the time. Plus the Happy Mondays seemed like the day after the rave and at the time, that was a little too dark for me. I also got So Much for The City by The Thrills. Which is the best California band out of Ireland ever. They wear their influences on their sleeve and I'm liking it--for the moment.
Lots of stuff for the rest of the week. Calls and talks and trying to get out of this rut. Mind you, a rut for me is usually anytime that I feel unproductive. I'm getting back in gear and attempting to get this stupid-ass Protestant work ethic thing off my Catholic back.
Onwards and Upwards.

Monday, January 05, 2004
Speaking of which...
Just put on "Lust for Life" cd. One forgets how good Iggy Pop is. I adore(d) the Stooges. Iggy Pop is the boyfriend I always wanted when I was 20.
And [sarcasm]lucky me[/sarcasm], I managed to come close a couple of times.
I think I'll follow this up with some live Lou Reed to complete my set known as
The Big Faggy Glitter Triumvirate.
Can you tell I have no job right now?
I see the bright and hollow sky/ over the city's ripped backside
Thank you Iggy.

what's up Tony?
Me, Bitches!
6 inches of snow yesterday= my fat ass shoveling today. I actually enjoyed it (No, really).
Just listening to Bowie. I forgot how really, really, REALLY good "Heroes " is. I worship at Brian Eno's and Bowie's feet just for that (and so many, many other songs). Hell, I bought the Eno box years ago, so I must be a fan, no?
Listening to: Greatest Hits-Heart, Beautiful Tomorrow-Blue Six, Andy Gibb-Andy Gibb, The Original Hits-Sylvester, SoundandVision-David Bowie, Original Pirate Material-The Streets, Natural History-TalkTalk

Friday, January 02, 2004
So I'm perusing and writing a couple of reviews (people are so stupid and it's my job to correct them, goddammit!). I then go to see what the sheep are writing about "Broken Hearts Club", which is one of bete-noire movies. These are movies that are ostensibly about gay life and end up insulting and/or stereotyping gay life so badly (usually with the help of lousy heterosexual actors or fear-ridden gay actors) that I can't understand how any homosexual worth his or her salt can stand it.
Movies that qualify for my scorn include the above title, "Trick"(which manages to insult gays and be racist at the same time), "Better than Chocolate"---hell, any and all Canadian movies about gays really---, and "Will and Grace", which is not a movie but my hate for it is so intense that I had to mention it.
Anyway, I read a 1-star review that sums up my feelings about "Broken Hearts Club" perfectly and, in some ways, sums up my problems with all bad gay-themed movies:

Heterosexual Stealth Bomber, June 3, 2001
Reviewer: sarrellec from Dallas, TX USA
I laughed at the first few scenes, until I began to notice something about the over-all context of virtually every "message" in the movie.

Subject: How to pander to virtually EVERY heterosexual misconceived perception of being a gay man.

1. Gay men are more miserable AFTER they "come out" then they were before they decided to make "being gay" the ONLY thing they ever talk about or before "being gay" became the primary focus of their one-faceted lives. The only other alternative available to gay men to being "out" and miserable is to attempt to achieve momentary and fleeting happiness through drugs...which leads to overdoses.

The overall message: If gay men would just shut up about it, everybody, including heteros, would be much happier.

2. At least four of the primary characters work in a restaurant, and yet at least one of them owns a home and drives a brand new SUV. Conclusion: Gay men have incredible amounts of disposable income even on the lowliest of salaries.

3. It is the ultimate goal of gay men to "act straight" and being a "bottom" is something gay men find just as degrading as heterosexuals would.

4. Gay sexual relations are empty and unfulfilling with even celibacy being a more desirable alternative. 5. Only Gay men who don't find fulfilling relationships and do not settle for celibacy as an alternative by the age of 28 or so are jaded and bitter. This, of course, is NOT the case for heterosexuals in the same boat.

There are more of these not-so-subtle contexts and sub-contexts which run rampant through this entire movie. The internalized self-hatred of these "gay" characters is based on completely heterosexual perceptions of what it means to be a gay man in America and left this viewer wondering just which right wing conservative organization provided the funding for its production.

If the production wins any awards, in my opinion, it would be most fitting if the presenters were Rev. Phelps and Dr. Laura.

Don't get me wrong. Gay men SHOULD watch this movie. And if you identify with any two characters in the story, immediately seek professional help from a qualified therapist to overcome your heterosexually socialized self-hatred. It beats overdosing and/or living a life of jaded celibacy.
Thus endeth the sermon by the reviewer, who I wish I could shake hands with.
Here, now, is my just written review for "Trick" which is under my pseudonym "Henry Clark" at

Overrated, insulting, and surprisingly racist
Reviewer: henry clark from chicago, il United States

The upsides of the movie: A good-looking cast, JP Pitoc's body, not bad acting, a hella funny restroom scence with a bitter drag queen, and a lead character that is not completely secure but not completely dorky--almost life-like in his plasticity in fact.
The downsides of the movie: Heavily stereotyped gay characters, unbelievably caucasian New York City, a lead character that seems to be no better than the sex-crazed teenagers in movies like "Porky's" or "American Pie" with none of the redeeming value of at least being funny or finding some depth by the end of the movie. The worst downside? JP Pitoc's character being the worst kind of latino gay stereotype (stripper, possible prostitute, super well-hung, lives at home, closeted, and almost nymphomanical) seen in some time. The fact that he is given no inner life save his sexual attraction to the well-written lead (white) character only points out the subtle and poisonous racism in this film.
Which will not disappoint anyone who only wants a light as air comedy about how a geeky but cute midwestern white guy manages to land the hot New York stud.
I know no one will care. In fact my last guy, a nominally super-liberal white guy with an overdeveloped sense of white guilt and black victimhood, had a copy of "Trick" in his collection and couldn't understand my disgust for the movie and did not see the obvious racism in it.
I don't usually come out of my hat with the racist thing. I have never been hypersensitive and have, in my life, received more insults and discrimination from being gay than black (the occasional run-ins with cops who wonder what I'm doing from time to time being the big exception). But I am constantly disgusted by the fact that there is a shocking amount of racism diguised as sexuality in the gay "community".
I'm moving on now...
Listening to: Electric Warrior-T. Rex, Back to Basics-Danny Tenaglia, All Systems Gone- Presence

Thursday, January 01, 2004
oooh, cute little Elijah Wood on that icky Leno late night show.
He is just the sweetest little thing! Such lovely skin. (Ewww, that was little too "Silence of the Lambs")
I just want to smoke opium with him and lay down on a nice couch and just make out.
No sex.
Just sweet kisses on his rosebud lips.

Today: Bored and Boring.
Guzzled a bottle of champers straight from the bottle, ghetto-style (or just rock n' roll sleaze style, depending on how you want to see it) and went into a decent food coma after snarfing daddy's sphaghetti and meatballs. Followed by a bit of studying and obsessive internet surfing.
No depression after all from the New Year. I stayed up til 4 last night and woke up perfectly happy at 9:30.
I've got to hunker down with my books though.
Like I said, Bored and Boring.
But I, as ever, RULE.

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