Tuesday, December 23, 2003
Feeling better after a good night with NyQuil (the new man I love).
I know I'm feeling better because I've been blasting depresso-music all day.
The list so far:
Bodily Functions-Herbert
Tin Drum-Japan
The Isley Bros.
Layla-Derek and the Dominoes (a super-depresso classic!)
Red Dirt Girl-Emmylou Harris
and right now, I'm listening to: Sea Change-Beck.
But I'm not depressed at all.
I'm sitting, reading slash stories on the web, and generally being entertained.
The cold is almost completely conquered and I, of course, rule!

Sunday, December 21, 2003
Still a bit sick, and tired of it.
I'm coughing like tubecular and have a headache with lots'o'snot to show for it all.
Isn't it nice to share....
Is Jude Law truly as lovely as they say? I'd have to say "kinda sorta". He was on that "Actors Studio' thing (I'd really like to see Ewan MacGregor on the show) and I found him charming. No wonder he's probably the dick they say he is out in public.
I've been thinking about this dichotomy lately and it makes sense. If you're an open, sensitive, childlike, creative person then you have to protect that from people who want to exploit it, kill it, make fun of it, or in general take some part of it away from you and your control. So you're more likely to be a dick when not around people you feel or know are going to nurture or celebrate your gifts. I mean, how many times has one been open and friendly only to have some dickwad act superior and smartass, treating you like a retarded stepchild? So it's easier just to be standoffish and wait to see what people are really up to.
Of course, I rarely practice what I preach and find myself often giving people a hard time for trying to give me a hard time. The best example of this is something I stole from a movie (Everything I Ever Learned Was In A Movie...this will be the title of my autobiography because it's the truth!). It was "Les Nuits Fauves", and the scene was a young woman trying to be sympathetic to another young woman who throws the first young woman shade for being sympathetic (Whew!). The first young woman looks at the second and says, "Why are you being a bitch to me when I'm trying to be nice to you?".
I LIVE that sentence.
Because we don't owe anyone our openess and love and hope and creativity. It's a gift.
And if their heart is so deadened that they can't appreciate it, fuck'em and move on.
"Forsyte Saga" is on again tonight. I hate the show from the first time around when I watched it. I never read the thing, and can only assume that the miniseries is true to its source. It all must of been very daring and liberating at the time, because now it comes off like a story of how lust disguised as love, love disguised as loyalty, loyalty disguised and honor can only lead to destruction and unhappiness. Except for those lucky enough to have true love. Which in this story only seems to come about after homewrecking and selfishness. I can't stand it.

< & BoyLOGS # @ >