About Me.

Ok, well I am Claire. I was born on 28th August 1980 in the RAF hospital in Wroughton, Wiltshire. When i was a few months old my Dad left the Army and we moved to Sussex where I have lived ever since.

I had a pretty good childhood I guess, we didn't have much money or anything but I had a best friend and lots of space to go out and play and everything. I don't really know where it all started to go wrong but by the time I was at secondary school I thought my whole life was falling apart.

I started hurting myself when i was about 10/11 by scratching my arms and hands with my nails or anything sharp i found laying around, a few times I also hit my legs to make big bruises all over them. I can also remember lying in bed at night and crying because I thought everyone hated me. By 12/13 I had moved onto using things like compasses and needles to break the skin. It wasn't til I was about 16 that I started using razor blades and cutting a lot deeper. I can remember the first few times I did it, thinking that if only I stopped then I could hide the scars and not have to worry about it... But it didn't stop it just got worse. It was a downward spiral from there because once I had too many scars to cover up then I decided that it didn't matter how many new ones I created. I was cutting myself nearly every day. I managed to push away any friends I had and became a bit of a recluse. I can't really say what was going on in my head then, I just knew that I didn't think my life was worth living, I didn't think anyone cared, I didn't want anything except for to be left alone.

As the years went on cutting just became a way of life. It wasn't until I managed to persuade my mum to get the internet on our computer that I discovered that I was far from being the only one who liked to harm herself. It opened up a world of people that understood me, and that I could talk to... something I had never had in real life. I have met loads of really fab people online through self-harm websites and chatrooms and stuff... Unfortunately it was someone I met online who told my parents about my cutting and everything on New Years Eve. I ended up in hospital in Cardiff after a failed suicide attempt and made him promise not to phone my parents, it wasn't until I woke up the next morning and the nurse told me my mum was on the phone for me that I found out what he had done. Luckily they weren't cross or angry, just upset that I had been going through it and they hadn't known.

I started seeing a psychiatrist, mainly to please my mum and dad, and also out of curiousity. I stopped after a little while as we didn't get on and it sort of dawned on me that I don't want to stop cutting, I don't really want to change. I want to be me... and if that means cutting then I can live with it. I feel that psychiatrists raise more questions and possible problems than they solve. And unless I am endangering myself or anyone else then hopefully I will not be seeing one again.

I am not ashamed of cutting, or of my scars. I don't mind wearing short sleeves, although I don't like the people who brand me an attention seeker for doing so. My scars are part of my life, and I think they are pretty... barcode arms as they have been christened :) If people have a problem with me, or seeing my scars then that's up to them...
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In no particular order: Manic Street Preachers, RICHEY EDWARDS!!!!!!!, Hole, Sex Pistols, Camus, Sartre, The Clash, my rabbit Sid, glitter, tiaras, fishnets, my new shoes, Plath, Mishima, e e cummings, pink things, all my lovely Manicy friends, all my lovely non-Manicy friends, Courtney Love, Kurt Cobain, Pokemon, Rainbow (specially Zippy), Ballard, Kerouac, Burroughs, Orwell, Huxley, Barbie, Cardiff, baby Tabitha and my boys, Robin Black poetry, Rimbaud, Baudelaire, cigarettes (marlboro lights), Lambrini, Hello Kitty, Snoopy, Pink Panther, the Zap Club, candy floss, my lovely blue car, Big Flame, Jelly Tots, leopardprint stuff, fab sunglasses, eyeliner, Bettie Page pants, Marilyn Monroe, bracelets, sparkly lip gloss, Emily Dickinson, Henry Miller, Petes Dragon, chairs that go round and round, my bed, my guitar...

Wanna learn to play geeeeeetar like JDB??? Go here.... Cyberfret.com

Still not enough? Want to know even more about lil old me? Princess Claire