These are really just a few tips for people who want to know how they can help a friend or family member who self-harms.
People react in different ways when they discover that someone close to them is self-harming, maybe you are angry, upset, confused, worried... It is hard to give advice on how to react or behave as every case is different, but I think there are some definite do's and don'ts which are important to remember.
Do feel free to use the message board here if you want first hand advice on how to help a self harmer, or if you feel that you yourself need support and help in dealing with these issues.
What To Do:
Don't make them promise to stop: Forcing people to stop self-harming is not a good idea. It puts even more pressure on them and makes them feel as though they are doing something wrong. It is not easy to just give it up, and it may cause more harm than good. Just remember that while they are not seriously hurting themselves, or anyone else, then it shouldn't be that big an issue.
Be There: This may sound obvious but is, I think, the most important thing that you can do. Letting your friend or relative know that you are there if they need someone to talk to, or rant at for a while is a real comfort and may help ease the tension inside for a while.
Try To Understand: Difficult I know, but the more you can understand about why someone hurts themselves, and how they are feeling then the more you can do to help.
Give Them Something To Do: If a friend or relative lets you know that they feel like cutting, as well as listening and talking it is worthwhile trying to distract them. Try not to dwell too much on the actual harming, but suggest going for a walk, playing a game, wathcing a video... anything that may take their mind off the immediate issues which are hurting them.
Talk/Listen Talking is the most important thing you can do. Self harm is often a symptom of things building up inside, and a feeling that you can't cope with what is going on around you. Having someone to talk to can make all the difference. You don't have to know the answers, and you don't have to be able to magically make it better... just be there to discuss how they are feeling and how you may be able to help make it better. On a side note, it is not a good idea to try and force someone to talk if they are not ready. Just make sure they know you are there should they want to.
Some Useful Addresses
National Self Harm Network: PO Box 16190, London NW1 3WW.
The YoungMinds Parent Information Service provides information and advice on child mental health issues. 102108 Clerkenwell Rd, London
The Mental Health and Growing Up series contains 36 factsheets on a range of common mental health problems. To order the pack, contact Book Sales at the Royal College of Psychiatrists, 17 Belgrave Square, London SW1X 8PG. Telephone 0171 235 2351, ext. 146; fax 0171 2451231; e-mail booksales@rcpsych.ac.uk.
Aware 72 Lower Leeson Street Dublin 2 Republic of Ireland (01) 6766166 (Every day, 10am 10pm) Provides information and support to people affected by depression in Ireland and Northern Ireland.
Carers Line 0808 808 7777 (Mon Fri 10.0012.00, 14.0016.00) Helpline providing advice and information for carers on any issue
MIND (National Association for Mental Health) Granta House 15 19 Broadway London E15 4BQ 0847 660 163 (Mon Fri, 9.15am 16.45pm) Information service for matters relating to mental health
Parentline 080 8800 2222 (MonFri 9.0021.00) Helpline and information for parents in distress
Saneline 08457 67 80 00 (Every day, 14.0000.00) Helpline offering information and advice on all aspects of mental health for those experiencing mental illness, or their families or friends.
