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  1. if you are going to splurge, put your energies into soft toilet paper, almost nothing is more important.

2. the point of everything is to make other people laugh.

3. no one likes it when a cat watches them pee.

4. repetative music only makes nausea worse.

5. not everyone finds a polar bear fart amusing, no matter how you tell the story.

6. always close your eyes when a bus passes by.

7. your cat may love you, but she'll still pee on your bed if need arises.

8. any crappy drawing can be art, just so long as its framed.

9. the worst thing to see in the morning when youre hungover is that damned jose cuervo billboard on the side of the road.

10. stuttering is a weakness.

11. if you stand out enough in appearance, you never have to say a word to be seen as an interesting person.

12. hot cocoa solves everything. pancakes are a close second.

13. if you cant pronounce a word, it is impossible for someone to take you seriously (in the computer world, that translates into mispelling, another bad thing).

14. its all about surface area.

15. for every person in the world, two people had sex (a promising thought from paul).

16. you never to know how much you have till you have to move it to a new apartment.

17. the 45 minute nap is ingenious.

18. blue and yellow make green. (oh the joys of toilet bowl cleaners and pee!)

19. take a post it note and attach it to the back of what you're scanning that way, when you pick it up, you don't have to touch the glass! (courtesy of eric)