I love again, but not in love. How can I not care for the one whom saved my life. The innocence of one man cna make the world of a difference but I fear I dont know what I'm doing and he can only do so much. To have one to hold me and I hold him, not knowing what he thinks sometimes pains me but never while I'm in his presence. I want to be with him but I also want to be with another, things dont work that way. Todays the 6th day that K hasnt called. I hope to advoid him so that nights like Sunday can continue to happen. Jesse is so careful and gental with me. I feel that my heart is in safe hands when I'm with him, I have nothing to fear.

6/28/05

No, I am in love with him and my love for K is nothnig but a distant memory. Today I laid to rest our love.

Yes, we are still together, but it doesnt even seem like it. He never calls and doesnt see me,but now that I realized my love for J, the latter doesnt really matter. Jason called me 2 days ago and told me that K called him and some chick was there with K and was getting on the phone to talk to Jason as well....at 11o'clock at night. For some reason i think I am unable to break up with him, I wish he'd hurry and break up with me. What do I have to do to make that happen? Screw up like he does?

7/2/05

Last night I had an awesome dream, Jesse was here, in the living room laying on top of me on the love seat and he "kissed" me. I couldn't believe it. It was a little quick pick but still, it was on the lips. I kissed him back.That dream seemed so real but my real time with him seemed like a dream.