We meet online in a program called paltalk, I was known as countrybunny_2 and He is still known as Truckman1954. A friend of His that He had a pc meaning protection collar on introduced W/we online. She is a friend of mine, she wanted me to meet her Master, and the One she thought so highly of and kept bragging about.

I had meet Him a few times before when he would pop into a room long enough to say hi my name is truckman1954 and I’m a 47 year old male, divorced from Ontario Canada, and then he would disappear within a couple of minutes without even saying goodbye, I thought how rude.

Within moments of meeting him I thought of him to be a complete jerk, he was in my whisper asking me my name where I was from and my phone number. So I gave them to him, god only knows why, I guess because I had thought of him to be a jerk that he would never call and hell he is in Canada, what’s the odds of him actually coming to Alabama or me going to Canada, not to mention the fact that he was 20 years older than me.

Sure enough the next week end he called, I almost fell out of my chair, I was like oh my god he called, we talked for a bit, me telling him every breath go away, I don’t want/need a man in my life right now, I have to much on my plate of life, he said well look I’m just looking for friendship right now, not a relationship or a long term commitment, I was thinking yeah right, so I done everything I could to push him away, even to the point of being down right rude a few times, I told him that I was sub and had been in the lifestyles for 6 years and that I was seriously thinking of becoming and discovering my Domme desires. Although I meant it as a defence against him I was half serious at the same time, but knowing I lived in Alabama it was going to be impossible to go through with it, there in the middle of the bible belt the lifestyles are still extremely forbidden/taboo.

He continued to call and talk with me over the next few weeks, up till may it was just a every now and then call, the first week of may my life fell apart, everything I had ever known was being taken away from me, I slipped into a quiet deep depression that most never knew about, I got to the point where I didn’t know what was right and what was wrong, I couldn’t remember things, I couldn’t have cared less if the sun came up in the morning, and I didn’t care if I spent all day in bed hugging my pillow, which 90% of the time that is where I was, I cancelled all of my appointments and stayed in bed, scared out of my mind to leave my bedroom, every time I walked through the living room or any other part of the house, I would fall apart, there were memories everywhere I turned, I caught myself walking into my son’s room hugging his pillow curling up in his bed crying myself to sleep. The pain was to much to bear, I wanted my life back, no matter what I done, no matter where I searched I couldn’t find the answers I needed, I was being railroaded by my ex, I felt I had lost my entire world, most of my friends and family walked away at that point some scared that I would bring them bad luck, some just didn’t want to deal with me, some walked away because they didn’t know how to deal with what was going on in my life. Every professional I had ever known turned their backs on me, no matter the favours had done for them in the past, no matter the help that I had given them, every time I did try and go out anywhere, I heard whispers behind my back, “did you know she is the one that lost her child”, “wow she must have been a bad parent to have lost her child that way” “did you know the reason why her son was the way he was is because she was such a bad parent” things along that line, them not knowing how much pain they were putting me through but not caring because they were better than me because they wouldn’t take the time to get to know me.

So I quit going anywhere or doing anything out in public, I stayed at home, slipping deeper into my depression, mind you I had a councillor at this time, which stood idle by not helping. A few weeks later after an event that would forever change my life and put extreme fear into me, I became suicidal to the point, it consumed my mind, in return I still remained at home, I had a few friends left on the net, but mostly closed them off, because I knew there was no way they would ever believe what was going on in my life was actually happening, but when He asked me what was going on, for some reason I told Him, I think because I thought if I told Him he wouldn’t believe me and He to would leave me alone and let me die, that’s all I wanted, I couldn’t see any reason what so ever for going on, I had lost everything that had ever been important to me.

I think when I first told Him, He too thought I was lying, so I gave Him numbers and proof and expressed more times than one “you don’t want to get involved with me, I seem to attach bad luck” but he hung in there with me, he would call every day to make sure I hadn’t done anything stupid, and told me that any time of day or night to call him before I did anything stupid, if I choose to go ahead and kill myself to call him before hand, he made me promise him, and I did, at this point I knew he truly wanted to be my friend and see me through this, I expected that if things got better for me that he would disappear in time.

As the months went by, I discovered that I was falling in love with him, I first passed it off that it was because he was the only one helping me and giving me a sounding board to lash out some of the anger that I was feeling about some of the things going on around me and things that were happening to me, then I pasted it off that it was because he wouldn’t give up on me when I felt that everyone else had in one way or another, then I pasted it off that I was crazy and because I was vulnerable that these feelings of love was normal, I didn’t say anything to him because I had heard from him that he only wanted to be friends and nothing ever more than that would ever happen, so I done my best to figure out how I could hide the way I felt, I didn’t tell him till I knew for sure that these feelings weren’t just a rebound or trauma induced love, that it was real and true.

When I told him I pictured him in my mind falling off his chair because I had also told him, I wasn’t ever going to fall in love with anyone that I was quite happy with no love partner in my life. He handled it well, I truly expected when I told him to hear a click of him hanging up the phone, but instead he told me that he could see why I fell in love with him that so many women do and have, that he wasn’t ever going to promise that he would ever say the words to me, that he felt there was something special between us but until we meet in person there would never be a way of finding out, that falling in love with someone a 1000 miles away with no more contact than phone and internet with exchange of a couple of pictures was impossible, all I could say was I know, I shouldn’t feel this way but I have done everything I could to convince myself otherwise.

He accepted it partly, in august I found a lump near my right breast, I explained to him what was going on with it, and he explained to me that if I wanted to come up to spend time with him that I could, but he wasn’t going to promise how he would react to me or the results of finding out what the lump was, I convinced myself at that point, to leave him be, he deserved so much better than me, and if it was cancer I couldn’t and wouldn’t come up to his place to die or be sick on him. So the day I was suppose to leave to meet him in new York I left and went to Seattle, the entire drive to Birmingham and the entire flight to Seattle my mind stayed focused on him, and the question of why cant I shake the way I feel about him, he is right, we have never meet its impossible to feel this way about him, when I landed in Seattle, I asked myself over and over, what am I doing here, I don’t want to be here, it’s a wonderful place but it didn’t seem right something was missing.

On my way back to Alabama, I had thought about going to Canada to surprise him and meet with him, but I choose to go back to Alabama, and see what lay there. Once back in Alabama I had a couple of things to deal with, after learning that I could come up to Canada with no problems it seemed like destiny said ok, here is the deal you work your butt off in finding out info and I will open the door for you to have what you have always wanted.

He sent me the money to buy a one way ticket through greyhound and meet him in Effingham, on my way from picking up the money, I had to stop and pick something up at wal-mart, I found a penny on heads in the parking lot, I caught the bus and rode up to Effingham, I should have been questioning the deal about the one way ticket, I should have set up a safe call, I should have been scared out of my mind, but I wasn’t, I didn’t have the money to buy a return ticket back to Alabama if he choose not to meet me, or if he couldn’t meet me for whatever reason, but we did set up constant phone calls, where whenever the bus stopped I would call him and keep him posted of where I was and how I was, he always asked me how I was, he never felled to ask me how I felt, and if I had anything to eat or drink. Once in Effingham the bus dropped me off at the bus station, which is, located right by a mc Donald’s. I waited between there and the bus station, pacing back and forth, nervous and excited that I was finally going to meet him.

Finally after several hours, I saw this tall blonde headed guy in jeans and loafers walking towards the bus terminal, I met him in the middle of the parking lot, my heart stopped, I knew as soon as I saw him that is was him, a smile appeared on my face from ear to ear knowing and confirming what I had felt in my heart for so long was in fact true, it wasn’t a dream, he really did exist. We hugged for the longest time, until he mentioned that we might need to get out of the middle of the road/parking lot.

We walked back to the truck stop where he left his truck, he brought our lunch after placing my suitcase in the truck, I couldn’t do anything but stare at him and smile, I just knew he would catch me staring at him, if he caught me staring at him that day or any day since he never said anything about it, that night when we bunked down for the night, I knew it was meant to be, I knew what those fairy tales had always talked about, my Sir was truly my knight in shinning armour, he even rode in on his white horse. He was driving a white 18-wheeler, and who says fairy tales don’t exist…  

 

 

 

Please keep a check on this page as it will change as time goes on