***sad***
Mood:  sad
Now Playing: avril lavigne-nobody's home
just feeling sad today i dont know why...i havent been feeling good lately...just really depressed...i think everybody hates me...like i get this feeling like if no one wants me around....i think im annoying.....~Sadness Is A Chain, Once It Gets Ahold Of Us, We'll Be Captives Forever~ i got really sad last night cause i thought that a friend of mine didnt want to talk to me anymore...i got this feeling like he was going to tell me that he didnt want to be my friend...that i was annoying him since my feelings always fluctuate i just thougth he would get annoyed by them...and i got really sad cause hes the only person i can tell stuff to...and i told myself that i'll never open up to any one else ever again...cause i trusted him...and hes like my bestfriend...and it hurt alot to think that...cause he knew stuff that nobody else knows so i thought since he knew he wouldnt hurt me....cause he didnt seem like the type of guy that would do that cause hes like really nice...and yeah...i just over looked things and jump to a conclusion that wasnt even right...he still wants to be my friend...its just that sometimes when im really depressed i think the worst of like every situation...and yeah...i got really sad so i cut myself...i told him that i did...but i said it wasnt cause of him...when really it was...but i just said that so he wouldnt feel bad...cause its my fault i think that way...i dont know why...but i just do so yeah....

bEcAusEoFwAr
Mood:  irritated
The people were scared
The building was on fire many
Many were dead and some slowly dying?
To think of your son choking on blood
With glass cut deep into his throat
And legs broken with his bones sticking out
While his blood slowly draining out of his mouth
This is not a memory we want to think of
He was your only son you loved him so much
Now you get to see him six feet below mud
You see everyone else crying and screaming
Covered in blood and eyes slowly fading
A child cries seeking his mom
But he won’t find her since she got shot in the lungs
How could people be so mean?
For someone to go and kill other people
They’d have to be cold-blooded and without a soul
Cause if you had feelings and really did care
Why would you want someone else
To go through the same pain that they brought
Monsters is how we can describe them
So I guess were monsters for going back to fight them.


just something i had to write for history class....

..::evilpeople::...
i hate it when you act like im not there...when you betray me right in front of my eyes...you say your my friend but why do you keep on hurting me...i hate it when you act like if i dont have feelings...you say certain things and expect them not to hurt...its like you expect me not to have feelings...maybe i should cut my wrist and pour my blood all over your face will you see then that your words hurt me...will you notice that i cant take it anymore....or will you just laugh and walk away...like everyone else...nobody's ever there for me...nobodys cares for me...or maybe nobody wants to be there...and maybe nobody wants to care...no one will cry when i die...cause nobody wants to hear about the girl who killed herself cause she was hurting soo much inside...when i die they'll all just say "oh how sad"...and will go one without shedding a tear...or maybe no one will ever find out...they'll all forget me...some already have...
with this knife I slice my throat
digging deeper into my flesh
fresh blood runs down my chest
as I start to choke
blood rises from my body
and starts to consume my throat
I fall down while blood drips from my mouth
And tears fall onto the floor
"I can see your happy now that I’m dead"

.......XhOmEX........
....i hate it cause sometimes when i get sad..i want to go home....but i dont know why....like im already home...but i just get this feeling like i need to be somewhere else....like things dont feel the same anymore....cause i guess since things got so out of control ....and since theres just soo much problems...and so many things happening...it doesnt feel like home anymore....like i wake up...and i look at my parents and they dont look like parents....and i look at my friends and they dont look like friends.....its weird...and it makes me cry....cause i just want to go home....and i want to be in my old life....cause i feel like im not in my life…… well like i dont know....im soo confused about the whole thing....i hate it cause like one problem comes up...then another....and another....and it just gets too much....and i dont know what to do...and when its times like those i just want to cry and die...cause i dont know what to do...and im soo scared....cause its just a horrible feeling to have all these problems at the same time...that well it just sucks.....i just want to be home...i'm always making food... cleaning... and taking care of other people just for once i would like someone to take care of me...to show that they care....but i dont need someone anymore...cause i already know how to take care of myself...i dont even know who i am anymore...i feel like this isnt even my life its like my depression and people took over me...so now there the ones in control...i wake up sometims and look in the mirror and i cant even recognize myself it doesnt feel like me and sometimes i just want to pick up my knife and cut myself all over my face, i want to be ugly, i want to bleed, to rip apart my skin, i want to leave scars so when i wake up and look in the mirror i'll finally recognize myself...so i can look like me and not someone else...

XxGuysAreEvilxX
Is it possible to get your heart broken twice by the same person? I mean after the first time you’d get smart and realize that they are no good but you don’t cause you know know that there only going to hurt you more...so why would you put yourself in a situation where there just gonna hurt you agian...so you like fall for them cuase they say that they still like you ...and you get your hopes up....cuase you like them soo much and you cant believe they like you back...and start to get happy....then he tells you he likes someone else....and the feeling just hurts soo much...cause its like how many time do you have to hurt me for me to realize your not the one...and so i can move on...how stupid does a person have to be in order for them to realize that there just gonna keep hurting you...heh... i have to be like the stupidest person alive....but it hurts so much sometimes cause he made it seem like if he did like me....that he really wanted to be with me....but if he did...and if he really does care...then he wouldnt want to continue hurting you...and he wouldnt want to...cause duh of course your gonna hurt someone if you do something like that...if you just play around with that....so of course he'll know that hes just gonna hurt me.....sometimes i hate him soo much i just want him to die...but then sometimes i just like him too much to have him die....it feels like theres just a big hole in my heart....and i dont know how to fill it.....i just wish there was a way so i could move on but i dont know how...and i hate it when people tell me that he was a jerk ...do you really think i wanna hear someone else talk shit about the guy you really liked....of course not...that only makes you feel worse....and i hate it when people say "its gonna be ok" and that i should just talk about it cause it'll make me feel better..."STOP TELLING ME IT'S GONNA BE OK...STOP TELLING ME TO TALK ABOUT IT....I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.....I JUST WANT TO CRY...just let me cry"........just give me a hug say you care...and that you love me....and that everythings gonna be ok...thats all i want from you...all people need sometimes is to cry....to get over something that really hurt you....you just needto cry...so just let me cry...its different when you cry by yourself and when you cry with a friend cause by yourself your alone you feel alone...so it hurts more...and you feel like no one cares...but with a friend its comforting....cause you know they care....

"The hardest thing to do it to watch the one you love, love someone else..."

....invisible to you.....
Stop it, please?
Don’t I have enough pain?
Isn’t it hard enough being a nobody?
Isn’t it tough enough that everybody looks at me
Like I’m a broken trash bag?
Where do I fit in?
What the fuck do I have to do to get your attention?
Huh?
Where can I go and not have anybody on my back?
At school the teachers are giving this test
And that paper and don’t do this and don’t do that.
Then I come home and you always find something that I didn’t do
And I’m never good enough.
I guess I’m just sick of you being disappointed in me all the time.
And I’m tired of you saying that I’m not good enough
Why do you pretend I’m not there?
My parents don’t see me?
Kids in school don’t see me.
I’m invisible sometimes.
You have no idea what its like to be somebody one day
And nobody the next.
Sometimes I hate being alive,
But I’m too afraid to be dead.

...:::IfYouLoveME:::...

"If you love me
Don’t leave me alone
Don’t forget me
And please don’t move on

If you love me
You’ll come back to me
I’ll forget what you did
And we’ll be happy

But...IF you love me
You'll leave me alone
You'll try to forget me
And you will move on
Cause if you love me
You’ll leave my life
Because I know you don't
want to continue hurting me."

...:::BecauseILoveYou:::....
"Because I love you
I’ll leave you alone
I’ll try to forget you
I want you to move on
It’s not that I want to
I really do care
I just want you to be happy
I don’t want to hurt you anymore"

XxXNobody's homeXxX
i could'nt tell you why she felt that way
she felt it everyday
and i couldent help her
i just watched her make the same mistakes again
whats wrong,whats wrong now?
too many,too many problems
dont know where she belongs,where she belongs
she wants to go home but nobodys home
its where she lies broken inside
with no place to go,no place to go to dry her eyes
broken inside
open your eyes and look outside find the reasons why
you've been rejected and now you cant find what you left behind
be strong be strong now
too many too many problems
dont know where she belongs where she belongs
she wants to go home but nobodys home
its where she lies broken inside
with no place to go no place to go to dry here eyes
broken inside
her feeling she hides
her dreams she cant find
she losing her mind
shes fallen behind
she cant find her place
shes losing her faith
shes fallen from grace
shes all over the place
she wants to go home but nobodys home
its where she lies broken inside
with no place to go no place to go to dry her eyes
broken inside
shes lost inside lost inside
shes lost inside lost inside...oh yeah

-avirl lavigne (this is my favorite song)

XxXBeTrAyEdXxX
I never thought you would betray me
My only friend who never hated me
I never thought that you would hurt me
If you were my friend
You wouldn’t have left me
I never thought you would be ashamed of me.
You should’ve told me when you meet me
I never thought you’d be the one to kill me
You’ve been stabbing me in the heart since the beginning
I never thought you would betray me
You were my only friend who ever saved me