Safe in the arms of Love

 

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowlin owes the characters, I’m just borrowing

 

Chapter 1:

From Past to Present

 

Professor Hermione Granger made her way to the Great Hall through the corridors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy. She was running a bit late and the corridors were already deserted. Most students and teachers were already in the Great Hall having breakfast.

 

This was her second year as Potions teacher at Hogwarts. After her seventh year she gone to the Wizard University of Scotland, were she had graduated four years later, magna cum laude. Her major subject had of course been Potions.

After graduation she had briefly wondered what to do with her life now, but then Dumbledore had send her an owl, asking her to become Potions teacher at Hogwarts. She had been surprised to say the least, but agreed to see him. Over a cup of tea in his office he had explained the situation to her.

 

Voldemort had still not been defeated. True, he had kept a low profile for quite some time now, but that only increased Dumbledore’s worries. “I believe that he is still forming allies and making plans”, he explained to her. “Eventually he will unite his allies and followers and strike with one major attack, attempting to conquer our wizarding world. When that time comes, I need the best wizards and witches to stand up against him. And that is why I need you on the post of Potions teacher at Hogwarts”.

 

It was needles to say that she was flattered, even honoured by his offer. Still, one thought tugged on her mind. “What about Professor Snape?” she asked.

 

Dumbledore had smiled over his spectacles and said, “I believe it is time to appoint Severus to position of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher”.

 

And so she had become Potions teacher at Hogwarts. She loved being back at her old school. The atmosphere in the Great Hall during dinner and breakfast, the wonderful castle with it’s moving staircases, the four-poster bed in her room and working alongside the people she had respected a big part of her life, Albus Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, Filius Flitwick, Hetty Sprout and Severus Snape.

 

Her friends Harry and Ron had been ecstatic when they heard she’d become a teacher. Harry was an Auror now. The training had been very hard, but the further he got, the more he had become convinced that this was what he wanted to be. He was engaged to Dunya Tonks, Nymphodora’s youngest sister. Tonks (she still wouldn’t allow people to call her by her first name)  had married Remus Lupin. They had a one year old son called Sirius.

 

Neville Longbottom had become an Auror as well. He worked a lot together with Harry. Ron worked for the Ministery of Magic on the department of Magical Sports. He thoroughly enjoyed it. Standing in the shadows of others for the most part of his life, he was now at his best at a job he was good at. Her frequent owling with Ginny kept informed at the latest developments of his love life. Apparently he was currently dating a Veela.

 

Hermione entered the Great Hall, which was buzzing with noise. Hundreds of students chatting over homework, the next Quidditch match or the next Hogsmede trip. Hermione sat down at her usual place between at the Staff Table, between Hetty Sprout and Filius Flitwick.

 

“Did you sleep well dear?” Filius inquired, while he filled his plate with slices of bread and bacon. Hermione had often wondered how such a tiny man could eat such enormous amounts of food.

 

“I did, thank you”, she answered him. Next to Filius sat Albus Dumbledore. His beard was even longer and there were more lines in his face. ‘He’s getting old’, Hermione mussed, while buttering her sandwich. But he was still the only wizard Voldemort had ever feared.

 

Next to Dumbledore sat Minerva McGonagall. She had been her tutor during her first year of teaching. Her experience and advice had helped Hermione to become a capable and respected teacher. Apart from being her teacher and colleague, Minerva had also become a good friend. She was not only a very wise and powerful witch, she was also extremely funny. A side Hermione had never known when she was a student.

 

Next to her sat Professor Charlie Weasley, the Care of Magical Creatures teacher. Hagrid had left Hogwarts. He had married Olympe Maxime and worked now for the Ministry of Magic as a contact person for the giants.

 

Next to Charlie sat Severus Snape. Hermione sighed inwardly. During her last year at Hogwarts as a student she had asked Snape for extra potions lessons in order to achieve outstanding marks. Reluctantly he had agreed. During those private lessons he had never given her a compliment, not even when she had the potion exactly right. He had always been cold an full of criticism, telling her were she could improve herself. In the end her hard work had paid off well. Her Professors at Scotland University had been impressed by her knowledge of potions.

 

Although Hermione never had loathed Snape as much as Harry and Ron had done, she had never liked him either. Until that event at the end of her fourth year, when she had seen him… After that the fear had gone and was replaced by deep respect.

 

During her years at Scotland University she had come to appreciate what he had taught her. And her feelings had changed from respect and admiration of his skills into something more. Could it be love?

 

Then she had meet him again at Hogwarts. His attitude towards her still hadn’t changed. At first he had been suspicious, but she had proven to him that she could handle her students and teach them how to brew potions. Slowly his suspiciousness had subside. But hid attitude never changed. He was polite to her, but also cold and distant. Very Snapeish.

 

Throwing a glance at her watch, Hermione saw that it was five minutes for nine. Hastily she shoved the last bit of sandwich in her mouth and headed for the dungeons.

 

Chapter 2;

Hidden Longing

 

Severus Snape made his way to his living quarters at Hogwarts. He placed his books and parchments on his desk and sat down in  his armchair by the fire. Today had been one of those days.

 

The third year Gryffindors had been buzzing with excitement because their first Hogsmede trip was due next weekend. He’d ended up taken fifty pints from Gryffindor. Minerva McGonagall would not be pleased.

Then he had spend two hours trying to get the fifth years’ Hufflepuffs up to OWL level. If any of them would pass their exam with an ‘acceptable’ he swore to himself, he would laugh out loud in the Great Hall.

To top it all he’d found out during the afternoon that this years first years’ Slytherins were the stupidest students he ever had misfortune to teach.

 

Sighing deeply he sat back and closed his eyes for a moment. Deep down inside him he knew that he wasn’t in a foul mood because of his students. True, they had been annoying, but they had been annoying for the past twenty years.

 

The real reason for his anger was of course Voldemort. After Voldemort had risen for the second time, now nine years ago he had spend five years working as a spy for the Order of the Phoenix. Attending to Death Eater meetings, pretending to play along. But after five years Voldemort had suddenly disappeared again. He had retrenched to Albany and no-one knew what his plans were.

 

For three precious years, life had been quiet, almost peaceful. No more Death Eater meetings, no longer acting as a double agent. The Dark Mark on his arm had faded. And he felt himself unwind a little, just a little.

 

Until a year ago. One night the Dark Mark on his arm had burned fiercely again. Voldemort had summoned his Death Eaters. He had apparated on his side immediately and so did the other Death Eaters.

 

Voldemort had told them he had a plan. He would not give many specific details, but he promised them that a year from now, he, Voldemort would rule the Wizarding World.

 

Of course he had immediately contacted Dumbledore, who had taken the news with resignation. “I’ve been expecting this”, he told him, “the final battle will come soon”.

 

From that day on, Death Eater meetings were held on a regular basis again. He attended every single one of them, passing the information he learned to the Order of the Phoenix.

 

The meetings became more and more horrible. Voldemort was on the edge, going almost insane with his thirst for power. Violence had become a standard part of every meeting. Severus felt that the constant strain was demanding it’s toll. He was tired of the war, tired of the fear. For as long as he could remember he was fighting against Voldemort. He felt as if half of his life has wasted away already and that he was running out of chances to live the life he truly wished for.

 

There was also another thing that was bothering him greatly. Every time he let his mind wonder he saw the vision of two big, hazel eyes.

Hermione Granger…

 

She had become Potions teacher after he had became Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. She was an excellent Potion brewer, he’d made sure of that personally. He had given her extra lessons in her seventh year. Of course he hadn’t been kind or supportive. She was a Gryffindor after all and he had to pretend to dislike Gryffindors. But he had been able to stimulate her to achieve her full potential and in the end she had.

 

What she never knew was that he wrote a recommendation letter for her to the Wizard University of Scotland, recommending her in the highest praises. He had felt an odd sense of pride when he heard that she had graduated with top marks.

 

Then she had come to teach at Hogwarts. He had got the shock of his life when he saw her after four years. She was no longer a schoolgirl. She had grown into a young, very attractive woman. The first evening he had been unable to take his eyes of her.

 

Afterwards he had scolded himself inwardly. ‘You fool! You are at war. You have an obligation to the Order. There is no room for stupid, lovesick behaviour. And even if there wasn’t Voldemort to worry about, have you taken a good look at yourself in the mirror lately? She could never possibly be interested in you!’

 

From that evening on he had worn a cold mask whenever he was near her. At first he worried about her. Would she be able to handle her classes? But due to the fact that Minerva McGonagall was tutoring her and that she was one of the most talented witches that had ever attended Hogwarts, everything went fine.

She teached the students according to the same high standards as he did. And he loved her even more for it.

 

Chapter 3:

Words Like Daggers

 

Hermione let out an inward sigh of relief when the fourth years Slytherins left her classroom. Thank Goodness that was over! She didn’t have any troubles with her classes. Only this lot. Apparently they seemed to be under the impression that they didn’t have to listen to a Muggle- born Professor. They had become more and more rude and uncontrollable over the past few weeks. She had taken points from Slytherin, gave out detentions and talked sternly to the class, but it hadn’t worked. Now there was only on option left. She had to talk to the head of Slytherin House.

 

*          *          *

Severus was just about to start on his dessert when a large, black owl dropped a letter in front of him. Leaving dessert for what it was he took the letter and made his way down to his living quarters. Sitting down on his armchair he unfolded the letter and began to read.

 

Snape,

It may have escaped the notice of other Death Eaters, but you are not clever enough to fool me or my son.

You are unfaithful to the Dark Lord. You are not as loyal and committed as you ought to be.

Take this as a warning, you might want to take a little more effort in serving our Master or you suffer the consequences of your lack of loyalty.

 

Lucius Malfoy

 

Anger bolted up inside. How dare he? How dare this filthy, big headed piece of scum   interfere with his plan?

He knew perfectly well that Lucius Malfoy didn’t suspect anything about his double agentship for the Order of the Phoenix. It was just his way of egging him on, making him feel uncomfortable. Malfoys jealousy and spite was another reason he had become to dread the Death Eater meetings.

 

And apart from that, in a way Malfoy was dangerous. If he pointed out to Voldemort that he thought he was being disloyal, Voldemort was bound to take more notice of him and that was precisely the thing he tried to avoid. Fresh waves of fury washed over him. He felt he was at the end of his strength. He had given everything he had to give to the Order and still it wasn’t enough. People asked more of him, they were pushing him on. The burden on his shoulder became almost impossible to bear.

 

A knock on his door made him look up. “What?” he snapped. The door opened and Hermione walked in. Another wave of fury hit him. Because of Voldemort, because of this whole ordeal, he had to conceal his true feelings for her. Even this bit of private happiness was not allowed.

 

The anger and most of all the grief over his wasted life rose from his stomach to his throat, forming a big lump. It had to come out, it needed to be released and he took it out on the closest person present.

 

“What is it?” he asked again, cold fury clearly in his voice.

 

“I’ve wanted to talk to you about the fourth years’ Slytherins”, Hermione said tentatively.

 

The timid tone of her voice angered him even more, it didn’t suit her. “What about them?” he snarled.

 

“They are out of control”, she told him, “their behaviour is rude and disobedient. I’ve given them warnings and detention, I’ve taken housepoints, but they just seem to think they don’t have to listen to a word I say”.

 

“And that’s why you’ve come whining to me for”, he scolded at her. The anger was pouring out of him like hot lava, he was barely aware of what he was saying. “Don’t you think I have more important things on my mind?

Where are your brains, stupid girl? If you can’t control your class, then don’t be a teacher! You should be strong and consequent, instead of a weak, wailing child. But then again, I should not have expected more from a Mudblood!”

 

A ringing silence felt between them. Hermione had gone deadly pale. She felt she was shivering all over her body and she fought her tears back. She was not going to cry. She would not give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. She merely said, “I can see now were your students got their attitude from”. And with those words she turned and left.

 

He wanted to do something. Call her back, apologise, but somehow his body refused to take orders from his mind. He stood there motionless, watching as she left the room and shut the door behind her. Then he sat down in his armchair and buried his face in his hands.

 

Chapter 4:

Wounded Hearts

 

Hermione spend a long, bothered night lying awake and reliving her encounter with Severus over and over again. When the fury of his injustice and harsh response had subside, she allowed room to her feelings of grief.

 

She thought he respected her, that he, after all those years proving to him that she was capable and trustworthy, saw her as an equal. But the events of this afternoon had proven how wrong she was. He still saw her as a silly schoolgirl, incapable of teaching. And what hurt her even more, he didn’t see her as a witch. Mudblood… the mere word made her insides burn with anger. From the first day she had come to Hogwarts she had known about the attitude of Slytherin House towards Muggle borns. Part of the reason why she has worked so hard all these years and had been so keen on receiving high marks was because she wanted to prove to them that a Muggle born witch was worthy of studying magic.

 

And besides the anger and the grief a feeling of uncertainty began to rise inside her. Was Severus right after all? Should she have dealt with the class on her own? Had it been wrong asking him for help? Was there any truth in his accusations? Did she make him lost all respect for her by this one movement? The thought of him no longer respecting her made her stomach clench. His approval, his regard meant so much to her. After what she saw of him in her fourth year…

 

*          *          *

Flashback

Softly she made her way to the Hospital Wing. It was a day after the events of the Triwizard Tournament. Harry was still in the Hospital Wing, recovering from the shock. She almost couldn’t breath as she thought of what he must have gone through. She wanted to be there for him.

 

Carefully she opened the door of the Hospital Wing. Then she heard voices. Madame Pomfrey was in a right state. “Merlin’s beard Severus! What… ? This is worse then I ever…”

Severus Snape was lying on a hospital bed. His black robes were torn and his face was very seriously beaten.

 

Unable to tear her eyes apart from the scene in front of her she watched how Madame Pomfrey removed the clothes from his body. The state of the rest of his body was even worse. Blood and cuts covered him, his chest was almost one, large open wound. His head was on the pillow and his eyes were closed.

Madame Pomfrey began to heal him and she heard stuffed moans coming from him. She gasped involuntarily. Suddenly he lifted his head and opened his eyes. He looked straight into hers. Two black pools, filled with pain.

 

Quickly she shut the door.

 

*          *          *

That image had stayed with her for months. Later she learned of what he had done for the Order. He had been regularly beaten and tortured, but is was never as bad as on his first night back. Voldemort had almost killed him, testing his loyalty until he almost broke. Punishing him for his betrayal. Her hate had vanished and was replaced by deep respect for the sacrifice he had made.

 

Hermione turned to an other side for what must have been the thousands time that night. She dreaded the morning. How would he act around her?

 

*          *          *

Hermione wasn’t the only one who had a bad night sleep. Severus didn’t even bother to go to bed that night. He sat in his armchair watching the flames in the fire. The argument with Hermione had gone in a blaze. He didn’t even remembered what he had said to her. He remembered vaguely calling her stupid and weak. What stood clear in his mind though was that he had called her a Mudblood.

 

He cringed every time he thought of it. How could he have done it? The only person he cared  for more  than life itself. He had scolded her, insulted her and probably hurt her in the worst way possible.

 

Feelings of guilt and self disgust washed over him again and again. How could he have done this to her? And how was he ever going to make up for it? He knew that the anger that he had kept inside for so long was bound to come out sometime. But why did Hermione have to be the one he’d taken it all out on?

 

Why hadn’t he been able to control his anger? ‘She will never look at me again’, he thought desperately, remembering her pale, hurt face and the tears in her eyes. He cringed again and a fresh wave of guilt hit him.

 

At least there was one thing he could do for her. He was going to shout so hard at the fourth years Slytherins that afterwards they wouldn’t dare to blink in her class without permission.

 

Chapter 5:

Distance

 

The next morning, Hermione continued to stare at her plate, during breakfast. She had dared to steal one glance at the former Potions Master, but saw that he was  just his old, distant self again. ‘He doesn’t even care’, she thought outraged. ‘He has probably forgotten all about it’. She wished she was that lucky. His insults still rang in her ears. She felt ashamed and furious every time she thought of it. ‘But I will not let him know how much he has hurt me’, she thought determinedly, fighting back her tears, ‘he will never know’.

 

Meanwhile, Severus was moving his food around on his plate, unable to eat and desperately trying to maintain his normal composure. He didn’t dare  meet Hermione’s eyes, afraid of the loathing he would undoubtedly see in them. He simply wished he could relive the past twenty- four hours again. Abandoning all pretence of eating he got to his feet and left for his class room The fourth year Slythterins were the first class this morning. And they were about hell to pay.

 

*          *          *

Hermione opened the door of her private quarters and dropped her bag in the corner. Walking over to the fire she started to brew the potions for next days class.

 

When she had first came to Hogwarts as a teacher she had asked for the possibility to brew her potions in her own rooms. She preferred working in her own environment above working in her teachers office.

 

The last two weeks had been terrible. She had tried to avoid Severus as much as possible. Breakfast, lunch and dinner were turning into a daily torture. She felt the stress of this whole ordeal was beginning to ate her from inside.

 

A knock on the door made her look up. “Come in”, she called out. The door opened to reveal Minerva McGonagall. She hadn’t changed much since Hermione had been a student. She still was a very powerful witch and a highly respected teacher. “What can I do for you, Minerva”, Hermione asked.

 

Minerva waved her hand absently. “I was just passing by to see how you are doing?”

 

“Oh…”, Hermione said, taken aback, “I’m fine, everything is going smoothly, as usual actually…” She fell silent under the elder woman’s piercing gaze.

 

“What’s really going on, Hermione?” Minerva asked kindly.

 

Hermione shook her head, “It’s nothing really, it’s just… it’s…”

 

“It’s Severus, isn’t it?” Minerva finished for her.

 

Hermione looked at her in surprise. “How did you know that?” she asked softly.

 

“Well”, Minerva answered with a tiny smile around her lips, “Charlie Weasley has been complaining. He says it is almost impossible to breathe, while sitting between the two of you, lately”.

 

Hermione flushed. “We had an argument, she explained.

 

“About what?” Minerva asked.

 

“Ther fourth year Slytherins were behaving pretty badly”, Hermione told her. “I went to see Severus to speak to him about it, but he got angry and said that I had to deal with my classes myself”.

 

“Or, in other words, he took his bad temper out on you?” Minerva asked with raised eyebrows.

 

“Sort of”, Hermione shrugged.

 

“You know”, Minerva said slowly, choosing her words carefully, “it has been my believe for some time now that Severus is carrying a burden beyond his strength. I think his work for the Order is getting to much…

I don’t think you should take anything he said personally”.

 

“Maybe you are right”, Hermione said quietly. She didn’t have the heart to tell her that Severus had called her a Mudblood. Knowing Minerva, she would be furious. It felt like betraying him. But it was exactly why she felt that this whole argument was personal. She didn’t believe it was just Severus cracking under the pressure. It was Severus showing his true feelings. Showing how much he disliked her.

 

*          *          *

Severus stared out the windows of his office. It was November now and the grounds around Hogwarts were covered in white snow. The lake was frozen and students were skating on it.

 

He looked at a small figure, walking towards the Forbidden Forrest, wearing a thick black cloak and a red scarf. ‘Hermione…’, he sighed deeply. Their relationship was like the weather. Frozen cold. He knew he had to apologise to her in order to make things right. If he could ever make them right. He had no idea what to say to her. The only way he could make his apology sound convincing was if he told her about his feelings. And that was the last thing he wanted to do. He would not been able to stand it if she laughed at him, or worse, pitied him.

 

If only… If only there was no Voldemort. If only there was no twenty years of age- difference between them. If only he was not a Death Eater… Summoning all his courage he made his way down to the Entrance Hall and waited for her.

 

Hermione walked inside the Entrance Hall and saw Severus standing there. She decided to ignore him and walk pass him as soon as possible. But his voice held her back. “Professor Granger, may I have a moment of your time, please?”

 

She turned to face him. “Certainly, Professor Snape” and followed him to a silent corner.

 

He noticed that snowflakes dangled in her hair and a few of them even caught in her eyelashes. He found them highly distracting. He wanted to gather her in his arms and tell her how he felt about her. Suddenly all those reasons that had held him back the past year and a half didn’t matter anymore. All he cared about was her. All he wanted was to be with her.

 

But somehow, the words, exactly formed in his mind would not come out of his mouth. All those years of concealing his true emotions for the people around him were asking it’s toll. He was a true Occlumens. He could not speak out his feelings. He briefly remembered telling Harry Potter once that those who were unable to control their emotions and expressed them were weak. Now he found himself weak for not being able to express them.

 

In an odd voice that didn’t quite sound like his own he said, ‘I would like to apologise for my behaviour a fortnight ago. I realise I may have harsh with you and you would be pleased to know that I have spoken to the fourth years”.

 

It sounded lame and insincere, even to his own ears. Hermione’s expression was unreadable. “Thank you Professor Snape”, she said only and left.

 

‘He didn’t mean a single word of it. He was just put up to say this. Probably by Dumbledore or Minerva”, hammered it inside Hermione while she made her way to her private quarters. ‘He might as well have said nothing’, she thought, tears streaming down her face, while she sat down on the bed, ‘this has only made things worse’.

 

And Severus felt the same way.

 

Chapter 6

Turn to You

 

Pain shoot trough his entire body. Blood dripped from his face on his robes. Carefully he took of his mask, wincing in pain. It stuck to his wounds, because of all the dried blood. The wound at his side was he worst one. He had pressed his hand against it on the way back to the castle, to prevent it from too much bleeding  His insides still burned from the curses, his bones were still shaken. All he wanted was to lie down on his bed and sleep. This Death Eater meeting had been the worst since the time he came back nine years ago.

 

Malfoy had talked and the Dark Lord had tested his loyalty. It had demanded all his strength to keep his defences up, to keep his mind clear from dangerous thoughts. To hide his true identity to Voldemort. So he had not been able to fight of the curses. Each of them had hit him hard, leaving him shaking in pain, more dead than alive.

 

A wave of nausea overcame him as he entered the Entrance Hall  and he stopped form a moment. He knew he needed medical treatment, or the wound would get infected. He was half way to the Hospital Wing when he suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. He had forgotten. Poppy was away. She had left the previous day to visit a relative. It was in the middle of the night, the castle was dark and quiet, everyone was asleep. A feeling of desperation washed over him. He felt so tired and weak.

 

Then a thought flashed through his mind. Hermione… she would be able to help him. She was a wonderful Potion brewer and she knew enough healing spells to cure him. But as soon as the thought had entered his mind he dismissed it. Hermione wouldn't want to help him. Not after what he had done to her, after the way he had treated her. Maybe he could take care of the wound himself and get some sleep. Suddenly he felt dizzy and the corridor started to spin in front of him. He waited until it passed. There was no other choice left, he had to see Hermione, or he would drop unconscious on the cold corridor. He only hoped she would understand.

 

Slowly and difficulty he began to make his way upstairs. Her private chambers were on the second floor. After he had become Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher his office had moved to the second floor were the Defence Against the Dark Arts class was. But his living quarters were still in the dungeons. As a result, Hermione lived on the second floor and had her office in the dungeons.

 

After what seemed an eternity he reached her rooms. Summoning his last strength he knocked on the door, praying she would wake, praying she would open, because he didn’t have the strength to move anymore.

 

Just as the door opened another wave of nausiosness hit him and he leaned against the doorframe for support. Vaguely he noticed that she was wearing silk pyjamas in a deep red colour. He tried to say something, but the words somehow didn’t came out.

 

Hermione’s eyes widened in shock as she looked at his beaten form. Then comprehension dawned on them. Without saying a word she wrapped an arm around his waist. He allowed some of his weight to lean on her shoulder. She guided him through her living room to her bedroom.

“Lie down”, she said softly, the first words she spoke since his entering.

 

“Blood… everywhere…” he groaned with difficulty, “your sheets…”

 

“Lie down, Severus!” she said a bit more firmly this time. He gave in and lied down on the bed, sinking his head into the pillow, allowing his limbs to relax a little. Her bed was still warm. Hermione sat down beside him and carefully took of his robes and shirt.

 

When his wounds were revealed she stared at them for a moment. “Death Eater meeting?” she asked.

 

“The Dark Lord wanted to test my loyalty… they stabbed me first… the other Death Eaters”, Severus began hoarsely. “Then he… the Dark Lord… cast the Cruciatus on me… I fell… they kicked and beat me… but nothing serious…”, he closed his eyes, trying to shut the images out.

 

“Cruciatus on an open wound”, Hermione repeated. Quickly she checked the cuts and bruises on his head and arms. “You are right, the wound on your side is the most serious”.

She took her wand from the nightstand and cast in quick order and diagnostic- spell, a sedative- spell, a cleansing- spell and a bandage- spell. “I need to brew a Potion that will decrease the effects of the Cruciatus Curse”, she told him, “I’ll be right back”.

 

She left and he assumed she had gone to the dungeons, but then he heard her moving around in her living room. ‘She must of have a workstation here’, he thought. The effects of the sedative began to work. He felt better now that the blood and most of the pain was gone. ‘But how did she know about the Death Eater meeting?’ he wondered, ‘and how did she know Death Eater meetings could result in… this?’

 

After fifteen minutes she returned, holding two goblets. She placed one of them on the bed stand. Then she helped him sitting up and supported his back. Carefully not to spill the Potion he drank it. Then he lied back again. He felt his insides calming down. The burning of his bones slowly decreased.

 

“We’ll have to wait a few more minutes”, Hermione said softly, “then I will be able to cast the healing spells”. He nodded to her. She placed the empty goblet on the bed stand and sat back on the bed again. She watched him for a long moment, then she asked. “How often does this happen?”

 

“More and more often”, he told her, unable to lie to her, “the Dark Lord is becoming insane”. On seeing her shocked expression he added reassuringly, “It’s not this bad every time, but yes, violence is more and more part of the meetings”.

 

“How can you stand it”, Hermione asked horrified.

 

“It has to be done”, he answered simply.

 

“Hermione”, he paused for a second, realising he had just called her by her first name for the first time, “How did you know about the Death Eater meetings and the… violence?”

 

She smiled sadly at him. “I saw you. After you came back from that first meeting, nine years ago. I wanted to visit Harry, but when I walked into the Hospital Wing… I saw you. And I realised what you had done”.

 

His eyes widened in surprise. “You really were there”, he whispered softly. That memory that had been plaguing his mind for the past years, not knowing if it was a memory or a dream. “I thought I’d you saw there, but I didn’t know for sure…”

 

“I was there”, she repeated softly.

 

He reached out and grasped her hand. “Hermione”, he began, “you should know, when I yelled at you two weeks ago…”

 

She pulled her hand back and silenced him gently. “Not now, Severus”, I need to heal you first and you need to sleep”. She took her wand again and started to utter spells. She healed his broken ribs, closed the wound and healed the cuts and bruises on his face. After she was sure she had healed all his injuries she took the other goblet from the nightstand. Helping him to sit up again, she brought the goblet to his lips. “Here”, she said softly, ‘it’s an Dreamless Sleeping Potion”. Gratefully he took it and soon he felt exhaustion and sleep overtook him.

 

The last thing he saw before he fell asleep was Hermione, sitting close to him, watching over him as a guardian Angel.

 

Chapter 7

Staying awake

 

Hermione watched the face of the sleeping man in front of her. He had suffered so much. Again. She had been shocked beyond words when she had opened the door. She had expected anyone, except him. She had expected anything, but not the state he was in. Hate washed over her as she thought of the creature, she would not call him human, who had done this to the man she loved. Cruciatus on an open wound…It was a miracle he had survived. And then he had made his way back to the castle, hurt and alone.

 

Minerva’s words came back to her. “It is my believe for some time now that Severus is carrying a burden beyond his strength”. How could anyone possible endure this all? How could he have endured this for the past nine years? She felt guilty for every bad thing she had ever said or thought about him, now she fully understand how dark and full of pain his life was.

 

Another feeling grew inside her. Joy. He had come to her. When he was hurt and in pain he had come to her for help. She knew perfectly well that if Poppy had been here, he would have gone to her. But still, when she had been unavailable, he had turned to her. She had not lost all his respect. Even if she had made a mistake in turning to him for help with her classes. 

 

She checked the wound on his side. It had healed well, the curse had not effected it. And thanks to the Dreamless Sleep Potion he slept peacefully. ‘How can he stand this’, she thought again. They had kicked and beat him, but he had said it was nothing serious. Voldemorts’ violence must be normal for him. His chest was covered in small scars and another rush of hate towards Voldemort washed over her again.

 

‘Now he knows I have seen him that night, nine years ago’, she mussed while covering him with the blankets. She had never known for certain if he had seen or recognised her that night. He had never made any indication that had. She would never forget the look in his eyes then. So full of pain and sadness. Like the whole weight of the world rested on his shoulders. The same look had been there tonight. He was indeed carrying a burden beyond his strength.

 

She sat down on the side of the bed again. She would stay awake tonight, making sure he was all right.

 

*          *          *

He woke around seven o’clock the next morning. It took him a few seconds to realise were he was. Then the memories came rushing back to him. The Death Eater meeting, the curse, turning to Hermione, Hermione taking care of him… Then his eyes focussed on the woman sitting on the bed in the same position as the night before.

 

“Did you stay here all night?” he asked incredulously.

 

“Yes”, she answered only. Then she asked, “How are you feeling?”

 

“Fine”, he replied truthfully, “a little sore, but the pain is gone”. He looked around him for a clock. “What time is it?”

 

“A little past seven”, she answered.

 

He tried to sit up. “I need to get dressed. I have a class to teach at nine”.

 

She pushed him firmly back in the pillow. “Don’t even think about it”, she said sternly. “You will take the day off, your body needs to recover”.

 

“I can’t”, he protested, “I can’t draw attention to myself like that, people will begin to suspect…”

 

But she interrupted him. Leaning forwards, she looked intently in his eyes and said, “Severus, you came very close to dying last night. You need to rest”. Then, as if recovering her senses, she looked away shyly.

 

How could he refuse anything if she looked at him like that? “All right”, he gave in, “I’ll rest today. But I have to talk to Dumbledore”.

 

Hermione smiled at him, “I’ll send him to you on my way to breakfast, but first I will get you something to eat”.

 

She left the room and Severus watched her going. It felt almost surreal. He was here, in Hermione’s bed and she was taking care of him like nothing had happened. As if he never had scolded her. A few minutes later she returned. She had changed in her teachers’ robes and carried a tray with food. She helped him sit up and placed the tray in front of him.

 

“I’ll go and tell the Headmaster what happened last night”, she said and attempted to leave. He got her wrist just in time.

 

“Hermione…”, he began with difficulty, “I… I want to thank you. You saved my life last night… If it wasn’t for you… thank you”.

 

She looked briefly in his eyes, but avoided his gaze then. “You’re welcome”, she replied softly and left the room quickly.

 

Slowly, Severus began to eat. Maybe things hadn’t change after all.

 

Chapter 8

Voldemort’s Plan

 

He had just finished his breakfast when the door opened again and revealed a worried looking Albus Dumbledore. “Severus, how are you doing?” he asked hurried.

 

“I’m fine”, he reassured his oldest friend. In a half smile he added, “Hermione took good care of me”.  Albus looked surprised for a brief second. Then he pulled a chair next to bed and sat down. “Tell me what happened”, he said gravely.

 

“The Dark Lord told us his plan”, Severus began. “In a fortnight he will strike in a double attack, both against the Ministry and Hogwarts. He has finally gathered all his allies, the Dementors, the giants, a number of vampire’s, dark wizards from Albania and Transalvania, some creatures like goblins and a few dragons. And the Death Eaters of course.

 

He will divide them in two armies. The first army will attack the Ministry of Magic. He will feed Lucius Malfoy Polyjuice Potion, so he will take the form of the Dark Lord. He hopes and counts on the fact that Fudge will ask for you assistance. As soon as you are gone, he will attack Hogwarts with his second army. I am ordered to give Minerva and Filius the Draught of the Living Death, so they will not be able to defend Hogwarts.

 

You will of course return to Hogwarts, and there he will wait for you, ready to kill you”.

 

An amazing change had come over the Headmaster of Hogwarts. The twinkle had left his eyes, the skin of his face had gone pale and the lines on his face deepened. He radiated cold fury. "Where will the second army wait before the attack?” Albus barked.

 

“Inside the Forbidden Forrest”, Severus told him. “The Dark Lord will be there too”.

 

“Where are you posted?”

 

“At the Ministry of Magic, my job is to make sure no-one will get out of the Ministry alive”.

 

“We will divide the Order in three armies”, Albus said determined. “One of them will assist at the Ministry, the other will defend Hogwarts and the last one will attack Voldemort in the Dark Forest”. Then his face softened. “What happened to you then”.

 

Severus shivered as if the mere memory caused him pain. “After the Dark Lord told us his plan… Malfoy said that he had to make sure that all the allies were really on his side… that there were no traitors…” He paused, closing his eyes for a second. “The Dark Lord asked who he’d meant and Malfoy answered he doubted my loyalty… so the Dark Lord felt it was necessary to… test my loyalty… That’s all there is to tell, really”.

 

Albus reached out and squeezed his shoulder. “We are greatly in your debt, my friend. If it was not for you, we stood no change of winning this war”.

 

Severus appreciated what the man said, but could not believe him. Once he had been a true Death Eater and in a way he still was. Nothing he did could ever make up for that.

 

“I think I should go back to my own quarters”, he said to change the subject. “I need to clean Hermi… I mean Miss Grangers bedroom… there’s blood on the sheets”.

 

“Let me worry about that”, Albus spoke. Carefully he helped the younger man out of bed. Severus felt dizzy for only a second, then the room became solid again. Albus inspected the wound on his side. “She has healed it very well”, he said amazed, ‘I must confess I did not know that she was such a capable healer”.

 

“Didn’t you?” Severus replied, “Hermione can do anything she sets her mind on”. The moment the words came out he bit his tongue, especially when he saw the surprised look in Albus’ eyes return. ‘Well done, Severus’, he scolded himself, ‘expose your feelings to the Headmaster’.

 

Albus made no further comment and helped him to the fireplace. Using floopowder he brought him to his own quarters. “Go  directly to sleep”, he instructed Severus. “Poppy will be back this afternoon, I will send her to check up on you”.

 

Feeling oddly fatigued from such a short walk, Severus made no complaint. Climbing in his bed he closed his eyes and drifted of to sleep.

 

Chapter 9:

Coming Closer

 

A week passed. Severus noticed the wounds healed quickly and nicely. Of course this only increased his love for Hermione. Poppy Pompfrey had been extremely pleased. “Finally someone who knows their way with healing spells!”

He had not seen much of her over the past week. Only at breakfast, lunch and dinner in the Great Hall. But then there were always people around them. He simply didn’t have the time to talk to her alone. Besides his teaching, planning strategies for the final battle had taken up all his time.

 

But at night, when he lay down in bed, trying to sleep, the memories of the events of last week rushed back at him. She had helped him, without hesitation, without asking questions…She had not only cured his wounds, she had also watched over him when he slept, she had given him a potion that made sure he had been able to sleep…

 

How was this possible? After what he had said to her, after the way he had treated her? How could she possibly care for him? ‘Maybe she doesn’t’, he thought sadly, ‘she loathes me still, it’s just Gryffindor nobility’. But even if he lived to the age of Nicolas Flamel he would never forget it. A single, good memory to store and to treasure. After all, he only had very few.

 

*          *          *

Students left the dungeons, talking enthusiastically. It had been the last class of Friday afternoon and that meant weekend. Hermione smiled and closed the door behind them. But quickly her expression sobered. What she wouldn’t give to be as careless as the students were. But she wasn’t. Great danger hung over them, the final battle was now unavoidably near. Within a week, everything she held dear could vanish, be destroyed by evil in it’s worst form.

 

Dumbledore had summoned all the teachers in an urgent meeting, one day after Severus’ Death Eater meeting. All the teachers knew about the Order, many of them even being members of it. The atmosphere was tense, but determined. “We are prepared”, Dumbledore had told them gravely, “it might not be an easy fight, but we stand a chance, we can win, if we are willing to sacrifice ourselves for our world”.

 

“Some things are worth dying for”, Charlie had said. “It’s something Sirius Black said eight years ago, when my dad was in St. Mungo’s, injured. Bill told me later”, he explained later to her.

 

Hermione focused her attention back to the pile of parchment on her desk. Lessons would go on as long as possible. ‘One of the thing we are fighting for is Hogwarts education after all”, Minerva had said crisply. Hermione sorted the parchment. Essays that still needed to be corrected… already corrected essays…, here it was. The lists of Potions’ scores of different houses. To be given to each Head of the House. That meant a visit to Minerva, Filius, Hetty and of course, Severus.

 

*          *          *

She had saved Severus for the end. Carefully she knocked on the door and waited until he called “Enter”.

 

“Slytherin’s scores in Potions”, she told him, holding up the parchment.

 

“Thank you”, he replied, taking the parchment from her hand and placing it on his desk.

There was something about him. Something in the way he walked, something in the way he looked. And it caused her to worry. He looked troubled, as if he dreaded something. Of course there was the final battle, but this was different. “Are you all right?” she asked tentatively.

 

He straightened his shoulders. “Yes, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

 

‘Well, at least he didn’t start yelling at me’, she thought and replied, “It’s just something in the way… you look tense… that made me wonder…”, she faltered under his intense gaze, “never mind…” Why wasn’t she able to speak to him? She could talk anywhere, about everything to everyone. But the words failed her the moment she looked in his eyes.

 

“Are you sure you all right?” she asked finally.

 

‘Why are you doing this to me?’ he wondered, ‘why is it you who can look straight through me?” Unable to keep it from her, he answered softly, “The Dark Lord has summoned me, there is another Death Eater meeting tonight”.

 

She gasped in shock. “Oh Severus, no, not already?”

 

He shrugged his shoulders. “I can only guess what he wants this time, hopefully he will tell us more about the plan”.

 

“Are you in any immediate danger?” she asked up front.

 

“I don’t think so”, he replied, “usually, the Dark Lord leaves you in peace for a while after he has attacked you. I believe I am quite safe”.

 

“As safe as you can get with an insane Dark Lord and twenty-eight Death Eaters”, Hermione muttered sarcasticly.

 

She looked up in amazement as she heard a soft chuckle coming from him. He was smiling. For the first time, in front of her. It changed his entire face, made his eyes velvet warm. She felt her heart skip a beat.

 

“Hermione, don’t worry”, he said softly. “I’ll be all right. The Dark Lord can’t risk killing me tonight, he needs me for the battle”.

 

“Just be careful”, Hermione asked urgently. “We need you much more then him”.

 

“I promise”, he said simply. They stared at each other for one moment, then Hermione turned and left his office.

 

Chapter 10:

Waiting for You

 

Hermione looked up from her book for what must have been the thousands time that evening. She simply couldn’t concentrate. She must have read the last page eight times already and still she had no clue what it said. She was actually nauseous with fear. How would it go tonight? Would Severus be all right? What would Voldemort do?

 

He was only half recovered. She knew his wounds were mending well, but if they would torture him again tonight… she shuddered involuntarily. If they did, he would not survive it. And she couldn’t bear the thought of losing him, not if he didn’t know…

 

She knew for sure now. Months of doubts, disbelief and fighting had grown into acceptance: she loved him. More than anyone she had ever loved, she loved this man. Severus Snape. The cold, sarcastic Potions Master. The man who had made her life miserable from the moment they had met. But also the man who carried such a heavy burden. The man who could look at her with so much sadness and pain in his eyes that she wanted nothing more then to wrap her arms around him and comfort him. The man who would sacrifice his life, willingly and without doubting for something he believed in. The man who would sacrifice his soul if he had too.

 

And also the man who would never love her back. The man who saw her merely as a colleague and a former student. He would never take her in his arms and tell her that he loved her too. He would never be hers. He would never let her near him.

 

But that didn’t stop him from worrying. She couldn’t help it. Her stomach clenched every time she thought of what he must be going through. The fear caught in her throat and the tension made it impossible for her to sit down.

 

*          *          *

‘It had not been that bad’. That was all he could think about when he made his way back to the castle of Hogwarts. Of course, the Dark Lord had been beside himself. His speeches had bordered on insanity. Unforgivable and dark curses had filled the air, but not personally directed to anyone. And he had been clever enough to avoid them. The Dark Lord had given some more details about the attack, which good be of great use for the Order. He would have to relate them at the meeting of next Sunday.

 

Slowly he made his way up to the castle, past the Entrance Hall and the Great Hall to the dungeons. The castle was dark and deserted once again. This was the part he hated most. Coming home without anyone waiting for him, being there for him. For so long he wished for someone who’d be there for him, someone who cared about him. The loneliness was what made his burden heavier than anything else.

 

Once this wish for someone had been vague. A person without a face, without an identity, just someone who was there. Now this person had a face. Hermione. How he wanted her to be awake. To be able to talk to her, to tell her about the events of the night. To know that she had thought of him, had cared for him. But it was impossible. He might as well wish for the moon to care for him. She saw him only as her former Potions teacher, a Death Eater and a person incapable of feeling. She would never care for him, she would never love him. She would never be his.

 

The castle was dark and deserted, the dungeons were cold. There would be no-one waiting for him. Certainly not Hermione.

 

He rounded the corner and walked inside the corridor that would lead him to his personal quarters. Then he stopped dead in his tracks. The door of Hermione’s Office was open and a soft light was spreading inside the corridor.

 

Walking carefully, without making any noise he came closer until he could look inside. What he saw caused his breath to catch in his throat. Hermione was sitting at her desk, wearing pyjamas, (Black silk this time, he noted) and a deep red dressing gown. Her hair was down and felt around her shoulders. She was correcting papers, illuminated by the soft light of two candles standing on her desk. The candlelight made her features even softer and gave her hair a golden glow. He stood there for a while, simply watching her. Then he snapped out of his trance. It was not possible. She could not be here because of him.

 

He stepped inside her office, announcing his presence by asking, “Hermione… what are you doing here?”

 

She almost jumped out of chair. “Severus…”, she stammered, “I didn’t hear you coming”.

 

‘Way to go Granger’, Hermione scolded herself inwardly, ‘you’ve waited for him all night, and when he finally comes, you don’t even notice’.

 

She heard him answer her in his deep voice, “My apologies, Hermione, I did not mean to startle you. But why are you here? It is far past midnight”.

 

‘I needed to finish correcting these essays”, Hermione answered, looking everywhere except straight at him.

 

He rose his eyebrows at her answer, “And in order to do that you choose a freezing office in the dungeons in stead of your own quarters?”

 

She blushed as red as her dressinggown. “I…” She began to stammer, but realised it was useless. ‘I’ve never been able to lie to him’, she thought with resignation, ‘and he has probably guessed it by now, giving that my face is a red as the Gryfindor banner’.

 

“I wanted to see if you were all right”, she finished in a small voice.

 

He could have kissed her right there. She was waiting for him. “I’m all right”, he reassured her.

 

“How did the meeting go?”, Hermione asked, coming closer towards him.

 

“It was not as bad as I expected”, Severus admitted. “The Dark Lord is becoming insane with his thirst for power. This night even more so. This insanity makes him dangerous, but it could also create a weak spot in his defence. We can only hope for that”.

 

“He did not torture anyone?” Hermione asked, still looking anxious.

 

“He threw curses around”, Severus admitted, “but only those who were so unfortunate to not duck soon enough got hurt.

It went fine, Hermione, really”, he reached out and grasped her hand. He was shocked at how cold it felt. “You’re frozen!”, he exclaimed, taking hold of her other hand too and rubbing them warm between his own. “You need to go back to your own, warm quarters”, he told her, “if you stay here much longer, you’ll get sick”.

 

She smiled at him. “I’m not made of sugar, Severus”.

 

“But still”, he replied, “come I’ll walk you back to your quarters”.

 

“I know how to find my quarters, sir”, she retorted.

 

“I’m sure you do”, he answered with a half- smile, “but it’s past curfew”.

 

Together they made their way to her personal quarters. Outside the door they said goodnight, but he paused for a moment. “Hermione, thank you for waiting for me tonight. I meant a lot to me”.

 

Her smile was so warm it could easily melt away all the coldness that was bottled up inside him. “You’re welcome. Sleep well, Severus”.

 

“I will”, he answered and watched her going inside.

 

“I most certainly will”, he muttered to himself as he made his way back to the dungeons again.

 

Chapter 11

One Chance

 

He did sleep well that night. His sleep was filled with dreams of her. Of her smile. He woke the next morning, feeling more rested then he had in a long time. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, or stop looking at her during breakfast, lunch and dinner. Could it be possible? Could there be a chance? That she loved him was out of the question. She was young, beautiful and intelligent. She had her whole life in front of her. It was impossible that she would have feelings for an old man and a despicable Death Eater.

 

But still, their might be a chance of their friendship. She might care enough for him to call him her friend. It was the first time since she had came to Hogwarts to teach that he dared to hope for this. A friendship would be more then he had ever hoped for. And he would bury his other feelings deep inside him. She would never know. He would be content just to have her as his friend.

 

If only. If only he had not yelled at her three weeks ago. If only he had not called her a Mudblood. Their friendship never had a change if that stood between them. There was only one thing to do. He had to apologise and this time more convincing then the previous time. Even if there was not a change of friendship, he needed to get it off of his chest. He needed to tell her, to convince her that he had not meant it.

 

After dinner he made his way to his living quarters when he saw her, emerging from her office. It was now or never. “Hermione”, he began hastily, “there’s something I need to say to you”.

 

“What is it?” she asked worry and wonder in her eyes.

 

“When I yelled at you three weeks ago…”, he saw her face fell. The expression on her face closed and her eyes became cold. Forcing himself to carry on he continued, “I want you to know that I didn’t mean any of it. I was angry because of a letter Malfoy send me and I took it out on you. I know that’s no excuse, but I never meant to hurt you”.

 

Hermione felt the tears sprang to her eyes. Why did he have to bring that up again. She had thought, hoped that he had put it behind him. That she had managed to win his respect back.

 

“I know I lost your respect by coming to you for help…” she began, but before she could finish her sentence he interrupted her.

 

“Hermione, you could never lose my respect. You were perfectly in your right by coming to me and I should not have lashed out to you”.

 

“You called me a Mudblood”.

 

“I should not have said that and I am terribly sorry for it”. 

 

“No, you were right”, Hermione replied, turning away from him, “I should deal with my classes by myself, I should not have come whining to you…”

 

His heart clenched painfully, suddenly realising how seriously she had taken his insults. He couldn’t bear to hear her putting herself down like that, knowing that he was the cause of it. Then he became aware that she was still talking.

 

“…you have more important things on you mind. It was foolish of me…”

 

The next second he had grasped her shoulders, pulling her towards him, bringing his face only inches from hers. Startled by his sudden movement and strong grip, Hermione watched him with a mixture of fear and wonder in her eyes.

 

“Don’t say that”, he begged softly, his voice just above a whisper, “It was not your fault. I was angry and I took it out on you. You had every right to talk to me about them. Don’t let what I said to you get to you like that…”

 

It was only then he realised the mistake he had made. She was too close. He could feel the warmth of her body, could smell her perfume. He felt his guard slip. He could not, would not longer fight it. Desperate to convince her, he cupped her face between his hands and kissed her.

 

Time stood still. The world around him faded. All he could think of was her and her lips against his own. His hands dropped and he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closely against him. Deepening the kiss, he became vaguely aware that she wasn’t pushing him away. Her hands had moved up over his chest and linked behind his neck.

 

But when he heard a soft sigh coming from her throat his senses kicked in. He pulled away so abruptly she staggered backwards. Unable to look at her, he turned around and left.

 

As soon as he could he made his way to his quarters. Once inside he walked straight to his bedroom and sank down on his bed. What had he done? What in Merlin’s name had he done?     

 

*          *          *

Hermione watched him leave, his robes billowing behind him. She stood there completely petrified, the feel of his kiss still on her lips. Slowly she made her way back to her private quarters, without paying attention to her surroundings. Once inside she leaned against the doorframe, breathing heavily. She could still smell him, he smelled of herbs and feel his arms around her.

 

She caught her vision in the mirror. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips were bright red and her eyes were huge. “He kissed me”, she muttered to her reflection. Slowly she sat down on the couch, tucking her feet below her. For many minutes she simply stared into space, without actually seeing anything, reliving the encounter in the corridor again and again. “He kissed me”, she muttered again. ‘You’ve kissed each other’, her conscience told her dryly, ‘you did not lack in response Granger’.

 

*          *          *

Severus still sat on the bed, his face covered in his hands. “You fool”, he muttered to himself. “You complete and utter idiot. You’ve ruined everything. All your changes on building a friendship with her are gone, destroyed because you could not hold back”.

 

He fell back on his bed watching the ceiling, emotions of anger, selfdisgust and despair washing over him. How could he have done that to her? How could he have grabbed her like that? How could he have betrayed her trust like that? She would never look at him again. He had been given one change. One change to make up to her and he had ruined it beyond expectations.

 

But he could still feel her in his arms. She had fitted perfectly, like she had belonged there. Like they had belonged together. He would treasure the memory forever. One memory for the prize of a lost change. There was only one thing he could do now. He would stand back, keep distance between them. Stay away from her. Make this the less uncomfortable for her as possible. 

 

Chapter 12

The Meeting

 

Grimmauld Place was packed. Even after the death of Sirius, the Order used it as headquarters. The place hadn’t changed much over the past eight years. It still was a dark, ghostly house filled with various dark creatures. Hermione looked around her. They were all assembled now. Hagrid and Olympe, filling almost half the room, even more so then usual since Olympe was pregnant. Harry and Dunya were present and also were Ron, Neville, Luna Lovegood and the entire Weasley family except for Percy. The old crowd was there as well, Moody, Lupin, Tonks, Kingsley, Fletcher, Arabella Figgs and even Aberforth Dumbledore. A lot of teachers were present as well, Filius Flitwick, Minerva McGonagall, Hetty Sprout and Enya Sinistra. And Severus of course.

 

Severus… She hated herself for thinking about him, even on a time like this. After that wonderful kiss, things had taken a turn for the worse. He was now more distant than ever. She had barely seen him over the past two days. He took his meals in his own quarters and ignored her when he could not avoid her presence. She had spent two nights lying awake, thinking. Why had he kissed her? And why had he left without saying anything? Why was he avoiding her now? Had it meant anything to him?

 

She feared he had guessed her feelings. That she had betrayed them in some way. Maybe he pitied her, or maybe he had wanted to check if his assumptions were true. Well, if that was the case, he had his answer now. Her response at his kiss had made her feelings for him painfully clear.

 

She shook her head determined. She would not think of it anymore. There were more important things to think about at this moment. She stood up and made her way to the kitchen. She helped Mrs. Weasley pour coffee. “I’ll bring this tray in, dear”, Mrs Weasley said, ‘will you come with the rest?” Hermione nodded and continued pouring. After Mrs Weasley had left Harry and Ron entered.

 

“Hey Hermione, how are you doing?” Harry asked jovially.

 

“I’m fine”, she answered smiling, “just a little nervous about the battle”.

 

“Same here”, Ron admitted, “Dumbledore reckons this will be the last one. We have to win”.

 

“We will win”, Harry said confidently. “You still like teaching then?” he asked, changing the subject.

 

“Yes, very much so”, she answered.

 

“Those students are lucky”, Ron muttered, “I’ll bet you’re a friendlier Potion teacher then old Snape ever was”.

 

Hermione felt the anger rise inside her. “Don’t be stupid, Ron”, she snapped, “Professor Snape is brilliant and if it wasn’t for him, we would never stand a chance in this war”.

 

“Maybe’, Ron replied, slightly taken aback, “but he’s still a greasy git. He always was and he always will be”.

Slamming the coffee kettle down with an almighty force she turned to Ron, her eyes blazing with anger. “You have no idea what you are talking about, have you?” she hissed, her voice low with anger. “You have no idea what he has been through. You don’t know a thing. You don’t know what he suffers to win this war, you don’t know what sacrifices he has made. You don’t know him at all!” She paused to catch her breath, her heart beating furiously in her throat. “You don’t know him at all”, she repeated softly.

 

Harry and Ron both looked absolutely dumbstruck. Without saying anything else Hermione picked up the tray and walked from the kitchen to the livingroom, never noticing the tall figure, clad in black outside on the corridor.

 

*          *          *

Dumbledore told them about the plan. The attack would come on Wednesday. A group of Death Eaters would attack the Ministry of Magic. It was suppose to be a surprise attack. “But it’ll be the Death Eaters who get the surprise”, Shackerbolt Kingsley said grimly. Members of the Order will be inside the Ministery at the time of the attack, ready to defend.

 

“Who will be at the Ministry?” Molly asked. Dumbledore pulled out a piece of parchment and began to read, “those who will defend the Ministry are: Olympe, Dunya Potter,  Arthur, Bill, Charlie, Fred and George Weasley, Nymphodora ‘Tonks” Lupin, Shackerbolt Kingsley and Aberforth. Severus will enter with the Death Eaters, but chance sides as soon as they are inside the Ministry.

 

Hermione watched his face closely, but saw no emotion whatsoever on his face.

 

“But the core of the Death Eaters will be in the Forbidden Forrest”, Dumbledore continued. “Malfoy and son, Lestrange, Grabe, Goyle, Rockwood and so on. Voldemort will be with them too. A group of us will meet them inside the Forbidden Forrest”.

 

“Another surprise”, Kingsley muttered.

 

“That will be”, Dumbledore continued, “Hagrid, Harry, Ron, Neville, Luna, Alastor and myself”.

 

“It’s sounds like a rather small group”, Ron said tentatively.

 

“Not really”, Moody replied. “It’s difficult to move inside the Forrest, we cannot sneak up on them  with to many”.

 

“Besides, were not alone”, Hagrid added, “We got support of lots of creatures. Some centaurs, the thestrals, even Aragrog is on our side”.

 

“And what about Hogwarts?” Arthur asked.

 

“We will also defend the castle”, Dumbledore answered. “It is not unlikely that some Death Eaters will escape the Forrest and attack Hogwarts. But Minerva, Hermione, Filius, Hetty, Enya, Poppy and Lupin will be there to prevent that”.

 

He looked around the room and smiled suddenly. “We will win this battle. We have to win it to ensure the safety of our wizarding world. We will fight to the last man if necessary, because a world reigned by Voldemort is no world. Think of that when you see them coming. Think of everything you hold dear, think of you loved ones. Think of the children of the future, for they are worth fighting for”.

 

Tears sprang to Hermione eyes as she made a silence wish. 

 

Chapter 13:

Preparations

 

Somewhere deep inside him, he knew he was not going to survive this attack. Somehow his life ended at Wednesday. He knew there would be no life after that. Severus sorted out his possessions. The Dark Lord had summoned all the Death Eaters on Monday afternoon. They would prepare themselves for the battle. Albus had granted him the day off. He finished his will and cleaned away some of his possessions. He looked around his quarters. This had been his home for the past twenty- five years. Deep down inside he knew he would not return here.

 

His thoughts drifted to the previous night. To Hermione. She had defended him in front of Harry and Ron. He could still hear her voice. “You don’t know what he has done! You don’t know him at all!” He had fallen in love with her all over again, right that very moment. Wanting to do nothing more than to burst into the room and take her in his arms. When he had heard her words he’d thought that his heart would burst with joy. She did not hate him. After everything that had happened, she still held him in high esteem.

 

If only he could tell her, if only he could tell her that he loved her. Suddenly the thought of dying without her ever knowing how he truly felt about her became unbearable. He sat down behind his desk and pulled out a piece of parchment and a quill. Slowly he began to write, picking up speed as he went along. He felt like he was pouring out his heart, all the love he had felt for the past years flowing out the quill in his hands. Finally satisfied he sat back and waited until the ink had dried. He placed the letter in the drawer of his desk and scribbled a short note to Albus. Then he changed into his Death Eater robes and dissillusionated himself.

 

It was time to go. He looked around his quarters one last time and then closed the door behind him. There was only one thing left to do. He had to see her one last time. One memory of her to take with him before he went to hell. Slowly he made his way through the corridor to her classroom.

 

For reasons he had never understand she always left the door of her classroom open. He watched as she walked between the student’s desk, encouraging or correcting them as they brew their potions. He tried to memorise every detail of her appearance and of the sound of her voice. He stood there for minutes, watching her, saying an unspoken farewell. “I love you, Hermione”, he mouthed silently. Then he turned and left.

 

*          *          *

He had not come to breakfast or lunch. He wasn’t there at dinnertime. That was not unusual. He had skipped all the meals in the Great Hall for the past few days. But when she heard he had not been teaching that day she got worried. Something was wrong. Something was unmistakably wrong.

 

Hermione made her way to Minerva’s office. The elder witch was sitting behind her desk, correcting papers. She smiled as Hermione entered the office. “Hello Hermione, what can I do for you?”

 

“Do you know why Severus has not been teaching today?” she asked carefully.

 

Minerva’s face sobered. “He had to leave today”, she told softly, “Voldemort has summoned all the Death Eaters this afternoon. They are to stay with him until the attack on Wednesday”.

Hermione turned as pale as a sheet. “He has left…?” she stammered, her voice hoarse, “but when…” Unable to hold them back she felt the tears starting to run over her face.

 

Minerva came to her feet immediately. She pushed Hermione down on a chair and pulled out a handkerchief. “There there”, she said comforting, “It will be all right”. She sat down behind her desk again and regarded Hermione from behind her square spectacles.

 

“You care for him, don’t you?” she asked.

 

Hermione nodded, angrily wiping the tears from her face. “I love him”, she confessed.

 

Minerva looked slightly taken aback. “I didn’t know your feelings ran that deep”, she answered slowly, “I suspected for some time now that there was something going on between the two of you, seeing how upset you were about your… disagreement. But I never thought… For how long have loved him?”

 

Hermione smiled sadly. “I saw him return from that first Death Eater meeting, when I was in my fourth year. Something changed then. I guess I realised for the first time what he was doing really, what he was sacrificing. I began to respect him and then in my final year he gave me extra potions lessons and I came to respect him even more, I started to admire him… and then, when I came back to Hogwarts to teach… I realised that I loved him and had loved him for a long time”.

 

“And Severus”, Minerva asked tentatively, “do you know if he returns your feelings?”

 

Hermione felt the tears sprang back in her eyes again. “He doesn’t. He sees me as a colleague, nothing more. Perhaps he knows how I feel about him… I haven’t exactly concealed that from him…”, she added bitterly.

 

Minerva frowned for a moment. “I’m not sure about that. After all, he came to you after that last Death Eater meeting”.

 

Hermione shook her head, “only because Poppy was away”.

 

At that same moment the fire roared and the head of Albus appeared into the flames. “I need to talk to you, Minerva”, he said urgently.

 

“I’ll be there immediately”, Minerva replied.

 

Together the two witches walked to the door. ‘We’ll talk about this later”, Minerva promised. Hermione nodded. In the end she felt glad she had told her.

 

Chapter 14:

The Attack

 

Wednesday came. Hermione spend the whole night tossing and turning. She was worried about Severus, she worried about Hogwarts, she worried about her own safety. A knot of fear started to build in the pit of her stomach. Tonight everything would change. Maybe for the best or maybe for the worst, but it would change.

 

A small owl delivered a short note from Severus at breakfast.

 

“They will attack the Ministry tonight at 18.30”

 

Lessons continued as usual and she felt the fear grow. Unnoticed by the students, members of the Order of the Phoenix arrived at Hogwarts. They went to the Staff Room, planning and preparing.

Finally dinner came. She kept glancing at the empty seat at the Staff Table. ‘Where would he be? What was he doing? What if Voldemort found out that he was a spy?’

 

Dumbledore too was absent. He was at the Staff Room. Minerva had taken his seat. After dinner she rose to her feet and asked for silence. “Tonight Lord Voldemort and his followers will attack the Ministry of Magic”, she began. A gasp of shock and horror waved over the students. “Voldemort is hiding inside the Forbidden Forrest at this very moment. Tonight will be the final battle. Either Voldemort will be defeated or he will take over our wizarding world. But we are prepared. We can fight him and we will win”.

 

She paused for a moment and Hermione looked at the pale and scared faces of the students. ‘They all look so young now’, she thought.

 

“I know you are afraid”, Minerva continued. “We all are and there is nothing wrong with that. But we must not let our fear take over. You are safe here at Hogwarts. We will do anything to protect you. You all will remain here in the Great Hall, under the guardiance of the Head- boy and girl. Listen to them and to the prefects. Do as they say and stay close to your own House. As long as you’ll follow their instructions, you are safe”.

 

Hermione and the other teachers rose to their feet. “Don’t worry too much”, Minerva concluded, “We will win this battle”.

 

After leaving the Head- boy and girl in charged the teachers made their way to the corridor. There they were accompanied by Remus Lupin.

 

“All right”, Minerva called out, “Pull out your wands. On my mark… one… two… three… now!”

 

Pretecterio Guardus!” they all yelled.

 

An invisible shield emerged around the Great Hall. Minerva stepped forward and tried to touch the door. She was hurled back with such force, she landed several feet away from the door on the ground.

 

“The wards are up”, she said dryly, getting to her feet. “Let’s go outside. You know where you ought to be. Make sure you are always able to see each other!”

 

They made their way outside. Hermione held her wand in front of her. She walked a hundred feet from the Entrance Hall. The field in front of her was lighted by the moon. On her right was Minerva, in front of the Entrance Hall and on her left was Remus, near the greenhouses.

 

She glanced at her watch. 18.50. The attack on the Ministery had already began. Again she wondered about Severus. She knew that as soon as they had put up the ward around the Great Hall, Harry, Dumbledore and the others had gone to the Forbidden Forrest.

 

For an hour nothing happened. Hermione looked behind her through the windows of the Great Hall. She saw students sitting closely together. A sudden noise from the Forbidden Forest made her look back. Shadows were emerging from the forest. Slowly the forms became clearer. More and more dark creatures came out of the forest towards the castle.

 

Hermione clenched her hand tighter around her wand as she saw three Dementors advancing on her. ‘Happy thoughts’, she thought, ‘think of happy things… Severus smile… Severus kissing you…’ The Dementors glide closer and the air around her froze. An hand as cold as ice closed around her throat. ‘You’re happiest memory…’ Then her vision became blurred and without a warning she heard a voice:

“Where are your brains, stupid girl? If you can’t control your class, then don’t be a teacher! You should be strong and consequent, instead of a weak, wailing child. But then again, I should not have expected more from a Mudblood!…” Severus’ voice  scolding at her…

 

Severus… suddenly the image of his face came clear in her mind, his dark eyes piercing through the haze…

 

Expecto Patronum”, Hermione cried. An enormous, silver otter shoot from the tip of her wand and attacked the Dementors, who fled.

Shaking slightly Hermione looked around her.

For a second she watched in admiration as Minerva took five wizards single- handed. Rapidly transforming from witch to cat and back again she hexed them and she seemed to be everywhere at once. Hermione watched as three wizards felt to the ground and stayed there motionless. Suddenly one wizard grabbed Minerva from behind and pointed his wand at her throat. But Minerva kicked behind her and the wizard screamed in pain. He and the other wizard threw themselves at her.

Then out of nowhere to enormous spiders jumped on them and pulled the two wizards off of her.

 

She whirled around when she heard a scream behind her. Remus was lying on the ground, his wand pointed in front of him. A bat-like vampire hung over him, bearing his teeth. Hermione ran towards them while crying: ‘Petrificus Totalis!” A flash of silver hit the vampire who looked behind him. In the mean time Remus had transfigured his wand into a ivory knife and stabbed it right into the vampire’s heart. The vampire disappeared in a cloud of green smoke.

 

The fight seemed to go on for hours and hours. Hermione received a severe cut on her head when she was hit by a giant. For a moment she thought she was going to die there. And had it not been for Remus quick reaction, she would have.

“We’re even now”, he said as he pulled her to her feet.

 

But at midnight it became quiet. No more creatures emerged from the forest. “I think it is over now”, Remus said, walking towards her. Slowly other teachers joined them. Hetty Sprout was carried by Enya Sinistra and Madame Hooch. And Filius hair and beard were completely burned.

There were no sounds coming from the Forbidden Forrest. “I wonder how it’s going there”, Remus said softly.

 

“Shouldn’t we go in, see if we can help?” Madame Hooch suggested.

 

Minerva shook her head. “Albus specifically told me not to do that”, she answered. “We should go inside and check on the students.

 

They walked back into the school again and removed the wards form the Great Hall. When they entered they were greeted by the voices of hundreds of students.

“We don’t know a thing yet”, Minerva told them. “We fought creatures from the forest, but we don’t know yet of Voldemort is defeated”.

 

She pulled out her wand and teapots appeared everywhere. “Poppy, take care of the injuries”, she said quickly, “the rest of you need to check on the students, see if everyone is all right”.

 

Hermione healed the cut on her head herself and walked around the Great Hall, comforting and reassuring various students.

 

Suddenly the door of the Great Hall burst open and Albus Dumbledore entered. His robes were torn, his beard was burned and he had lost his glasses. Minerva walked up to him slowly. “Albus?” she asked, her voice hoarse with tension.

The Great Hall held there collective breath… Then he spoke the liberating words:

 

“Voldemort is defeated. He is dead and so are most of his followers. He will not harass us any longer”.

 

It was like Dungons’ Fireworks exploded. Students were laughing, cheering and crying all at the same moment. To everyone’s surprise Minerva ran into the Headmaster’s arms, crying and laughing and holding on him for dear life. Hermione felt tears of happiness roll over her own cheeks. But still she was worried. How was Severus? How was Harry?  She walked towards Dumbledore. The other teachers  gathered around him as well.

 

“Everyone is all right”, he told them. We suffered no casualties. Some are seriously injured, but not life threatening. They are in the Hospital Wing. Poppy if you would…?”

 

“Of course”, the witch answered immediately.

 

“I need to go to the Ministry”, Dumbledore continued. “I need to see how things are there”.

 

Nervous energy filled Hermione. It was not over yet. At least not for her. She could not rest and rejoice in the downfall of Voldemort before Severus was safely back at Hogwarts. She needed to do something. “Could you use my help?”  she asked Poppy.

 

“Certainly”, Poppy answered and together they walked to the Hospital Wing.  

 

Chapter 15:

After the Battle

 

Harry was one of the more seriously injured ones. Luna too was in a pretty bad condition, having broken both legs in several places. Alastor Moody had lost his magical eye and Hagrid and Ron both had various bruises and cuts.

 

“It was a pretty rough fight”, Harry told her. “Voldemort was so surprised when he saw us coming. We could take advantage of that for a couple of minutes. But then the Death Eaters began to fight back. And there were other creatures with them. Vampire’s, giants and Dementors. For a few moments it looked like we weren’t going to survive and then Aragog and his children came, guided by the centaurs. They really were amazing. They killed a lot Death Eaters and scared away all the dark creatures”.

 

“Who killed Voldemort”, Hermione asked quietly.

 

“I did”, Harry replied, “Dumbledore fought with him first, but Voldemort kept saying ‘you can’t kill me… you know you can’t kill me’. And then I took over and I could kill him. He threw the Cruciatus at me a few times though. But in the end I killed him. After all, I was destined to do so. But Dumbledore had already worn him out a great deal. If it had not been for him, I would not have been able to do it”.

 

“You were never meant to do it all on you own, Harry”, Hermione said, smiling softly.

 

“I know”, Harry answered, squeezing her hand, “I always had people around me. You and Ron and the Weasleys and Dumbledore of course and McGonagall and the other teachers and Hagrid and Sirius and Remus… I could go on for ages”.

 

Hermione smiled sadly. She knew that what Harry had done was amazing. He had defeated Voldemort, the darkest wizard of this time. She also knew that he had had a hard time. Life had not been easy on him. He had lost his parents and his godfather, he had felt lonely, because he was singled out… But still, there were always people who cared for him. She thought of Severus. He too had suffered greatly, but he had to suffer in silence. Without close friends around him who supported him. She knew Dumbledore and he were close and she had tried with everything in her power to be there for him… but still. He had carried most of his burden alone. And tonight he had been alone too, surrounded by people he despised.

 

After this war was over, Harry would receive credit for what he had done. He was The Boy Who Lived and would be The Man Who Victories. But what about Severus? Would people ever stop seeing him as a Death Eater?

 

“Hermione are you all right?” Harry asked, “you looked miles away”.

 

“Yes, I am, sorry”, Hermione answered. “I’m just worried about our people at the Ministry. I hope they are all right”.

 

“Yeah, me too”, Harry nodded, “have you heard anything about them?”

 

Hermione shook her head. “Dumbledore has gone to the Ministry. He should be back any second”.

 

“But you need to rest”, she continued, handing him a bowl of Dreamless Sleeping Potion. Harry drank it and soon felt asleep.

 

Hermione walked back to the Great Hall. It had emptied. The students must have been send to bed. Then she checked the Staff Room. Most teachers were still there.

 

“How’s Hetty?” Filius Flitwick asked, looking sadly at the remains of his hair in the mirror.

 

“She’ll be fine”, Hermione reassured him, ‘the effect of the curse is wearing off”.

 

She sat down on a chair in front of the window and gazed outside. Then she felt a hand on her arm.

 

“Albus will be back soon”, Minerva said softly to her, “and Severus is coming too”.

 

At that moment the door opened and Albus walked in. His face was grave. Hermione felt her heart sank.

 

“At the Ministry is everything all right”, Albus told them. “The Death Eaters did not manage to enter the Ministry”.

 

“Are there any casualties?” Minerva asked.

 

“Most Death Eaters are killed”, Albus answered. “Our side has suffered a couple of injured ones and one of us has died”.

 

“Who?” Filius asked.

 

“Severus”, Albus replied sadly, “the Death Eaters killed him when they found out that he was a spy”.

 

The room started to spin in front of Hermione’s eyes. Severus dead? How could it be possible? She had dreaded this all along, but now it had happened she could not believe it. He was gone. She would never see him again, she would never hear his voice again. And there was so much she had never told him. So many things she still had to say…

 

Only one of them had died. The irony of it brought a lump to her throat. Only one… and it had to be the man she loved more than anything else in this world. They had killed him, he had died surrounded by people who he hated. Had hated.

 

Slowly she rose and moved a few steps, not knowing were to go. “He can’t be dead…” her voice sounded strange to her own ears, not like her own. “I need to see him, he’s not dead…”

 

Hands held her back. Minerva pulled her in a comforting hug. “I’m so sorry, Hermione”, she whispered, “I’m so sorry”.

 

With burning eyes, Hermione disentangled herself and turned back to Albus. “Take me to him, I need to see him. He’s not dead”.

 

“Hermione”, Albus gently grasped her shoulders. “He’s gone. I’ve seen him. He really is dead”.

 

“I want to see him”, she whispered urgently, “please…”

 

Albus shook his head. “They have tortured him Hermione, he looks terrible. Don’t go looking at him. Remember him as he was”.

 

An image of Severus’ beaten body, like the last time he had returned from a Death Eater meeting being tortured came in her mind. She saw his lifeless body on the ground, covered in blood, his eyes closed… A sob escaped from her throat.

 

“No… Severus”, she moaned, tears finally starting to ran down her cheeks, “Please… not Severus…” She was crying fully now. Trembling all over her body she felt how Albus wrapped his arms around her while she cried, great sobs racking through her body. She whispered his name over and over again, while the tears continued to flow. He was truly gone. The man she loved had died and she would never see him again.

 

Chapter 16:

Severus’ Letter

 

When she opened her eyes she thought for a few precious seconds that she had dreamed it all. That he was not dead. But then reality came back to her. The battle, fighting on the Hogwarts grounds. And then Albus returning from the Ministry, telling everyone that Severus was dead…

 

Minerva was sitting beside the bed, looking at her with a worried expression. “How are you feeling?”, she asked softly. Hermione shrugged her shoulders, unable to form a honest reply. She looked around her, but her vision was blocked by curtains around the bed. “Where am I?” she asked finally.

 

“We took you to the Hospital Wing”, Minerva told her. “You didn’t stop crying, it got worse and worse. We gave you a potion so you would be able to sleep”. 

 

“I’m sorry about the trouble”, Hermione answered, looking away.

 

“Don’t be stupid”, Minerva snapped. Her expression softened immediately. “Hermione, you’ve lost someone you love… that hurts. That hurts a lot”.

 

Fresh tears rose to her eyes at Minerva’s words. Hermione didn’t even try to hold them back. Once again Minerva pulled her in a hug and allowed her to cry. “It’s all right honey, let it out”, she whispered softly.

 

Later that day Hermione was released from the Hospital Wing. She returned to her living quarters, feeling like a stone was placed on her stomach and lump of ice had formed in her throat. She walked inside her bedroom and sat down on the end of her bed. Then she realised that Severus had been here. He has slept here, the night he had come to her for help. The thought of never seeing him again hit her again in full force.

She thought of going to her Office. But then she remembered how she had waited there for him and a fresh wave of grief washed over her again. Every spot, every room here in Hogwarts reminded her of him. The memories of him were everywhere, but he was gone.

She buried her face in her pillow and cried again, until she had no more tears left.

 

*          *          *

That evening she sat on the couch, covered in a blanket staring in the flames of the fire. A soft knock on the door made her look up. “Come in”, she called tiredly.

 

Albus walked in, holding a parchment envelope in his hand. “I am so sorry, my dear”, he said softly. Hermione nodded, grateful that he did not ask how she was feeling. She didn’t think she would have been able to come up with an answer.

 

Albus handed her the envelope. “Today I went to Severus’ personal quarters to sort out his possessions”, he told her, “in the drawer of his desk I found this letter, there was a note on top, saying that if something happened to him during the battle, this must be given to you”.

 

Hermione looked at the envelope in her hand. ‘For Hermione’, it said in the tiny handwriting, she recognised as Severus. She smiled sadly. “His handwriting is even tinier than mine”, she said softly.

 

Albus squeezed her shoulder gently. “I believe Severus has some things to say to you, my dear. I’ll leave you alone now”.

 

Hermione didn’t even hear him leave. With trembling hands she opened the envelope and took out a sheet of parchment. She folded it open and saw it was a letter. After the first three words, tears started to stream over her face.

 

“My dearest Hermione,

 

I know I have no right to call you this, but it is what you are

to me. I will never have the opportunity to call you this again

so please forgive me for taking this chance.

 

By this you have probably already guessed that I love you.

I love you Hermione and I have for years. But I have  always

known that there was no possibility that you would ever return

my feelings.

I have tried to hide my love for you by pretending not to care

for  you at all. I know that  I’ve hurt you and I am sorry for

that, more then you will ever know.

All I ever wanted to do was take you in my arms and show you

how much I love you, but it was impossible.

 

Please forget all the things I have said to you, although they

were unforgivable. I do not ask you to forgive me, only to forget

them. I never wanted to hurt you. You are the most special,

intelligent and beautiful witch I have ever met an knowing you

has made my life worth while.

 

Thank you for all those times you were there for me. You’ve

made all the pain so much easier to bear.

I hope I have not disturbed you by telling you this. But I could

not bear the thought of dying without telling you that I love you.

 

I wish for only one thing. That wherever I go I can take the

memory of you with me.

 

I love you.

 

Severus”

 

By the time she had finished the letter tears were streaming down her face and she was sobbing uncontrollably. He had loved her. All that time, when she’d thought that she had lost all his respect, that he didn’t care for her, he had loved her. And he had not told her, because he thought she didn’t care for him.

 

She thought of all the missed calls, all the lost chances. They could have been happy, they could have been together. If only she had had the courage to tell him how she felt. There had been so many chances, but she had ignored them all. If she had told him that night she had been waiting for him to return from the Death Eater meeting… If she had told him that she loved him then, he would have taken her in his arms and told her that he loved her too. If only she had given a hint, an indication that she felt the same…

 

All the pain of loving him while thinking that he did not return her feelings, thinking that he didn’t care for her… He had felt the exact same way and they hadn’t known it from each other. In the end she had only added to his pain, because she had not told him the truth.

 

‘And he loved me back’, she whispered softly. He didn’t see her as a colleague or a mudblood, he had seen the real her. When he had kissed her it had not been out of pity or out of guilt, but because he loved her. She remembered the way he had held her, the way he had pulled her close against his body, the way his heart had beat against her own, the way he had supported the back of her neck as his kiss had become more intense.

 

How could she have been so blind? How could she not have noticed how he felt? And it was too late now. He was gone. He had died believing that she didn’t care about him. Thinking that she hated him. The bitter irony of it all caused the lump in her throat to became even bigger. Clutching his letter against her chest she crawled back under the blanket and started crying again.

 

Chapter 17:

Without him

 

Severus’ funeral was held a few days later. It was a dark, frozen cold December day. It rained softly. Albus had told the Ministry about the large part he had played in Voldemorts downfall and he was given a honourable funeral, despite his Death Eater past. Hermione attended the funeral too. She sat beside Minerva who guided her through the entire ceremony. The coffin was closed. After much doubting Hermione had decided not to look at him. Dumbledore was right after all, she wanted to remember him as he was.

 

She fought the tears back during the entire time, not wanting to break down in front of all those people’s, but when the coffin slowly lowered into the ground she thought the pain and the grief would suffocate her. The grounds were closed and a memorial stone appeared magically. After everyone had left, she still stood there, rain pouring softly down her face and her robes. The drops mixed with the tears from her eyes, finally allowing them to fall. She pulled a single crimson red rose with bright green leaves, the Gryffindor and Slytherin colours, from below her robes. She kneeled down and placed the rose against the stone. “I love you too, Severus”, she whispered, “and I will never forget you”.

 

She spend Christmas alone on a small cottage near the sea that belonged to her grandparents. She couldn’t even think of celebrating Christmas and wanted nothing more then to be left alone. Two weeks she spend walking along the seaside, and watching into the fire, accepting his death and dealing with her feelings of guilt and regret. After that she moved back to Hogwarts. The whole castle was a reminder of him, every spot, every room brought back memories of them. Although they still hurt, she could not live without them.

 

January started and Hermione buried herself in work. There was lots to be done.

The trial of the Death Eaters who had survived the battle started. Many of them were executed. She heard little of Harry and Neville. Since there were still a few Death Eaters on the run, among them Lucius Malfoy, Grabe and Goyle, the Aurors were very busy tracking them down.

Cornelius Fudge had resigned as Minister of Magic. After the war had ended many had questioned his leadership and decisions during the war. His place was temporally filled by Shackerbolt Kingsley. Many in the wizarding community wanted Dumbledore to be the next Minister of Magic, but he had refused. “I want to spend my last years peacefully at Hogwarts”, he had stated flatly.

 

Enya Sinistra had replaced Severus as head of Slytherin House and Moody had filled his position as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. January dragged on and Hermione had never felt so horrible in her whole life. She worked, ate and slept and tried not to think about Severus. But it was hard. He came into her thoughts at the most unexpected moments. When she was teaching she heard herself giving instructions in the manner, she realised with a jolt, that he had taught her. She did not became unreasonably harsh but adopted his style of pushing students to achieve according to their highest ability.

 

January passed and slipped into February. Nothing changed. Hermione knew Albus and Minerva were worried about her. But she could not help it. She could not forget the pain. It was still as sharp and overwhelming as when she first learned he had died.

 

*          *          *

On an evening halfway through February Minerva dropped by. Hermione made tea and the two of them sat down in front of the fire.

 

“Did you know Grabe and Goyle are captured?” Minerva asked, “Albus told me this morning”.

 

“That’s wonderful news”, Hermione replied. Then a rare smile formed on her face. Even in her distressed state she had noticed over the past few weeks that Albus and Minerva were spending an awful lot of time together.

“You’ve been seeing a lot of Albus lately, haven’t you?” she asked.

 

Minerva blushed slightly. “I have”, she admitted, “We’ve been spending a lot of time together. Now that we finally have the chance…”

 

“What do you mean?” Hermione asked bewildered.

 

“We both knew for a long time that our feelings reached beyond friendship”, Minerva replied, “but we could not act upon them”.

 

“Why not?”

 

“Voldemort…”, Minerva sighed deeply, “If he would have find out that we were involved, he could have used that against us. It was too dangerous. And keeping our relationship a secret was no option, Hogwarts is not the best place to keep a secret. But now that Voldemort is gone…”

 

“So that’s why Albus did not want to become Minister of Magic”, Hermione said with a smirk.

 

Minerva nodded. “We’re taking things slowly though. It’s strange… It’s like getting to know someone who you have known for years all over again”.

 

“I’m very happy for the both of you, Minerva”. Hermione said quietly. And she honestly was, but a part of her envied them. If only Severus was still here… if only she had told him before he died”.

 

“You miss him”. It was not a question, it was more the establishment of a fact.

 

“You’re right”, Hermione nodded, “I can’t get him out of my mind… I can’t stop wondering, what if I had told him how I felt? What if…”

 

She paused for a moment. “If I hadn’t been such a coward… I wanted to be there for him, but in the end I’ve only added to his pain, because he believed I didn’t care for him. I’ve only made his burden heavier…”

 

“That’s not true, Hermione”, Minerva said softly, “Your love has made a difference to him, even if you could not show him. But somehow, subconsciously, he knew you loved him, even if he didn’t dare to believe it. I’ve watched him the last weeks, he seemed so much more at peace and that was your doing. It was so obvious. Do you want to know how I knew you loved him?”

 

Hermione looked up in surprise and nodded.

 

“I saw him looking at you, during meals and staff meetings and all the other times the two of you were together. And when he thought no-one was looking he looked at you with such love and devotion in his eyes… Then I began to watch you and I saw that you looked at him the same way… That’s how I knew”.

 

A single tear trickled down Hermione’s face. “But you see, but that’s exactly what is making me feel so bad. Our love was so obvious and still I didn’t see it. And now it is too late. Our love has missed it’s change”. 

 

Minerva shook her head. “Just because Severus has died does not mean that your love had died too. You were two separate beings, but because of the love between you, you’ve become a third being, formed by the two of you. And you will always be part of that being. Even if he is gone”.

 

*          *          *

After Minerva had left, Hermione went to her bedroom and stared outside the window for a long time. Minerva was right. Her being would always be indissolublely connected with Severus. He would always be a part of her.

 

She turned back and climbed in bed. Soon she fell asleep, for the first time in moths with a smile on her face.

 

Chapter 18:

The Black Wolf

 

A cry disrupted the silent night of Godric’s Hollow. Nymphodora Lupin turned around groggily and nudged the sleeping form of her still sleeping husband. “Remus, I think Sirius has had a bad dream. It’s your turn”, she muttered sleepily.

 

“Mwaahh… what?” Remus was not a very bright man just after awakening. “What’s up?”

 

“I think Sirius had a nightmare”, Nymphodora repeated. “Could you check on him?”

 

Signing deeply, Remus stepped from the warm bed and looked for his slippers. “Great, now I won’t be able to get back to sleep”, he muttered moodily.

 

Nymphodora smiled as she watched him going. She knew he didn’t mean a word of what he was saying. He loved his son and of course he wanted to make sure that he was all right. That no monsters plagued him during his sleep.

 

But he had a point. She too would not be able to go back to sleep without having a cup of warm chocolate. She got out of bed and pulled on a dressing gown and slippers. Carefully not to disturb her ‘men’ she made her way downstairs. She had lived here for so long now she could walk around here without tripping over things or falling down. Which was quite a relief to be honest.

 

She was just in the kitchen heating some milk when she heard another cry. Startled she looked around. This could not be Sirius. The noise sounded much closer and Sirius and Remus were upstairs. The sound came from outside, from the front door. With her wand pulled out in front of her, Nymphodora walked carefully to the door. She stared through the peep- hole, but did not see anyone. Taking a deep breath and clutching her wand tightly, she opened the door.

 

Immediately she stepped back in shock. “Remus!” she called, “Remus, get down here!”

 

He was at her side in a second. Wordlessly the both of them stared at the thin, black wolf who lay on their doorstep, more dead than alive. Eventually Remus kneeled down in front of the wolf and touched his head gently. “Who are you?’ he asked carefully.

 

The wolf opened his eyes. He had the darkest eyes Nymphodora had ever seen. They were almost black and filled with pain and desperation. The wolf groaned, his warm breath forming a small cloud in the cool night air.

“Who are you?” Remus asked again.

 

The wolf tried to get up, but apparently he was so exhausted he did not have the strength.

 

“Do you think it’s a werewolf?” Nymphodora asked softly.

 

“I’m not sure”, Remus replied, “but I do believe he is human. This is no ordinary wolf”.

 

Then the wolf’s body began to jerk like he was having a fit. His body twisted and turned, but nothing happened. He groaned again, painfully. He twisted and jerked again, until his body was shaking and trembling. The wolf closed his eyes a few seconds in pure exhaustion, but then he started again. Suddenly the form began to change. The black fur disappeared and it’s legs began to change. In mere seconds the wolf had transformed into a tall, very weak man.

 

Nympodora clamped her hand over her mouth and Remus gave a gasp of surprise, “Oh Merlin, it’s Severus!”

 

It was indeed Severus, but he was in a very bad shape. His hair was long and dirty, his face was pale and sallow. His robes were torn and covered in blood and he looked like he had lost three stone weight.

 

Remus pulled out his wand and turned around him, “Nymph, go and call Dumbledore!”

 

Severus groaned again. His mouth was swollen and there was dried blood on the corners of his mouth. When he spoke it was obvious that every word caused him trouble. “Don’t… alert… anyone… Too… dangerous…”

 

Remus and Nymphodora looked at each other for a second and then Remus nodded. “All right, let’s get you in first”. He pointed his wand at Severus and spoke “Mobilarus”.

 

They brought him to the guest room and laid him down on the bed. Nymphodora examined his wounds quickly. “We need to call a healer”, she said. “He’s been hurt bad, these wounds are very serious”.

 

But again Severus made a sound of protest. “No healer… heal wounds… as best as you can… yourself… Too dangerous”.

 

“What on earth could have happen to him?” Nymphodora asked softly.

 

“Whatever is was, he is too weak to tell us now”, Remus replied. “Can you heal this wounds?”

 

“I can try, but I still think it would be better if a qualified healer looked at them”, his wife replied. She pulled out her wand again and healed his injuries as best as she could. Even before she was ready Severus had felt in deep sleep, unaware of the world around him.

 

*          *          *

Two weeks passed after they had founded him on the doorstep and Severus’ condition improved very slowly. Nymphodora tried the best she could, but she was not a qualified healer and that slowed down his recovery. But every time she suggested to call in the help of St. Mungo’s Severus almost had a panic- attack and in the end she stopped suggesting it.

 

The first days he slept practically twenty-four hours a day. He ran a high fever and was often delirious, calling out names and mumbling incantations. After four days the fever ceased, but then he was so weak he could hardly speak, let alone get up or walk. He was so thin he resembled a thestral and his face and skin had a unnatural, ghostly white colour. He continued to sleep and eat a lot and slowly he became stronger. But still his sleep was troubled. He often suffered from nightmares which caused him to toss and turn in his bed. Remus and Nymphodora often woke in the middle of the night because of his screaming and found him shaking and trembling in bed, covered in cold sweat.

 

But after two weeks his condition had improved so much he was allowed out of bed. Slowly and still a bit dizzy and unsteady he made his way downstairs, helped by Nymphodora. She directed him in a big armchair and pushed a cup of hot chocolate in his hands.

 

Severus looked around him. It felt good to be up again. He looked around him in the small, but warm and cosy living room. The large mantelpiece was filled with picture frames. With a jolt he recognised a picture of Hermione between them. It was taken on Hogwarts. She wore teacher robes and her hair was up. But she was smiling warmly into the camera. He stared at the picture for minutes until Remus and Nymphodora returned.

Regretfully he tore his eyes away from her smiling face and sipped his chocolate. “I know this is a strange question”, he said eventually, “but what date is it?”

 

“It’s the 15th of June”, Remus replied.

 

“June?” Severus repeated in shock, “That’s even longer then I feared”, he muttered softly.

 

“Are you ready to tell us what happened?” Remus asked gently.

 

Severus nodded. “But it’s a long story”, he warned.

 

Chapter 19:

The Polyjuice Potion

 

Severus began to tell.

 

“The Dark Lord summoned us that Monday afternoon. We spend Tuesday and Wednesday at Screwhars’ Cemetery. That’s where a lot of Death Eater meetings were held.

 

The Dark Lord had gone completely insane. He kept on yelling and screaming how he would win this war, how he would rule the world. He said he would decorated his palace with the heads of conjured wizard and witches. It was horrible. Finally the afternoon came. The dark Lord gave Lucius Malfoy a bottle of Polyjuice potion and one of his own nails. Lucius was in charge of the group of Death Eaters who would attack the Ministry. He was suppose to take the Polyjuice Potion and transform into The Dark Lord.

 

That way the Ministry would believe it was… Voldemort who was attacking the Ministry. He expected the Ministry to call for the help of Dumbledore and then other Death Eaters would attack Hogwarts. When Dumbledore would return to Hogwarts, he would found it ruined and… Voldemort would finish him off.

 

He and some Death Eaters and the alleys left that afternoon to the Forbidden Forrest. We waited until the night came. At 18.00 we apparated to London and took our posts around the Ministry. Then on 18.30 we attacked.

 

But then, of course unexpected to the other Death Eaters members of the Order of the Phoenix apparated in front of the Ministry. Well, you were there Tonks, you saw their surprise.

 

That was the moment I had been waiting more then twenty years for. I took off my mask and Death Eater robes and joined the side of the Ministry. The look on Malfoy’s face was priceless. But he yelled after me “I’ll get you for this, Snape!” We took the Death Eaters by surprise and the Order was really superbly prepared. They fought well, then we were joined by other Ministry employees. I moved to the backside of Ministry because I suspected some Death Eaters to try and enter the Ministry from behind.

 

I ended up in a dark street when I suddenly heard screams coming from an alley. I ran in and saw Grabe and Goyle. They were torturing a young woman. I recognised her as Susan Bones, she was an old Hogwarts’ student. I told her to disapparatate and she left. Then I bound Grabe and Goyle and was just about to hand them to the Order when Malfoy apparated.

 

He disarmed me and removed the ropes from Crabbe and Goyle. He had already restored in his usual form. He said it was my fault The Dark Lord had lost this attack, that I was a traitor and a Mudblood- lover and so on. He threw a Cruciatus curse at me and later Grabe and Goyle beat me up. I really thought I was going to die there, but suddenly they stopped. Then I saw Urog Rockwood lying on the ground. He was very critically injured.

 

Malfoy pulled out the bottle of Polyjuice Potion and pulled out one my hairs. He added the hair to the Potion and gave it to Rockwood. He drank it and transformed into me. Malfoy bound me and said, “You won’t escape traitor, your precious friends will think your dead and they won’t look for you”.

 

After that he killed Rockwood and he, Grabe and Goyle took me with them. They used a Portkey and we travelled to an old, abandoned house. I do not know where it was, but I’m sure it was not Malfoy Manor. They looked me in a small room and left.

I was rather badly injured and without my wand I could not cure the wounds. The wounds soon became infected and I have not much memories of the first weeks I’ve been there. I remember Grabe or Goyle entering occasionally bringing some food. But after a while they stopped coming.

 

Slowly I recovered, but then one day Malfoy came in. He was furious about something. He started hexing and beating me and between his screams I learned that Grabe and Goyle had been caught by the Ministry. I had just barely recovered from his first attack. He kept beating and kicking and throwing curses at me. In the end I played dead and after a while he left.

 

I was even more injured than the previous time and I still don’t understand how it’s possible I didn’t die. Medically speaking, I should not have survived that last attack. I was unconscious for a long period of time. Malfoy stopped bringing me food, believing I would die either way.

 

Then slowly the world came back in focus. I was conscious for longer periods of time and the pain subside. I was too weak to walk, let alone escape, but at least I could think straight. One morning Malfoy came in again. He was very surprised to see that I was still alive. To my surprise, he brought Pettigew with him. That rat had survived the war as well and he too was on the run for the Ministry. They brought me food every day now and over time I grew stronger.

 

But I still did not know were I was or how much time had passed since the attack. Malfoy refused to tell me anything. Luckily the Rat was there. Me being weak and unable to defend myself gave him a feeling of power. Of course he was too much of a coward to actually hit me, but he started to harass me verbally. As annoying as that was, I finally learned what Malfoy’s plans were.

 

Until then I did not know if Voldemort was destroyed, but the Rat told me so. All the Death Eaters were already captured, except he, Malfoy and Lestrange. Lestrange was in hiding too and Malfoy did not know were she was. He wanted to use me as a bargain, to buy their freedom from the Ministry. But he needed to find Lestrange first. At least, that is what I picked up between the lines of Pettigew’s rants.

 

As the weeks passed by I grew stronger, but I was careful not to show that to Malfoy or Pettigew.  I still had no change to escape. Malfoy and Pettigew always came in together and I knew I was not strong enough to fight them both. But then, one night I overheard them talking. Malfoy had find out were Lestrange possibly could be and he planned on seeing her the next day. He gave instructions to Pettigew.

 

That night I formed a plan. Pettigew alone I could handle and with Malfoy gone it could be my only chance of escape. Few people know that I am an Animagus. I have been since I was sixteen. My Animagus- form is a black wolf as you know. Without a wand I could not fight Pettigew as a human, but as a wolf I stood a change.

 

I waited the next day until Pettigew came in to bring me my food. Then I transformed into a wolf in front of his eyes. He was completely in shock and forgot to pull out his wand. I took advantage of that and attacked him. After he was unconsciousness I left.

 

I fled from the house into the nearby forest. I had no idea were I was and it took me days to find out that I was in the north of Scotland. That was three weeks ago. I had to be very careful when I travelled, because Malfoy must not find me. I travelled only by night in my Animagus form. During the day I slept in caves and other hiding places. Sometimes I was able to steal some food, but I did not get that chance often. I tried to stay away from human areas as much as possible, because I wanted to stay away from Malfoy.

 

Many of the old wounds opened again and got infected. Two days ago I reached the forest of Godric Hollow. I knew you lived and I was just about to congratulate myself by making it all the way unharmed when I was attacked by a herd of wild dogs. Once again, I do not know how I have escaped that attack, but somehow I did and that’s how I ended up at your front door”.

 

It remained quiet after Severus’ story. Nymphodora felt the tears in her eyes. “That’s terrible”, she said softly. “what they did to you… and we didn’t know… we thought you were dead…”

 

“Malfoy had it all planned”, Severus replied, “he made sure my dead looked convincing, so that you would not look for me…”

 

“Everyone will be so happy to hear you are still alive”, Remus said, ‘let me call Dumbledore and…”

 

“NO!” Severus almost jumped out of chair. “I’m sorry. But you cannot tell anyone that I’m alive yet”.

 

“Why not?” Remus asked bewildered.

 

“Because of Malfoy”, Severus explained. “He’s insane. Even more then Voldemort was”.

 

“You call him Voldemort”, Nymphodora said smiling, “you are able to say his name now”.

 

Severus smiled back. “I know. Voldemort is gone, I have nothing to fear from him. But Malfoy is still very much alive and he is dangerous. His life has collapsed around him. Voldemort is gone, his son is dead, Narcissa has left him, Bellatrix has disappeared…”

 

“Hold on a minute”, Remus interrupted, “Narcissa has left Lucius?”

 

Severus nodded. “She did a few months before the attack. Lucius and Bellatrix have been having an affair for years. It was one of the best kept secrets between the Death Eaters. But eventually Narcissa found out and she left him. Draco died during the attack. He was never a good duellist. I don not really believe he was truly bad person either. He just did not have the strength to stand up to his father.

 

Well, my point is, Malfoy has lost it all. He was looking for Bellatrix  and after he had found her he would use me as bribe to blackmail the Ministry. But now I’ve escaped and he has lost everything. He will do anything to find me and take revenge. For the death of his son, for the downfall of Voldemort, for ruining his life…

 

As long as Malfoy is not arrested my life is still at danger. And so is the life of everyone who knows I’m alive. That is why you can’t tell anyone on Hogwarts or the Ministry. I learned from Pettigew that we survived this war with a minority of casualties. I would like to keep it that way”.

 

Remus nodded. “I understand. We won’t tell anyone”.

 

“Thank you”, Severus answered, then he paused for a moment, “I know that I’m putting your lives at danger with my presence here… you have a son to think about. If you want me to leave… then say so. I understand that and you’ve done enough for me alre…”

 

He was interrupted by Nymphodora’s shaking but very determined voice, “Severus Snape, you do not honestly believe that after every thing you have been through, we would abandon you just like that, do you? You’ll stay here and we will do anything to track Malfoy, Pettigew and Lestrange down”.

 

She paused a second to catch her breath and Remus grinned. ‘You’ve heard the woman and I can only add: amen!

Don’t worry about our safety, Godric Hollow is a protected village. It will be all right. But you need to rest first. You must be pretty worn out by all this talking”. 

 

Severus realised the man was right. A throbbing headache had started again and suddenly fatigue fell over him. He whished Remus and Nymphodora goodnight and made his way upstairs.

 

Suddenly he realised with a startle he had found two friends tonight. He grinned inwardly. Who would have thought. The clumsy Auror with her purple or pink hair, he had hardly ever paid attention too and the werewolf he had hated half of his life. Who would have thought indeed.

 

Chapter 20:

Memories

 

Two weeks passed by and Severus’ health improved more and more. He stayed at Remus’ and Nymphodora’s house and to his surprise, he liked it better every day. A strong friendship between the three of them build as the days past by.

 

But the two of them could not replace Hermione. He thought about her every second of the day. He was worried about her. How would she have survived the attack? Was she truly all right? He had learned from Remus that she had done fine during the attack. He admired her even more when he told him how she had saved him from the vampire. But still, she had fought against a vampire, Dementors, Giants and other foul creatures. He knew she had only been mildly injured, but he worried about her dealing with the emotional part of the fight.

 

And then of course there was that letter he had wrote to her.  His stomach twisted every time he thought about it. What kind of evil game was fate playing with him this time? He remembered everything he had said in that letter. About how he loved her, about how he regretted the things he had said about her… How would she feel about that letter? Would she be shocked? Would she be angry? Repulsed by the thought that a man more then twenty years her age could have such feelings towards her? Did she think he was a lecherous old man?

 

How could he ever face her again? How was he going to explain this? A part of him was glad he was in hiding. At least he could postpone the day he had to meet her again for a while. On one hand he dreaded that day, fearing it as the day that would ruin all his hopes, on the other hand he wanted to see her so badly. He missed her so much. Her voice, her face, her smile, simply her presence.

 

Until the day he would see her again he could dream. Dream that she returned his feelings. That she loved him as much as he loved her. He imaged her running towards him over the grounds of Hogwarts and wrapping her arms around his neck. He could almost hear her voice whisper, “I love you too, Severus”.

 

Almost… he knew it could not be so. There were too many differences between them. She was young and beautiful, he was old and despicable. She would never love him back. As soon as it was safe, he would return to Hogwarts and talk to her. He would explain everything to her and ask her to forget about it. Then he would leave again and look for another job.

 

But until that day, he could dream.

 

*          *          *

At first Severus, Remus and Nymphodora tried to track down Lucius Malfoy themselves. But they soon discovered it was undoable. Severus remembered only little things about the place were he had been held captive, only knowing vague directions. He knew the house was in the North of Scotland, next to a large forest, but he didn’t know name of any nearby villages.

 

He felt very frustrated about this. And beside of that he began to worry that Lucius would find him first and would harm the Lupins. Nymphodora tried to gain information from the Ministry, but it was hard to do so, without drawing attention towards herself.

 

Eventually Remus came with a suggestion. “Severus, I know you don’t like the idea of involving other people, but I really think you should call in the help of Harry, Neville and Shackerbolt. They are fully qualified Aurors, they have experiences with tracking down Death Eaters and they don’t have to be as cautious as we have to be”. 

 

Severus thought about that for a few minutes and eventually nodded. “Perhaps your right. I want Malfoy to be caught, before he can do anymore damage.

All right, I go with your plan”.

 

“Wonderful”, Remus replied happily, “I’ll contact Harry, Neville and Shacklebolt first thing tomorrow”.

 

Chapter 21:

The Aurors

 

Severus entered the kitchen for breakfast next morning and stopped dead in his tracks. Nymphodora was standing at the sink, her back tuned to him. She wore her hair in brown curls that reached over her shoulders. She resembled Hermione so much he felt his heart skip several beats.

 

Not knowing which effect her hair was having on Severus, Nymphodora turned around and held out a pan with scrambled eggs. “Hungry?” she asked cheerfully.

 

“Yes”, Severus mumbled, still recovering from the shock. He sat down on the table next to two- year old Sirius, who was sitting in a high chair. Nymphodora shove eggs on both their plates. Little Sirius reached out a little fist and catched a handful of Nymphodora’s hair. “Auntie Mione!” he cried excitedly.

 

“Yes, it looks just likes Auntie Hermione’s hair”, Nymphodora said smiling. “She has wonderful hair, has she not?” she asked Severus.

 

“Yes, she has”, Severus replied absent- mindly. He could picture her in his mind immediately. Her hair was long, it reached over her shoulders and had the colour of shining chestnuts. He had always imagined it to be very soft to touch. When she was teaching she always wore it in a bun. He had not seen it down often after she had graduated. Expect that night, when she had waited for him after that Death Eater meeting.

 

So many times when he had passed her in the corridors or in the Staff Room he had wanted to take her in his arms, take the pins out of her hair and bury his hands in the thick curls. And kiss her of course. Kiss her until she could think of nothing else, until she said she loved him too…

 

“Severus…”, Nymphodora’s voice broke through his musings, “are you sure you’re hungry?”

 

He realised he had been playing with his food for the past few minutes. “Yes, I am actually”, he answered smiling, “I was just… thinking”.

 

*          *          *

Harry, Neville and Shacklebolt arrived that afternoon at Godric’s Hollow. Remus had not told them why he had wanted them to come. The three of them were very shocked to see Severus alive again.

 

“How on this earth did you survive that attack?” Shacklebolt barked in his deep voice.

 

For the second time, Severus told the entire story. About being captured and held captive by Malfoy and Pettigew, how he escaped and how he believed Malfoy was still looking for him.

 

“So you’re an illegal Animagus?” Neville said slowly after he had finished.

 

“I started the Animagus- training right after I started spying for Dumbledore”, Severus explained. “I never told anyone, not even Dumbledore. Voldemort too never knew I was able to transform into a wolf. I has been quite useful over the time”.

 

“So Malfoy has no idea either?” Harry asked.

 

Severus shook his head. “He will know now. I attacked Pettigew as a wolf, it was the only way I stood a chance against him without a wand. I have no doubt that he told Malfoy”.

 

“And Malfoy know were Lestrange is?” Shacklebolt asked.

 

“He didn’t know when I left”, Severus answered, “but it’s July now. I think they have found each other by now. They were always very close”.

 

“Wouldn’t it be easier to alert Dumbledore?” Harry suggested. “He can pull some strings perhaps…”

 

But he was cut off by Severus’ angry voice. “Listen carefully, Mr. Potter, no-one except the five of you must know that I am alive. Malfoy will do everything to find me, to seek revenge. He has nothing to loose. If you will tell Dumbledore and rise any suspicion, everyone at Hogwarts will be in danger. You will have to track him down as carefully as you can, without drawing any attention towards yourself”. 

 

“We will, don’t worry about that”, Shacklerbolt answered. “If you really don’t want us to tell anything, we won’t. But may I suggest you think about that again?

Everyone at Hogwarts is very upset about your death. It would means so much to them if they know that you’re alive”. 

 

Neville nodded in agreement. “They really miss you, I got that idea when I talked to Hermione a few weeks ago”. 

 

A shudder ran through Severus. Could it be true? Could Hermione be missing him? He cleared his throat before answering. “They will know that I am alive. But only if it’s safe enough to tell them”.

 

They spend the rest of the afternoon planning a strategy. Then they apparated back to the Ministry. And Severus was left waiting…

 

Chapter 22:

Good Advice

 

They heard occasionally from Harry, Neville or Shacklebolt. It was difficult for them to investigate after Malfoy, without raising suspicion. But Shackerbolt told them that they were getting closer. Slowly, but surely. “Malfoy is with his back against the wall”, he said, “it’s only a matter of time before he makes a mistake and we can take him in”.

 

Severus had mixed feelings about this. A part of him wanted nothing more then Malfoy to be sent to Azkaban and make him pay for all the wrongs he had done. He also felt he was becoming restless. He was fully recovered from his injuries now., and he hated being idle and useless. Under Remus’ name he had taken a subscription on the PRF, the Potions Research Federation. He spend most of his days reading about new planned researches, new discoveries and other things related to potions.

 

But another part of him dreaded the capture of Malfoy. If Malfoy was captured, all his excuses had ran out. Then he had to contact Dumbledore and face Hermione. His mind had played many different scenarios. In some she had come running into his arms, telling him that she loved him too, in other she had rejected him. Sometimes with pity, sometimes in anger. “How could you ever think that I could possibly love you, you overgrown bat? How dare you to have such feelings about me?” Dreams that caused him wake up in a puddle of sweat. What if she truly didn’t care for him?

 

“Then I have to leave’, he decided. ‘I will leave Hogwarts and find another job and place to live…’ But the mere thought of it caused his heart to clench. Hogwarts was his home. The only home he had ever truly known. He has suffered there too, yes, but it also was the only place were he had friends, people who cared for him, who didn’t flinch at the sight of him. Leaving Hogwarts would mean, leaving all that behind. It would mean, leaving Hermione behind…

 

One night as the three of them sat in the living room the subject came up.

 

“Do you miss Hogwarts?” Nymphodora asked softly as she caught him staring outside the window.

 

He nodded sadly.

 

“Come on”, Remus tried to cheer him up, ‘it won’t be long anymore. As soon as they have caught Malfoy and the others, you can go back”.

 

“I’m not sure I can go back to Hogwarts”.  He had said it before he realised it.

 

“What do you mean?” Nymphodora exclaimed, “of course you can go back! Hogwarts is your home. They’ll be thrilled if they hear you’re alive”.

 

“Why shouldn’t you be able to go back to Hogwarts?” Remus asked.

 

Severus hesitated for a second and then he began to tell. He needed it of his chest. All the worries, the doubts, the feelings he had bottled up inside him for so long needed to come out. He told them about Hermione coming back to Hogwarts, two years ago, about how he loved her from a distance, making sure she didn’t find out about it, about the fight they had last year, when he had taken out all his pent up anger and frustration on her. And how she had helped him after the Death Eater attack, how they had come a little closer after that… how he had wrote her a letter. When he was finished, Remus and Nymphodora stared at him in wonder.

 

“Oh my”, Nymphodora muttered softly. “so you’ve wrote her a letter in which you told her that you loved her and then you died?”

 

Severus shook his head. “I wrote her that letter just before the attack. I couldn’t bear the thought of dying without telling her how I felt. But the letter was to be given to her, only after I had died. I wrote a note to Albus. Only if I had died, he should give the letter to her. But I’m not dead. And she has read the letter. So now I have to talk to her and work it out somehow. And she does not return my feelings. I don’t believe she even likes me”.

 

“Severus…”, Nymphodora began slowly, ‘judging by your story, this woman cured you after you’ve been attacked, she watched over you when your slept, she waited for you later, she defended you in front of Harry and Ron… What on earth makes you think she doesn’t like you?”

 

Severus fell silent. It all sounded so simple, the way Nymphodora put it. But he still didn’t believe it to be true.

 

“Did you ever show your feelings?” Remus asked.

 

“I kissed her once”, Severus confessed.

 

“Now we’re talking”, Remus replied dryly. “So what happened? Did she return your kiss, did you talk afterwards?”

 

Severus mind played back the encounter in the corridor. He remembered how she had wrapped her arms around his neck, how her lips had moved against his own… “I think she responded”, he said quietly, “but after that I walked away and we have not talked about it. We had that meeting at Grimmauld Place the next Sunday and I left on Monday”.

 

Nymphodora stared into the flames. “You and Hermione…”she mussed smiling. “You know, you two would make a perfect couple”. 

 

Severus shook his head sadly. “It’s impossible. She’s twenty years younger then me, I have been a Death Eater…”

 

“So what?” Remus interupted. “I’m a werewolf”.

 

“But that’s not your fault”, Severus pointed out.

 

“Whatever wrong you may have done in your past, you made up for that by everything you did for the Order”, Nymphodora answered. “Love is not about what you deserve. Then nobody would ever get any. Everyone has his or hers flaws. Love happens. You should just grab out and take it. Life’s to short to waste it away doubting and fearing.

 

“But I will”, Severus said, “I will ‘grab my chance’ as you put it. I will go back to Hogwarts and talk to her. And I hope… I hope so much that she returns my feelings. But there’s a possibility that she will not”.

 

‘a big possibility’, he added in his thoughts.

 

Chapter 23

Voldemort’s Servants

 

August had almost past and the days turned colder and the evenings became shorter. There was only one week left, before Hogwarts should start again. Severus was inside his room, reading an article about a new research-project when he heard a scream from downstairs.

 

“Severus, get down here! You should see this!” Nymphodora was screaming.

 

He hurried downstairs and found Nymphodora in the living room, franticly jumping up and down, holding a piece of parchment in her hand. A large, snow white owl that he recognised as Harry’s owl Hedwig soared through the kitchen.

 

“Look at this”, Nymphodora exclaimed trusting the parchment in his hands. It was a short note, written by Harry.

 

“We got them, all three of them. Malfoy, Lestrange and Pettigew are all in Azkaban. How about we visit tonight and tell you all about it?”

 

A turmoil of emotions started inside him. It was over. It was finally over. He was free again. He hated the thought of leaving Remus and Nymphodora, but he was glad he didn’t have to hide anymore. Hermione… he would see Hermione soon. Maybe tomorrow even. He had to explain…

 

“That’s wonderful”, he said eventually hoarsely.

 

Nymphodora wrapped her arms around him in a fierce hug. “I’m so happy for you Severus! Everything will be all right. You’ll see”.

 

Remus came home an hour later. He too was beside himself with joy. The news of the capture of the last Death Eaters had spread fast.

 

“Call Dumbledore”, he said to Severus. “It’s over now, call him”.

 

“Maybe we should wait until we know exactly…” he began. But Nymphodora trusted the Floo Powder in his hands.

“Call him, he’ll be so glad to know that you’re alive”. 

 

“Although it might be better if I call him first”, Remus suggested, taking the pot from Severus. “Albus still thinks you’re dead. He might have a heart attack if your head appears in the flames out of nothing”.

 

He made his way to the fireplace and threw some Floo Powder in. “Hogwarts, Headmasters Office”, he called out. A second later they heard his voice.

 

“Hello Remus, nice to hear from you. What can I do for you?” Albus asked pleasantly.

 

“Are you sitting down?” Remus inquired, grinning broadly.

 

“I am”, came the somewhat puzzled reply.

 

“I have good news”, Remus continued. “Severus is not dead. He is here”.

Next second they heard a clattering sound and Albus’’ face appeared in the flames too. “How’s that possible? What happened? Severus, are you there?”

 

Severus kneeled down next to Remus, in front of the fireplace. “I’m here, Albus”, he replied. Seeing that familiar face after such a long time brought a lump to his throat. It was finally over now. The war had ended for him too.

 

“How did you survive… we found your body?” Albus asked again.

 

“That was not my body”, Severus explained. “It was Rockwood’s. Malfoy gave him Polyjuice Potion. And then…”

 

“Listen”, Remus interrupted. “This is a pretty long story and I’m sure Albus want to see you in real life. So Albus, why don’t you come here tonight and Severus will explain everything?”

 

Both men nodded in agreement. “That sounds like a good plan”, Albus replied. “I’ll be at Godric’s Hollow around eight o’clock tonight.

 

His face disappeared and Severus stood up, feeling slightly dazed. Seeing Albus again after all that time had awaken a sense of home- sickness inside him. He wanted to return to Hogwarts so badly now. See them all back again. See Hermione back, even it was only for a short time.

 

Understanding that he needed some time alone, Remus and Nymphodora left him alone that afternoon. He went upstairs and packed his things, knowing that he would not stay much longer here.

 

Harry, Neville and Shacklebolt arrived just after dinner. Nymphodora installed them all in the living room and gave them tea. They only have to wait for Albus. He arrived at eight o’clock precise and Severus awaited him in the hall. The elder man swept him in an embrace, tears of joy trickling down his face. “You have no idea how grateful I am that you are alive, dear boy”, he said, gripping his shoulders tightly.

 

Severus had never considered himself to be an emotional man, but he felt his own tears shine in his eyes too. Together they made their way to the living room.

 

Chapter 24:

Guard of Love

 

Then Harry began to tell first.

 

“It was pretty tricky at first, because we couldn’t draw attention to ourselves. We sought in the north of Scotland, but we could not find any house or cottage or anything that belonged to the Malfoy family. Then we thought of Dobby. He might be able to tell us something. It took some time to convince Dobby to help us. He was willing to, but he still feels bounded to the House of Malfoy and feels guilty for betraying their secrets. But eventually he told us the Malfoys use to have a cottage nearby the Forimar Forrest.

 

At first we couldn’t find the cottage, because Malfoy had protected it with many dark spells. Then one evening, Neville was posting and he saw two hooted figures. He followed them and discovered it were Malfoy and Lestrange. They cottage became visible and Neville cast an permanent revealing charm. From that day on we could keep an eye on them. We waited until the three of them were inside the house and then we entered.

 

Pettigew and Lestrange were down pretty quickly. Pettigew was never much of a duellist and Lestrange was still injured. But Malfoy put up quite a fight. But eventually we managed to conquer Malfoy too. We asked for reinforcement and they brought the three of them to Azkaban”.

 

“And they will never get out of there”, Shackerbolt added.

 

“But what happened to you then, Severus?” Albus asked. “I still do not understand how you’ve managed to survive the attack and escape them”.

 

For the third time, Severus told about Malfoy capturing him and keeping him captive inside the cottage. He told them how he escaped, using his Animagus form and how he ended up at Godric’s Hollow.

 

“There are a few things I still don’t understand though”, he concluded. “How did I survive the attack of Malfoy twice and how did I survive the wolf- attack here at Godric’s Hollow?”

 

Albus moved around in his seat, getting more comfortable. “Well, I’m glad your asked, because that is a different story all together and I am glad to be finally able to tell it.

 

“I have been fighting against Tom Riddle for a long time. Especially during the dark times, the years before Harry defeated him as a baby and his power was increasing rapidly. That’s when we first formed the Order of the Phoenix. Well, you know about that, since most of you are in the Order. What you don’t know is that the Order is heavily protected. I am the secret keeper, but there is more.

 

Each member individually is protected by an ancient charm. That charm is called Guardos Amorus. Or, the protection of love. During the eighties, a few years before Harry, Ron and Hermione came to Hogwarts we performed that charm.

 

The charm requires a family who is bounded together by strong love for each other. That love has to be so strong that others can benefit of it too. But that also requires a sacrifice of that family. They will have to be prepared to give up everything to increase that love. Money, dignity, distinction, everything. If the charm is performed over, in our case the order, all the members of that order will be protected by their love, but it means they will lose there money, the respect from our world, even a part of their magical abilities.

 

Luckily enough, we found such a family. Arthur and Molly Weasley. And they were prepared to make that sacrifice. This is why they always have been poor. They are pureboods wizards, descending from Godric Gryfindor and Arthur has a descent job at the Ministry, but because of the charm, their money simply disappear into thin air. The both of them are very powerful wizards, otherwise they had not been able to perform that charm. But they lost a great part of their magical ability too and so did their children.

 

But the charm worked. The order was protected. That’s why you survived all those attacks, Severus. That’s why you all survived on so many close calls. You were protected by the strongest magic imaginable, love”.

 

It remained silent for a long time after Albus’ words. “Wow, that’s so amazing”, Nymphodora said softly. The others nodded in agreement.

 

“What will happen to them now?” Harry asked, “I mean, the spell is no longer necessary is it?”

 

Albus shook his head. “No it’s not and we’ve tried to lift the spell, but it didn’t work. Now we know why, Severus was still alive and he needed protection. But now that Tom Riddle is gone and the Death Eaters are in Azkaban, we should be able to lift it.

 

“And then they will have their strength and money and everything back?” Neville asked.

 

Albus nodded. “And even more so. I plan on presenting Arthur as the new Minister of Magic. If there is anyone capable of doing that, it will be Arthur”.

 

Severus’  mind was reeling with all the information he had learned that night. Protected by the love of the Weasleys. That explained a lot. He felt greatly indebted for the sacrifice they had made, realising that he would be dead for sure if it had not been for them. He recalled Albus’ words, “love, the strongest magic imaginable”.  A pair of hazel brown eyes appeared inside his head. And he smiled softly. ‘Strong magic indeed’.

 

Chapter 25:

Returning to Hogwarts

 

Albus and Severus left Godric’s Hollow the next day. Albus had stayed the night at Remus and Nymphodora’s house, since he had travelled there with a carriage. Harry, Neville and Shacklebolt had left that same evening.

 

Severus was almost sick with nerves. He learned from Albus that Hermione was on vacation in Greece, but that she was suppose to come home today. Albus had called Minerva early in the morning and told her that they would arrive that afternoon. Minerva too had been ecstatic with joy.

 

Then he had to say goodbye to Remus, Nymphodora and little Sirius. He missed them already. They had grown into close friends over the past months. That was at least one positive thing he had gained from the situation. Albus had pointed out to him that there were more. After learning he had died, the Daily Prophet had made a hero out of him. They wrote about him as the only sacrifice for peace and talked about the heroic things he had done for the Order. They had made a martyr out of him. “When they hear you’re alive and learn how you have survived they will greet you as a hero”, Albus had said. “life will be much easier for you”.

 

He hoped so. For now the only thing he worried about was meeting Hermione again. Worry didn’t even come close. He dreaded the moment. What would she say? How would she react? He didn’t think he would be able to stand her rejection, if it was in anger or in pity.

 

There was nothing he could do to avoid it. Again and again he cursed himself for writing her that letter. He was a private man, he preferred to keep his emotions inside, but now it was all out in the open. There was no way he could pretend that he hadn’t meant any of it. He had no masks left to hide behind. She would look through them. He had to face her, had to face his feelings for her. And he had to face rejection.

 

*          *          *

Hermione dropped her bag in her bedroom and collapsed on her couch. She looked around her. Home at last, she thought happily. After much pressing from Minerva that she really needed a break, she had agreed to take two weeks of vacation and spend them in Greece. She had loved it there, but she was also very glad to be home again.

 

She felt in her pocket and pulled her two ‘treasures’ out. Severus’ letter and a picture of him. She still missed him so much. People said that time healed all wounds, but Hermione did not agree. His death still hurt as much as they day she had first learned that he was dead. Even in Greece she had not been able to think of anything else but him. When she walked through ancient buildings she had wondered what it would be like to walk there together with him. He was the first thing she thought of when she woke up and the last thing when she went to bed.

 

She knew Minerva was worried about her and she knew it was time to let go. But she couldn’t. She loved him so much that her whole being was concentrated on it. Even if he was no longer here…

 

A knock on the door made her look up. “Come in”, she called out. Minerva stepped inside the room with an uncharacteristic blush on her face.

 

“Hermione, how are you?”, she asked excitedly.

 

“I’m fine”, Hermione replied, slightly bewildered because of her friends strange behavior. “Are you all right?”

 

Minerva nodded vigorously. “Hermione, I think you better sit down, because there is something of great importance that I should tell you”.

 

Hermione paled. “Did something happened when I was away? Something bad?”

 

“No dear”, Minerva answered hastily, “nothing of the sort. It is good news actually. But it will come as a bit of a shock. It’s about Severus”.

 

Hermione turned even paler. “What about him?”

 

Minerva sat down next to her on the couch. “Hermione”, she said gently, “Severus is not dead. He is alive. He was captured by Malfoy and some other Death Eaters, but he escaped. He’s alive and he’s all right now”.

 

For a few seconds, Hermione thought she was not going to be able to breath again. Severus alive? It could not be true. It must be a joke. A very cynical joke. But why was Minerva participating. No colour left in her face, she shook her head. “No… it’s not possible. He is dead. Albus saw his body”.

 

Minerva shook her head. “That was not his body. It is true dear, he is alive”. Slowly she began to explain what happened after the attack and how he gone into hiding at Remus and Nymphodora’s house. “He’s coming home at this moment”, she finished her story. “He will be here in less then an hour.

 

Immediately Hermione was filled with nervous energy. She jumped up and started pacing through the room. “It’s true then… Severus… he will be here…”.

Minerva got to her feet and grasped her shoulders. “Listen to me”, she said intently. “Calm down now. He will be here in an hour or something. Get changed, unpack, prepare yourself. You two have much to talk about. I’ll wait  for them up at the Entrance Hall and you will stay here in you own quarters. I will send Severus to you. Here you can talk in all peace”.

 

Hermione nodded, tears of happiness trickling down over her face. “I will… Oh Minerva, I can’t believe it”.

Minerva hugged her. “I can’t believe it either, but it’s true. He’s coming home”.

 

*          *          *

Severus had never felt as bad in his whole life as he felt now. He could not stop his hands from shaking and he was nauseous with fear. Only half an hour left until he would see her again. It had been over eight months. How would she look? What would she say? A part of him wanted to urge the thesterals pulling the carriage to move faster, another part of him wanted to turn back. At least now he could dream. Dream that she would love him. Dream that she would feel the same. Dream that she wanted him as much as he wanted her.

 

Finally the carriage arrived on Hogwarts grounds. As if he was dreaming he walked into the Entrance Hall. He was home again. He was back at Hogwarts, a place he had never expected to see again. The next moment the air was almost knocked out of him as Minerva threw her arms around him. He was kind of surprised by her emotional behaviour. Normally Minerva wasn’t the person who would let her hair down. “Don’t ever do that to us again”, her muffled voice came from his shoulder.

 

Then she let go of him. Severus looked around him. She wasn’t here. He felt his heart sink. Of course she wasn’t. What had he expected? That she would ran into his arms? 

 

“Hermione is at her quarters”, Minerva told him. “I’ve told her to wait there for you. You two have much to talk about”. 

 

His heart sank even lower. She was very serious about this. What would she say? Slowly he began to make his way to her quarters. It was the longest walk of his life and yet, he was in front of her door all of a sudden. Bracing himself inwardly for her rejection, for her anger and her pity he knocked on the door…

 

Chapter 26:

In your arms

 

He opened the door when he heard her voice. He had it all planned. He knew exactly what he was going to say to her. ‘Hermione, I’m sorry about what I’ve said. I will leave Hogwarts and I ask you to forget about everything’.

 

But then he saw her. After all those months. There she was. She looked so beautiful. He couldn’t do anything else except stare at her. All the words died on his lips and all the thoughts left his mind. All he could think of was her. For some reason he held out his arms to her, asking her without words to come closer.

 

A second later she was in his arms. He wrapped his arms around her as she buried her face inside his robes. He pulled her as close against him as he could, savouring the feel of it. Holding on to her as if his life depended on it. Which it did.

 

Then he became aware that she was crying. Her body was shaking with sobs. Pulling her even closer he rubbed her back in slow, comforting strokes. “Shh… It’s all right” he whispered softly in her ear. “Hermione… please don’t cry”. After a while she became easier. She drew back a little so that she was able to look into his eyes. Her face was wet with tears and her voice sounded broken. “I’m sorry Severus…, I’m so sorry”.

 

He blinked in surprise. What was she sorry for? For crying? Then a hand of ice closed around his heart. Was she sorry for not loving him back? He couldn’t take it. He needed her so badly. Even more after seeing her, after holding her.

 

“I’m so sorry”, she continued. “I should have told you… I love you too…, I should have said something”.

 

He didn’t dare to believe his ears. She loved him? She had loved him all along? He brushed the tears away from her face. “It’s all right Hermione, I love you”. Gently he kissed her forehead.

 

“I’ve caused you so much pain”, she murmured against  his cheek.

 

He kissed her eyes and her wet cheeks. “No love, you didn’t”, he whispered between kisses. Finally he found her mouth and he kissed her with all the love and passion he had suppressed for so long. Pulling her close once again he felt how she wrapped her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. Responding to him with equal passion.

 

One of his hands moved to the back of her head and undid the clip that held her hair together. It felt freely over her shoulders and he buried his hands in it, realising it felt even softer then he had imagined it. Then all reasonable thought left him and all he could think of was her mouth, pressed against his and her warm body in his arms.

 

Hermione felt fresh tears rolling over face. He explored her mouth so gently and yet so passionate it left her trembling in his arms. With her hands on the back of his head she pulled him closer, deepening the kiss even more. Butterflies started to fly in her stomach and when she felt his hands moving over her body, stroking her hair and rubbing her back she thought her legs could not support her any longer.

 

Suddenly she became aware that they were moving. When she opened her eyes a while later she realised the both of them were sitting on the couch. He still had her  wrapped in his arms and she was practically sitting on his lap. They stared at each other as the both of them tried to catch their breath again.

 

“I love you”, Severus told her again, gently stroking her hair. He marvelled at how easy it was to tell her that, after all those years of denying it.

 

“I love you too”, Hermione answered, her voice thick with emotion. ‘And I have missed you so much”. She cupped his face between her hands and kissed him again as if she wanted to prove to him how much.

 

Much later they laid contentedly in each other arms. Hermione tucked her head under his chin and placed her hand over his heart, feeling it beat under her fingers. Severus wrapped his arms tightly around her and continued to stroke her hair.

 

“When did you fell in love with me?” Hermione asked smiling.

 

“I don’t now exactly when”, Severus replied. I’ve always admired your intellect, but when you were a student I never thought beyond that… and then you came back to Hogwarts. You gave me the shock of my life, do you realise that? All of a sudden you had changed into this beautiful woman. I guess I fell in love with you that first night.

 

“Why have you never told me?”

 

Severus shrugged his shoulders. “I never thought you could possibly love me back. I’m not good in showing my emotions, except anger. I never believed that you could love me”.

 

“Oh Severus”, Hermione turned around and stroked his face. “I love you’. Leaning closer, she kissed him once again. “I love you so much”.

 

“Since when?” Severus asked, moving his hands to her shoulders and massaging her gently. “When did you know that you loved me?”

 

“I guess I fell in love with you after I saw you return from that first Death Eater meeting. But I didn’t recognise it as love. Only after I return to Hogwarts I realised I loved you. But I too didn’t dare to tell you. I thought you wouldn’t love me back. And then I thought you were dead and I received your letter… I felt so guilty for never telling you. I kept thinking. If only… if only I had told you that I loved you. Then we could have been together”.

 

He bend his head down and kissed her neck. “Were together now, that’s all that matters”. Cradling her face between his hands he added, “and every day I will find a new way to love you”.

 

Epilogue

 

- Twelve and a half years later -

 

It’s often be said that home is were the heart is. Severus had found out how true that was. He looked around him in the comfortable house in Godric’s Hollow were Hermione and he now lived. It was truly his home, for it was were is heart was. His wife and their daughter.

 

Half a year after he had returned to Hogwarts, they had married. They had stayed at Hogwarts until the end of the year and then Hermione had become pregnant. Of course they been over the moon with joy. But it has also present them a problem. Being married and living at Hogwarts was already hard, being parents and living at Hogwarts was impossible.

So the both of them had resigned and joined the PRF. After Rhianya was born, they had set up a laboratory for Medical Potion’s research. They had booked a few successes. An improvement of the Wolfsbane Potion for one.

 

They still were close friends to Remus and Nymphodora, Albus and Minerva, who had married a few months before them and the Weasley family. In time he had even started to like Harry Potter.

Arthur Weasley was now Minister of Magic. He turned out to be one of best things that had ever happened to the wizarding world. He and Molly still lived at the Burrow.

 

He looked up when Hermione entered the room. She hadn’t change much. Her hair was still long. She always threatened to cut it off, but he always talked her out of it. She held out a piece of parchment.

 

“It’s a letter from Minerva”, she told him, “I can’t wait to find out in which house Rhianya is sorted”.

 

Their daughter had left for her first year at Hogwarts that morning and the house was awfully quiet without her. Hermione sat down on the couch and snuggled against her husband. After all those years she never grew tired of it. She began to unfold the letter.

 

The sorting of their daughter had been the subject of much jokes among their friends. In which house would the daughter of the former Head of Slytherin and Gryfindors’ star pupil be sorted?

 

Her eyes scan over the letter. “Ravenclaw!” they both exclaimed at once.

“Well, I can live with that”, Severus muttered after some thought.

Hermione hit him playfully. “Of course you can, it’s wonderful”. They sat back in each other’s arms, reading Minerva’s letter. Knowing that their daughter was now at the place were their love had began.

 

The End