Friendsthe one with the major bet

Author: Griselda La Fey

Author’s Note: I was watching Friends… that’s all I say…

 Disclaimer:

J.K. Rowling owes the characters, Warner Bros owes the plot, since Friends is theirs (come to think of it, so is Harry Potter in a way) so technically, I don’t owe anything… that’s a sad thought.

 Beta-reader: Corrin. Thanks

 Summary:

Do you remember that Friends- episode from season 4 when they make that huge bet about who knows who best and the girls and up losing their apartment? Well, let’s just say the Hogwarts- teachers are bored and AD/MM close a bet…

 Setting:

Set during the holidays after ‘The Prisoner of Azkaban’.  And yes, I know Moody wasn’t really Moody, but I liked the OotP-character...

 

*****

Chapter 1: The Bet

‘Merlin, I’m bored!’ Alicia Sprout stated, looking sadly at her empty plate.

 ‘Join the club’, Felix Flitwick agreed with a deep sigh.

 ‘You know, I never thought I would say this, but I will be glad when the students are back’,  Zelda Hooch said. She looked at Severus Snape, who was reading his book, ignoring the conversation. ‘How come you’re not bored?’ she demanded.

 Severus merely looked up. ‘I keep my self busy’, he answered in his usual indifference voice.

 The Hogwarts- teachers were sitting in the Great Hall. Since it was the summer holidays, the castle was empty. They were about to have lunch, but waited for the Headmaster and his deputy. Apart from the usual teachers, the new Defence Against the Dark Arts- teacher, Alastor Moody was also present. It was a cold, rainy week and all the teachers were bored out of their minds.

 ‘I just want something fun to happen’, Poppy Pomfrey sighed. ‘Something…, anything…, it doesn’t matter what’.

 They looked up when Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall entered the Great Hall, immersed in a heated discussion.

 ‘I just know it’s true’, Albus said.

 ‘No, it isn’t’, Minerva replied hotly.

 ‘Yes it is!’

 ‘No it isn’t!’

 ‘Yes it is!’

 ‘No it isn’t!’

 ‘Yes it is!’

 ‘No it isn’t!’

‘Yes it is!’

 ‘No it isn’t!’

 ‘Yes it is!’

 ‘No it isn’t!’

 ‘YES IT IS!’, Albus stated firmly sitting down on the table.

 ‘What’s going on?’, Hagrid asked confused.

 ‘Minerva has been reading deep into the night’, Albus explained, ‘and I know she has been reading ‘The Bridges of Madison County’  because her eyes are still red and it’s the only book that makes her cry’.  

‘It is NOT!’, Minerva replied, glaring at the Headmaster. ‘I haven’t been crying and I haven’t been reading ‘The Bridges of Madison County’.

 ‘Yes you have’, Albus said, a small grin forming on his face.

 ‘No I haven’t’.

 ‘Yes you have!’

 ‘No I haven’t’

 ‘Yes you have’.

 ‘Children, children’, Felix chuckled, ‘Minerva, why are you so wound up about this?’

 ‘Because Albus thinks he knows me better then I know him’ she said with a final glare. ‘And that’s just not true’.

 Before they could start their ‘yes it is, no it isn’t’- mantra again, Hagrid chipped in. ‘It’s true. We know ye better then ye know us’.

 ‘Who’s we?’ Poppy asked indignantly.

 ‘The males’, Hagrid explained, pointing at Albus, Severus, Felix, Moody an himself, ‘we knew you girls better’.  

Minerva, Zelda, Poppy and Alicia began to protest.

 ‘Fer example’, he added to Felix, if ye looked inside Alica’s bag, ye would findda half eaten box of Flavoured Beans’.

 Felix leaned over and looked in the bag. ‘It’s true’, he said impressed, ‘you’re good!’

 Alicia shrugged. ‘So what, I’ve been grading papers all morning. Everybody snacks when their grading papers, that was obvious’.

 Hagrids beard twitched up. ‘How many items are there in that bag?’ he asked.

 Felix did a quick count. ‘Four more’, he replied.

 Hagrid grinned at Alicia. ‘Right, I’ll bet ye five Galleons that we can name those four in five tries’.

 ‘Deal!’ Alicia answered, matching his grin.

 ‘Firs’ of all: A copy of One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi’, Hagrid started.

 ‘Correct’, Felix said, his eyes glimmering.

 ‘Hand creme’,  Moody offered.

 ‘Yes’, Felix cried, holding up ‘Wonka’s Wonder Creme’.

 ‘A bunch of dried Lavender’, Albus said calmly.

 With an air of an conjurer Felix pulled the Lavender out of the bag. Despite herself, Alica looked impressed at the Headmaster.

 ‘One more item to go!’ Felix squeaked.

 ‘A mirror’, Hagrid beamed. But Felix shook his head. ‘No, that’s not in here’.

 ‘Ha’, Minerva and Poppy said in unison.

 ‘We still ‘ve got one go’, Moody growled. Their was a short pause…

 ‘… a handkerchief’, Severus said, without looking up from his book.

 Alicia slumped back in her chair, defeated. ‘How did you know that?’ she asked Severus.

 The corners of his mouth turned up slightly, ‘you have a cold since Monday’.

 Minerva shook her head. ‘This doesn’t say anything. So you men know a few random facts about us, that still doesn’t mean you know us!’

 Hagrid shoot right up in his chair. ‘Wanna bet?’ he asked dangerously.

 Zelda leaned over the table, looking equal dangerous. ‘What’s your offer?’

 ‘Let’s make this interesting’, Albus said slowly, ‘boys against the girls. The losing party will patrouil the whole next year’.

 ‘Done’, eight voices replied immediately.

 Albus turned to the Potionmaster, ‘Severus?’

 The hook noosed teacher rolled his eyes. ‘Fine’, he said eventually.

 ‘Whoo ooh’, Poppy cheered enthusiastic. Then her smile faded a little. ‘Who will make the questions?’ she asked.

 Felix jumped in his seat. ‘Please let me, let me. Then you have even teams’, he added convincingly.

 ‘That settles it’, Albus said. ‘Felix will think of the questions and we will assemble in the Staff Room tonight at eight o’clock’.

 He eyed the female members of his staff. ‘You might want to start catching up on some sleep’.

 

Chapter 2: The First Round

 

When the teachers entered the Staff Room that night, Felix was standing in front of a low blackboard. The girls sat down on the left, the boys on the right.

 ‘Right’, Felix started, ‘there are four categories. ‘Food & Drinks’, ‘Fears & Likes’, Love Life’ and ‘It’s all Relative’. He pulled a knut from the pockets of his robes.

 ‘Let’s toss’. He throw the Knuts in the air and caught it again, pressing it on the back of his other hand. The others stared at him blankly. Felix sighed deeply. ‘I’ll do it again’, he said frowning. ‘Will you please say something this time?’

 The throw the Knuts again and Poppy yelled: ‘heads!’

 Felix removed his hand. ‘It’s tail’. The boys cheered.

 The tiny wizard pulled a hand full of cards from his pocket and turned to the right. ‘Pick your category’.

 The four man looked at each other. ‘It’s all relative?’ Hagrid asked shrugging. The others nodded.

 ‘Poppy’s name is short for something’, Felix read out loud. ‘What’s her full name?’

 ‘Alphodorcas’, Albus said immediately. Poppy cringed.

 ‘That’s correct’, Felix said smiling. One point appeared on the blackboard bellow the sign ‘boys’. The boys high fived.

 Felix turned to his right. ‘Ladies?’ he asked.

 ‘Fears and Likes’, they said in union.  

Felix looked at his cards. ‘Who is Severus’ favourite student?’

 ‘Malfoy?’ Zelda suggested softly. Minerva shook her head. ‘Nah, he’s just pretending to like him’. Poppy’s eyes widened. ‘I know. Hermione Granger’, she said to Felix.

 He nodded. ‘One point for the ladies’. Severus growled.

 ‘You can pick a category now’, Hagrid said reassuring. ‘Food & Drinks’, Severus said after some thoughts.  

‘Here it goes’, Felix said. ‘One year and a half ago, Alicia ate this book, because she was annoyed with the author…’

 ‘Pleasure with Plants by Gilderoy Lockhart’, Hagrid answered snorting. ‘She eat the it till the last page’.

 ‘That would be correct’, Alicia said before Felix. ‘Idiot’, she muttered under her breath. The score was now 2-1 in favour of the boys.

 ‘Well, it’s our turn now’, Minerva said becoming more fanatic every second. ‘Which category?’

‘Love Life’, Poppy said with an evil grin.

 ‘Very well’, Felix looked up the card. ‘During Hogwarts Alastor had a crush on a fellow Gryfindor. Who was the girl?’

 The four women stared at each other in wonder. ‘I haven’t got a clue’, Zelda muttered. ‘Me neither’, Alicia said shaking her head.

 ‘You’ve got five seconds’, Felix said, while the boys began a countdown. ‘Laura Clearwater’, Poppy cried. ‘Just guessing’, she added.

 ‘Wrong’, Felix grin treatened to split his face in two, ‘the girl was Minerva McGonagall!’

 The room exploded with laughter. ‘WHAT?’ Hagrid asked, roaring.

 Both Alastor and McGonagall turned crimson.

 ‘How in Merlin’s name did you know that?’ Moody hissed to Felix.

 ‘I once found a love letter you wrote to her in my class’, Felix replied beaming, ‘I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since’.

 Still chuckling, the boys considered their next category. ‘Fears & Likes’, Moody said eventually.

 ‘Of what animal is Minerva secretly afraid?’ Felix read out.

 ‘You are afraid of animals?’ Hagrid asked in shock. Minerva held her breath… Albus and Moody looked blankly at each other.

 ‘She scared of mice’, Severus said matter- of- factly. ‘I once walked in the Staff Room while she was dancing on the table, sending stunning-spells at a tiny mouse.

 The room exploded with laughter again. Minerva buried her face in her hands. Albus looked at her in disbelief: ‘Tabby, are you afraid of a mouse?’ he asked thunderstruck.

 ‘Girls turn’, Felix said finally. ‘Ladies what will it be?’

 ‘It’s all relative’, Alicia said.

 Albus had a brother, Alberforth, who was convicted for Improper use of magic. What did he do?’

 ‘He used improper spells on a goat’, the four of them answered in union.

 Albus glared at Felix. ‘You had to bring that up again, hadn’t you?’ he muttered.

 Felix only held two cards in his hands. ‘Right men, final question. You are in the lead with three points. The only category that is left is ‘Love Life’, here it goes: Five years ago Zelda received a valentine’s card from a famous beater. Who was it?’

 ‘Jason Wood’, Dumbledore answered immediately.

 ‘Ha! Wrong’, Zelda exclaimed exultantly, ‘it was Ludo Bagman’.

 ‘Moody slumped back in his chair. ‘Idiot’, he growled, ‘I knew that!’

 ‘Ludo Bagman send you a Valentine’s Card?’ Alicia asked interested.

 ‘Oh yes’, Zelda nodded, ‘I send him a Howler back though’. The four women giggled.

 Felix waved his last card. ‘Ladies, pay attention. If you got this question right, you are even’. They looked concentrated immediately.

 ‘ The last category is Food & Drinks. What’s Hagrid favourite food?’

 The four women thought hard. ‘I know this, I know this, I know this’, Alica muttered.

 ‘Five seconds to go’, Felix squeaked, ‘four… three…two….’

 ‘DRAGON MEAT SANDWICH!!!’ Minerva suddenly screamed.

 ‘Correct!’ Felix yelled back and the four witches hugged each other. ‘We’re even!’

 Moody looked very disappointed. ‘Now no-one has won the bet’.

 ‘I have thought of that’, Felix said excitedly. ‘In case of an even score, I’ve made…’ He pulled a handful of curios shaped cards…

 ‘A LIGHTNING ROUND!’

Chapter 3: The Lightning Round

‘You guys are dead’, Minerva said grinning broadly. ‘I am the queen of Lighting Rounds’.

 ‘Fine’, Albus replied calmly, ‘I’m the empire of Lighting Rounds’.

 Minerva shook her head. ‘You’ll never beat me!’

 Albus grinned back. ‘I can and I will’.

 ‘Wanna bet?’ Minerva asked dangerously.

 ‘My dear Professor, I was under the impression that we were already having a bet’, Albus replied sweetly.

 ‘If you lose, you’ll have to shave off your beard’, Minerva said without blinking.

 ‘Fine’, Albus answered, looking straight in her eyes, ‘and if you lose, you’ll have to wear your hair down for the whole year’.

 ‘Hey, I thought we were playing in teams?’ Poppy asked indignantly.

 Minerva looked at her feet. ‘Hmprf, you’re right’, she muttered, ‘I didn’t think of that’.

 ‘How about this’, Severus said in a slow voice, ‘the losing team will be the slave of the winning team for the rest of the week’.

 ‘Brilliant’, Minerva answered smiling. ‘Then I can make you shave off your beard’.

 ‘I can make you wear your hair down’, Albus shoot back.

 ‘Right, gather around’, Felix said, waving with his lighting cards’. The team that answers the most questions correctly in 30 seconds wins the game. Gentlemen, you’re first!’

 As one man the four wizards rose to their feet.

 Felix flicked his wand, ‘What’s Alicia’s most committed sin?’

 ‘Eating the left over Christmas dessert’, Hagrid answered.

 ‘Correct’, Felix nodded, ‘Who does she blames it?’

 ‘Trewlany’, Severus spat.

 ‘Correct. Zelda’s first broom had a name. What was it?’

 ‘Ummm… Steward’, Albus yelled.

 ‘Correct!’ Felix started to speak faster and faster, ‘Poppy kissed this man the night You-Know-Who was defeated’.

 ‘Barto Crouch’, Moody answered, jumping up and down.

 ‘Wrong’, Felix said, ‘it was Cornelius Fudge. The reason Minerva wears her hair in a bun is because…’

 ‘…it makes her look taller’, Albus finished. At the same moment a bell rang.

 ‘Correct’, Felix said, slightly panting, ‘that makes your final score eight points’.

 Zelda, Alica and Poppy were laughing at Minerva.

 ‘I knew it’s an optic illusion’, she tried to explain, ‘but I swear, it makes me feel 3 inches taller’.

 Moody shook his head. ‘You’re a nutcase woman!’

 The blackboard now showed 8 points for the men and four for the girls. ‘You have to gain five points in order to win the game’, Felix told them. He waved his wand again. ‘Here it goes’.

 ‘Severus claims this is his favourite drink’.

 ‘Scots Whisky’, Minerva replied quickly.

 ‘But it really is…’ Felix continued.

 ‘Sweet Sherry!’ Poppy yelled.

 ‘What’s Hagrids secret ambition?’

 ‘To have a dragon’, Zelda said.

 ‘Wrong!’ Felix cried, ‘to become a cook. What was Alastors nickname at Hogwarts?’

 ‘Master Dopey’, Alicia screamed, jumping franticly up and down’.

 ‘Correct! Only three seconds to go!’ Felix was screaming even louder, ‘What’s Albus favourite sweet?’

 ‘SHERBET LEMMONS!!!’ Minerva yelled at the top of her voice.

 ‘WRONG’, both Albus and Felix cried.

 ‘What?’, Minerva asked furiously.

 ‘It’s lollipops!’ Albus said cheering.

 The four man where doing some kind of Rain Dance (including Severus, who was shouting ‘We Rule!’) joined by Felix.

 The girls looked at each other defeated.

 ‘I can’t believe you didn’t know lollipops are his favourite sweets’, Zelda hissed angrily at Minerva, ‘you are supposed to be his best friend!’

 ‘How was I to know?’ Minerva shoot back. ‘He’s always eating Sherbet Lemons! I’ve never saw him with a Lollipop’.

 Alicia groaned. ‘I can’t believe we have to be their slaves for the rest of the week!’