IWF Chapter 3| Filling the Void....
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| Well, I suppose there are worse ways to start off my IWF career. While it may not have been an epic battle, or even a challenge at all, I started off with a win. Which was already more than nearly all of the roster expected me to do. While I am sure that a win against such lackluster competition is not turning many heads, especially since it turned out to be one on two. But I am not going to complain, I’ll take the win. But what I don’t understand, is why again?.. What is the point of facing Andrews again? Perhaps Davis wants to give him a chance at redemption, after all a loss to me is seen as a blemish in this company, after all no one expected us to win even after Tek quit. And while I could be upset at having to face him again, for the second week in a row, I am trying to look at this from a optimistic point of view. Because on Sunday, I had a partner, and A2 didn’t even bother to show up.. Therefor the win was all but sealed before we even stepped into the arena. So hoo ra right? No one gives a flying fuck if we won that match or not.. But this week is different. Because Andrews is not counting on someone else, someone who let him down last week. His own pride is on the line, so him showing up this week is almost a certainty in my eyes, I honestly cannot see him no showing this week. Which means this will be the first match I am challenged, the first match I will actually have to put forth an effort in order to win. Which of course means one thing. This will be my first chance to gain some credit, to get some credibility from some from some of the guys who still doubt me. But honestly I am doing this for my own personal pride. If you have been in this business for any amount of time, you know people are going to have their opinions regardless of how many times you prove them wrong. The trick is.. To not fall into the trap of believing it yourself. That’s the game that life plays is it not. Sometimes it makes you believe that you are what they say. I’ve learned, if you keep doing what you are here to do... after a while they have no other choice but to take notice.. And then, the hating stops, the bashing slowly ends, and after time.. You will be accepted. But my quest is not acceptance.. It’s perfection. Take a look at my partner, Pun, this week he is stuck in a match with the sole intent to try and make a joke out of him. Now he could easily say “fuck it”.. Leave and go somewhere else. But what would that prove?.. That he is exactly what they say he is. So regardless if shit is set up against him, he is going to stand and fight. Because that is what we do... fight. The odds are once again not in my favor this week. But hell when are they.... At least this time people are taking notice of me... its nice I must admit, but it really is not important. Ha.. I cannot help but wonder if this is how it is going to be every week.. At this rate it very well could be. Ah fuck it.. I am not your slave, your thoughts don’t control me. I suppose that is the one thing I must let go. Even though I say that they don’t affect me.. I would be lying if I said I did not hear them, and take them into consideration. Whether or not for fuel, or for motivation they do inspire me. Guess its just another week.. A week in the life of a man who opposes the world. ... Take a look inside.
Today I found myself in a situation that I normally don’t get into. The way I live, I don’t feel the need to get caught up in how others live. Usually their lives and their business have no affect on me, and I could honestly care less.. What was different about today? While Driving down the road today, I found myself stopping in a neighborhood that I normally would never visit, the suburban area, full of middle to upper class white family homes. I put my Hummer in park across the street from a white standard suburban home. And watched as the family on the front porch was laughing, enjoying dinner, talking with one another... sharing the events that transpired through out their day. I watch in amazement as the all seem to care a great deal about what the others had to say. You can almost see the joy spreading across their faces. They are living the American dream. Nice home, solid marriage, two young healthy kids.
” I hate you “
Yeah I said that out loud, Knowing fully well that no one could hear me, but just needed to say it, because I could not help but feel jealous towards what they have. Because what they have.. Is everything I didn’t. For the short time my mother was alive, she was always too busy for us to sit down and enjoy a meal. We never sat on the porch and laughed and played games. I ate alone every night, usually tossing something random together or ordering take out. My father was a waste of life. When he was still a part of my life, he was too busy drinking his life away and making my mother into a slave. As she had to support herself, me, him and my brother. And she did that until the day she was found dead, actually the day I found her dead, suicide is what they said. I never did believe them, but until this day I have had no chance to get any resolution. And as I watch this family I know that they have not been through any of the shit that I have. Their father will always be around for them. Unlike my fucking waste of one.
” I am going to kill them all.. Right now “
And I actually got out of my car, only to realize what a stupid move that would be, even though I would find a great joy of walking up to them and grab the kids mother, and slit her throat, and watch the children scream as their mother grasped for he last breath, and the father would rush to try and stop the bleeding, but it would be too late. God, I could almost taste it. It’s the only thing that can bring a smile to my face as I watch them, it sickens me.. They have always been the type of people I hate. I sat their for sometime.. Until they begin to look over at me, and the dad even grabbed the phone, thats when I split..
What the hell is wrong with me... ?
when have I ever done something like that?.. Perhaps its because I am trying to Fill the void that has been in my life for so many years now. I don’t know, but something needs to change.. Because this shit is ridiculous
After that little ordeal, I went back to my house, back to what I know, and back to what I love. But today for some reason it feels empty, when I walked into my house, and looked around at the things I love, it just does not seem the same. But one thing that will always brighten my day is the site of my beautiful wife... Nitara.. She walks in with a glass of coffee in her hands, she stands in front of me, looking as good as ever. She notices something is wrong.. She always does
” You alright Ty?.. “ I must not have responded right away because after a few short moments she tapped me on the shoulder...
” Um.. Honey did you hear me”
” what?.. Huh, oh yeah everything is fine.” Of course she is going to see right through this, hell I said it and I don’t believe it
” I can tell something is wrong, you might as well tell me. “
” It’s just that.... well” Its hard for me to actually think of how to say this to her, with out sounding completely off, but I guess that would not be all that out of the ordinary
” I just feel like I am missing something.. “
” What do you mean, you got everything you want, you got a brand new career, your doing well, you got some really good close friends, and most of all you have me, your wife who loves you more than you could ever know. “ of course.. Her point is valid, it always is but I have thought about that, and even though I love how my life is.. I am still missing something.
” Its not that I don’t love the life I have now, I just feel like I need more, think of all the things you said. What is the one thing that is missing. “
” I don’t know.... what is it. “ I didn’t expect her to know this.
” Family Nitara, I have none, none what so ever. And it just seems like there is something or maybe someone out there, I can almost feel it. “
” Yeah but your mother is dead, and you have not seen your father in nearly 20 years. “
” But he could be alive...? “
” he could but would you want a relationship with him.. “
” I didn’t say I had thought it through, just been on my mind “
Moments of silence follow this. And then Nicolae walks in and he is wearing a white suit... and looks very dressed up. I look at him and nearly burst out laughing. Because he looks so foolish.
” what the hell are you wearing. “
” Its new, you like?”
” No... not at all”
” What not?..”
” Um... because you look like a complete ass.. “
” but it is stylish right?...” Sometimes I think he is completley hopeless.
” You look like a bad 007 impersonation... very bad”
” Yeah well I think it is sweet. “
” Why are you dressed up?...”
” I have a date tonight...”
” with a women?...” Nitara almost laughs out loud.
” Yes with a women...”
” Not in your family?”
” Man shut the hell up.. “
” I was being sincere.. You would have to be either gay or meeting your mother to wear a suit like that. “
” This happens to be in style now. “
” Thats great... you go about your way, have fun. “
” I will... see you both later. “
” By Nic “
” Later man... “
As he leaves and my wife leans in close to me.. I realize I should be happy with my life, because it is full of many great things, I enjoy it to the fullest.. But part of me will always want something more.. I will always be searching for what is missing. Maybe one day soon I will find it.
Maybe....
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Alright... well I don’t have a whole hell of a lot to say, but there are a few things I want to get off my chest.
Let’s start with the Reign of Power Tourney, holy hell I made it to the second round of a tourney!.. Bah, fuck doubters, I didn’t even have to try to make it there. The level of competition was so weak In the first round that it nearly sickened me, but now all or almost all of the shit has been removed and its time to get down to business... and my second round opponent Nikita Sputnik, I must admit that is quite the jump in the way of competition.. But in the same sense I am not really all that impressed with this guy. People made him out to be some sort of legend, a phenomenon that only a god of this business could put down. Blah.. That is just people kissing ass, and sadly there seems to be a large portion of this tourney that likes to do that. The thing is people are so set in their ways that often times they are not open to something new.
Which is what I would be.. Very few people expect me to beat Sputnik, yeah yeah, I have heard it all before, and I still don’t care, and for all the fame and attention Sputnik suddenly gained at Remembrance, I realized I still know very little about you Sputnik, but that wont stop me from going about business as usual.. I’ll be waiting for you to make your move.. Until then..
I have other things to worry about..
One being Aaron Andrews. Well Aaron, you showed up, already a step ahead of last week, and now instead of being able to coast through this week like I did last week, I actually have to face you and fight. And I am actually quite glad about that. Glad to see you didn’t follow your incredibly pussy partner, but after watching your first, you might as well have not said anything at all, the point level was so low I could barley stand to watch it. But that’s fine, do shit your way. But don’t expect me to waste my time on you if you cannot even mention me more than on time during the entire course of your promo. Why you are hiding from addressing me I am not sure yet, and I guess it doesnt matter, it will only save me time in the end/
So go ahead and ignore me.. Because I will continue to swarm around you like a fly, and eventually you will not have a choice but to face me like a man and stop hiding behind your faggot partner. The least you could do it get my fucking name right...
Damn the ignorance.
Fuck this, I’m done.
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