I have been hiding.

Hiding who I am.. Hiding everything I don’t want people to know about me.

So I did it.

I pulled the mask off my head, and let it fall to the floor.

And at first I was afraid to look myself in the face. But I realized, everything I was hiding was in my mind. All the insecurities were only a facade, a falsehood that I had made reality.

I had driven into my mind that I deserved to hide my face, nothing more. I was not even worthy for people to look at.

Why exactly?.. I am still not sure.

Then I looked, looked into my face for the first time in months. It has not changed much. But I feel like I lost part of myself.

Yet gained something that was always there.

The mask is only a symbol.

A Symbol for my shame, everything I hate about myself is tied up inside that mask. The defeat, the agony, the pain.. All of it drove me to hide myself.

But now it’s time.

Time to progress.

Time to put that behind me and live up to what I am capable of. Because I am not Silencer the man who needs to hide behind a mask to cover up a wall of insecurities. I am Tyler Simon, the man that has made a choice. A Choice to no longer lay down and let others hammer me because they think they know me. All of you think you know me. You see me as a predictable zombie that marches on without purpose and without a point.

But no more.

You might as well take every notion you have ever had about me, and toss it.

I am sick of being shitted on my those who for one reason or another feel they are superior to me.

I want people to have to prove they are better, not say it and slide by because I give up.

It’s time to stand up.

I refuse to fall any longer.

Look into these eyes.. Because they are not the black hidden eyes that have been covered up, they are alive and ready to prove myself. Burning with a passion to prove myself worthy.

You all have driven me to this.

And now you must be ready to deal with the results.

As I stood looking at myself in the mirror, I realized there was one other change that had to be made, I part of me I had held onto for so long, but this is a complete change, so I had to let it go. I could watch through, I turned around and pulled the scissors out of the drawer, and slowly I clipped it away,. And felt the locks of hair tumble softly to the ground. It almost mad be sad to see it go.. But it must be done. I had to be. Now I was ready, ready for help. Ready for change. The only question is can I do it. Even though my heart wants to change will my mind allow the change to happen? That is a question that I myself cannot answer, the possibility for change is always there. Then again, my mind is a creature of habit, and habits are hard to let go. That’s what this session was for. That’s what I must accomplish this time.

” So here I am... “ I felt almost bare, afraid because he was the first person to see me like this. See me as I am. And eyes his eyes gazed at me, I could not help but feel a bit insecure.

” I see my advice was taken to heart, decided to drop the mask. You have even gone as far to change your entire appearance. That’s a good sign. “

” Why? “

” Because it shows you are willing to change.. Willing to do what it takes to turn your life around. “ That’s what it would seem like. And that is my intention don’t get me wrong. But its not the change he suspects of me. I am not changing who I am.. Just changing what I can be

“ With all do respect, I am not sure we are on the same page. “

” What do you mean? “

” Change.. Is certainly something I want, certainly something I need, crave even. But the change I want is different from the change you are trying to give me. I want to change into someone who is respected, into someone you stands up to bullshit and fights back. This was never about a drug problem for me... this way about my problems within myself. My own insecurities. “

” But you can never reach that point unless you let go of everything that ties you to your past reputation. “

” You simply do not understand. I don’t have a problem. “

” Tyler.. You do have a problem. “

” How the fuck would you know?.. Because some damn piece of paper that someone else gave to you says I do? You don’t know me.. You have no idea what my problems are. “

” You’re hooked. “

” What? “

” Defending your addiction with total disregard is the first and most obvious sign of a problem. But until you are willing to admit it. I can do nothing for you. You may as well go. “

” Good day Doctor. “

And this is how it always goes. Help from others never works. I hear them, and yet I don’t listen, I instinctively assume that they are only going off misguided information and that they could really give a shit about helping me. They only care about raking in their 400 bucks and hour, my problems mean nothing to them. Whether or not there si truth behind that, I am not sure. But that is the frame of mind I have towards any situation such as that. No one can make me change.. No one can help me change, it has to be a self-conscious decision to make that change. And right now.. I have done all the changing I am willing to do.

Let me settle into my new skin.. And then we can take the next step.

Not before..

That is what I should have told him. Instead I walked away. I walked out of that office with no explanation, no reason. I just left.

.....Fast Forward a bit.

I stood at the door of my house, almost afraid to go in. Worried what my wife was going to say. Will she be overjoyed that I have gained the confidence to take off the mask. Or will she be saddened at my new look. I am not sure. My hand shakes as I reach for the doorknob, once the door swings open, I step inside.. Giving no warning that I am home, alert, I just walk in and stand... waiting for her to enter.

I can hear her coming.

She turns the corner and sees me. She gasps and places her hand over her mouth. I get nervous.. I begin to sweat with anxiety because I cannot read her.

And then she drops her hand, and I see a smile spread across her gorgeous face. She smiles and runs over to me, and her warm embrace surrounds me.. And at this exact moment, all fears have left me. Nothing else but this moment matters. She pulls away slightly and stares into my eyes.. Her face is gleaming with excitement and I cannot hold my smile back.

” It has been too long since I got to stare into those blazing blue eyes of yours “ She is glowing.. If I ever knew it would be like this, I would have done this much sooner.

“ If I would have known how happy you would have been I never would have made you wait. Why didn’t you ever say anything? “

” Because I knew this was something you had to do. So I let you. I didn’t interfere with what you needed to do, because I knew this day would come, the day were you had gotten past all of that and I knew you would be better for it. “ It seems she always knows exactly what to say at the right time. Her words always seem to fit perfectly with how I feel, and she seems to say just what I need to hear.

“ Why you ever keep me around Is beyond me. After all I put you through you should have thrown my ass out ages ago. “ she cracks a smile, but in all honesty it is the truth, I put her through hell and no matter what she is loyal, and she always will be... and I know this.

” I figure you must be worth something.. “ once again her face lights up with a perfect smile.

Nicolae enters.

” Si is that you man? “

” No, I am just some stranger holding his wife in my arms in his own house...”

” .........”

” Yes of course its me you shitbrick “

” Dude I dig the look. “

” .....ok? “

” I mean, not being like gay or anything.. Just glad to see you back to your old self again thats all “

” I know. “ it seems to have even lighten Nic’s mood.

” So let’s celebrate! “

” I don’t think so.. “

” Why the hell not? “

” Because this is not something worth celebrating.. Because I have not changed.. I have only evolved into what I am destined to be. “

Nicolae simply nods as if he actually understands, and Nitara smiles and gives me one last kiss before walking away. Nicolae wants to go out, so he leaves.. And Nitara answers the ringing phone. And thats when it hit be... a craving. I head to the room in the basement.. And sit behind my desk..

I light up a cigarette.. And stare at the bottle.

It sits before me.. Almost begging for me to open it. I take one last drag, and blow a wave of smoke into the room, and put out the cigarette.. And twist the bottle open....

...fade...

...It amazes me how a match with so little people can produce So little 9 men, and only one has something to say. I find that rather odd. Maybe they are just storing ammunition and are going to wait until the last possible moment to unleash a wave of promos.

Whatever.

They can do things my way, but I am not going to waste time getting my job done.

But one person decided to speak up.. Actually he was the one person I least expected to, that obviously being Avirez . Making his return with guess what?.. A promo filled with bad jokes, pointless dialoged, and several overused jabs about how hot his shit is and how no one else’s compares. Avi you can ramble on and on about how great you are, how great your shit is. But I think its obvious to all watching that in your little bit of time in limbo you lost a step. Now of course you wont hear Avi admit it because his Pride has swelled around his brain to the point where he is blind to reality. Fuck half the shit you say is just you telling me how good you are. Avi.. I get it. You have made your point. You think you are the single greatest of all time, and everyone else is simply not worthy. And as fascinating as that is to hear over and over again, it is really not necessary In fact it is growing to the stage where it is damn near pointless.

You seem to have a strong opinion on how worthless my career has been. But to be completely blunt what the fuck have you done? You have no room to talk about someone being unproductive, you are the epitome of Unproductive . See Avi, I have had to work my ass off to get what little chances I have received, while you.. Have had countless chances tossed at you, and nearly every time you are given an opportunity you suddenly disappear. You vanish, and then come back. And then you leave again.. And come back. Maybe you have mild success along the way, but nothing special. Nothing that anyone else has not done. You act as if you are a God of this business, when you are actually nothing more than a commoner.

“ When IWF dies who is going to be there to actually remember the fucking Chris Darvins and Silencers of the corporation “

Who’s to say?..

Avi I am only a rookie in this game.. You have been doing this shit for years more than me and if IWF died today your biggest claim would be Gimmick Champion. A Gimmick Champion that defended against no one worth mentioning and when it finally came to a challenge he ran away.

Ego?..

You of all people comment on me having an ego?..

Avi I have stated before.. I don’t have an ego.. Not yet.

But what I do have are facts. And would you like to hear them?... Fact One: You, Avirez, have never beaten me.

Fact Two: I Silencer have beat your ass Twice

Can I make it anymore clear to you?..

Is that slow enough for your dumb black ass to understand? Or do I need to draw your ass a fucking picture?

That’s not bragging.. That is not boasting.. That is telling it like it is.

That’s enough about you.

And The Rest of you .... I don’t have time to waste on you.

I don’t have time to sit around and wait for you to decide you are ready to speak out..

Because right now the way I see it.. I am 10 strides ahead in a race I am not suppose to win.

But its not how you start.. Its how you finish...

Right?...

Push me... test me, and doubt me, and I will fight back, but I can only do it for so long.. Because in the end, I am still...

.only.human.