Even Kevin Jones..

even me.

Because you cannot escape it, and it is sad really, because there used to be a day where you could gaze out upon this business and see a diverse group, now all there is , is a monotonous span of people… who walk, talk and act the same.

Because they have all been bred the same way.

They see one person have success.. and their natural instinct is to mimic that, tear it down to the very core at which it began, and copy it. Maybe they ad a little bit of their own personality to it, and make it look like they are making something new. But in reality all they are doing is taking something pre-made.. and trying to make it work for them.

And what’s really sad.. is they get by with it.

And why do they get by with it?.. Because people let them, they become closed minded, shutting everything else that is different off, turning it away.. then the ones who dare to actually take on some innovation, get shut out. The become outcasts.. held down by the swarm of people who are out to please, out to be what you want them to be.

And you cannot deny it… there is no room for the different in this game anymore.

Either you conform.. or you lose.

Can I make it anymore clear then that?.. You either sellout and become something you are not, or you stay the same and deal with never getting the top spots, and being held back from your true potential.

How do I know so much on the topic?.. Because I live it.

Everyday of my life people turn me away because I am not like them.. the downcast me into the streets and turn their backs on me because I refuse to be like them…

I never claimed to innovate.

But I do claim to never conform.

Because this is an industry where originality is a thing of the past, anyone who claims to be original is either a liar, or a fool.

Kevin Jones is both.

Fact is.. I can look in the mirror and know I am true to myself. I have not changed who I am because some cooperate giant wants me to. If you tell me to change.. I will spit in your face and ask you to make me.

Why others would cower in fear and do whatever it takes to get ahead..

Kevin.. there is a reason I wear the mask. And before this day closes I will give you the answer.

Its not to hide who I am..

It’s not to try and portray some suede gothic persona.

…keep watching, and you will get the answer.

…

Jones seems to think I am merely a follower, walking blinding in the category he has placed me in.. Goth. Well, call me what you want, I have never been fond of labels but none the less I get the general idea of what he is saying. But the thing is.. he is blind, he has no idea what MY PEOPLE are like, he is simply a knack for stereotypes.. he has nothing else to go off of so he puts me in a category, one mind you that he seems to know very little about. But, so allow me to let you in to my world, the place where I roam freely with out inhibition or regard for the thoughts and opinions of others, because here no one cares. No one cares what you have been labeled as, they see past that and take you as you are. There is comfort in a place like this. I comfort I find rarely. ..So come in if you like. Or stay outside if you must. Either way I will proceed.

As soon as I walked into the place a warm thick air hit me, the scent of beer, drugs and people came over me, and myself, Nitara and Nicolae all stepped inside. Knowing.. that this is as close to a true home as we will ever find. It’s so loud I cannot hear myself think.. all I hear is the pulse pounding music, raging on like a machine a machine fueling the very souls of these people. This entire flock of people just like me, outcasts. Strays that people wont even bother to pick up off the street. But this is not about negativity.. no quite the contraire, in fact, when you hit those doors and you walk inside, you can forget every reason you walked through in the first place. Forget the problems that dwell on you outside those doors and set them free. Yes this is not a place of depressed drug bingeing or miserable alcoholic rages. This is a place to do one thing… Free Your Mind.

" This place is incredible.. why haven’t we ever came here before?.. "

she is truly in awe, the flashing strobe lights hit her eyes perfectly, and they glimmer and dance, we head over to the sitting area, where drinks are ordered.. party favors are arranged.. and the good times begin.

" Fantastic isnt it?.. "

" Its wonderful?.. Want to dance?.. "

" No.. but you go on ahead. "

And so she does, moving gracefully to the music, her vibrant figure moves perfectly with each beat, her presence takes over the floor .. people flock to her, like a magnet her electric persona shines off in every direction, and yet she never takes her eyes off of me, almost as if she is doing it all for me. And I am loving every second of it I must admit, she is gorgeous in every sense of the word. Regardless of what people take from me they can never take her.

" Amazing isn’t she?.. "

" Yeah man.. she is. "

" Let’s make this night worth remembering.."

" right on. "

And then we each take a tablet of E… and prepare to shoot a dose of heroin. I pop the vein out of my arm, flick the needle.. and then…

STOP!

Come on?.. Do you actually expect me to fall into that trap?..

To do exactly what you expect me to do?.. Glide right in to the stereotype you have laid before me?..

No way.. because everything you just witnessed..

Is not real.

A place such as that does not exist, there is only depression and sadness. No joy can ever come from such a place. No my night was not spent shooting heroin and snorting coke like Jones would have you believe. Instead I was boarded a plane. On my way to the site of Mayhem, in quiet contemplation. Sitting next to my lovely wife.

Bet you didn’t see that coming…

" Why is it I can never escape what people expect me to be?.. "

Could it be because you dont give them a reason to?.. There must be something that ties you to their expectations? What is it?..

" If I knew that, it would be the answer to all of the problems I have.. so I cannot answer that. "

well then I cannot answer it either, because whether you like it or not, you are bound to what people think of you, as much as people say it doesn’t matter what others think of you, it is obvious that it is a complete lie.. People’s opinions mean everything.

" How so?.. "

What determines whether or not you get a job?.. People’s opinion of you. What determines whether or not you get married or stay single?.. People’s opinion of you. And what decides whether or not you are elevated to the status you deserve or are held down to the place you are no?… I think you see my point.

" Indeed I do.. so what are you saying? That the only way to make it is to conform?.. To pretend to be something I am not"

Unless people open their mind to a broader prospective.. then yes that is exactly what I am saying.

" So am I destined to be stuck where I am at?"

…There is only one thing that can answer that question. And it is not you or me or any single person, it is merely time.. time will tell you one way or another given the right amount of it.

"…And if I dont want to wait? "

Then you give in.. fold and prove them right before time gets the chance to. ..

… And now I understand, more so then ever before. I cannot change, I have to count on the change of someone else.

" Open your eyes "

Again?..

" Come on Ty get up we are here. "

" Hm? " Still groggy.

" We just touched down. We are here. "

" Oh yeah.. right. Let’s go then. "

So tonight.. marks the night where I will fall as expected.. or rise past the expectations. I guess its true only time will tell.