IWF Chapter 10 | Preconceived Notions...
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Surprising turn of events?.... Not hardly, especially if you have been paying attention to the way things have been going down. All the signs were pointing towards it, but no one thought I would actually do it. For so long Punisher and I have been seen as one, I could not even establish my own identity because all they could see was I was along side The Punisher, therefor I was just like him... if you have any sense inside of your skull you can tell that is not true, but some refused to give me a chance. They refused to see me as me. Now they have no choice. Because I am alone, .. And this is how it should be. This is how I began.. I think part of my problem is the fact that I have been relying on people more than I should. I relied on Pun for far too long.. I relied on him even after I surpassed him. Because lets face it.. Or better yet, let me face what everyone else has already pointed out, that I am superior to him in every aspect, talent, dedication.. Skill.. So forth. And while the truth has been right there in front of me for so long.. I have been blind, ignorant even. Because all around me people have told me.. He is holding you back. Let him go. Why it took me so long to do it.. I have no idea. Perhaps I wanted things to change, perhaps I was holding onto a false truth or some glimmer of hope that never existed.. Fact is I have spent far too much of my career being associated with him. Its not like I was held in his shadow, because I was always above him.. It was simply because Being referred as his partner was only giving me a bad wrap, it was giving people an impression of me that was all wrong.. They assumed things about me that were not true. Because I was his partner people called me everything that he is. Boring.. Bland.. Talent less.. Nothing more than a gimmick. And finally it boiled over. Hearing that every time I turned around got to me.. And I pushed away the source, actually I beat the source with a steel chair until he was fucking un-conscience . But that’s not the point. The point is I am freed. Freed from the labels and stereotypes that have followed me since the day I stepped foot in IWF. People will be slow to admit.. But quick to realize what I am truly capable of.
It doesnt even matter than I am not a Tag Team Champion.. I don’t want those fucking titles.
Give me a chance.. And I will prove myself.
Or don’t.. And I will make you look foolish.
One way or another things are going to change, I am not going to sit idly by any longer as people with lesser talent get the opportunities I was once getting.
And so once again I find myself in the never ending saga that is revealing my true self, it seems that there is always something holding me back from letting my complete self shine through, It will be the quest I am on until the day I die, because no matter what I do to try and release my true self, people find a way to categorize me.
They try and mold me into what they think I am.
Fuck your mold..
Because as of right now.. I am molding myself.
Into someone different.
Someone more like myself.
Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man, you take it.
That thought has been my motivation, it has stuck with me since the moment I decided to be that man, and take personal freedom from the notions placed upon me, people are not going to like it I know this, some people are going to be afraid of what I will be capable of unleashing with no boundaries, no limitations to fence me in.. The fear of being along has long since left me, and perhaps I am going to settle in to my comfort level. But even the people who know me.. Cannot understand the reason, at times I am not sure I understand it myself, all I can tell you is this... I fell better then I have felt in years, and that is not bullshit, that is not a line I am feeding you to get you all to believe what I am saying is absolute truth, I am saying simply because it is how I feel. That was my whole reasoning behind making the move I did. So I didn’t have to lie anymore.. But still people don’t understand,
” Why did you do it?”
” Do......?”
” You know what I am talking about, betray Punisher. “ Betray...
A Strong term, I suppose I had not looked at it like that, in fact I had not looked at it like that at all, because this was not betrayal, this was the one and only choice I could make to capture the only sheds of dignity I have left.
” We have went over this an ungodly amount of times, drop it. “
” After all he did help you out in so many ways.. I just cant. “ I refuse to listen to this shit again
” NO!, shut the fuck up!” She gasps.. ” Sorry...I am just sick of hearing about that from everyone. What’s done is done.. I have moved on, why cant you. “ She is almost stunned at this response.
” You’re right... .I am the one who is sorry... “
That was earlier today.. And that will be the last time that conversation is ever spoken that topic will fade away and never be mentioned again, now.. I sit, alone, out among the night sky, a place that I can call home.. And my thoughts become numb. So many things have tortured my soul I can hardly keep it straight anymore. So I write... I write for no reason, I write with no purpose. Call it a release, call it a way to vent my emotions.. Hell call it therapy. But regardless of what you call it.. It helps ease my mind. And so I write...
Death.. It seems no matter how many times I try to escape it, it is always around me. It has always been the single thing in my life that is constant, people fade, emotions.. Jobs.. All of them jump in and out of my life, but Death is the only thing that follows me. Like a Dark cloud it circles around me, ready at any moment to rain tears of black acid down upon me.
Try as I might.. I cannot run from it.
Because it runs that much faster.
Now.. All I can do is accept it.
But how am I suppose to accept something so terrible as a prominent part of my life?...
If I push it away... It pushes back, knocking me flat..
The signs have always been there.. That an attempt at escape is futile..
Drag me down...
And Hold me there.
Because you will never let go and never turn away.
I am damned, damned to be trapped in eternal suffering.
Accept. Move on.
Those are the options I have been reduced to.
The Choice is obvious... the decision is hard...
And that is all I managed to get down.. Before it became too much.
What I said about writing being therapy...
Forget I ever mentioned it.
Because it is a lie.. There is no therapy. There is only acceptance.
” You ok” Nic’s voice caught me off guard, I must have been off in a daze.
” Why do you always ask me that? “
” Because sometimes you get this look where you can just tell something is wrong. “
...
” Now you’re a psychiatrist? “
”I took 2 years of Psyc.. “
” No you didn’t you ass... you didn’t even go to college. “
” Oh... well if I did I would have taken it. “
” ............”
” But for real.. If something is wrong, you could like talk to me if you wanted to. “
” Well Nic, I feel soo much better knowing that.” Hoping he catches the sarcasm
” Glad to help . “ he didn’t..
” We need to get out of this town sometime this week. “
” Where we going? “
” Not sure.. I’ll have to ask Nitara.. “
” Ask me what... “ She enters the room from behind me..
” Where we could go to get the hell out of here for a while. “
” You travel all the time. “
” But that is business.. I want to go somewhere to enjoy myself. “
” Ok.. So lets go somewhere.. “
” Any ideas?...”
” We’ll think of somewhere to go.. “
” Good. “
” OH can we go to Mt. Rushmore?.. “
” N O “ We say it in unison.
” Damn. “
” What kind of... I stop myself realizing that it is pointless Never mind... “
So I guess you could call this phase one of being on my own once again, only surrounding myself with the two people who actually know me. This process is not going to be hard, in fact it should be painless. If all goes well it will go off with out a hitch, and soon enough people will have no choice but to take notice of me.
At least thats the plan..
But we all know things don’t always go according to plan.. So....
Stick around, it should be interesting.
Yeah.. So Sunday was a disappointment of sorts.. In the long run maybe it will be for the best, but I wont lie I damn sure wanted to walk out with the tag Straps. But Punisher fucked that up.. Which means Acts of God retained. I suppose I shouldnt be bitter, after all it released me from teaming with Punisher, but being content with losing just doesnt work for me. Knowing that fucking loser Chris Darvin now holds 2... well, 1 victory and a fluke over me, just wont settle with me, and until that feeling is dealt with I will hold a grudge...
But It doesnt matter.
Much like the Reign of Power match didn’t matter, I suppose I didn’t respectable. Much more than people expected. But respectable is not good enough.
But for now I don’t have much of a choice.
All I can do now is look forward, and that is my match this week. With none other than Kevin Jones. I am not sure if this is some sort of a game, perhaps a test that Davis is playing, to see if I truly am better than Punisher like people keep saying, or if that is just babble. So one way to prove it, is to pit me against a man Punisher lost to. Jones. If it is.. That is fine, I’ll take that challenge head on. Because lets face it...
Kevin Jones is not unbeatable.
Come to think.. He is very beatable. The hype you get Jones baffles me, of all the people in this federation who get recognition for being “comedians”.. You are with out a doubt the single most overrated of the entire bunch. Most of the time people who are actually good at your style can get me to crack a smile. But I watch a promo of yours and find myself turning away after the first cliche and overused joke comes on. Its like a never ending cycle.. What people see in you I just cannot figure out..
If someone would like to tell me, that would be wonderful.
And A2 called you a legend.
Holy shit.. If you are a legend then this industry’s standards have went straight to fucking hell.
Honestly.. What have you ever done that is worth mentioning..
Wait.
Never mind, I don’t care, save your accolades. Because they are worthless..
Kevin I am just interested to hear what you have to say about me that has not been said before. But I can almost predict it, because it will be exactly what all the other “innovative” stars out there do.. Say the same shit the guy before them said. ... Fucking pathetic.
Is my back against the wall?..
I guess if you are looking at it from an outsiders view.. Yes.
I don’t feel like an underdog, because you don’t seem like a threat to me at all.
You show up and instantly Davis is on your nuts.. That means nothing to me, because you have a name that is well known doesnt prove anything to me.
Jones.. I’ll be waiting for you to make your move.
Assuming you show up.
Cut this shit.
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