May 3rd, 2003:
Back from Edmonton... And yet not actually home... I haven't talked to Krysta yey... I'm such a horrible person... God I miss her... Love her... Need her... But she's not going to want me... Not anymore... Why does bad stuff have to happen... All I want to do is kill myself and end all the suffering I know I'm going to create with what I have to do...
May 4th, 2003:
A new day has come, another day for me to hate myself... God I love her... I can't believe how anything could happen like this... I can't believe I'm not going to get to talk to my sweet baby... I love her with all my being, how could this have happened... I guess if I'm going to bitch I should write what I did, let everyone see the true scum that I am...
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I was in Edmonton for a class trip from the last week of april to the end of the first week in May... I couldn't talk to Krysta the entire time, the worst week of my life, then becoming even worse. While I was there some of us from the class left the hotel at night to go to a party. What a good idea. We were all drinking and stuff. I went to the bathroom, the rest was history, I couldn't remember anything beyond coming back from the bathroom and drinking my drink. I didn't think fuckin' date-rape shit got used on guys too... Woke up out behind the bar and made my way back to the hotel. My friend was freakin', not knowing what to do, he told me what had happened. Someone slipped some shit into my drink, threatening to sick some huge guys on him if he did anything apparently. So he didn't say anything. I pretty much passed out at the table and that's when I got taken to the alley and apparently raped by 5 girls from the bar... I want to tell Krysta, but I can't even look at myself without then trying to kill myself, talking to her, telling her, I know I wouldn't be able to handle it, I'd break down... I don't want her to think bad of me, that I'd do this to her...
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I'm such a horrible person...
May 5th, 2003:
OMG~!!! I've not cried since I was nine years old and I can't stop now... I just read my baby's online journal... OMG what have I done... Just read what she wrote about me and you'll all agree...
http://www.freeopendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=A991433
I'M SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH~!!! I do care gorgeous, I always have, I always will, I love you so much with my heart and soul, I can't live without you... And now that I'm without you I can't live... I love you, I'll miss you... Goodbye everyone...
