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My Information

Faygo Kitten
40601
/goth2/kittenette/
Faygokitten@webtv.net
Pray that you will never have to bear all that you are able to endure.

The Sadnes Within its how i felt. Hiding the secrets that I Yearned to let out. but wasnt aware of how. I was just your adverage 13 year old right? Wrong, I had a secrets so horrible, so frightning that I was ashamed to tell anyone, plus to top it off I was a *Cutter* Any ways no one really knew anything, I always had a Smile on my face, but that was just to cover up the tears I was crying on the inside, that later would weep from my arms. People dont understand how one can inflick pain up on themself. The asume that, that person is mentally Ill and is an outcast from society, however that's not true. it could be any member of your family..and I m pretty sure there is at least one person in every family who is a cutter. just no one talks about it, I kept my secret hidden for years. No one had an clue that I was in so much pain. Even breathing hurt. but it kept me alive, altho at times I really didnt want to be. I did little things like drink a bottle of Nyquil didnt do to much other then knock me out for 18 hours straight and make me very sleepy for a day after that. I wanted a way out, away out from all the pain. I didnt care how sometimes we'd be driving down the highway and i just wanted to jump out of the car it was so hard not to. I cut myself to stop my emotional pain, inflicting physical pain help control my emotional pain. Strange huh?..let me explain. Emotional Pain: is pain that is constent, never stoping. where Physical Pain: is just there for a moment. but in that moment my moment of weakness it took away my emotional pain sometimes for hours sometimes for days. And to me hurting myself made me feel better, and alive. I just wanted to feel normal. without hurting. so I depended on that. It is an Addiction trust me I know. one slice always leads to another and another and another... I always told myself ok just this one last time I need it...till the next time anyways i ached for it i still do years of doing it, i still can feel it the way it would pulsate through my skin altho I havent done cutting or mutilation since Dec of 2001 but I get tempted sometimes when im depressed like right now i can feel it, kinda like a druggie and how they just need one more...works the same way well any ways there will be more added when I get time...btw the secret to me stopping my self mutilation was because I found out I was pregnant... now im not saying go get ur self knocked up..it worked for me, I'm saying I found something to do it for, since I couldnt do it for myself I did it for her. "Look In My Bed, I'm Bound To Be Sleeping, I'm Laying There Dead..But I'm Still Breathing"
I'm trying, To hide all my pain. I'm crying, It's driving me insane I'm hurting, Screaming deep within. I don't know how to show you, The scars upon my skin I need help, But I don't know what to say. I wish someone would listen? I hurt myself today. If You look at my face, You'll see a life well spent. If you look at my wrist, you'll see my torment. You don't understand, All that I fear. My existance, My life I hold so dear. I need help, But I don't know what to say. I wish someone would listen? I cut myself today.
"Ain't It Funny How We Feel So Much, But Cannot Say A Word, We're screaming On The Inside..But We Can't Be Heard"