Hello. The Diary of a Madman is up and running again. And it's not a fucking blog or plog or anything gay like that(yeah, I said gay:sue me, bitch)

<7/3/03>[11:59 AM]
Yesterday T3 came out! I HAVE TO SEE THAT! Of course, I am VERY disapointed in Cameron's absence; although I think I will still enjoy the film.

Hugh Jackman would kick ass as Bats. He probably won't get the role, though. Johnny Depp would kick ass, though!

I normally don't post these stupid things, but this one I find to be stereotypically accurate. I don't post these unless I agree with them.

What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla
I find it VERY stupid to post quiz results that YOU don't agree with. Whatever. <12/28/03>[3:22 AM]
Yeah, I'm back. I didn't see the point in changing the layout or archiving anything, because that's just stupid. Plus the below serves as a reminder to some people of how bad they fucked me up. Yes, I blame THEM because it was THEIR fucking fault. They are horrible people, one and all, and now that I am away from them, I am free. Of course, I have trouble letting go, so now I'm friends with one of them, the bastard, and trying to maintain being friends with some bitch who keeps blocking me and being a fucking Two-faced bitch in person. I hate Two-Faces, although Two Face from BM is fly.

Whatever. I find it so incredibly gay that some people aren't touched by poetry. I mean; even when you TELL THEM that the poem is ABOUT THEM, they're like, "good poem" or "I'm sorry" or "I still challenge you to write a happy poem". How gay.

Here's some bashing poems to some Communist people I know. Well, ok, they aren't Communists, but their God is MAO and so here is their bashing poem. Wait, actually their God is Gackt. Then why are they Mao? Idiots! Maybe they haven't thought of it, yet. Come to think of it, I didn't even think of it. For those of you who don't know, Camui Gackt is some Japanese metalist who is less popular in his own country than Ozzy is. Yes, UK overall are metal people. But we have Kiss, Led Zeppelin, and technically Ozzy. We also have great 80's and 90's pioneers such as NIN, Korn, SOAD, Everclear, Nirvana, Manson, and not to mention Bill and Ted(no wait, that's fresh water)lol!.

Anyway, here's my poem about most of the members of MAO and then there is one about one of the members.

"Your World"

Yeah, you really wish that you were Japanese
You really wish you were something you could never be
You really wish you could see the stars' gaze at night

But you will never see reality
You will not accept the fact that you're born into ease
You will not clear your mind enough to see that you'll never be
That Man that you see on TV.

You really wish you were an action star
You wish that you weren't this thing that you are
You really want to feel security while looking into the sun

But you will never see reality
You can't believe the things that you don't see
Or Make sense out of what is not blind, but free
That man you see in your mind.

You want to be a vampire
Or a King of fire
Maybe a man with a big gun
Just busting up fun

You won't accept that you are nothing
Accept the fact that you are these things you can't be
Look into the star, but don't see their gaze

No, you will never see reality
No, you will never know you were born into ease
You will not clear your mind enough to see you'll never
That Man that is only on TV

Accept that you are not an action star
How can I ask you to see what you are?
You look into the sun but no longer feel the secure rays

No, you will never see reality
You won't believe anything you don't see
You can't make sense of things not blind, but free
That man that is only in your mind.
and...

"Violets and Socks"
So maybe I'm a danger
I don't know why
Looking into your life
I'm trying to defy
The urge to call you hypocrite
liar, and cheat
The urge to say that you are
in blood way too deep

I look at the people
That you say you love
And I see laughing faces
From evil soaked in blood
The blood belongs to you
The one and only you
The blood is soaked upon the floor
The blood, I say, is true

The pain they caused is real and there
The pain they caused is violent
The pain they caused is horrible and red
Stranger than a blood-soaked violet

Violets are red
Roses are blue
Bleeding causes your change
into something new
I can see your name now
Up in lights
Such an idiotic blashemy
A catastrophe of ice

Violets are definately red
See, I'm not insane
Roses are most certainly blue
No, officer, I am NOT drunk

Violets are red
Roses are blue
You're a smart girl
I'm sure you'll guess who

[5:00 PM]
Right now I can actually say that I am happy. I feel an odd mix of "Bottled Up Inside" by Korn, "Alone I Break" by Korn, "Lithium" by nirvana, and "Letters to You" by Flinch. Bottled Up Inside is about a bitch who leaves drives you insane, Alone I Break is about not wanting to live anymore, lithium is about being drug-induced happy, and Letters to You is, well, Flinch's album title is What it is to burn, so you do the math. Look up lyrics at Lyrics.com. You won't be able to find Flinch there; i already tried. The chorus is:

I want you to know that--I miss you, I miss you soo--

It's a punk rock song, not my kind of music but a good song. I mean burn(what it is to Burn) in the romantic sense(long desire). What it is to be in love would be better, but that sounds sappy. Oh well, whatever, nevermind.

In any case, back to headbanging. Be back in five. It's 5:07 PM, now.

Sorry, I got watched Freak On A Leash and Got the Life and listened to 'bout half of Make Believe and shit. Sorry. It's 5:22 by the time I got back and now it is 5:23. PM PM

Well, got to go. Bye.

Andy J.
<12/24/02>[2:16 PM]
I am so fucking confused. I tried to commit suicide a couple of times last night. That prick, Sean, took my blade the first time, the second time he mentioned leslie and it changed my mind about putting the plastic bad over my head. Now I'm listening to Nirvana, and thinking of my fucked up life and the shit I go through on a daily basis.

I wonder what Megan would think if I killed myself. She's probably the only person that knows someone that I know that may know what I'm going through. Probably not, though. I told them if they had to live one day with the shit I go through, they would kill themselves halfway through the day. I am going to write an epic poem based on this shit. It will be called "The Suicide of a Pisces". God, Kurt, why'd you have to die? Why'd you have to shoot yourself? You were such a good man, damn it! God, I do know what you mean about just being a weak, overly sensitive Pisces. It sucks, being a Pisces, and we can talk of it when I die and finally meet you. You, me, Jonathan Davis(You kick ass, man), the rest of Nirvana and Korn(two kick ass bands), and the rest of my band will all sit in whatever afterlife we go to and have DP and listen to metal and talk about our shit lives we no longer have to deal with. If you can see this, Kurt, just know you were a good man.

In any case, I tried to kill myself twice last night. Wait, I told you that already. In any case, I wanted to be with God last night. In any case, Rape Me is on now. Kick ass song. Nirvana kicks it. So does Korn, but I listen to them all the time, and I just got this Nirvana cd. Now Dumb is on. It's only a fair song so I'm back to Heart-Shaped Box now. I'm a Pisces, too, so I can't relate to it. I love music that I can relate to.

Sean told leslie that I loved her and shit. I don't know who or what I love anymore. I'm so fucking confused. Mandi makes herself out to be the victim. She isn't a victim of anything but her own stupidity.

I hate people in general. I'm sorry, but I am so sick of being in this world of carelessness.

Andy J.
<12/19/02>[10:16 AM]
Whatever. I'm sorry, Mandi, for whatever the fuck I did.

That's not cool. I know what I did, and it's my fault. That e-mail I sent was stupid. I wrote you like a fucking 14 page note last night while I should've been doing history but I all I could think of was you and threw it away this morning. Oh well, whatever, nevermind.

I don't really care about much anymore. If I didn't have to see you and/or Sean every day, things would be ok for me. So, I guess I'm saying I'm sorry but we just can't be friends anymore. It's not anything you did; It's all my fault. The pain is just so much and I can't take it anymore!

I realized last night--I'm no better than any of those freaks who cut themselves. I'm a fucking freak and now I know it.

I wish those people wouldn't hurt themselves. I don't care that I do it. Well, I do, but I don't want others to suffer as much as I do. It really hurts to read some of the shit that goes on, but it does make me feel better that other people do know some of the shit I'm going through. I want to help them. I wish I could help them all! I guess I'm just too fucking sensitive, like Kurt Cobain was.

I took an online quiz thingy to see which Nirvana band member I was most like and it turns out it's Kurt Cobain. I can see that, seeing that I am a Pisces, I am sensitive, and hurts to see people not caring. I also object to fakeness, want to be remembered. <12/17/02>[2:12 PM]
Well, looks like it's happening again. My ex falls in love with my friend. Oh, well, I know I can't expect her to be faithful when we aren't even in a relationship anymore, but it doesn't change the fact that it hurts. I hope they don't read this. I hope they don't, because then those losers will stop just to please me. AND I DON'T WANT THAT! Look, Mandi, I can handle the fact that he makes you happier than I did! ALRIGHT? I CAN FUCKING HANDLE IT!

The Local Bat
<12/15/02>[10:45 AM]
Nothing is good any more. Nothing makes me happy any more. I am so wasted with anguish and sorrow that I have made myself cold and into a very not-so-nice guy.

My plan to do caffeine to make myself happy failed. My resistance is so high that it didn't affect me. The sugar, however, DID affect me, and I felt like shit, which probably pissed my friends off more. I NEED THE FUCKING PILLS, SEAN!

In any case, I think I have mono or something shitty like that.

I wrote a parody to "Scar Tissue" by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. It's disgusting, and funny, so, here it is:

?Ball Tissue?

By Andy Jones

Ball tissue
What a bad fall
Blow job
To get some weed
That?s all
Close your eyes
And run away
Cause
The birds shit!

When the birds shit, it?s a lonely view and
When the birds shit, it?s a lonely view and

Come here, I?ll do you up against a wall
I?ll strip your and take off your bra
I just cummed all over myself
No, wait
That?s the bird?s shit

When the birds shit, it?s a lonely view and
When the birds shit, it?s a lonely view and
When the birds shit, it?s a lonely view!

Sperm loss in a bathroom stall!
Fagot boy licks up it all
Hopes nobody tells his Ma and Pa
Cause
The birds will shit

When the birds shit, it?s a lonely view and
When the birds shit, it?s a lonely view and

Unlucky dude tells about his fall
I feel so sorry about your busted ball and
Doesn?t happen frequent and
The birds shit

When the birds shit, it?s a lonely view and
When the birds shit, it?s a lonely view and
When the birds shit, it?s a lonely view!

Ball tissue
What a bad fall
Blow job
To get some weed
That?s all
Close your eyes
And run away
Cause
The birds shit!

When the birds shit, it?s a lonely view and
When the birds shit, it?s a lonely view and
When the birds shit, it?s a lonely view!

There it is.
The Local Bat <11/15/02>[7:36 PM]
To Hell with God. That is the general mood I am in.

Right now, I am listening to Korn:Untouchables all the way through.

My depression is starting to piss my friends off. So, I have a plan. My happiness will be real, though not achieved through normalcy. It will not be fake, though. Note:There is a difference between artificial and fake.

I need to get those fucking pills from Sean. They are caffeine, so they are perfectly legal. Well, almost perfectly legal. Oh well, whatever, nevermind.

The Local Bat