Maddox and 26 thing Ther perfect guy should do.A really awesome guy, named Maddox, did a thing on the 26 things the perfect guy should do. It pissed him off so much he only got to 14 before he decided to go put his dick in the oven, since that is much more fun then the 26 thing. I've decided to take what he said and revamped it my way, or just repost it here. Props go to Maddox for doing it, and to me for ripping him off like the bastard I am.
1. Know how to make you smile when you are down!
Unless making her smile involves playing video games, or sex, women are in for disapointment with me on this one. And do women ever think that men can feel down too? Door swing both ways you know, bitch.
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
I never understand the whole hair sniffing thing really. Whats so great about a womans hair, unless she just got out of the shower and her hair smells like some overpriced shampoo. But two seconds later she'll just drown her hair in perfume, enough to choke a house pet. Then it's as good as a needle in the eye.
3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.
In other words, bail you out every chance we get, but never tell you so.
4. Give you the remote control during the game.
Not all men watch the god damn game, like me, I'd rather sit in the dark and play God of War then watch faggot sports, unless someone get hurt or crashes their car. In that case, bitch want sthe remote she'll have to kill me first.
5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
Sounds like something out of a herpes commercial where some lady is rock climbing or doing something else which symbolizes her independence, then out of nowhere she blurts out "I HAVE HERPES." The music gets all serious and you hear a voice over "...there is no cure," cue inspirational music "but treatment is available." Then it cuts to a shot of the bitch on a beach and a guy runs up behind her and puts his arms around her. Good job dumbass, you're dating a skank with herpes.
6. Play with your hair.
Again with the hair? Women never play with the hair on my back, why the double standard?
7. His hands always find yours.
Only lezbo's hold hands you rugmunchers!
8. Be cute when he really wants something.
Hell no! When I want something I ask for it, I don't get it I yell! Thats how it goes!
9. Offer you plenty of massages.
For your rack, sure. Or maybe feet, if you do alot of moaning and "Oh that feels so good! Oh yeah, right there, harder, harder, uhhhhh yesss!" Then I rub anything you want me too rub.
10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.
Let's face it: there are few things in this world more stupid than dancing. Except break dancing, which pirates and lumber jacks would agree is awesome. Other than that, dancing makes me envy cripples.
11. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
See, this is what pisses me off about women: they expect special treatment at their discretion. They want equal rights, equal pay, and equal treatment for everything EXCEPT when it comes to shit like this, then they want you to "react cutely." Why don't women react "cutely" when men hit them for a change? Oops, I forgot, that's domestic abuse.
12. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.
If I'm driving for five hours to see you for one I better get some wicked psycho sex, and she better pay for gas. What else you going to do with one hour?
13. Stare at you.
I dare anyone with a wife or girlfriend to jsut stand their and stare at them. Don't say anything, don't smile or anything, just stare, see what happens.
14. Call for no reason.
Unless we'll be talking dirty I ain't doing this. And really, this is mor elike something girls do to piss off guys.