The album in my head

Confirmed Termination:











In search of the black rose

You’re my black rose
The key to my world
I’ve lost you before
I promised I’d find you

We are the chosen ones,
Dancing on the edge of the storm
We will never be free from this curse
It’s why we keep being born

Somthing about the way you look tonight
Makes me want to win this fight

You’re my star
I will always follow you
Never burn out
Never leave me alone in the dark

I’ve lived this day several times before
Always ending differently
Then returning to this very chair
Where I ruin it over and over and over...

Somthing in your eyes tells me
You know who I am
You are the one I’ve been looking for
The one I have died will die for

I didn’t know what I was supposed to do
Seeing your eyes scared her in me
Not seeing she lied dormant in you
So I walked away

I can feel the metamorphosis
The brutal Cleansing I endure within
I do everything for you
Why did I let this begin?

Everything I’ve lost
In you I may regain
But the last time you loved me
We were brutally slain

I feel empty inside
Longing for you to fill me
You are the only thing that matters
You must remember who we used to be

This deteriorating shell
Decaying as I breathe
Pain and rage growing within me
As my heart, begin to seethe

The vale of night caress us as we lay
Our breathless whispers are carried away
In the sweet sighing wind
Engulfed in the gloom
Of the Dyad Moon
Under which we have sinned

Repeated words, everything you already know
But theres no other way for me to show
That you are everything to me,
In you, lies the golden key

Everything we had
I have grown to miss
My lips are wilting
Yearning for you kiss

You never wanted the real me
Only the me, I pretended to be
The makeup covering every inch of my face
Is all that a attracted you to my hidden grace

You are the source of all my pain
The love growing inside courses
Through my bleeding veins
Everything I do, I do for you
And you don’t see...

I know you’ll come to my rescue
When I’m already dead
Stripped bear and clod
Laying alone on my death bed







Blood red sky

The sky turned red
Stained with my blood
That spilled when I absorbed
Your emotional flood

Unnatural silence
In the surreal fog unfurled
Darkness consumes
What’s left of the world

Blankets the explosion
That occurred in me
When their prayers
Threw me back into the bloody sea

Where I once escaped
I now return
Not to my home
But back to where I learned
Loosing my past,
I must regain once more
The powers I lost
When I closed that door

It’s all over now
There’s nothing left to sell
You’ve given up on me
Went home without your oracle







Desire

My memories betray me
Like everything else in my life
I have no control over this situation
The lines between reality and fantasy have blurred
There is no line anymore
My fantasy is my reality; there is no rationalization.


My faith is gone, no more hope
The soul mate in you has left with my spirit,
I’m left broken and empty. Alone and dying
Nothing here for me, not even you
Because I know nothings right,
The balance has shifted as I lay crying

Overcome with desire
I lost myself in your fire
You sucked out my soul
And swallowed me whole

I lost control of my dreams
The sight of home seems
Empty loathsome and dead
The truth died in my bed

Overcome with desire
Both compulsive liars
The truth spills itself to me
The truth gone before I could see

Overcome by desire
I see us on that pyre
Our funeral march mourned by none
Though we lay together, I am alone.

Desire







Desperate

Desperately looking for answers
In everything I find
Give away everything
For a little piece of mind

You are not the giver of life,
You hid mine away from me
Killing me, crushing my spirit
Not letting me be free

Entrancing
A dance of self destruction
As you weave a web
Trapping me with your seduction

I can not keep the tears from flowing
I can not keep this pain from growing
I can not go on without knowing
If you love me too
I’ll watch your beauty glowing
Is my love not showing?
I can feel my heart slowing
To catch up with you

Remember this C’mon lets go
I’ll take you to the land of snow
When you remember who we are
I’ll take us away very far
Be who we were so we can sleep
Under the willows that never weep
You make me weak I need your touch
You can not see I love you so much


Make me cry
Make me die
Make me go away
Say goodbye
Never lie
Promise me you’ll stay

So emotionally spent
I can not speak
Nothing can compare
To the pain I reek








Dream Land

Silent dreams of distant lands
Shadows memories of loving hands
Visions of the isle of crucifix
Engulfed by a poison mist

I’ve traveled to this land (but in dreams only)
To see hers hands (who is now lonely)
Yearning once more for your touch
Never realized she needs you so much

My eyes witnessed her destruction
As her world was sucked into oblivion
The waters of truth, turned into blood
And the mountainous peaks transformed into mud

They drowned all her saviors
And fed all her masters
All because she lost her love
She enters now the world above







Everything

I had everything,
A world, an identity, a love,
Then when we left, for all the right reasons
They took everything away.
Then I came here
I rebuilt myself, but forgot.
Discovered my past, and saw the future,
Found my love, and they destroyed you.

Not long ago, I found the sisters,
Then they took them away,
Now that I have found you,
I find you have no memory of me.
Forgot whom you were, who I was,
What we are, what we must do...
Everything we stood for,
We stood up for love.

They took everything, even hid my heart,
What I have doesn’t know the truth,
All I can do is look into her oceans,
Those cold blue eyes, Which seem to look
Right through this disgusting exterior,
To see the empress you once loved.
The souls bonded through eons of battles
Reunited, reborn, reincarnated
Because of the war our love started.

I still feel you
Your warm touch,
Your soft smile,
Pale soft white skin,
Soul of a goddess
The smell of your hair,
Distant memories of our home,
The one we destroyed, we let this happen.

For ages I searched for those eyes,
Finding you, then loosing you,
Never at rest, always running...
Running from our enemies,
Running from our past,
Running from ourselves,
But always running together.

They took everything
Now you are everything,
Everything that matters,
Only love, always, for eternity
Never left you, lost myself.
I will not let them take you away
It is too late for me, but I will save you

One day we will be joined eternally in the stars







Frozen tears

The sky bleeds with me,
Because what was inside me is dead.
Everything I protected has abandoned me
And your words keep echoing through my head

I see things clearly now
Can’t keep this pain in me
I will shut myself off
Give up everything to be free

My imperfections seem so significant
You really don’t want me
But I cant live without you
Shut myself down, refuse to feel anything

The emptiness I filled with thoughts
Of you now grows and consumes my heart
The hollowness in my soul
Eats away my will to live

The root of all my suffering
Is the source of all my pleasure

I wake up every morning,
My face covered with dried tears
Never to be warmed in the embrace of sunshine
Lie cold and alone to wallow in my fears

Years and years of
Frozen tears of regret
Cling to me like I cling to you
Wish I could leave myself and forget

I don’t know how to handle you
And I think you feel the same
You know too much about me
More than I want to name

A layer of dried tears
Covers my awakening eyes
I am greeted with thoughts
Of my love and my lies

My whole world’s been shaken
I wish I’d just die
I never want to hate you
Never say goodbye

But I can’t keep loving someone
Who doesn’t love me too
I can’t take all this pain
I cant live without you.

I’ll never let go
I’m too stubborn to admit
I’m loosing you
You’re drifting away and leaving me with shit

Never leave me
I won’t let go of you
I won’t let you leave me
I’ll die if you do







Goodnight kiss (kiss of death)

The angels wept Tears and blood
For her lost soul
Many died as the The heavens cried
Turned the earth to mud.

“I wish the world could
Sleep forever
To watch everyone be not alive”
This wish thought never
To be granted ever
Would always survive

The world awakes
Now I must rest...
I am freed of your curse now
Until night of next
It is written in ancient text
In day, I rise from this eternal bow.

I see my reflection clearly
In your blood spilt
Its essence feeds my soul
I taste the guilt
Your world has built
Your heart’s as black as coal

“Shall we drown the world?”
He asked in fear
As her soul began to rise
“Of course not dear”
“Just leave me here”
“This world will bring it’s own demise...”








Hopeless

I’ve always been able to retreat to my delusional world
The world where we could be together
Where there was hope for me, for us
But i have awaken and seen the harsh reality of the situation
My world is now dying and it’s taking my decaying heart
My already broken body will never feel your touch
In my head, we were together.
Now it is sick, and i must let go of my dream
We will never be together
I can no longer see into you, or myself
I am blinded and caged
And you were taken from me,
I did this all to myself, and sucked others into my world
Destroying their dreams.
I deserve all i get. To loose my love
Crying will not do any good
However, it’s all I can do
Theres nothing i can fix. So i retreat to my mind and wait for it to kill me.
Because i will die before you leave me
I can not take anymore pain
I’ve never lived in their world
I am too guilty, too unreal.
I have nothing in their world.
You were my world but i see its hopelessness now







Humanity Sucks

I see my world
Through the eyes of pain
Fear the one
Who shows no shame
You ignore the devil
But that’s his game
You play into his hands
Who will take the blame?

What are we all?
Half beast half man?
More dead than alive
We live among the damned...
Remain in death
Were we stand
We fell from grace
Here’s where we land

You worship god (you worship your god)
You ignore his call (ignore my call)
You don’t seem to realize (you do not realize)
He’s in us all (I’m in you all)
We live in him (you live in me)
To him we fall (to me you fall)
He’s our master (I am your master)
For him we crawl (to me you crawl)








Beautiful

I am drowning in tears
Not just my own
I’ve gone deaf from the screams
Of the souls who’s love I’ve known

Everything is dead,
No more emotions
Because you’ll leave
I lost my devotion

I wish I were beautiful
So I could be with you
I’ll never be beautiful
There’s noting I can do

Let me bleed
On my life you may feed
Let me die ashamed
I feel nothing, I am to blame

I couldn’t handle your pleasure
Now you are killing me
You tore me up inside
And let me kill myself.

I wish I were beautiful
So I could be with you
I’ll never be beautiful
There’s noting I can do

Your intoxicating scent
That filled my soul like a flood
Fills the room when I cry,
Tears no more, weep only blood

I wish I were beautiful
So I could be with you
I’ll never be beautiful
There’s noting I can do

I’ll never be beautiful
I’ll never be with you
You’ll never love me
The way I love you.







In the hands of fate
He’ll never give you what you need
He’ll never change for you or me
But keep him now, loose him, loose me
Never appreciate your beauty

Nothing can save you except yourself,
I can’t save you and you can’t save me
Will release you from my world
And watch you fly free

Hide you away, he’s too insane
Stand here, I’ll keep you safe from him
They’ll never find us here alone
Here In the valley we’ll call this home

Let you go, freed from hell
With her you’ll dwell
Don’t need me, I wish you well
Your fate, your past, I’ll never tell

I watch you slit your pale white wrist,
Shed my royal blood to replace yours
Leaks your pain into me,
Hide behind my iron doors

Sit next to you
And hold your hand
Mixing our blood
Spilling it over the land

I don’t know if I’m healing
or just furthering my delusion
I don’t know if I’m fixing this
or pushing it deeper within

Drown me please
The feeling of loosing somthing new
Fill with guilt
Change the way I feel about you

Breath
Breath into me
Push life back into me,
Kiss away death

Hold me







Innocence

I’ve been a bad girl
Standing in the corner now
I’m oblivious
Don’t ask why or how
Say bye, baby’s gone
Baby’s got a baby too
He will follow me
But I’ll only follow you


I almost loved you
Almost loved you
You almost made me love you
But I can’t love you
I can’t love

I don’t want to leave you
But my time is gone
I wish I could hold you forever
Protect you from life, shield you from the dawn

I hate myself for letting you go
The hurt wont fucking die
You ruined me and saved me
You keep me alive

This sadness has turned to hate
Is it worth the trouble?
To make a life
If you know, you’re dying...

Unappreciative bitch
I almost loved you
Almost loved you
You almost made me love you
But I can’t love you
I can’t love

Oh fuck it, I’ll always love you.







Let Me Down

I live my life but you always let me down
Just because I live with restriction and you are free
You never come to visit me
I lifted you up, placed on you a crown
However, you unknowingly used it to let me fall
Deeper into the darkness I crawl

And you were never really there
But I devoted myself to you
You stripped my life away and left me bare
I thought I loved you. I still do

I don’t know what you are capable of seeing
You preach your blindness then tell me your opinions
The sophisticated hayseed, on of billions
I never cared what you did or who you’re being
I only wanted you in mind and spirit, don’t call me hypocritical,
Body would be nice but not what’s critical

One of you, in my head, loves me,
The other tells me you hate me
I don’t know you anymore
Only this emptiness
When I let myself feel love
It is replaced by pain







Little girl lost...

I’m always searching
For myself
Maybe that’s my problem
Time to put it on a shelf
Maybe for once I should
Let it all go
Let my life run its course
Run slow

I’ve swallowed my emotions
I choke on them and die
Now I realize my life
Is nothing but a lie
I lay down on the ground
I begin to cry
There’s nothing left in this place
For me to try.

You made me this way
You wanted me to stay
I died because
It always was
About you’re hunting me like prey







Mental Bondage

I can not free you
From your catatonic state
Can not open your
Personal hells gate
I look into you soul’s entrance,
Those deep blank eyes.
The voids from which
There’s no escape from your demise.

Your pain is not mine, I can’t see or feel
I can not fight your fears
I want to help to ease your suffering
To drink, to lick to take your tears.

I live for you
I want to bleed for you
I will die for you
Take your hell from you

I want to end this existence of
Endless night
That has trapped you
Taken away the sight







Mother

I have no desire to do anything
I have awaken to see that waiting is pointless
There is no reason for anything
I'm just going to die and
Nothing I've done will mean anything
You always tell me I'm not good enough
And you're always disappointed
So, I stopped caring about anything
And now I don't even try
I've abandoned all hope of ever becoming human
I do not walk among them,
You have seen to that
So, that makes me only an observer of how I am supposed to be
My small world that you restricted
Is shrinking and squeezing me out of it
I have to escape
I have to get away
I have to break the chains you've lain upon me
I have to become human
I need to get away from you
I need to love her
I want to find myself
I want to live
I don't want to die
But there's no escaping death now.


Mother you have taught me well
I am not like other children
I do not have to play with them
I can play by myself and that is better for me

Mother you have taught me well
I am not like other children
I have to be smarter than them
I can pretend to study so you won’t get mad

Mother you have taught me well
I am not like other children
The voices I hear are from God
I must do what they tell me to do

Mother you have taught me well
The tumor in my head is not really there
I’m not dying; I don’t need a doctor
Although I can see blood coming out of my ears,
I am not worried because you said I am fine

Mother you have taught me well
And for that you’ll burn in hell
My human life you did sell
And I await my death, since I fell


its my fucking fault you were late for work
its all my fault you married a jerk
its my fault that you make me cry
its all my fault that i want to die







Phantoms and specters

Beating me constantly
Spirits damned and free
Taunt and tease
Music will ease
The pain that
Will not release
My tortured hide
From its deathly freeze

The light becomes darkness
As my world becomes you
I can feel it take over
The weakness

Tongues of fire kiss my face
You are fire, burning my skin
The light you emanate
Blind me with your darkness

The rain passes through me
My body is water
You can see through me,
Cold emptiness is transparent

Delirious from pain
Tormented thoughts of loosing you
Dazed and confused
I use you to kill myself

The kiss of death
On my skin, because
I know too much
Why i must die, to save you

The sun is setting in your eyes
How i wish to go down with it
Darkness surround me
To sleep, weep in your human heart

Pray and plead before each moon
Desires of the night
Moments loosing their meanings
Words empty and cruel

The solar sea will devour me
But it will not be you
Because you do not believe
And you will leave me again

The child will end all things
But you will not see
Your greatest crime,
Loosing faith

You forgot,
You don’t see,
You can’t see,
You are blind,

What i carry within me
Will tear us apart
But united we can
Conquer this world
And the ones rightfully ours

when the spirits bite
and the dragons fight
it is time too run and hide
when the weak take might
and the fish take flight
you will know that i have lied







Pleistocene

Kill the world
No one’s real
And those left “alive”
Seem so unreal
They’ll suffer as we did
See how we feel
Then the truth will dissolve with their spirits
And our true selves will be revealed

Roam the earth
After Pleistocene
The last superior beings
Left alive, serene...
We rule the earth
Together as queen
Will not repeat the mistakes
Of former machines

The epoch that will belong to us
Nothing will take our empire away
Everything will be ours
We’ll make everybody pay
And if our allies try to betray
There will be no delay
I’ll display my dismay
(To the goddess I pray)
I’ll portray on that day
That they are all our prey

I’ll kill a nation for you
I’d kill the world if you asked me to
I’ll steal a star
From the sky
Reveal my scars
Then kiss all of your's sweetly goodbye

Roam the earth
After Pleistocene
The last superior beings
Left alright and serene
We rule the earth
Together as queen
We will not repeat the mistakes
Of former machines

When they harvest
We will stand and see
From the highest temple
Above the world past the sea
We’ll watch their drones
File and sort their own souls
Mindless zombies
Manufactured by their own obsolete goals

They have no control
Over anything anymore
We’ll watch their destruction
The media’s whore
After they’re dead,
(Not that they weren’t before)
We’ll walk among the decaying corpses
Sprawled along the shore

Roam the earth
After Pleistocene
The last superior beings
Left you'll see what i mean...
We rule the earth
Together as queen
We will not repeat the mistakes
Of former machines

Together
No mercy
Revenge
Together

The frozen earth
Beneath our feet
We’ll keep each other warm
And together we’ll greet
The dawn of a new era
Your embrace is so sweet
The dynasty we’ll create
Once we make ourselves complete

Roam the earth
After Pleistocene
The last superior beings
We’ll make each other clean
We rule the earth
Together as queen
We’ll hide away
We’ll rule unseen

I will dissolve your chains
Our Sovereignty we’ll regain
Ancient prophecy will reign
The end of our pain

Together
Sweet love
Dear friend
Together
For all eternity
(Or until we start this all over again)



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