Then N' Now
From an early age, I felt I was
special. Growing up with four older
brothers, and being the only girl, has confirmed now, my submissive nature.
Altho', my father passed when I was 5, I always sought the accolades from my
brothers. Each giving a little to
me of what I needed, so I may develop into the person I am today.
Just as a daughter lives to please her 'Daddy', to have him cherish and
hold her close as his special princess, so did I with my brothers.
When I discovered there was a
name, a title if you will, to what I have now lived and become, needless to say
I was astonished. Astonished in
that all the pieces of my life, all the unanswered questions fit together like a
neatly bound and chained puzzle.
Looking back and reflecting of
these times, when I was always watched over and protected, guided and taught, I
now know that my subbmissiveess is not so much out of choice, it is not
something I awoke to one day, and decided to become, but is within my heart and
everything I do. For I am
submissive. That is not to say, I
was never rebellious--- for certain, I was!
And with each hard lesson learned, for each scraped knee, for each heart
break, my brothers were there to pick me up, brush me off, and breathe new air
into me. Every corner I turned in
life there was a watchful eye over me, guarding me, guiding me, allowing me to
fall and fail, but there with a hand to raise me from my destruction and a kiss
on the forehead to soothe my disappointments.
Pleasing my family was always
my first and primary concern in all of my actions.
Whether that was consciouce or 'sub'-consciouce, does not matter, as the
joy of giving pleasure, making them proud was what I lived for.
Growing in this love cocoon has
enabled me to mature to an intelligent, caring and confident woman, seeking out
new challenges for those sweet words of praise. Altho', some may think this
would weaken a person, it had quite the contrary effect on me.
The assuredness, and confirmation, that no matter what developed, I was
always left with a sense of deep security, within those bounds, and more
importantly within myself.
To submit to One is a purely
unselfish act. As my only thoughts
are to bring pleasure and joy. To
be within such levels of love, trust, respect and adournment, removes the pre-fab
boundaries set up by our inner selves and/or society. Which can only impede true
pleasure, true growth, true love.
Being submissive as stated
earlier has shaped me to be a strong independent woman.
Its almost an oxymoron, but like there is a cause and effect to every
action, my submission strenghtens me. To
submit, to give up control in all or part, gives me the strength to accell in
areas of my life, where that strength is most needed.
To know so deeply and
thouroughly that no matter what measure is taken to bring One pleasure and
happiness, the act itself is done with clear mind, body and soul and one to be
cherished even more. Enabling TPE,
total submission, blind submission while being enveloped in One's love,
giuidance and care, unprejudiced to how society or others may view this
transition. Knowing that One cannot
do without the Other, a circle is formed.
NCZ-NKZ
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