Nick, now their is another factor in the equation. You see Nick and Howie their a couple. Have been for about a year now. Sometimes I look at Nick and wonder what Howie see's in him. Maybe it's the jealousy in me. Wanting Howie all to myself. I don't know. Really, I don't know much these days. I mean, you think you have life all figured out. Then someone comes along and turns your world upside down. And no matter what you do, you know your life will never be the same. My life will never be the same. No matter what happens a part of me will always want him. You can't imagine the pain of seeing someone everyday. Knowing you want him but you can never have him. It's like having a knife stabbed in my heart everytime I see the two of them together. He had tried so hard never to do anything that would lead to suspicion that somehow he thought of his friend as more than a friend. Hell, he couldn't even bring himself to hug Howie for fear of what he might do. God, he never wanted this. Why couldn't he see Howie as the friend he had always seen him as.