Staring at the screen Howie sighed as his thoughts turned to AJ. It hurt everytime he saw the two of them kissing, holding hands. He knew it shouldn't but it did because he was in love with him. He tried to fight it, tried tell himself his feelings weren't real but it was useless as night after night he listened to the sounds coming from the next room. Most of the time he tuned them out by turning up his CD player. Lately though he would close his close eyes and become lost in this fantasy world where AJ was making love to him, not Nick. Just the mere thought of it sent shivers down his body. It would only last a few minutes then he would open his eyes to the reality that he was alone. Aroused and aching to be touched he would get off to thoughts of AJ and soon fall asleep exhausted. Tonight their were no sounds and it left him wondering where the two of them were. Sitting down on the bed he was startled to hear a pounding on the door.

"Howie, open up" said AJ.

"AJ" said Howie surprised.

"Please man, open us said AJ a frantic tone in his voice. Opening the door AJ breezed past Howie as he sat down on the bed averting Howie's gaze.

"AJ what's wrong" said Howie growing concerned as he saw the paleness in his face.

"Your probably getting ready for bed. I should bother you" said AJ.

"AJ, what's wrong" said Howie.

"I, I don't know what to do" said AJ his body shaking uncontrollably.

"Just take a deep breath, did something happen" said Howie.

Pulling the bottle from his pocket heran hig fingers over the raised lettering as turned to Howie.

"I want it, I want every last drop of it. I almost drank it Howie" said AJ frowning.

"What, why? You been sober for months" said Howie.

"I know man. I just...Nick went out with the guys and I was there alone. Can you imagine if I had drank it" said AJ. "But you didn't that's good" said Howie.

"I'm so scared Howie" said AJ.

It's gonna be ok" said Howie holding him as he began to sob.

"I just want to be lost, I just want to forget. Help me forget Howie" said AJ brushing his lips against Howie.

"AJ, this isn't a good idea" said Howie attempting to control the desire filling his body.

"Please, I need this" said AJ. Lifting the shirt over his head Howie felt his body straining against the tight fabric of his leather pants. He knew it was wrong, wanted to tell him to stop but found his words silenced. As AJ pushed him onto the bed he could feel his hard erection against his thigh. His strong hands loosening Howie's shirt he pushed it from his shoulders as his lips traced a line down his body. Tugging the zipper down he waisted no time in freeing Howie of his remaning clothes. The cool air hitting Howie's skin he suddenly felt embarassed. Getting to his knees Howie shuddered as AJ wrapped his hand around his swollen hard cock. The tip of his tounge licking off the pre-cum he slid in and out as he took all of him in. Feeling his body tense he stiffened as he released his hot cum into AJ's mouth. Swallowing the sweet juices AJ felt his knees weaken as the warm rush of orgasm flowed through his body. Slowly moving his body until he was on top of Howie he smiled as he stared into his beautiful eyes.

"AJ we shouldn't...

"Don't, you have nothing to feel guilty for. I wanted to feel. I wanted to get lost. You helped me do that. God if you hadn't been here I could have easily drank that bottle" said AJ.

"But it was..."

"No buts, I just want to lay here in your arms and feel safe" said AJ.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Turning over Howie frowned as he stared at AJ asleep next to him. Last night was the most incredible night of his life. They had made love so many times Howie had lost count. Sometimes AJ thrusting into Howie. Sometimes Howie thrusting into AJ. He wanted so much to think it was more than AJ just needing him in a moment of weakness but he knew it wasn't. AJ would soon wake up and return to the arms of Nick.

"Howie, open up man. We can't find AJ. He didn't come back to the hotel last night" said Kevin shouting.

"AJ, wake up" said Howie nudging him.

"Leave me alone Nick. I want to sleep."

"AJ, wake up. You have to get dressed. Kev's outside" said Howie.

"Howie, what? Oh God, last night."

"Forget about last night. Here take your clothes. You can change in the bathroom."

"Howie come on, open up" said Kevin.

I'm coming said Howie. Slipping the bathrobe on he took a deep breathe as he opened the door.

"What took you so long?" asked Kevin.

"I umm..."

"Nick woke up this morning and AJ wasn't back. Did you see him last night. Did he say where he was going."

"AJ is here" said Howie.

"What?"

"He showed up last night. He was pretty upset. He wanted to take a drink."

"Oh God, he didn't did he" said Kevin.

"No, he stayed and we talked until he fell asleep" said Howie.

"Hey" said AJ approaching.

"You had us worried to death."

"I'm sorry. You guys had gone out and Howie was the only one in. I just needed someone to talk too. Someone to stop me from destroying all these months of sobriety that I've worked so hard to accomplish" said AJ.

"I'm glad Howie was here. We were just worried when we saw you hadn't slept in your bed. I guess it's a good thing your not always up for going out" said Kevin smiling.

"Yeah. If I wasn't here to help you forget can imagine what could have happened" said Howie.

"I think I'm going to go find Nick. See if he wants to get some breakfast" said AJ nervously. I think I'll second you on that breakfast. You coming Howie?" Kevin.

"You two go ahead. I'm a little worn out from last night." said Howie.

"You want to go ahead. I'm sure Nick is eager to hear you found me. I want to talk to Howie for a second" said AJ.

"Sure, but hurry up. I'm hungry" said Kevin.

"Yeah, your always hungry."

"Hey, watch it"

"You should come eat some breakfast" said AJ.

"I don't have much of an appetite" said Howie.

"Look, about last night. I'm sorry" said AJ.

"No big deal. You were scared. You needed someone. I just happened to be the only one around" said Howie sarcastically.

"Howie."

"Go, eat your breakfast. I'm sure Nick is waiting to fall into your arms."

"Howie, we need to talk about what happened" said AJ.

"Oh, we definately will" said Howie.