Their would be no goodbye's, no harsh words. Nick would never know the real reason of why Howie would break his heart. He had simply left a note trying to make Nick understand. All he could do know was hope that Nick believed him. He had too, for both of their sakes. Nick needed his family. Family was important. More important than his feelings for Nick. He loved him and he wanted him to be happy even if that meant loosing him forever.

Howie, come on in" said Kevin.

"Thanks, for letting me use the condo."

"No problem. Look, you want to explain what's going on here. You sounded upset on the phone. Then you asked if you could stay at the condo. Did you and Nick have a fight" said Kevin.

"I left him."

"What, Why? Did something happen?"

"I really don't want to talk about it" said Howie.

"So you plan to stay at the condo for a few days" said Kevin.

"Yeah. If Nick comes by, don't tell him where I've gone. I'd rather he didn't know, at least for now" said Howie.

"Sure. You know whenever your ready to talk about it, I'm here" said Kevin.

"Thanks. You have my cell phone if you need to reach me" said Howie. Rolling over as his arms reached for the warm body that had lay next to him Nick groaned as he opened his eyes to find himself alone. Pulling a shirt over his head he headed to the kitchen in search of Howie. He always had been one for rising with the sun. By no doubt he had probably downed several cups of coffee by now. Nick used to laugh at the scene. The aroma filling the air. Nick sauntering down half awake to find Howie up. It was like something out of a coffee commercial. It was strange their were no smells, no sounds coming from the kitchen. Only dead silence as Nick entered the kitchen to find it empty. Perhaps Howie had gone for Droughts Nick thought as he grabbed a bottle of Orange Juice from the frig. Opening the jug he suddenly stopped as his eyes fixed on a plain envelope hanging from the bulletin board that was simply addressed Nick. Sitting down Nick tore the letter open. As if somehow knowing he would read words he did not want to hear.

"Dear Nick, this is the hardest day of my life because I'm saying goodbye. I don't expect you to understand. Someday I hope you can. And I sure don't expect you to forgive me, but someday I hope you will. I thought the fans, our families. Could accept us being gay, accept us being together but I was wrong. And today for the first time in a lot of months I'm sure I'm doing right and in my heart I really feel that god will love us all. I love you, please know that will never change. I have informed the guys of where I will be in the event anyone should need me. Please try to accept this. It's the right thing, for everyone."

No, this isn't happening. He wouldn't leave, he wouldn't do this Rushing into the bedroom Nick pulled open Howie's closet. It was empty, as empty as he suddenly felt. The guys, they know where he is. I have to find him. I have too know, I have too understand. God why, why would he leave. Pulling the cell phone from his pocket his hand began to shake as he dialed AJ's number. Hey, this is AJ, you know what to do at the beep.

Dammit, AJ" said Nick angrily.

Dialing the next number Nick nervously paced the floor as he heard Kristin say a soft hello.

"It's Nick, I need to talk to Kevin. It's an emergency" said Nick.

"Kev, it's Nick" said Kristin.

"Tell him I'm not here" said Kevin.

"I heard that, I know he's there. I have to find him Kristin" said Nick.

"You shouldn't have called" said Kevin as he took the phone from Kristin.

"Why Kevin, why did he do this" said Nick.

"I don't know."

"I have to find him you have to tell me where he is."

"I can't Nick, I'm sorry" said Kevin as Nick heard a click.

Dammit, Kevin you are not hanging up on me. Dialing the number again he waited as Kristen once again gave a soft hello.

"Kristin, don't hang up. Please, I have to know where he is" said Nick his voice almost sobbing.

"I can't Nick" said Kristin.

"I love him."

"He's at our Condo" said Kristin as she quickly hung up the phone. Grabbing his keys from the table Nick was startled to hear the doorbell ring.

"Dammit, I don't have time for this" said Nick. "Mom, I should have known. You always seem to have perfect timing."

"Can I come in" said Jane.

"I don't have time for you now. Actually, I don't time for you ever" said Nick.

"Nick please, I'm sorry."

"Sorry, you know I think I heard that once before" said Nick.

"Your sister, you know she is having her recital Thursday. We would like you to come" said Jane.

"Oh, so I'm welcome when it's suits you. I can come to Thanksgiving dinner because you don't want to disappoint my grandmother. I can come to Angel's recital because you don't want her to be upset, but the rest of time I"m not welcome. Isn't that right mom?"

"Your welcome anytime, I mean that" said Jane.

"So I can come to the recital and bring Howie" said Nick.

"Howie, why would you need to bring Howie" said Jane.

"I love him. I go, he goes. You know that whole being together thing" said Nick.

"But why would you...He's here isn't he? I knew it. I knew I should have known better than to think he would stay away from you. You can just tell him the deal is off" said Jane.

"Deal, what are you talking about" said Nick.

"I won't be had by Howie or anyone."

"What the hell did you do mom" said Nick angrily.

"Don't raise your voice at me."

"You said the deal was off, what deal?"

"It doesn't matter now. Your still together" said Jane.

"You are not leaving until you explain everything" said Nick.

"Their is no need to shout at me. It wasn't my idea. Howie came to me" said Jane.

"Came to you and what?"

"He said you were hurting, you needed us. That if we would accept things he would end the relationship. He promised to stay away from you. Obviously though he had no intentions of staying away from you" said Jane.

"How could you do it mom."

"I told you, Howie came to me" said Jane.

"He wouldn't have felt like he had too if you had just accepted me, accepted us" said Nick.

"Accepted. I will never accept this. You have your whole future ahead of you and your destroying it for what, for some notion that your suddenly gay" said Jane.

"I don't have time for this. Get out, don't ever come back here. I never want to see you again" said Nick.