.dumb questions.

try to shut me up
put rockstar shut-me-ups on your own page!

I get asked a lot of really idiotic questions, or so it seems. The most annoying ones, I have put here for both my own amusement as well as yours.

1) "Didn't that hurt?!?!" This question is most often asked with a look of pure horror on the face of the questioner, and usually directed at one of my stranger piercings, or one of those pictures I have carved into my skin. My typical response? "Well, as a matter of fact, it did hurt. And I liked it." That's only if I'm not feeling at my meanest that day.

2) "Who's funeral are you going to?" I hate this question. So much wit. In case you've not already gathered, I wear black all of the time, and usually people wear black to funerals. This question strikes me as being smartassed, therefor I have a tendancy to reply with another smartass remark. Or if I am incredibly tired that day, like I usually am, and do not wish to make a witty remark as it uses up way too much of my scarce energy... I rip off the Addams Family (See, I'll even admit it! Wait... that WAS from the Addams Family, wasn't it?) and merely reply "Yours," and walk off. What great fun.

3) "If you're blonde, why do you dye your hair black?" Well, I don't anymore. It is currently blonde and whatever the hell color I feel like dying it that month. Only having natural colors of hair on my own head drives me crazy. I can't explain.

4)"Hey baby, can I buy you a drink?" I have been asked this a few times, at concerts, and when I was only fifteen years old. If you ask if you can buy me a drink, BUY ME THE DAMN DRINK REGARDLESS TO HOW OLD I AM!

5)"Aren't you burning hot in that?" Just because it is 90 degrees out does not mean I'm going to go out and get a bunch of clothes that aren't black. Besides, anyone who knows me well enough knows that it can very well be 90 out and I will still be freezing my ass off. Don't even ask me why it is that I am always cold, because I honestly do not know.

6)"Why do you wear all black?" Hmm... Gee, maybe it's because I LIKE black! Why do you wear colors, huh?

7)"How can you walk in those?!?!" This question is also usually presented to me with a look of horror/shock on the face of the asker. Usually it is directed at either my 6-inch platforms, or any of my weird high heeled pump shoes. How do I walk in them? You don't really have to be a rocket scientist to figure that out... I put on foot in front of the other over and over and there you have it... I'm walking. Is it really so shocking?

8)"Why aren't you talking?" I'm tired. I have nothing to say to you. And I'm busy playing with the chunk of metal shoved through my tounge, thank you.

9)"Why don't you like people?" I'm a misanthrope. I have lost most faith in the human race, and I'm comfortable with that. On the other hand, if you are a good friend of mine, I will never let you down.

10)"How many earrings do you have?!?!?!" I hate answering this question because the number of holes I have in me changes very, very often. I have about thirty holes in my ears. They have a tendancy to piss me off, annoy me, and hurt, so I typically only wear a few at a time. I never take out my tragus, rook, or cartilage piercings though.

11)"Is that real?!?!?!" Almost always asked about my rook and tragus piercings. Yes, they are real. How on earth could you get fake ones in there, anyway? And make it stay, of all things! I just have to say: If it is in my ear, or in close proximity to my ear, it is indeed real.

12)"Do you know you have an earring on your stomach?" I got asked this the other day. The asker said it with not the slightest hint of sarcasm either. I was shocked beyond shocked. Do I know I have an earring on my stomach? Well, I have two BARBELLS, IN my stomach, not earrings. And am I aware that they are there? No. Actually I wasn't. I'd like to thank the idiot who brought it to my attention.

13)"Why are you so sarcastic?" Do you know who my mother is? If you do, you've answered your own question. It's in the genes, I swear.

14) "Are you drunk?" Yes, yes I am.

15)"If you are only seventeen, what are you doing out of school?" I get asked this at work an ABSURD amount due to the fact that I work mornings. Ever heard of hating high school so much that you opt to graduate early? That's why I'm not in school right now.

16) "How many days does it take for those to wash off?" I was asked this about my tattoos by a soccer mom the other day, being the genius she was. How long does it take? Let's see, they'll wash off in about 80 years, right around the time my skin starts to completely decompose.

17) "Is that your boyfriend's car?" Goddamnit, NO! So I'm a chick who happens to drive a completely hopped up car. I fail to see what is so incredibly hard about that to believe.

Ask me a dumb question!! (And do so at your own risk)

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