The world went to hell on November 16, 1978. I was born. My parents were married but divorced shortly after I was two when they divorced, my father was stationed in Ft. stewart Ga and I was brought back to TN to live with my mother, I did not see him for two years, when I was four or five I can not remember clearly, my mother was punishing me and lost all control and abused me very badly, my father found out and sued for custody and won. It hurt like hell to have to leave my sister who was two years younger than me. My mother got visitation to me she was to see me every other weekend. That worked out for a while. When I was 8 years old my grandfather(the greatest man who ever lived) died. I have never stopped missing him, I forgot to mention that my second little sister was born while I was 7. Also when I was around 8 my mothers visits began to become less and less regular, My cousin(a male) molested me when I was 8 or so, and he did it several times. On through the years my mothers visits began to get more infrequent and there was a period of about two years that I did not see her. I later found out she had been living on the streets(her story) and stripping for money(the truth). She had also shot a man, and was in hiding for a while. ,I will get to school in a moment, I tried to slice my wrists the first time at around 10 or so, and from then on it was an almost regular thing.
Oh yes the ungodly marriage.. My father married his girlfriend of several years I think, on sept 15th 1988, she was only 10 years older than me. I was 10, things went well for about 3 weeks and then all hell broke loose, I still remember the first night I slept in the house that they had gotten for us,, I had a horrible dream that the house was on fire, and they had ran out the door and left me there to burn, there was no way for me to get out.
My stepmother was physically abusive, and it became a more regular thing for my father to beat me as well, mostly because my stepmother started and I would jerk whatever she was using out of her hand and she would yell and he would come running in like the white knight to save the day, and coincidently beat the hell out of me.
In school my grades were not affected because I hated school I was made fun of on a regular basis, people would laugh and snigger and poke and prod, I would get angry and throw desks at them, I fought, I did whatever I could do. I started smoking around 13 little to everyone elses knowledge and I began to find ways to stay away from their house, this did not help much because when I was there, it was a fight. I ran away several times, and the last time my father took out an unruly petition and I was placed on probation..
It did not help the beatings continued and I continued to fail in school, My grades kept me in school but barely as I was suspended a lot. I began to find sex interesting arournd the age of(wait I can not lie I was always interested in sex, I was caught making out with a girl when I was 5) I found out I was bisexual, liking both guys and girls, (that is one of the hardest thing for me to tell publicly) I started looking for the love I did not feel at home ,from girls, and that was a disaster in and of itself, everytime I got dumped or dissed(which was all the time) I would find a new place to slice. My stepmother began to be sexually abusive as well, not really making advances at me or anything like that, but more to the point she would get me in front of her friends they would begin to make jokes about the size of my "male member" frequently her friends would kick me or punch me there.
In school everyone laughed at me because my family was poor and could not afford even wal mart clothes I shopped at goodwill, and was laughed at for it(I hear it is all the rage now) Hell I didn't even own a pair of reeboks until I was 16.
When I was 17 years old my father and I had our last big blow out, I was placed in juvenile(on my 17th birthday) I was then locked up until my 18th birthday, eleven of those months being spent in a long term psychiatric facility, where I found out I was bi-polar. I began to explore my freak side(as I call it), and that was great.. I got into a pretty steady relationship then, one I screwed up when I moved away after only two years and cheated on her. (in there somewhere between 18 and 20 we will have to add the whole getting kicked out and living in my car that I destroyed on the way back from the store, I was getting condums, and wrecked on my way back to get laid, and before that living with my uncle and discovering yahoo teen roleplay that was in, mmm March of 1997) I Moved to nashville and started using the computer to meet girls, several I met and forgot about.. I usually slept with an average of three girls a day, because that filled the hole that was in my heart. I got into a serious relationship with a girl there, and it worked out great until well one day she decided to leave me for someone else, I had an emotional break down and again found myself in the hospital. that was January 31,1999, I stayed there two weeks and lost my apartment.
I moved in with a friend from work, , that lasted another month and I subsequently lost my job and got kicked out I had started talking to another girl I had met on the computer a few months before all this had happened.. I moved in with some more friends, all kinds of shit went on there, and I found myself homeless again, a church was nice enough to pay for me a ticket back to the only place I had ever felt semi safe the little hell-hole i now reside in. I came back here and ended up with no place to go, so there I was sleeping in the cold rain on the side of the river, and I do not even know how to pitch a tent. Well I called up 911 and told them I was suicidal, and they sent me to lakeshore(the state hospital) Well I stayed there three days and they sent me to the homeless shelter. I stayed there a while and then I could take it no more,I called my youngest sisters father and begged him for a place to sleep, he came and picked me up..
(no wait stay it is not over yet) I met a girl, her name was chrissy, and I did not love her, I thought I did though, I thought she loved me.. Supposedly I got her pregnant and she left me, she spread lies about me all around this town, she told everyone I beat her(I had never and still have never,hit a woman) I do not even know what the childs name is, but my father does. I started talking to the girl that I had met so long ago on the internet again, and within a few months, something like 6 we were married......
