The UN-Gothic Toybox....your solution to global darkening strategies.

So you're here! Great! I love visitors! I love to make visitors laugh, or become utterly confounded, or be convinced that tiny giraffes have taken up residence in their toaster.

If you've come here, then most likely you are here to kill some time, look at artwork or photos, or are in search of dark humor and gothic satire. This indeed you will find.

If you at any point, think that I take myself seriously, you are sadly, sadly mistaken. If at any point you think that this website encompasses my personality and is totally representative of who I am - then you've got your head somewhere that my mommy wouldn't want me to mention in polite company.

I am not here to tout myself as GOTH (TM), although my website is themed as such. I do not agree with one defining oneself by labels either. I am not the queen of  GOTH, the poster child of GOTH, the red-headed-stepchild of GOTH, the houseboy of GOTH or even the moldy leftovers of GOTH. You cannot define me by my shoes or hair. I do not stand on a marble pedestal with GOTH (TM)chiseled in huge archaic fonts underneath as I pose dramatically, taking the advantage of the full moon to illuminate my unearthly paleness.

If you have come here to decry me as a poseur or a Goth of artifice, then I suggest you march your velvety buns elsewhere cause I really don't care to hear it. THIS IS A HUMOR WEBSITE. If you are offended, it's because you are uptight, have an overdeveloped sense of subculture, are and deluded into thinking that GOTH is some kind of sacred dogmatic thing. Don't lecture me on what GOTH is. There are no "real goths" because the very idea is based on stereotypes. STEREOTYPES, kids. And that's precisely what I make light of here.

That said, I would like all of you who are devoid of a sense of humor to please leave immediately before I set your pets on fire. If you are clueless enough to not heed these warnings and proceed to get your corset laces in a knot about some lame little meaningless detail on my website and decide to leave disparaging comments in my guestbook to make yourself feel better, then by god you deserve to be carried off into fields of flaming dung by legions of hairless flying monkeys.

If you enjoy my site, wonderful! I'm pleased! I'm more than happy to hear from freaks and crazies and goths and smurfs and orphans and whatever you crazy kids decide to call yourselves these days. I welcome you with an open waffle maker of joy!

If you've come to my site, prepare to be amused. That's the bottom line. Poop on all of you who have drowned the spirit of fun in your rivers of tears and torrents of angst. If you don't get it now, well, then you're probably not going to. And thus I warn you, should you take any part of my page too seriously, butterscotch will begin leaking from every orafice of your body and satan's pink devil bunnies will chew your toenails clean off. If you don't like what on my page then....

Have fun!