Georgianna
Howie’s agreement to come with me on my drive to school was still surprising me a week later as I drove to pick him up a week after I had originally asked. It was so against his normal routine, and even more than a mama’s boy Howie was a creature of routine. It wasn’t just that he wasn’t a fan of road trips, he pretty much avoided anything that had to do with school and me. He hadn’t come to visit me once - I realized it was quite a drive, but he didn’t even offer. Even more than that was the way he acted if I discussed life at school. He always at least tried to look interested when I talked to him, but whenever I brought up anything that had to do with school I could see his eyes start to lose focus and his responses turn lukewarm. I knew he wasn’t happy that I had gone on and made a life without him, but his unhappiness wasn’t enough to keep me in Florida. If, by the grace of God, we had actually started dating - or if I had had any serious relationship at home - I might have considered it, but I didn’t. I knew if I had stayed at home, even if only for a year, I would never have been able to leave. Ball State was an amazing school, my family supported me, I had met some wonderful people, and deep down I hoped that being so far away from Howie might help squelch the feelings that I had dealt with for so long and eventually find someone else. That hadn’t happened yet (oh sure, I‘d gone out a couple times, but definitely nothing serious), but I figured I had at least three years left.
I arrived at Howie’s around five Thursday morning - we had an eighteen hour drive ahead of us (not including stops), and my scholarship meeting was at noon the next day so we had to start early. I had taken out a twelve-month lease on my apartment in May so luckily we’d have someplace to stay without bumming a spot on the floor at someone else’s. As Howie opened the door I had to laugh at him looking so exhausted.
“Morning!” I chirped. I was by no means a morning person either but I was excited about the trip so that morning was an exception. Howie gave me a bleary smile and followed me out to my car. The first hour or so was pretty quiet, but after breakfast at Denny’s Howie was significantly more awake and so conversation picked up a bit. We talked about random topics for a long time, then I decided to chance a reference to school - after all, that’s where we were going, he’d be with me in that element for the next forty-eight hours, and most importantly I’d been invited to a party the next night so he’d be meeting my friends (which I hadn‘t informed him of quite yet). He needed to get used to the idea. At least for the next two days.
“I think you’d like my friend Josh,” I ventured, pretty much out of nowhere as was my way.
“Really? Why’s that?”
That was a good start. “Well, he’s really into the whole acting scene like you, plus I think you’re a lot alike personality-wise.”
“Is that good or bad?” he asked. I glanced over in surprise to see him smiling at me. I smiled back.
“I think it’s good, usually at least. Only problem is Josh has the tendency to get kind of deep and philosophical on you sometimes. It‘s weird because his roommate Andrew is the exact opposite. He’s so loud.”
“Yeah, well, so are you.” He jabbed me in the arm. I put on a look of mock-offense.
“I’m never loud!” I cried. Howie stuck his finger in his ear and shook it a little, as if trying to regain his hearing. I stuck my tongue out at him.
“But anyway, he’s loud?” he asked, getting me back on topic. I was amazed - was he actually showing interest?
“Yeah. Not nearly as loud as Angie, though...man, you thought I was bad. She can be crass too, but that’s OK because she’s absolutely hilarious.”
“Crass?”
I shrugged. “You know, kinda tactless at times. Normally it’s just funny though.” Howie nodded and it was quiet a second. I peeked at him again then glued my eyes straight ahead, hoping his interest stayed up after I said what I was about to say. “You can meet them, if you want.” I paused a millisecond then rushed on. “I- I mean we were invited to a party at Josh’s apartment tomorrow night. It’s not a big deal or anything, so if you don’t want to go that’s cool, we can just skip it or whatever...”
I trailed off and breathed, having said all that in one breath. That was the way I handled things with Howie - just blurt stuff out and (theoretically, at least), give him less time to say no. Yet another peek revealed him looking pensive beside me. I found that I held the breath I had just sucked into my lungs, then let it out and got angry that I let myself get so up-the-ass about getting his approval. I should have just told him that we were going and dragged him along, like it or not. Howie was a social guy - well, in his element at least - he would have made himself comfortable and damnit! Why did I care? It was my trip, my decision, I could do whatever I wanted, screw him and his inability to accept the fact that I was living a life without him-
“No, we can go. It’ll be fun.”
It was a good thing God saw fit to attach jaws so firmly to faces, otherwise mine would have been in serious danger of falling right off. I was no longer amazed. Webster hadn’t researched enough to put the word that described my reaction into that book of his. The worst part was I had to act as if I wasn’t even surprised, even though we both knew that this was not at all the reaction anyone would have predicted from him. “Cool. Yeah, it will be fun.” I had to stop, otherwise I would have started gushing my thanks and joy.
“So tell me about your other friends.”
Who was I to argue with this slip into a parallel universe? I just hoped that we’d stay there til the next night. “Well, let’s see, who first? There’s Janie - you’ve heard me mention her - she was my roommate this year...”
Howie
“You ready to go?” George asked as she emerged from the bathroom, smiling and refreshed.
“Not really,” I felt like saying, but instead just nodded halfheartedly. George didn’t really notice my lack of enthusiasm and only nodded back. I had to remember that this was a perfect opportunity to gather information on “the enemy” (I had gotten a lot of mileage out of this war metaphor). My first instinct the day before was to get out of this stupid party the second she mentioned it. Then I thought about it for another second - George seemed to be coughing up both the good and the bad on her friends. If I took the party as a chance to look for that bad, blow it a little (maybe more), out of proportion and use it to my advantage...well, that would be good. But the party was still stupid. And I still wasn’t excited to go.
Georgie, however, was and chattered a mile a minute as we walked across the parking lot. It was almost annoying how giddy she was, and it made me wonder if she acted like this around her college friends when she talked about me - after all, I was her best friend. After two flights of stairs George knocked at a door marked 226 then let us in. Music washed over us the second the door opened. Once it was all the way open George waved and a loud, happy chorus of welcome sounded. A second later she was nearly tackled by about four people trying to hug her at once. I took a second to look around. It wasn’t exactly what I’d thought of when I thought college kid party. There wasn’t crazy-loud dance music, just some vague rock stuff. Needless to say people weren’t dancing, just sitting in small groups playing cards or whatever. I got a few questioning smiles but other than that not much, which was good. After George had pleased her adoring masses she grabbed my arm pulled me closer to the mini-mob.
“Guys, this is Howie,” she introduced. “Hi!”s all around. “Howard, this is Marnie-” a short redhead that grinned as George pointed at her while I remembered her fault was talking a mile a minute about whoever and whatever seemed interesting at that minute - “Janie, my roommate-” short dark hair and supposed low self-esteem - “Kyle-” about a foot taller than me and a drinker - “and of course Josh.” Of-Course-Josh did not look like I thought he would when Georgie told me he was an actor type, all clean cut and everything. He had the scruff of a beard and wore khakis that were stringy at the cuffs and a worn denim shirt. The only actor-y thing he had going, from my view, were his eyes. He looked like he belonged in Greenpeace or in a philosophy lecture, not on a stage.
“Hey Howie, nice to meet you,” he said warmly, extending a hand and a smile. I returned both gestures, then Josh put an arm around George. “It’s good to see you, Gia.” ‘Gia?’ I thought. “We’ve missed you around here.”
George grinned widely and leaned against him a little. “I’ve missed you guys too.”
“Come on, Georgianna, let’s go get a drink,” Marnie invited, then smiled. “You too Howie.” I smiled at her as I followed the procession to the bar that had been set up. After getting a rum and Coke I followed George around the room and met many of the names from the car. After that I dropped off the face of the planet. Well, that’s not really fair. George did try and include me on as much of the conversation as she could, but I just didn’t have much to say to these people. Marnie, after a few drinks, made it her personal mission to sit as closely to me as possible, and at another time I might have been a little more into her attention, but I just wasn’t in the mood (she didn‘t really pick up on that, but after an hour and a half she was puking in the bathroom so I didn‘t have to worry about it too much after that).
I tried to keep track of everyone and find reasons that George shouldn’t be around them anymore but they weren’t offering anything up. Oh sure, Marnie had gossiped my ear off, Kyle was drunk a good half hour before anyone else had ever finished a second drink (except Marnie), Angie had an amazing set of lungs and Janie did tend to hang back in conversations. What good was that? George knew it, now I knew it. Plus we had friends at home who were the same way. The party was turning out to be pointless, for me.
So, like any good guy my age, I started drinking. I nursed my first two rum and Cokes for a long time, then finally decided screw it, sucked the remainder of the second one down and had three or four beers in the span of a half hour. By this point I was feeling a bit more relaxed in my annoyance til I took note of a curious thing. Josh - Of-Course-Josh as I referred to him in my head - couldn’t seem to separate himself from George. Sure he’d walk around and check on his other guests, but he’d always come back to Georgie. He’d perch on the arm of the couch next to her, sit at her feet on the floor, whatever. And his little touches - laying a hand on her shoulder or knee, messing her hair as he walked by. It was annoying shit, really annoying shit. What was even more annoying was that George got all smiley and sort of played into it. But she didn’t reciprocate. I couldn’t figure out why - I mean, Josh was an attractive guy in a geeky way, which was Georgie’s type. He clearly had interest in her. She didn’t seem to feel the same. She kept looking over at me, checking to make sure that I was OK by waving or smiling (I wasn’t, but I smiled back). After awhile she got up and came to sit next to me. She leaned in close and gave me a big grin.
“Hi Howie,” she said in an almost-whisper, her breath reeking of vodka (which made perfect sense, seeing as how she had done at least four or five straight vodka shots - I was impressed).
“Hi George,” I almost-whispered back, my breath probably doing a number on her too.
She threw an arm over my shoulders and looked out at the people sitting across from us (I had long since forgotten their names), sharing her grin with them. “You guys, did you know Howard’s my best friend?” A few of them nodded. “He totally is. He is the nicest guy alive, ever.”
“I’m not that nice,” I told her.
“Oh yes you are. Yes he is. Don’t listen to him. He’d never hurt a fly or a flea or a person or a dog or anything. Seriously, he couldn’t. He is that nice.”
“I’m not really that nice.”
George gave me what she assumed was a very stern look, and what I was drunk enough to accept as the same. “Sh. You so are too.”
“But what if I hurt you one day?”
“Why would you do that?”
I rolled my eyes. “Well not like on purpose, just as like an accident.”
“But you wouldn’t.”
“But what if?” I tried to hold my eyes steadily on her and she solemnly rested her hand on my shoulder.
“If you ever hurt me...I’ll give you a dollar.”
It was Georgie's catch phrase. I sat back and looked at her friends again. “She never pays. You never pay.”
George waved a hand of dismisal. “Oh I do too.”
“You do not. You never pay the dollar. You promise the dollar, but nobody ever see...the...” I trailed off as I saw Of-Course-Josh approach. I tried my hardest not to scowl as he started massaging George’s shoulders. She looked up at him, probably forgetting I was there.
“Hey there buddy!”
He grinned down at her. “Hi! What’s going on?”
“Oh nothing, Howard and I here are just chatting,” she told him, patting my knee. I smiled.
“Am I interrupting?”
“Yeeeeeeeeeeeees,” my mind answered but Georgie only laughed.
“Of course not. Sit down.” She patted her lap and Josh laughed.
“Actually I wanted to see if you wanted to go for a walk,” he invited. George nodded and - of course with his help - got to her feet. He tucked a protective arm around her and they headed for the door. With them went my mild happiness, so I headed over to the bar.
“Howie! Dude!” I turned to see Kyle approaching. “Dude, wanna kick back a few shots? I’ll mix ‘em up right, they’ll sliiiiiiiiiide right down.” He looked hopeful but I was there enough to know that it was only because he was hoping anybody would drink with him, not me in particular.
“Yeah sure,” I agreed and Kyle threw a happy fist in the air and smacked my back. Kyle did mix them up, I’m not sure how right unless right now meant strong because they were strong. Crazy strong. I managed three and had to bow out, so Kyle went off looking for another idiot. By then I had no real feelings at all, just a blurred sense of being alive. I sat on a chair in the corner and just sort of watched - not for anything specific (I was way too gone for that sort of mental challenge), just watching to make sure the room stayed upright (which it did, for the most part). A million years later George finally came back with Of-Course, which amazingly brought on a new wave of resentment. If I was more coordinated I would have gouged his eyes out with a fork, but all I did was nod when George made her way over to me and asked if I was ready to leave. I had never been readier.
Knowing When Index
