On a recent trip to the zoo, I visitedthe monkey house [a huge building filled with chimps and apes] looking forward to a good time laughing at the animals' shananagins. There's a metal sign bolted on the protective chain link fence stating not to dispose of garbage [such as pop cans] into the habitat. But low and behold, the zoo keepers put soda cans in with the apes, and the apes threw the cans at eachother and at the fence. I laughed at their feeble attempts to inflict pain apon me, then decided to watch the monkies. I walked a few meters and observed the monkies in their habitat; swinging on trees and picking small bugs off of eachothers back for a yummy treat. Then one of the primates pooped and proceeded to throw its waste products at one of its hairy friends. As the masses surrounding me both cringed in disgust and laughed in delight, I stood amungst the crowd observing, thinking, pondering, hypothosizing, weeping, scratching my bottom. If humans' instincts are so closely linked to that of a monkeys like science has taught us, why dont we practice the chimp's most primal instinct; throwing fecal matter? Maybe its society's high standards. Or prehaps its the acceptance of household toilets. Whatever the cause, I believe that hucking poo can impact the world in a positive manner. Everyday theres tradgic headlines reading of deaths caused by wreckles firearm usage. Instead of gangs killing eachother with bullets, imagine the benifits if they simply threw their excreitment at eachother. Rather than having the youth of America covered in blood, they would only be covered in poop. Have you ever heard of monkey shooting? NO! Thats because they fling their waste products at eachother... Well that an the unavailability of weapons to primates, but lets look past that. Take the growing concern of road rage into consideration. Its hard to drive down a street without being honked at or having the finger flashed in your general direction by fellow motorists. Has a single chimpanzee ever had road rage? Have you ever been cut off by a primate? The answer is no. And the reason why lies in their behavorial patterns. The development and spread of indor plumbing is clearly a work of evil in its purest purest form with consequences including the bombing of Pearl Harbor and JFK's assasination. History would be forever changed if Lee Harvey Oswald logged a "magic turd" into the presidents car, throwing his head back and to the left... back and to the left... back and to the left... We should not give into cultures sanitary expectations. Its not only time to throw away our weapons and hate, but time to dispose of our toilets and pride. So my brothers, take the age old advice from our monky friends. Its time to make the world a better place and throw our fecal matter.