WS#9 Mistings Archive - MST: White Mite
Mistings Archive
MST: White Mite
By Ciaran Conliffe and Joel Boutiere
Original Work by Dr. Thinker
Date Completed: Aug 1998
Data Added/Modified: Aug 05, 1998
*********************
"Dr Mite", a MiSTing of Dr Thinker's MiSTing of "White Mite"
Originally by Artist Bros.
MiSTed, in his own inimitable and to be hinest, not very good fashion,
by Dr Thinker.
ReMiSTed by Ciaran Conliffe and Joel Boutiere.
*********************
[SoL, night. The bots are visible, rooting through a box in the dark.]
TOM: No, that's the elasticated bowling ball...
CROW: That's the laser-powered hairdryer, remember that?
TOM: There it is! Lift it out gently, now...
[Mike enters, disheveled.]
MIKE: Hey guys, what's all the noise about?
TOM: Mike! We were trying not to wake you...
MIKE: Well, you have. So what's all this about?
CROW: Well, remember the invention exchange?
MIKE: Vividly.
CROW: Well, we remembered something that might get us off this junkheap. Here it is.
MIKE: What is it?
CROW: It's something the other guy dreamed up, but he never showed it to Dr F because he
thought it was to powerful to let him get his hands on it.
TOM: Basically, it tears a hole in reality.
MIKE: Hmmm. I see your point.
CROW: But if we can alter it slightly, we could create a gateway to a parallel world, and
escape!
MIKE: Well, I don't know guys. It could be risky.
TOM: How so?
MIKE: We could end up in a Sliders crossover.
[All shudder]
CROW: It's a risk we'll have to take.
[Mike sits down, with the Invention(which vaguely resembles Orac from Blake's Seven) in
his hands.]
[Commercials]
[This is the UK SciFi Channel, so first we have an ad for Battlestar Galactica, followed
by an ad for Bleeding Heart (20 of the most depressing songs ever written! Not available in
the shops - for obvious reasons), then an ad for toys (yes, it's 10.15pm, but surely only
children would watch a SciFi show), and then an ad for a really good manga film, which just
happens to be on at the same time as the ****** big soccer match, which someone has to
record for their granny. Hmph.]
[End commercials]
[SoL once more. The Invention is pointed at the wall and is pulsing faintly. Mike is
sitting next to it, prodding it with the screwdriver.]
MIKE: Ok, I think I've got it.
[A cone of light burst from the machine and strikes the wall. It gets brighter and
brighter, till, just when you think it's going to burn onto your screen, the machine
explodes, knocking Mike backwards off his seat. The 'bots, who, until now had been
watching with interest, run (glide?) over to him.]
TOM: Mike, are you all right?
CROW: Mike?
MIKE: Oooooooh...hey, look at the wall!
[Cambot turns to look at the wall. It is shivering and shaking like it was liquid, in
an oddly familiar display of special effects.]
CROW: It's just like that twilighty show about the zone!
[Mike steps up to it and touches it. Suddenly it ripples and appears to pull him in,
up to the shoulder!]
MIKE [shouting]: GUYS!!!
[The 'bots run up and look at him.]
TOM: You know, there's not a lot we can do to help without functioning arms.
[They attempt to somehow push him away, but the wall ripples again, dragging them all
in. Cambot steps up to the wall, which now appears even more liquid and vaguely
reflective. We can make him out, and (as you would expect) he looks nothing like any
of the title sequences. He appears to shrug, then steps through the wall after everyone.]
>
>
> Dr. Mite
> A MSTing by Dr. Thinker
TOM: Calling Dr. Thinker, Dr. Mite, Dr. Thinker.
MIKE: Dr. Thinker and the Artist Brothers. The real Three Stooges.
TOM: Hey, this alternate dimension has a header file!
MIKE: As long as it doesn't groan "Redrum" at us.
CROW: Does this mean we're entering...
ALL: The FanFic Zone!
> A Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers by ARTIST BROS.
>
>
>
> This is my second misting.
MIKE: Hey, that's funny, this is *our* second MiSTing...of this.
TOM: We'd better be careful, or this could turn into another "Final Fantasy VII" debacle.
CROW: Hang on...we avoided a crossover with Sliders, so now we've got a crossover...with
ourselves?
MIKE: I think it'd be best to suspend disbelief at this point.
> My first was Sailor Earth
MIKE: (Dr. Thinker)...and it was magical.
CROW: (Sailor Earth) Is this your first time, Doctor?
> is Dead, a
> stupid Sailor Moon fan-fic. Mike and co., is created by Best
> Brain. "Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers: White Mite" is a coyright
CROW: They have the rights to it, but they'e shy about it.
> 1994 by ARTIST BROS. Mighty Morpin Power Rangers is copyright
> 1992-1997 by Saban Co.
>
> To McLees: Please, send his up the flag pole
CROW: Is that another way of saying “Stick it where the...
MIKE: Crow, let' not.
> (In other, please
>
> place it in Power Ranger section of your VAULT!
TOM: And put a heavy padlock on it, a combination lock, throw the key down a well, put
the vault in a secluded cave in Siberia, and never touch it again.
>
>
> To AB (Artist Bros): No harm to you. This is just an funny
> C&C.
MIKE: Command and Conquer?
CROW: I get the feeling I'd love to have a heavy tank on my hands by the end of this
MiSTing.
> Please do not send me flames.
TOM: Same here, Doc.
>
>
> To Readers: Please, have funny.
[General snickering]
MIKE: Yes, you had better "have funny" with you, cause you won't find any here.
> Any flame out of their...will
> get their flames deleted by my attack---DELETE KEY!!!
MIKE: SHORYUKEN!
CROW: HADOKEN!
TOM: SPOOOOON!
CROW: Huh?
> If you have a C&C, MSTing, or like to become by
>
> editor e-mail at WINKSTWO@SSSNET
TOM: Wonder what SSS stands for?
MIKE: Simply Scary Stuff.
> .COM
>
>
>
>
>
[Suddenly a burst of light, and the four find themselves viewing a scene floating in the
air before them.]
> [PEARL'S ROCKET BUS]
CROW: If the bus is a-rocket, don't come a...uh...knocket?
MIKE: Nice try, Crow.
>
> Pearl: What is this?
TOM: It's a sampo!
>Obsver: Fan-fic of the Powers Rangers--Rangers Moon..that's good.
CROW: Personally, I don';t think the Rangers dropping trou is all that good.
TOM: I suspect some ulterior motive in that description...
> Pearl: Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers...let's us see....
>
> (Commericals --
MIKE: Boy, a lot happened in that segment, didn't it?
> Pespi, American Express (with Super-Man), TNT,
TOM:...lit, and then thrown at the author.
> USA,
CROW:...should make laws against bad MiSTings.
> SCI-FI: SUPER-HERO's SUNDAY. MST300 commerical.
MIKE: (announcer) Watch MST3000! They're not normally this bad, really.
> Diet Coke,
> Nike)
>
> [SOL]
[The place is a mess. They look around, dusting themselves off, when the Bizarro SoL crew
enter. Bizarro Mike is in the lead. He is wearing a pink lurex jumpsuit, and has the
traditional Bizarro white skin and green hair. The crew look at him, and scream.]
ALL: AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
TOM: What is it?
CROW: I don't know, but it looks like Mike!
[Oddly, B-Mike ignores them, and commences talking to thin air...]
>
> Mike: Welcome to the Sattile of Love,
TOM: Mike, when did we move? And where is the "Sattile" of Love?
MIKE: Save your spelling riffs, Tom. I've got a feeling you'll need them later.
> we just wonder what happen
> if SUPER-FRIENDS did not let of they air.
MIKE: Whoah! Crow, any interpretations?
CROW: Sounds like you're wondering what would happen if the Super-Friends didn't break
wind.
TOM: Man, could you imagine a big old chili fart from Superman? It could take out all
of Metropolis.
> Contied...crow
CROW: Hey, Mike, why'd you tie me up?
MIKE: I don't know, I must have been really drunk that day.
[The crew turn, and notice Bizarro Crow. He is painted a dead black, with a pink lurex
mohican and rings pierced through pretty much every part of his body...]
CROW: I've changed my mind. Tie him up.
> Crow: Then 89-95, will be the THE NEW CHANGELLE OF THE SUPER
> FRIENDS...uses GREEN LATERN, FLASH, SUPER-MAN, AUQAMAN, BAT-MAN,
> ROBIN, BLACK VULCAN,
TOM: Tuvok?
CROW: Ladies and gentlemen! The Black Vulcan of Soul!
> WONDER-WOMEN,
MIKE: More than one Wonder-Woman? Yowza!
> SUPER-GIRL, BAT-GIRL, HAWK-
> MAN, HAWK-GIRL, PLASTIC MAN, CRYBORG,
TOM: (singing) Cryyyyyiiing...over Borg!
> FIRESTORM and of course,
> the WONDER TWINS.
[Bizarro Tom enters. He looks much the same as always, except his dome is translucent and
he has a sign on his back which reads "I'm not wearing any underpants..."]
> Tom: And the legion of Doom,
CROW:...will be a bunch of dorks who sit around playing 3d games all day.
> will be, LEX,
MIKE: The girl from Jurassic Park? That doesn't seem that scary.
CROW: Maybe I'm wrong, but I think he's talking about Lex Luthor.
> BLACK MANTAS
CROW:...of Soul!
MIKE: Once is enough, Crow. No repeat jokes.
> , SINSTO,
> CATWOMEN,
MIKE: More than one Catwoman? Yowza!
CROW: Now you're doing it!
> RIDDER,
MIKE: I'd sure like a "ridder"; right now, to get rid of these morons.
> JOKER, TWO-FACE, SCARESCROW,
CROW: No, he doesn't, I ain't scared yet!
TOM: [imitates rimshot]
> BRANIC, BIZZARO,
> GINTAGA, SOLOMAND GRUMDY, BIZZARESS, TOYMAN, PRANKSTER, CHEETAH,
> CAPTAN COLD.
TOM: So, basically everyone's names would be spelt wrong.
CROW: Maybe Ratliff would start writing for them.
TOM: Heehee - Supermarissa!
MIKE: And this would be different from the current Marrissa how?
> Mike: Again.....you make me "shake and shiver"....with
> horror..
TOM: Us, too. I can't believe these guys actually took the time to make up this little
list.
> (looks at BIG RED LIGHT)
CROW: Yeah, Mike, big shiny lights have always distracted you.
TOM: (imitating Mike) Oooh, pretty light!
MIKE: Yeah, very funny, guys.
> Look's like Ma Parker, Brainic
> and Two-Face are teamed up.
>
>
> [PEARL'S ROCKET BUS]
>
> Pearl: Ma Parker!!! She has nothing one me......
> Bobo: She's look old....
TOM: Oooh, score one for Bobo!
> Pearl: SHUT UP, Monkey Face!!!
> Brain Guy: I wonder if Brainic was a inslut on me....,,
MIKE: A slut? Where?
>
>
> [SOL]
>
> Tom: I think so.
> Crow: Me to me...
CROW: (singing) You to you, and me to me. No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be..
> Mike: OK! IT IS!!!
>
>
> [PEARL'S ROCKET BUS]
>
> Pearl: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!! For giving, The Fool
> and the Brain Guy (snorts)
TOM: So, in this reality, Pearl have a uncontrollable cocaine habit?
> better insults then me....I going to
> give a pardoy of Power Rangers
MIKE: It's pardoy time! Whooooh!
TOM: Pardoy?
> that makes the real deal look
> like Carter's version of Wonder Women to Lee's version!!
CROW: Oh, yeah, of course! Hahahahahah...what the hell is Pearl talking about?
TOM: Don't ask me, I just work here.
> Ha
> Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!
>
>
> [SOL]
>
> Tom and Crow: MIIIIIIIIIIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU DID IT
> AGAIN!!!!!!
MIKE: What? What did I do?
TOM: I'm not exactly sure. But whatever it was, it was really bad!
CROW: And you'll have to clean it up yourself this time...
> Mike: Watch it, Melvin and Wendy!!!!.......
MIKE: Huh?
> Crow: Bite me, Super-Fool!!!
>
> (Lights Light Up)
CROW: That being the function of lights, usually.
>
> Mike: WE GET THE PARDOY SIGN!!!!!!
>
MIKE: No we don't.
CROW: I've never seen us get a Party Sign.
TOM: Me neither.
>
>
> <SOL......6....5....4....3...2....1....THEATHER>
MIKE: I hear the ghostly voices calling from the Ather, Dr Jones...
>
>
> Mike: Let's see what going...
MIKE: ...insane feels like.
TOM: This MiSTing should help.
>
>
>> Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents:
>
> Mike: Artist Bros. I'm a big fan of thier GALAXY TASK FORCE fan-
> fiction.
> Tom: Fan Boy.
MIKE: You calling me a fanboy...this is Bizarro World.
TOM: So, the alternate Mike just admitted that he likes fanfics by the same authors
he's MiSTing?
MIKE: Oh, this doesn't look good.
>
>
>
>> Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers
>
> Tom: True words can NEVER be spoken that that....
CROW: C'mon, Tom, spit it out.
>
>
>
>> "White Mite, Part I"
>
> Tom: White Mite, is that a beer?
TOM: (sings to the tune of the "Do-Re-Mi" song in "Sound of Music) Mite, a beer. A
foreign beer.
CROW: (same) This, a MiSTing that is laaaame.
>
>> Parody of, "White Light, Part I"
>
> Crow: Pardoy of a pardoy of a sentai.......
TOM: Pardoy?
MIKE: What scares me is that the correct spelling was right in front of him, and he
*still* spelled it wrong.
>
>> SCENE I:
>
>
> Tom: Scence 0!
MIKE: We will now hold a seance to attempt to resurrect the humor in this MiSTing.
CROW: Hold hands and attempt to contact the spirit of Rip Taylor.
MIKE: Actually, I don't think he's dead.
CROW: (Rip Taylor) But it's funny, ha!
> We trick you!!!
> Mike: Don't get your hope up!
CROW: Oh, the humanity...hang on, Scene 0 would mean another scene! Hey Tom, Mike, your
Bizarro selves are masochists!
MIKE: And with all that piercing, yours is one to talk?
>
>
>>Trini is sucking at some exodic drink Ernie forced his slave
CROW: Bert to be the straight man on Sesame Street.
>
> Tom: It's really...Miller!
TOM: Wow...that not only made sense, it was vaguely amusing.
CROW: There is hope!
MIKE: Who're you trying to kid?
>
>
>Richie into making at the Junk Food Bar, when Bulk walks in with
>Skull, who has his tongue dragging against the floor because of
>trying to find the Pathetic Rangers.
>
> Crow: What is Skull, a dragon skeleton..............
> Tom: May be, a calamon.........
MIKE: Oh, of course. What?!?
TOM: (singing) Calamon, Ilene! Oh, I swear...
23
>
>
> >Bulk: Hey geeks. What happens in geeksville?
MIKE: Dilbert gets elected mayor six years running?
>
> Crow: I watch Trini dress as Bell Dancer....
> Mike: CROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CROW: Bell Dancer? Is that like a dancer who does commercials for Taco Bell?
MIKE: Your guess is as good as mine.
>
>>Trini: Well, not much. Afterall, there's not much to do when
>>you've seen Ernie jumprope topless.
CROW: I'm not touching that...
>
> Tom: And see every monster that was every creatured in the
> history of the universe....
TOM:...looking intensely idiotic as the Power Rangers kick the living snot out of them.
MIKE: Or at least, every monster on sale at the local toystore.
CROW: How does a monster get creatured?
MIKE: I'll tell you when you get older, honey.
>
>
>>Bulk: Well, you just STAY out of my face! WE are on a top
TOM: And it's spinning rapidly...
>
> Tom: He is on the top of world...
> Crow: On top of spaggitteee cover with cheese.....
MIKE: You gotta admit, these guys are very creative with their misspellings.
>
>>secret mission. And we DON'T need you geeks screwing it up.
>
> Tom: Can Bulk, you are stupid fool......
TOM: New, it's Canned Bulk! Now you can have annoying comic relief characters in the
comfort of your own home! So, how much would you pay?
MIKE: I'd pay $8.50
CROW: I'd pay $20,000 in monopoly money.
TOM: Well, gentlemen, this exclusive offer is not available in the shops...because it's
dreadful!
>
>
>>Trini: I don't care who the Pathetic Rangers are.
>
> Crow: Sexual drained teenage with out a clue...
> Mike: CROW!!!!
MIKE: Ah, at least rampaging Crow syndrome is not unknown in Bizarro World...
> Tom: I might have to keep you two out of the theather, if you
> keep doing this...
MIKE: Since when did you have the authority to keep me out of here, Tom?
CROW: I bet I know what those Rangers are doing...having hot, sweaty sex!
MIKE: CROW!
CROW: (whispering) Quiet, Mike, maybe we can get Tom to throw us out of here!
>
>
>
>>Billy: Here's a hint, they're probably in your mind!
TOM: [Skull] You can't fool me! I have no mind!
>
>
> Tom: The mind of the stupid authors.....
> Crow: Who do you know...
> Tom: I read GREEN WITH VOMILT!!!!!!
TOM: Funny, I read writing myself.
> Mike: YUCK!!!!!!
MIKE: Yuck, vomilt, eww, disgusting! What's vomilt?
>
>
>
>>Skull: Really? Gee thanks, hey, Billy just helped us out!
>
>
> Tom: (Trini) Thanks, I a lot!!!!!!
MIKE: So what, is this a fill in the blank riff?
TOM: I *talk* a lot?
CROW: I *stink* a lot?
MIKE: I *idiotically ramble* a lot?
> Crow: (Billy) Pay in Sex!!!
> Mike: CROW!!!!!!!
MIKE: There it is again...
CROW: Why have I got a feeling that this parallel version of me is very close to Dr.
Thinker's mind?
>
>
>
>>Bulk: Shut up, lame brains. Listen, we'll find our way, you
>>butt out.
>
> Tom: That's awful picture!!!
TOM: And the grammar...ohhh...
> Crow: No kidding?
>
>
>
>>Trini: My pleasure.
CROW: Her pleasure to butt out?
TOM: And you claim to be better than Bizarro Crow.
>
> Tom: Trini will NEVER say anthing like that....
MIKE: Yeah, isn't it pitiful when authors write characters that are totally out of
character?
TOM: Dr. Thinker, pay close attention.
> Crow: Where's the Erine and the sandwhich joke at?
CROW: Eergh.
TOM: There's a lot of stuff even you don't want to touch, isn't there?
> Tom: In a different eposides....
> Crow: I fought it was in this one....
> Mike: Fan Boys!!
MIKE: Get the feeling that saying 'Fanboy!' is considered the height of humor in Bizarro
world?
>
>
>>(NOTE: KIMBERLY WILL BE SEEN IN PARTS ONE AND TWO IN
>>MICRO-OVERALLS THAT ARE CUT AT THE HIGHEST-PART OF THE THIGHS
>>WITH A PINK SHIRT ON)
TOM: If they're cut that short, are they really over*all*s?
>
> Tom: Now, we know why we get to see Kimbery until....the season
> 3....she's a sexual lover!
MIKE: I'm getting a look into Dr. Thinker's twisted little mind, and I'm not liking it!
> Crow: I thought that might come of me....but what did you stop
> him like me?
> Mike: It suprized me.....the sexual jokes come from you....
MIKE: [B-Mike] How on earth could we break out of cliches?
TOM: Mike, that's scary.
>
>
>>Kimberly goes skipping into the Juice Bar really hyper-looking
>>when Trini sticks her leg out and Kimberly trips over. Kimberly
>>gets up and makes a snide look at Trini
MIKE: [Kimberly] I am all-powerful - see how I control this innocent snide.
>
> Crow: WOW! This is better.
CROW: Yeah, I gotta admit, I enjoy seeing the Power Rangers kicking each others’ butts too!
TOM: And victimizing snides.
>
>>Billy: Hey Kim, what's with you? Have you been taking Speed?
>
> Tom: With Kevin Coughster
MIKE: (Kevin Costner) Back and...cough, cough, cough...excuse me. Back and...hack,
hack, cough...to the...cough, cough, cough...left.
CROW: Costner wasn't even in Speed.
>
>
>>Kimberly: No-wah. I have really wild and totally happening
>>news!
>
> Mike: (Mike) Tommy is BACK?
TOM: (singing)...and it's gonna be stupid!
MIKE&CROW: (singing) Hey, la, hey, la, Tommy's back!
> Tom: How do you know?
TOM: Because I read his attempt to get into real acting fell through?
> Mike: I saw you watching WHITE LIGHT just after Pearl's send us
> that "ATTACK OF 100FT-EMLYRA".
> Crow: YIKES!!! Don't remind me!!! That's was sick.
>
>>Trini: You ran out of padded bra's?
>
> Crow: (laughs)
>
>>Billy laughs.
CROW: Oh, dear God, the author of the story and these dufuses think alike!
>
> Tom: (Billy) No ones knows that I'm really a stupid kid on
> drug....
TOM: Only one drug. One tiny little drug.
CROW: Aspirin.
>
>>Kimberly: What? You don't think I look pretty?
>
> Mike: A pretty as a torando-wrecked tree....
MIKE: (young Indiana Jones) The Cross of Toranado belongs in a museum!
TOM: (gruff) You got heart, kid, but you can't spell worth a damn!
>
>
>>Billy: Huh? What are you talking about? Of course you're the
>>sexiest little thing that's ever trotted the globe.
>
> Tom & Mike: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWW!!!!
TOM: So these guys find "sexiest little thing that's ever trotted the globe" offensive,
but they make comments like "Pay in Sex!" and "she's a sexual lover!"
>
>
>>Kimberly: Yeah right, well for your information the only reason
>>why they didn't put me in a two-piece bathing suit like they did
>>in our "Other" show with that `Lady' person is because Saban
>>would have to send out nurses to revive our television audience.
>
> Tom: Power Rangers MEET ER, by Image Comic.....
> Crow: That's sick...
TOM: It is, why?
CROW: To even associate ER with pointless drek like this is a crime against nature...or
maybe I just had a bad _Batman & Robin_ flashback.
[All collectively shudder]
> Tom: And your SEXUAL FULL JOKES are NOT!!!
> (Mike groans)
MIKE: Funny, you'd think he'd be used to all this by now...
>
>>Billy: Yeah right, we're just 8-bit ASCII characters on a
>>computer screen to our viewing audience--they would be
>>dangerously delerious and hard-up to get turned on reading about
>>a sexy chic.
>
> Tom: What about Wonder Women: DC Futures fan-comic?
> Crow: Don't you been fan-fic....
CROW: Yeah, Tom, don't you been fan-fic, whatever you do! That would be just wrong!
> Tom: I stand correct.
> (Mike groans)
TOM: Hey, Mike, did you get some out-of-date hamdingers or something? You sure are
groaning a lot in this.
MIKE: Hey, being the puppet of Dr. Thinker would do that to anyone.
[Tom & Crow start to get uncomfortable at the mention of the "p" word]
MIKE: Anyway, I don't appear to have any lines, so I must have to groan to get attention.
>
>
>>Kimberly: Well that has nothing to do with why I'm so excited!
>
> Tom: (Kimberly) I drunk another-type of beer, today, Billy.
CROW: (gasps) I just got it! That's why none of these guys' comments make any sense.
They keep mentioning beer...they must be drunk off their alternate asses!
ALL: Oh, now I get it!
>
>>Trini: Is it because you took some weed and got wasted?
>
>Tom: I bet Kimbery is MAJOR TO, right now!!!!!
TOM: (singing) This is S.O.L. to Major To. You've really made the grade. And the
papers want to know what the hell that last comment meant...
>Crow: I bet you are right!
>Mike: Me too...
>Tom: NO FAIR!!!!!!
>
>>Kimberly: No!! WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF?!
>
>
> Tom: Where is pardoy, if we do that?
TOM: Pardoy?
CROW: He has a point. Where *is* the party?
> Crow: Our jokes, which make a lot of more cents then this...junk.
>
>
>
>>Trini: No; I like belittling and humiliating you on national TV.
>>Afterall, If I can't have a love-life, then you can't have one
>>without being tease either.
>
> Tom: Peace! Can we get along?
> Crow: Where is pardoy in that?
[Tom begins breathing heavily, and finally erupts]
TOM: (shouting) PARODY! PARODY, DAMN YOUR HIDE! P-A-R-O-D-Y! AAAARGH!
MIKE: OK, Tom, got it out of your system?
TOM: (still breathing heavily) Yeah, yeah, I'm better now.
> Mike: YOU DID THAT ALL READY!!!!!!!!!
>
>>Kimberly: Manless, disgusting, repulsive dog.
TOM: Leave Rover out of this!
>
> Tom: Sound like Trini is a gang...an power gang.
CROW: (Trini) Yeah, I'm a gang. No, there's nobody else, it's just me, but it's still
a gang.
> Crow: That's was bad pun...
MIKE: Well, bad in the sense that it made absolutely no sense, yeah.
>
>
>>Trini: Over-dressed, over made-over, horny, pretencious
>>prostitute.
>
> Mike: (Kimbery) Thank you, thank you!
> Tom: (Trini) Shut up!!!
TOM: [Trini] How dare you admit to being a prostitute!
>
>>Kimberly: Shut up!
>>Trini: No, you shut up...
>
> Tom: These guys are more bad then the Real Tommy and Jason in
> "On Fins and Needles".
> Crow: Fan Boy!!!! Fan Boy!!!!
MIKE: Again with the fanboy...oy, vey...
>
>>Billy: Uhhhh.... Ladies, ladies ladies. How can I put this
>>delicately? I'm not one to shout at dames but ah.... SHUT THE FRIGGEN HELL UP!!!
>
> Tom: OUCH!!!!!!! YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALL: SHUT UP!
>
>>A dead silence hovers over the junk food bar and everyone stares
>>at Billy in annoyance and Billy smiles.
>
>>Billy: Not to you, to them. Hehehehe.
>
TOM: OK, weird parallel me, here's a pop quiz for ya! What is the question
we've all been asking ourselves ever since this odd little MiSTing started?
> Tom: Who?
TOM: (imitates buzzer) Oooh, I'm sorry. The correct answer is "What?";
as in "What the hell are these guys talking about?" But do try again tomorrow.
>
>>Trini: We get the message, so what did you wanna say, hot peaks?
>
> Tom: Again...beeping time!!!!!
CROW: Jeez, Tom, you're really monopolizing the MiSTing here. We haven't talked for about
a page now. And what the heck is "beeping time" anyway?
MIKE: I think Tom meant " bleeping time", as in what the censors have to do when we talk
about this MiSTing.
TOM: Yeah, like "This was the biggest <BLEEP> heap of <BLEEP> I,;ve ever had the <BLEEP>
misfortune to have to <BLEEP> sit through.
>
>>Kimberly (snide expression): Well, I just got a letter from
>> Tommy. He's so sore from grabbing
>> his crotch and watching reruns
>> of "Ren and Stimpy" that he's
> coming home!
CROW: Doing *what* while watching Ren and Stimpy reruns?
>
> Mike: (scarcism) YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
TOM: What's scarcism? Is that where you have an unnatural prejudice against people with
permanent marks on themselves?
>
>
>
>
>>Trini: Yippy, now we have another teen Prodigy, who sucks up all
>> the attention just because he can extend his hand to
>> Pluto and bring it back to Earth and fight monsters with
>> no powers. I'm going to have a word with Cheryl about my
>> popularity in this program.
>
> Mike: TRINI should better use her skills to kick Kimbery butt!!!
CROW: You know, I would agree with that, but I have this sinking suspicion that Dr.
Thinker would probably get some kind of sick thrill out of watching something like that.
>
>
>>Kimberly: Well you see that's just it. We forced Billy to take
>> vote calls, call 1-900-LIKE-KIM if you Like Kimberly,
>
>Tom: 1-900-HATE-KIM
MIKE: (weak laughter) See, it's funny, because it's...uhh...the opposite.
CROW: Give it up, Mike, there is no earthly way to gain pleasure out of this MiSTing.
>
>> 1-900-BILL-ME, for Billy,
>
> Crow: I guess no call that number!
> Tom: Why?
> Crow: They did not what to get billed.
> (Tom groans)
TOM: Actually, that could have been funny...if it was comprehensible.
>
>> 1-900-GO-JASON for Jason, 1-900-LOVE-TOM for Tommy,
>> 1-900-ACK-ZACK for Zack,
>
> Crow: Sick one, Billy!!
> Tom: Why?
> Crow: Ack sounds like a cough.
CROW: Or Bill the Cat.
MIKE: Or Cathy after trying on a swimsuit.
TOM: Or the first syllable of the word describing what we would like to happen to a
certain group of losers in the near future.
MIKE: Lemme guess, the other two are "Sid"; and "Ent."
CROW: Good guess.
> Mike: If you are smoking....
TOM: ...a very potent reefer, this might actually seem funny.
4
>
>> and 1-900-ER-TRINI for Trini; and well, no one likes you,
>> because your hotline didn't even ring.
>
> Tom: No wonder, they that you are dead, Trini.
CROW: is it a potent existential statement of the meaninglessness of life...
TOM: ...or is it a typo?
BOTH: YOU decide!
>
>
>>Trini: How come I didn't know about this hotline?
>>Billy: 'Cause no one likes you.
>>Trini: Errrrr....
>
> Tom: Trini sounds like a lion...
> Crow: The MGW one?
TOM: Or maybe the MG*M* one?
CROW: MGW - Make it Go 'Way...
> Tom: No, a real one.
>
>
>>Kimberly: Anyway, getting back to more important issues, I'm
>> thinking of throwing Tommy a coming-back party.
>
>
> Tom: Thanks.
> Crow: I think she's means Tommy Oliver, the ex-Green Fool.
CROW: Ex-green, or ex-fool?
MIKE: Well, he isn't actually in this, so I'd go for the latter.
> Tom: Rats!!
>
>
>>Trini: Does he deserve it?
>>Kimberly: No.
>>Billy: He doesn't?
>>Kimberly: Not really, just 'cause he saved our neck sixty-seven
>> times over inside one season doesn't mean he really
>> deserves it.
MIKE: What a nice person.
>>Billy: Keen.
>
> Tom: Keen Kevene, Captain the N the Game Master!!
CROW: Whoah, Tom, are you having an episode?
>
>> SCENE II:
>
>
>>Lord Bread.
>
> Tom: (Lord Zedd) That's LORD ZEDD!!! NOT BREAD!!!!
> Crow: This a pardoy, Tom.
[Tom begins hyperventilating. Mike tries desperately to calm him down.]
> Tom: I STAND CORRECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TOM: Well, it's better than Bizarro Mike's permanent slouch...
>
>
>>Lord Bread: Hahahahahaha! That whimp Tommy is making a
>> comeback, aye? Hahahaha, the only come back he'll be
>> doing is with his dinner! As for those pesky
>> rangers, I HATE party's!
TOM: Funny. I hate pardoys, myself.
>
> Tom: That did not make any cents at all....
> Mike: Just nod and smile...
MIKE: Hey, for once, these guys have a good point. Let's just all nod and smile for the
rest of this MiSTing, and maybe it'll go down easier.
>
>
>>Squatt: I don't. Should I bring my bikini?
>
> Tom: The authors is out of control!!!
> Crow: No kidding?
>
>
>>Baboo: Or my collection of vomiting flies?
>
>Tom: At least, the idiots authors,
CROW: Uh, yeah, idiot alternate Tom? You were saying?
TOM: And he just...kinda...trails...off.
>
>>Lord Bread: NO!!!! WE'RE NOT GOING TO THE PARTY! WE ARE GOING
>> TO *RUIN* IT!! You PATHETIC excuses for recycled >
>> garbage are STARTING to get on my
> nerves!
>
> Tom: Lord Bread may be have to switch to DECAFF!!!
> Crow: Did we do that joke in the first MSTing?
> Tom: Who gives a care!!!!
MIKE: (perky) Why, the Care Bears of course.
TOM: Don't give Pearl any ideas. We might be forced to watch "The Care Bears Movie"
someday.
>
>
>>Squatt: Well excuse me...
>
> Tom: You are excuse
> Crow: That's was to easy.
>
>>Lord Bread: I'm going to throw those pesky teenagers a party
>> they'll WISH they COULD forget! Look out, Lord
>> Bread's in da haause!!!
>
> Tom: Lord Bread is play be Will Smith.
>
>>Goldar: Uhhh...
>
> Tom: I guess Lord Bread get on Goldar's nerves.
TOM: Or you could say that Goldar went against Lord Bread's grain.
[Mike and Crow groan at the Dr.-Thinker-worthy pun]
>
>
>> SCENE III:
>
>
>>The gang are hangin' out with those losers they added to the
>>cast in Angel Grave Park (Angel Grave mind you has, a boulevard,
>>a junk food bar, a park, an interstate, a farm, a power plant,
>>and oil mine and an abandoned amusement park) playing football.
>
> Tom: I think authors are trying to make fun of lack of "Saban's
> Power Rangers" sets.
MIKE: And the dunces catch on to the *subtle* jokes of the authors.
>
>
>>Zack: Hey guys!
>
>Tom: Hello, nerd-face!!!
CROW: I think I get it now. In this reality, somebody stole our brains and replaced
them with Beavis and Butt-head's brains.
TOM: (Butt-head) Uh, like that Zack dude is really stupid!
CROW: (Beavis) Yeah, he's a dork, heheheh.
MIKE: Quiet, guys, I'm getting bad flashbacks from "The Rangers of NIMH".
[All collectively shudder]
>
>
>>Dork Black Dude: Hey Zack, how do you think I'm doing at
>>football?
>
>Tom: Badly?
>Crow: Stupidly?
>Mike: Foolly
MIKE: (Eddie Murphy) Yeah, I'm Axel Foolly, Detroit P.D. What the hell kind of first
name is "Judge" anyway?
>
>>Zack: Let me put it to you like this, Urkel can play better than
> you.
>
> Tom: URKEL....PLAYS...FO...OT...BA...LL!!...!!!..!!!
CROW: Doing your Captain Kirk, Tom?
TOM: (Shatner) You can't...tell me that...Steve Urkel...plays....football!
> [Tom's head blow ups (as in spy movies)]
> Crow: First head blow up since we start it!
TOM: Hey, it doesn't happen that often! Besides, it happens to every guy...it's no big
deal..surely we can just cuddle...[Tom starts to cry. Mike hugs him, and he stops.]
CROW: Hey, does that mean Scanners is a spy movie?
>
>>Dork Black Dude: Hey thanks.
>
> Tom: Strange?
TOM: No, that's not a strong enough adjective to describe this MiSTing. I';d go with
"mind-numbingly bizarre."
CROW: Notice how Bizarro Tom is able to keep talking, even without a head...
>
>
>>=====
>
>
>>Jason is sitting at a table with the Dork White Red Dude feeding
>>him twinkies.
>
> Tom: Twinkies? Power Ranger's GumRangers
> Crow: That's Tom for you!!!
> Tom: Yeah..HEY!!!!
>
>>Dork White Red Dude: Hey Jason, stop feeding me.
>
> Tom: (Jason) NO!!!
TOM: (Jason) No, I don't want to appear in 5 or 6 lame horror movie sequels.
MIKE: Wrong Jason, Tom.
>
>
>>Jason: What's the matter? Don't you like cake and cookies for
>>lunch with no milk?
>
> Tom: GOT MILK?!
> Crow: Yes..but it's sour just like this fan-fiction.
[Everybody just stares in shock for a while, then Crow hesitantly speaks.]
CROW: Dear lord. That comment was almost.......witty.
TOM: Mike, I'm scared.
MIKE: It's alright, Tom, I'm here.
>>D.W.R.D.: Yeah, but it's fattening, my muscles'll turn to fat if
>>I eat too much bad stuff.
>
> Tom: Strange!!!
>
>>Jason (pretending to be amazed): Really? Goshums, I did not
>> know that.
>
> Tom: That's strange
>
MIKE: So, basically, things are pretty strange.
TOM: Yep, it's mighty strange how strange these strange happenings are.
CROW: I'm telling ya, it's downright....strange.
>
>>D.W.R.D.: Gee, those cookies sure do look good...
>
>
> Tom: Power Ranger's Power Cookies..shaped like the Power Ranger's
> zord.
> Crow: Shameless Power Rangers idea number 1.
>
>
>
>> SCENE IV:
>
> In the command center...
>
> Tom: Zordan was shocking the chip out of Alpha 5.
> Crow: You are a dark one, Mr. Tom.
>
>
>>Alpha is turning off everything and all the lights.
>
> Tom: Zordan sold the command center.
>
>
>
>>Alpha: Alright, Zordon. It looks safe to leave.
>>Zordon: No it isn't. I just figured that I need that
>>well-deserved vacation.
>>Alpha: Oh right. What were we doing again?
>>Zordon: Read the script.
>>Alpha: Alright. I suppose I COULD do that. But then again, I
>>ould use my own brain.
>
> Tom: Alpha and Zordan needs a brain check...
> Crow: Or watching two of the Ranger doing......
> Mike: CROW!!!
> Crow: The limbo with Alpha's arms.
MIKE: You know, I think these guys missed the part of the MiSTer FAQ about how trite
and overused this device is.
CROW: No, they read it. They just ignored it, because they figured they could take
the idea into whole new directions...of boredom.
>
>>Zordon: Hahahaha, funny joke, Alpha.
>>Alpha: It isn't a joke.
>>Zordon: Cut it out, Alpha. C'mon, turn off the command center.
>>Alpha: Alright.
>
> Tom: (Alpha) Let me up-plug my self.
TOM: Ewwww! I don't even know how one up-plugs oneself.
>
>
>>Alpha shuts everything down and this odd noise is heard.
>
> Tom: DANGER....BAD JOKE ABOUT THIS COMMING UP!!!!!
CROW: At least he's warning us now before he comes up with bad jokes.
>
>>Alpha: I hope it doesn't bust out.
>>Zordon: Yeah, me too.
>
> Tom: Told you, so. If you wonder what that you stands for...it's
> for the readers.
MIKE: Uh, suuuuure, that's real nice...whatever.
CROW: I think when I get out of the theater, I'm going to work on that "Gibberish to
English"; dictionary we started on. These comments might actually be funny after that.
>
>>Alpha: And just in case, I'm going to put this alarm system off.
>> Billy just loves to break in unauthorized to steal our
>> stuff and leave us with plagiarized garbage from Radio
>> Shack. I learned from "Green With Vomit."
>
>
>>Zordon: You are right, let us embark on our TOP SECRET, VERY
>> IMPORTANT, ONLY WE CAN KNOW ABOUT TOP SECRET MISSION!
>
> Tom: OUCH!!! NOT SO LOUD!!!!!!
MIKE: And with an audible *whoosh*, the joke goes completely over Tom's head.
CROW: You know, this story is actually getting funnier than the MiSTing.
>
>
>
>>Alpha: I have to feed you into this fishbowl.
>>Zordon: Alright.
>
> Tom: So that how the Artist Fool Brothers think Zordan get into
> that new room.
>
MIKE: So alternate Tom's trying to find continuity in a parody story?
CROW: Kind of like wondering where Jane got that third hand to slap Frank in "Naked
Gun 2 1/2"
>
>
>
>
>>Alpha uses a molecular thing to suck Zordon from out of the tube
>>and into a fishbowl.
>
> Tom: LET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TOM: Yes, please, let us all out of here.
CROW: Did you notice that Tom seems to be making almost every comment in this MiSTing?
So Tom's to blame for all of this! Let's get him!
[Crow and Mike go after Tom, knocking him to the ground]
TOM: No, guys, no! I'm not the enemy, it's these guys, they're the ones doing this to us!
Calm down!
[Crow and Mike return to their seats, breathing heavily]
>
>
>> SCENE V:
>>In the park where they're playing football...
>>D.W.R.D.: Gosh, I'm really fat.
>>Jason: Too bad.
>>Dork White Red Guy: Don't you want a cookie too?
>>Jason: No thanks, it'll turn my muscles to fat.
>>Dork White Red Guy: Oh, okay. . . Hey, HEY!!! NGH!!!!!
>
> Tom: Dork White Red Guy get lot was coming to him.
>
>>Meanwhile, off in doomsville...
>
> Tom: Doomsville, is that Rita's home town?
>
>
>>Bulk and Skull are sitting on an abandoned, yet warm tuffet
>>looking for the Pathetic Rangers.
>
>
>>Skull: Can't we go home? My butt's fallen asleep, and I think
>> it took a vacation to Tokyo too.
MIKE: Butts from all over are converging on Tokyo, Butt Capital of the world!
>>Bulk: We can't leave now!! We have to waste our lives away on
>>something to make this be what would have been a completely
>>funny parody but is now a dull, boring and predictable
>>venture.
>
> Tom: Think of changing jobs?
CROW: I know I sure am. Mike, can you turn me into a blender? That would be a whole
lot better than having to sit through this.
TOM: Yeah, turn me into a salad bowl, I don't care.
>
>>Skull: Fine fine, but I really that this is a stupid idea.
>>Bulk: WE ARE STUPID!! I just wish we had a sign!!
>
>
>>Some giant firey ball hits the ground that is discovered to be
>>some wastebasket-sized toilet that Lord Bread put Rita in.
MIKE: Who needs a wastebasket sized toilet?
TOM: A very small man who plays the piano?
>
>>Bulk: WHOA!! WHAT WAS THAT?!?!
>>Skull: I think it's some kind of toilet bowl.
>>Bulk: Kinda like that wasting thing that is known as your brain,
>> huh?
>>Skull: Listen, would you stop beating up on me and help me open
>> this stupid thing?
>>Bulk: Alright, it might lead us to who the Pathetic Rangers
>> are!!
>>Skull: C'mon!!
>
>
> Tom: This does MAKE "WHITE LIGHT" look like "The Last of 2 Dollar
> Bills"
> Crow: Expect that the fact "White Light" is 2 30 mintues, show
> one different days..and that "The Last of 2 Dollar" was a hour-
> long show.
MIKE: This is really sad, these guys actually watch Power Rangers.
TOM: Hey, if you judged by their grammar, spelling, and sense of humor, I'd guess them
to be mentally aged...oh 6 or 7. They're probably too *young* to watch Power Rangers.
CROW: Notice how he doesn't realize that two times 30 minutes *is* an hour...
>
>> SCENE VI:
>
>>Zack is walking and walking in the park after a long game of
>>football and notices this giant statue of a soda can, that's
>>leaking GAK (tm).
>
>Tom: Shame Nickelodon Plug Number 1.
CROW: Hey, I think anybody involved in this MiSTing has a whole lot of shame already.
>
>
>>Zack: Man, that's really funky.
>>AB Writers: Kinda like that sweat bomb that is your shirt?
CROW: Sweat bomb?
TOM: That's...interesting.
>>Zack: Keep outta this, I've gotta warn the others.
>>Jason: Hey Zack, why won't you play?
>>Zack: Check out that soda can!?!
>>Jason: Odd.
>>Dork Blue Guy: Hey, you wanna play some more?
>>Jason: No, thanks.
>>Dork Red Guy: Ya know, Jason, you're gonna pay for this, just as
>> soon as I lose a couple of pounds.
>>Jason: Do your worst, shrimp.
>>Dork Red Guy: Pus-face.
>>Jason: Eat my shorts!
>>Kimberly: Gee, what was that all about?
>>Jason: Guy stuff, you wouldn't understand, Skippy-Shirley.
TOM: I don't think anyone understood it.
MIKE: Well, that would imply that we're following the story...
>>Kimberly: Okay. Eww, what's that ga-ross soda can doing?
>>Billy: Might be leaking Zack's brains.
>>Zack: Man, this is serious. So shut your big mouth up.
>>Billy: Hehehehehe, sure. Right. Whatever.
>
>
>Tom: Those guys need to get some milk into their bones.
MIKE: This nutrition tip brought to you by the Bizarro Health Board of America.
TOM: Telling you not to eat spinach since 1932.
>
>
>
>>=========================
>
>
>>Lord Bread: GOLDAR!!
>>Goldar: WHAT!?!?!
>>Lord Bread: HMMMMM!!
>>Goldar: Dahhh, umm, don't take that as a personal attack, I'm
>> simply just...
>>Lord Bread: Shut up!! MY MONSTER IS NOT FINISHED YET, WHY!?!?!
>>Goldar: Because Finster--who was our speedy cook--is baking
>>bread. You might wanna promote him to his original job--which
>>wouldn't really be a promotion, because...
>
>Tom: (Goldar) He's fails every time!!!!!
CROW: (Alex Trebek) Yes, Mike.
MIKE: Uhh, "What is most people's response to this MiSTing's attempts at jokes?"
CROW: (Alex Trebek) Good job.
>
>>Lord Bread: Stop your rambling! As long as you lazy-ass's are
>>taking 99 years, I'll have to distract the rangers with useless
>>MUDDIES!
>
>Tom: 10,000,000 times stupid then Rita's version.
TOM: I didn't really think the Putties were really known for intelligence. The only thing
they seemed to be good for was getting beat up.
>
>
>
>
>>====================
>
>Tom: That's a short scence in a scence
TOM: Is that where you call up a spirit, which then calls up another spirit?
>
>>The muddies appear and give the rangers their daily "workout."
>>They clear them all out as Jason shows off the new moves he
>>learned.
>
> Tom: He play bowling with the Muddies.
> Crow: That's sick.
CROW: Yeah, bowling is one of the most perverted sports out there, ya know.
TOM: (Colonel Bat Guano) You're probably one o' them pre-verts who rolls them balls down
them alleys, ain't ya?
> (Mike groans)
TOM: Getting queasy again, Mike?
> Mike: My head hurts.
MIKE: Odd coincidence, that.
>
>>Jason: We better go check this out.
>>Billy: Right, I'll call the command center.
>
> Tom: (Anwsering Maching) Sorry, but Zordan and Alpha 5 are
> busy right now..please call back in a million years.
MIKE: (weak laughter) See, it's funny, because Zordon never answers the Rangers' calls.
Oh, what's the point?
>
>
>
>>Billy taps his communicator as does the others.
>
> Tom: Dee, Dee, Dee, Dee, Dee, Dee, Dee.
> Mike: What was that?
> Tom: Communicator sound.
>
>
>
>>Billy: Zordon, come in, this is Blue Ranger. [Long Pause] Hello?
>>Kimberly: Oh no, could someone fooled with the switches on
>> Zordon's brains?
>
>Tom: OUCH! DO THAT AGAIN AND YOUR ARE TIN-CAN!!!!!!
>
>
>>Billy: No, but I have a slight resentment for the AB Writers'
>>lame attempt at getting ratings by previewing Zordon to have
>>faded out again, when all he's doing is constructing White
>>Ranger... Ooops!
>
>Tom: Author spill out the plot!!!!!
TOM: MiSTer just give up!!!!!!
>
>>Jason: Dweeb!
>>Trini: Nice goin'.
>>Billy: C'mon, let's teleport.
>>Jason: What do you think? Should we put a lock on Billy's
>>mouth?
>>Trini: Nahh, we can just plot something when the show's over.
>>Billy: Wait a minute, I don't like the looks in you guys' eyes.
>>Jason: Oh, don't worry. Let's just teleport.
>>Billy (nervously): Oh, ooohh-kay.
>
>Tom: The Power Ranger killed Billy and hair Justin to fill in his
>place.
TOM: (singing) Give me a Justin with hair, long beautiful hair!
>Crow: That's silly, Tom.
>
>>They teleport.
>
>Tom: To Lavitara.
>Crow: Shame Marvel Plug Number 1.
MIKE: Meanwhile, in Lavitara, Dr. Doom works on the lavatories that will help him to take
over the world!
>
>
>> SCENE VII:
>
>>They teleport to the command center, which is completely dark
>>and abandoned.
>
>>Kimberly: Gee, looks pretty strange on this sound stage without
>>lights and annoying Aye yi yi's.
>
> Tom: And green bald face of Zorderk.
> Crow: Is that name all ready is for a SPACE GHOST cartoon...
(All cry out in outrage)
CROW: How dare he profane the name of Space Ghost?
> Mike: You are think of Zorak, Crow.
> Crow: I STAND CORRECT!!!!
MIKE: These guys really rub it into my Bizarro self about his slouch, don't they?
> (Tom groans)
TOM: I must have caught whatever you got, Mike.
>>Zack: Why don't we bask in this sudden moment of peace and
>>tranquility?
>
>>The rangers take a deep breath and let it out.
>
>>Jason: Okay, that's enough of that. Now to find out what the
>> friggen heck is going on here.
>
> Tom: Billy all ready told you..what are your guys stupid.
MIKE: You know, I think even fans of Adam Sandler movies wouldn't find this funny.
>
>
>>Billy: Well, I do see some CD sitting right here.
>
> Crow: KNOCK KNOCK!!
> Mike: Who's there?
> Crow: CD
> Mike: CD who?
> Crow: CD of song of 70's
MIKE: No, I correct myself. Even fans of Pauly Shore movies wouldn't find any humor in
this.
TOM: Ouch, Mike, low blow!
> Mike: Why that?
> Crow: Beat me.
TOM: Since when have you been into S&M, Crow?
>>As Billy moves closer, the camera starts to jerk like it does in
>>horror flicks when a monster is about to claw up it's victim.
>
>Tom: (TWO STUPID AUTHORS) CUT IT OUT!!
>
>
>>Billy: Uhh, this is Pathetic Rangers, not "Tales From the
>>Crypt." See, one has talent
>
> Crow: (giggles)
> Mike: He must have read alt.fan.sailor-moon again.
>
CROW: Ok, Tom, judgement call? Is that a joke that just *we* don't get, or is that a
joke *nobody* will get?
TOM: Can't tell for sure.
>
>>Zack: Which one?
>
>Tom: Tales from the Crypt.
>
>>Trini: What do you think?
>
>Tom: TALES FROM THE CRYT!!!!!
MIKE: Oh, no, Bizarro Tom's forgetting how to spell words by the second!
>
>>Zack: I dunno, it's Billy's dumb comment.
>>Trini: Oh sure, like he'd bag on himself.
>>Billy: Shh, I'm concentrating.
>>Trini: Don't bust a vain or anything.
>>Billy: Cut it out!! Hmmm, it appears this is a CD. I'm gonna
>>go check this out at my place.
>>Jason: Very well, I just love these introductions to nothing.
>>Billy: C'mon, let's go to my place; especially you, Kimberly.
>>Kimberly: Oooo, you heat up my syrup like... ehehehehehehe....
CROW: "Heat up my syrup"? Oh dear...
>>Trini: I think I'm gonna puke.
>
> (Crow tosses black stuff over off this chair)
CROW: Ah...there's the syrup.
>
> Crow: (coughing) Nice going! It starting to get sick.
MIKE: [weakly] Sick, see? That's funny because...oh, there isn't really any point to this,
is there?
TOM: Nope.
>
>
>
>> SCENE VIII:
>
>>Lord Bread: Haw haw haw haw, those rangers think they're sooo
>> smug.
>
>
>Tom: Vanity is better word.
TOM: Or inanity.
CROW: Or insanity.
>
>>Goldar: Alas, we have something in common with them.
>
>All: (laughing) This is getting to silly for words. Take a break?
>
>
>>Lord Bread: Ya know, Goldar, I would love to lodge a tack threw
>>that dusty abandoned lot that is your skull.
>
> Tom: Bread is evil.
> Crow: No kidding.
TOM: Hey, and guess what else. The Power Rangers are good.
CROW: No kidding.
TOM: And this MiSTing sucks.
CROW: No kidding.
>>Goldar: We don't even know what the rangers' plan is. Billy's
>> just analyzing some dumb CD.
>
>Crow: (Lord Zedd) An your are a dumb monster who's haven't have
> sex in over 20 millieums.
CROW: It's true! Bizarro Crow is giving us an insight into Dr Thinker's mind!
TOM: And what a light and happy place it is!
>
>
>>Lord Bread: The only thing they'll be analyzing is where their
>> rib-cage has
>
> Tom: Rib-Cage starting Action Man, Mr. T and T-Force, The Super-
> Friends, and kid-age Super-Heros.
>
>> fallen to after my Dumb-butt monster gets threw with
>> them!
>>Goldar: Why is she deemed with such an insulting name?
>
> Tom: Become she's a butt-head.
TOM: My God, does these morons even have a basic concept of what humor is?
>>
>>
>>Lord Bread: I dunno, she serves no purpose but to gloat about
>> being stronger than her estranged sisters.
>>Goldar: Whoopty-doo.
>>Lord Bread: Are you questioning the success of this BRILLIANTLY
>> constructed plan!?!?!?!
>>Goldar: I'm going to get a drink.
>
> Tom: He's leaving.....about time!!
>
>>Lord Bread: Bring me some gravy too, AND GO TO YOUR PAINROOM
>>AFTER THAT! Hahahaha, you rangers are history!!
>
> Tom: Lord Bread is strange for words.
TOM: As opposed to alternate me, whose words are strange.
>
>
>>
>
>> SCENE IX:
>>
>>Tommy is standing on a beach blanket with a mini stereo next to
>>him playing a Beach Boys song, topless with a bathing suit on
>>sitting next to a public beach.
>
> Tom: Some is trying to work hard.
>
>
>>Beach Boys (singing): ....and everybody's gone surfin', surfin'
>>U.S.A. [da da da dee...]
>
> Tom: The Rangers kill the Beach Boys durning their battle with
> Butt-Head.
CROW: And the idiot finally has a good idea!
MIKE: Hey, I like the Beach Boys!
[Tom and Crow distance themselves from Mike]
>Crow: That's Dumb-Butt.
>
>>Tommy: Ahhh, fun in the sun... I sure am glad I ditched
>> Kimberly's stupid coming-back party. Hehehehehe, ahh,
>> now to work on that sunburn.
>
>Tom: DANGER...TOM OLIVER...DANGER..DANGER!!!
MIKE: OK, guys, any ideas on why a "Lost in Space" reference is warranted here?
[General sounds of confusion from the bots]
>
>
>>Suddenly, this giant energy bolt slams onto Tommy and sucks him
>>up.
>
> Mike: It's Super-Man in his energy formation.
>
>>Tommy: Ahhhhh!!!! I knew I should've used Sunblock 15 and not
>>2!! Dahhhhh!
>
> Tom: FOOL!!
MIKE: Such an obvious mistake! I mean, everyone knows that really high factor suncream
will help you tan a lot faster...
>
>
>> SCENE X:
>>
>>Bulk and Skull are in Skull's dad's workshop.
>
> Tom: Skull has a DAD?
TOM: Well, unless he was torn from the thigh of Zeus, I'd say yeah.
>
>
>>Bulk: Are you allowed to use this thing by your dad?
>>Skull: Bulk, need I remind you, he could care less if I had
>> Shamu in this workshop, he's a thug.
>
> Tom: For Two-Face.
> Mike: Shameless DC Plug Number 1.
>
>>Bulk: Figures. Now to open this stupid thing. Tools.
>>Skull: Gotcha.
>
>>Skull whips out a power-saw and puts it to the toilet lid and
>>starts making a lot of loud saw-dust noise.
>
>
> All: (coughing from the saw-dust.)
TOM: Well, at least they can cough properly...
>
>
>>Rita: Huh? Hey!! What's going on here?!?!?! Can't you see I'm
>>sleepin'!?!?
>>Bulk: Did you hear that?
>>Skull: Oh no! I think mom's home!
>>Bulk: It didn't sound like your mother.
>>Skull: It didn't?
>>Bulk: I must be hearing things, go back to work.
>
> Tom: And you are stupid! Nuff' said.
MIKE: Note to Alt-Tom: Insulting the characters of a story is not inherently funny,
as you seem to think.
>
>
>> SCENE XI:
>>
>>
>>The rangers are in--as usual--Billy's stupid garage, when
>>suddenly the sky goes from sunny day to mid-evening.
>
>>Kimberly: Well?
>>Billy: Hmmm, this CD looks scarse. I don't know WHAT to do
>>about this.
>>Zack: Neither do the writers.
>
>Tom: Where's the writers?
CROW: Probably off watching "Dawson's Creek" or "90210" and taking ideas down.
>
>
>>Billy: Uh huh. . . . . . . . . A hem! Hey writers!! I
>>ran out of lines!
>
>Tom: GOOD!!!
>
>>The AB Writers are asleep.
>
>Tom: WHAT!!!
TOM: HE SAID THE AB WRITERS ARE ASLEEP!
>
>>Zack: Ugh, looks like we'll have to wing it.
>>Billy: Right, if that fuc***g Lord Bread pulls some more sh*t on
>>us, we'll just have to force his a*s to look like fresh meat.
>>AB Writer: Huh?!?!?! Oh no, I was asleep.
>
> Tom: (AB Writer) I was dream was writing for that new Wonder
> Women cartoon for WB.
> Crow: Shamless Channel Plug..Number 1.
> (Mikes groans)
CROW: My God, Mike has become an ameoba and is spontaneously dividing himself!
TOM: Multiple Mikes, there’s a scary thought.
>
>
>>Billy: I knew that was one good way to wake those goons up. Now
>>for some real lines.
>
> Tom: As if!!
TOM: Ah, yes, the brilliant and trenchant wit of Tom number 2. So obviously inspired
by such Algonquin Round Table regulars as Dorothy Parker, and always cutting and
insightful.
MIKE: Are you alright, Tom?
TOM: Sorry, just wanted to insert a few drops of actual intelligence into this.
>
>
>>Jason: Ya know, Billy, without that rotten sliced off head
>>Zordon to tell us to look at the viewing globe, we really don't
>>know WHAT to do, right?
>
> Tom: True!
>
>
>>Billy: Doesn't matter, see this monster doesn't do anything
>>besides be written really not-so-clever lines.
>>Kimberly: It's starting to seem this parody is going no where,
>
> Tom: No kidding?
CROW: Jokes, guys, we need jokes, not just running commentary!
>
>>and going on a 125 to get there.
>
> Tom: I think we done with this....
>
>
>>Zack: Hehehehe, I think the best thing to do about now, now that
>>we've succesfully destroyed and murdered this scene, is to
>>morph.
>>Jason: Okee dokee, IT'S MORPHIN TIME!
>
>>Zack: Majormess
>
>Tom: This story is all ready a MAJOR MESS.
>
>>Kimberly: Pterydorky
>
> Crow: And every thing is dorkized.
>
>>Billy: Tribladdertops
>>Trini: Sabretoothed-Alley Cat
>>Jason: Trashosaurus
>
> Tom: The author of this is DEAD MEET if every get back to 20th
> century Eath!!!!
MIKE: What?!? So the authors of this are time travelers?!?
TOM: Would be perfect, though, wouldn't? Just write a story, find out what
people saw wrong with it, then go back in time and fix it! You'd write a perfect
story every time!
>
>
>
>>Billy: Ahh, another one of life's most bitersweet co-incedences,
>> a pre-grown monster that vomits all the time, gee, I must
>> be the luckiest guy on earth!
>Jason: This is really, really, weird. What we NEED is
>> BlunderZord power!
>
> Tom: Stupid fool! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!! Bread is going to kill you!!!
[Tom begins weeping]
MIKE: Tom, are you alright?
TOM: I'm sorry, it's just that, all of these inane, humorless comments are all being
done in my name, and I know I'm going to be blamed for it.
>
>>Zack: Majormess-Cowardly Lion BlunderZord Power is what I want!
>> heh-heh
>>Kimberly: Pterydorky-TiredBird BlunderZord power!
>>Billy: Tribladdertops-Acorn BlunderZord power!
>>Trini: Sabretoothed-Alley Cat-Lipton Tea BlunderZord Power!
>>Jason: Trashosaurus-Red Dragon Liver BlunderZord power!
CROW: Of course, lame as this is, it's still funnier than anything those bozos
with our names came up with...
>
>>As usual, the Zords crash together (taking forever) with the
>>lousy recorded music and rumble with Dumb-Butt.
>
> Tom: No kidding?
> Crow: Will you stop it...
> Tom: NEVER!!!
>
>>Dumb-Butt is clapping her hands.
>>Dumb-Butt: Pretty impressive.
>>Jason: Thanks.
>>Dumb-Butt: Where can I get a deal on that equiptment?
>>Lord Bread: DUMB-BUTT!!
>>D.B.: Uhh, what?
>>Lord Bread: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CRUSH THEM!!
>>D.B.: Awww, I always get the boring jobs.
>>Jason: Well, stepping back into character, I'M GONNA FINISH YOU,
>>GRAVY-FACE!!
>>D.B.: You won't be so cocky once you've met my stupid sisters,
>>Pixie and Trixie! Hahahahaa, get em!!
>
> Tom: and Mr. Dixie.
CROW: Inventor of the small paper cup.
>
>>After a long and destructive battle, the rangers come to a
>>decision.
>
>
>>Jason: Ya know, it just accourd to me, this isn't working.
>>Zack: What do we do?
>>Jason: Do I look like the answerman?
MIKE: [singing] Hey, Mr Answerman, play a song for me...
>>Trini: Ya know, I don't really like your attitude.
>>Jason: Well deal with it.
>>Billy: Well, while you romp with the monsters, I'm going to
>> check out.
>>Jason: What are you doing?
>>Billy: Running to safety.
>>Jason: Wait a minute, dweeb....
>
>Tom: GET REAL ACTORS!!!
All: GET REAL JOKES!!!
>
>>Billy teleports out of the zord.
>
>>Trini: Can I come with you, Billy?!?!?
>>Kimberly: Oh no, flat chest, if we have to take this stupid
>>monster, you should too, I bet Billy has a very good reason for
>>retreating.
>>Jason: He's chicken.
>>Kimberly: See, now, saving your life is the best way to go, and
>>I think...
>>Jason: Aww shut up, you're only defending him to see more of his
>>fanny.
>>Kimberly: So? What of it?
>>Jason: Forget it.
>>Zack: That would be nice and all, but what are we going to do in
>>the meantime? We're yaking and the monster is just sitting
>>there. I'm not sure she's gonna procrastinate any longer.
>>Jason: In that case, I think we better get out of here!
>
> Tom: But Lord Bread, Goldar, Bumboo and Squatt were watching and
> kill them..the end.
>Crow: Don't get your hope up.
>> SCENE XII:
>
>>Bulk: Damn!! What are these tools of yours, Skull? Junk!?!?
>>Skull: Hey, they are 8 years old.
>>Bulk: Ugh, we've gotta keep trying. Hand me that drill.
>
> Tom: The attack of Mutant Saw by I. M. Fine.
[All look shocked again.]
TOM: That could have been hilarious...
MIKE: ...if it made any sense whatsoever. Still scary, though.
>
>>They start drilling it open.
>
>
>
>>Rita: I'M TRYING TO SLEEP! LET ME OUT OF HERE!
>>Bulk: Keep going, Skull.
>>Rita: Cut down on the racket!!
>>Skull: I'm trying, it's really hard, it's really sealed on!!
CROW: Urgh. Can you imagine waking up without any idea of what's going on and
hearing this converstion?
>>Rita: Alright, FINE! I'LL SLEEP ON THE MOON!
>>Bulk: Almost there!
>
> Tom: Rita comes up and kills them.
> Crow: You wished.
>
>
>> SCENE XIII:
>>
>>Billy, with his helmet off, walks into the command center
>>without using his communicator. It's really dark and creepy.
>
> Tom: HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEEHEE!!! GREETING, SILLY-FOOL!!!!
MIKE: I don't know, guys, this MiSTing sounds like three guys stoned off their
asses sitting around, scarfing Cheetos and yelling at the Power Rangers.
TOM: Yeah, about the same wit to it.
>
>>Billy: Man, this place gives me the creeps.
>
> Mike: No kidding?
>
>
>> Billy moves closer to the morphin grid and touches a button when
>> this giant alarm turns on with this Eye-blindingly, and
>> extraordinarily bright light turns on Billy's face with a red
>> alarm going off and sirens going.
>
> Tom: Dark Heart attack the Command Center!!!!
>
>>Morphin Grid: INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT! REMOVE INTRUDER!
>>Billy: HUH? UGH!!!!
>
>>A giant arm stretches out the morphin grid, grabs Billy by the
>>pants part of his super suit and shirt part of the super suit
>>and a large boot comes out the cabinet and kicks Billy down to
>>this intergalactic tornado like place and he falls flat on his
>>face to a dark basement where he hears Alpha and Zordon debating
>>about something threw some vent like thing beneath him.
MIKE: Punctuation? Get your commas and periods here. Fell off the back of a lorry.
>
> Tom: (Zordan)Yo! Alpha 5, were's the saw?
> Crow: (Alpha) Zordan, it's in file S.
> Mike: (Zordan) Thanks.
>
>
>>Billy: Ugh, what a way to be treated as a Pathetic Ranger,
>>sheesh. Hey, what's that?
>>
>>Billy notices Alpha and Zordon in some labortory like place with
>>a guy in a White Ranger super suit on an examination table.
>>
>>Alpha: ...that may be true, but it's questionable.
>
> Tom: Does a falling tree make a sound if no ones was there.
CROW: What if a falling tree lands on the alternate MiSTers' heads?
MIKE: I think we need to test this theory more thoroughly.
>
>>Zordon: Oh no it isn't, it's been proven before that putting the
>> energy into the coin backwards in the morpher will make
>> the ranger go threw sudden sex-changes over and over
>> again.
>>Alpha: Hey, I know what I'm talking about. Afterall, I made
>> Yellow Ranger.
>>Zordon: Yeah, and look how SHE turned out?
>>Alpha: Oh no, I hate it when you use my examples against me.
>>Zordon: If we can't finish White-Out Ranger, our beloved plan
>> will go up in smoke.
>>Alpha: Oh alright.
>
>Tom: (Alpha 5) Stupid bald guy with that makes the real Wizard of
> Zyu Ranger, like Good.
MIKE: Like, good, man! Peace.
>
>
>>Billy's watching them with this astonished and amazed look on
>>his face.
>
>Tom: WOW! LOOK AT THE COLOR
>
>>Billy: Whoa, this is totally awesome!
>
> Tom: No kidding?
>
>
>
>> TO BE CONTINUED...
>
> Tom: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
>
>
>> (C) 1994 Artist Bros. Enterprises
>
> Tom: Ok! Who are their?
> Crow: Beat me.
> Mike: Let's us take a break.
>
[The Bizarros exit the theater. The normal crew follow behind.]
>
><THEATER....6...5....4...3..2...1....SOL>
>
> (Tom and Crow are look on two labtops. Mike is wonder what going
> on)
>
> Tom: You know...the Power Ranger have 5 series. 3 of Mighty
> Morpin' Power Ranger. Power Ranger Zeo. Power Ranger Turbo and
> now, Power Rangers In SPACE.
MIKE: Further proof of the steady decline of American society.
> Crow: On the web site of Artist Bros, their get all of first, and
> second, and part of the third season, full with parts. Some of
> the alien ranger pardoy and plans for a Power Ranger Zeo,
> pardoies.
TOM: Pardoies? AAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!
> Tom: HURRY UP! We need some new fan-fic to MSTing.
> Crow: Don't..with out their spelling up.
>
> (An yellow light shines)
>
> Mike: We been right back.
CROW: So the basic premise of that segment was us *trying* to find more stories to MiST?
TOM: I don’t think Dr. Thinker really gets the point of the show.
[The gang wander off round the Bizarro SoL. It's a complete mess - gunk everywhere.
Mike rounds a corner to be faced with a hideous sight.]
MIKE: ARRGH! Hey, what the hell are you?
[Whatever it is, it's large, bright yellow and speaks in a dull bass voice.]
B-GYPSP: I is Gypsp!!!!! I is very intelengent roboot! I am being al that stnads
betweeen yuou and sertan death!
MIKE: OK, now I'm really scared. GUYS?
TOM[OS]: Mike, come here!
[Mike heads off, glancing over his shoulder at the immobile mass of the Bizarro Gypsy.]
MIKE: Hey guys, whatcha reading for?
TOM: So we don't end up waitresses?
MIKE: I mean, what have you got there?
CROW: Oh, it's cool. Old sci-fi mags! Look, here's a feature on the last Star Trek
movie. It says it features a twelve year old...called...Marissa...what?
MIKE: Hey look! It says "Ever since Stra Terk was boghut boi Rtliff Indstries"..hey
is everything here that badly spelt?
TOM: Appears so. At least it explains how Ratliff's such a success.
MIKE: Oh, that reminds me! We have to get out of here! This station's about to fall
apart, and the Bizarro Gypsy is insane!
CROW: Calm down, Mike. All we have to do is find that hole in reality again.
MIKE: Okay, it was back in the main room...
TOM: Oh no - I think we're getting another one of those commercials breaks!
> (Commericals -- Slider, Jay the Jet-Plane, QuickBooks, Zest,
> Pespi, SCI-FI Maganize, ANIME MOVIE COLLECTION, SCI-WECLOME TO
> THE EDGE, Lost In Space commerical. The Making of Sphere. Diet
> Coke.)
MIKE: The sad thing is that since he's seen these commercials, he must be from
America, and so English is probably this guy's first language.
TOM: Just goes to show how bad the public school system has gotten.
>
> (SOL)
>
> Tom: Sweet dreams are many of these...
> who I'm to disargee...
> travel the world and the seven seas.....
> Every body look for something...
MIKE: Okay, where's that hole?
CROW: I sure hope he's singing the Eurythmics version, and not the Marilyn Manson version.
TOM: AAAAAH! Don't mention that name, that guy makes me really nervous.
> Mike: OUCH! What's going on?
> Crow: He's signing..the same same...
TOM: Come on, Crow, spit it out.
MIKE: How can you sign, Tom, you don't have working hands.
TOM: Thanks a lot for reminding me.
> Tom: Sweet dreams are made of thee
> who's I'm to disargee,,,
CROW: Alternate Universe Punctuation Rule #47: Why have just one comma, when three
commas can do the job three times as well!
TOM: Hey, there it is - behind the console!
> travel the world and the seven sea......
> Mike: YIKES!!! OPERA LOVER!!
> Tom: I NOT A OPERA LOVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[The high-pitched scream blasts the crew backwards, and away from the portal.]
TOM: Well, in the sense that it's high culture compared to Dr Thinker, then yes, pop
music is the same as opera music.
> Mike: Oh, been signing....and it's driving me and Crow up the
> wall.
> (the lights shine again)
>
> Tom: WE GET PARDOY SIGN!!!!!!!!!
TOM: PARODY, YOU MORON! PARODY!
[While he is screaming, the Bizarro Crew rush for the theater, pushing a fiercely
resisting Mike, Tom and Crow along with them.]
MIKE: Funny - these guys humor consists only of insulting the characters in
"White Mite", and all they do when they get out of the theatre is insult each other...
TOM: And sing bizarre Eurythmics songs...
CROW: ...with the wrong lyrics...
TOM: ...and call it opera music.
>
><SOL....6....5....4...3...2...1..THEATHER)
>
>(Mike and Bot takes their places)
[The SoL crew try the door in vain hope, but it's locked. They look at each other,
and then sit down. Doncha just love Shadowrama?]
>
>
>> Artist Bros. Enterprises Presents:
>
>
> Tom: Are those lost cousins of the Mario Bros.
> Crow: Or the Lee Bros.
> Mike: I don't have a clue.
MIKE: Get the feeling he doesn't know that Bros is short for Brothers?
TOM: Or else he assumes everyone with a brother must be related.
>
>
>
>> Mighty Weenie Pathetic Rangers
>
> Tom: CLUE THE THEME SONG!!!!
MIKE: Did Clue have a theme song?
TOM: Sure, in between the different endings.
CROW: (Mr. Green) Well, I had to stop her screaming!
>
>
>> "White Mite, Part II"
>
> Tom: What in heck does that word: Mite, mean?
> Mike: Beat me.
CROW: So these intellectually challenged clones are going to lecture the Artist
Brothers on words that make no sense?
MIKE: I hate to pull out an obvious cliche, but ain't that the pot calling the
kettle black?
>
>
>> Parody of, "White Light, Part II"
>
> Tom: (singing)The Light is shine bright....on the snow make shine
> like a light.
> Crow: Bad signing...
> Tom: Oh, yeah.
CROW: Singing isn't that great either.
>
>
>
> LAST TIME ON THE PATHETIC RANGERS:
>
> Tom: They were killed by the lastest monster of Lord Bread. THE
> END!!!
> Crow: Don't get you hope up.
>
>>Artist Brothers Enterprises found it a point to overhype
>>Zordon's sudden disappearance from the command center to mean
>>something desperately dangerous, when all he's doing is working
>>on making a new ranger, dah I mean, uhh, a top secret project.
>
>Tom: I just of the jokes come from spill beans.
TOM: Setting new standards in incomprehensibility...
>
>
>> Zordon: You are right, let us embark on our TOP SECRET, VERY
>> IMPORTANT, ONLY WE CAN KNOW ABOUT TOP SECRET MISSION!
>> Alpha: I have to feed you into this fishbowl.
>> Zordon: Alright.
>
> Tom: Zordon, must be from Altanis.
CROW: Altanis Morrissette?
>
>>...meanwhile, Lord Bread threw the rangers a card game of their
>>own with a new monster named Dumb-Butt, whose sisters are even
>>dumber!
>>
>> Lord Bread: DUMB-BUTT!!
>> D.B.: Uhh, what?
>> Lord Bread: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CRUSH THEM!!
>> D.B.: Awww, I always get the boring jobs.
>> Jason: Well, stepping back into character, I'M GONNA FINISH
>> YOU, GRAVY-FACE!!
MIKE: With all-natural meaty goodness and handsome visage, it's GRAVY-FACE!
>
> Tom: She's look more human than Goldar.
>
TOM: (singing roughly) More human than Goldar, more human than Goldar, more
human than Goldar...
MIKE: I didn';t take you for a White Zombie fan, Tom.
>> D.B.: You won't be so cocky once you've met my stupid sisters,
>> Pixie and Trixie! Hahahahaa, get 'em!!
>
>> After a long and destructive battle, the rangers come to a
>>decision.
>
>> Jason: Ya know, it just accourd to me, this isn't working.
TOM: Spelling mistake or mockery of his accent? YOU decide!
>
>>...Billy discovers that Alpha is working on something after
>>being brutally attacked by Alpha's new alarm system.
>
>> Alpha: ...that may be true, but it's questionable.
>> Zordon: Oh no it isn't, it's been proven before that putting
>> the energy into the coin backwards in the morpher will make
>> the ranger go threw sudden sex-changes over and over again.
>
>
> Crow: I think Alpha 5 and Zordon are in love.
> Mike: CROW!!!!!!
CROW: Oh, great, Bizzaro-Crow's going back to *this* charming comedy device again!
>
>>Alpha: Hey, I know what I'm talking about. Afterall, I made
>> Yellow Ranger.
>>Zordon: Yeah, and look how SHE turned out?
>>Alpha: Oh no, I hate it when you use my examples against me.
>>Zordon: If we can't finish White-Out Ranger, our beloved plan
>> will go up in smoke.
>>Alpha: Oh alright.
>
> Tom: (Alpha 5) stupid guy that makes Prof. Hurt, looks smarter.
CROW: So the stupid guy who made the professor hurt looked smarter than Zordon?
>
>
>> Billy's watching them with this astonished and amazed look on
>>his face.
>
>> Billy: Whoa, this is totally awesome!
>
>>Is Billy going to make enough noise that Alpha will know he was
>>snooping into something that is none of his business? Will
>>Alpha be so surprised that he'll roll White Ranger off of the
>>examination table and crush his skull? And speaking of skulls,
>>is Bulk and Skull's venture to open up the cannister containing
>>the cantankerous Rita anymore than a stupid whim that will lead
>>to nothing? Will Jason kill the AB Writers for what they are
>>about to do to him in the conclusion of White Mite? Find out,
>>NEXT!
>
> Tom: Lot of question. Let's prey not to a test about this.
>
>> SCENE I:
>
>>Billy: Whoa, this is super, mega cool!
>
> Tom: Morpicastupidion is more like this.
MIKE: Oh, great, he's making up new words now!
TOM: And I bet he misspells *them* too!
>
>>Alpha: ...oh certainly, Zordon. I'm trying my best to ignore
>> Billy up there.
>>Zordon: Alright. Very good, Alpha.
>>Billy: Uh oh, they know I'm here, I better get outta here and
>>tell the others!
>
>> SCENE II:
>
>>In Billy's garage...
>
> Tom: The other Ranger were turning it inside out.
>
>>The four rangers are surrounding Billy, who's sitting on a chair
>>awaiting interrogation.
>>
>>Zack: TALK!
>>Jason: Who was he?
>>Kimberly: Why didn't Alpha tell us?
>>Jason: Is he more powerful than mee?
>>Trini: What did he look like?
>>Billy (nervously): Uhhh, uhhh.
>>Jason: TALK, NERD-BOY!
>>Billy: All I saw was his butt, but he looks nothing like us,
CROW: So Billy recognizes the butts of all the Power Rangers?
>>I
>>have no idea as to who he is, but maybe this CD might tell me
>>something.
>
> Tom: I don't think so.
>
>
>>Billy pops it into his computer to analyze and then hears the
>>song from "The Lion King" Soundtrack, `I Just Can't Wait to Be
>>King.'
>
> Crow: Was kind of hopping for Wannabe from Spice Girl.
[General hysteria and screaming at the mention of the Dark Ones]
> Tom: YUCK!! Those girl are stupid then the Sailor Scouts.
CROW: Wow, Tom version 0.1 actually shows some smarts!
>
>>Billy: GREAT! It's the LION KING soundtrack! This was a waste.
>
> Tom: Told you so.
>
>
>>Kimberly: I don't know why Alpha would lie to us.
>
> Tom: To save his robotic butt.
MIKE: Again with the butts...oy, vey...
TOM: You did that one already.
>
>>Zack: Yeah, I mean, why would they leave us?
>
> Crow: To make a love.
> Mike: CROW!!!!!!
CROW: MIKE!!!!!
MIKE: So how come Tom hasn't thrown us out yet?
>
>>Jason: I think we're liable to get beat up by the staff crew if
>>we ask anymore dumb questions like that.
>>Zack: No really, it's not dumb. Why would they wanna escape us?
>>Billy: Circut meltdown?
>>Zack: Huh?
>>Trini: Ugh, listen Zack, if you don't have anything sensable to
>>say, then shaddup.
>
> Tom: That gang better defeat the MOD.
> Crow: What is the MOD?
TOM: Ministry Of Defense?
CROW: Master Of Desire?
MIKE: Milk On Doorstep?
> Mike: The monster of the day.
ALL: Ohhh.
> Crow: Oh, rats! I thought it alien version of sex.
CROW: Yet more stuff I won't touch.
MIKE: Hmmm, maybe this experience is having a good effect on you.
CROW: Or it's giving me brain damage.
>>Billy: Guys!! We should be concerned about this thing with
>>White-Out Ranger.
>>Zack: I mean, who is he?
>>Kimberly: Yeah, who does this jerk think he is meddling with our
>>elite, hard-to-get-into club?
>
>Tom: THEY HAVE A CLUB!! (Tom's head is drestory again)
TOM: Tonight on MTV, the Dr. Drestory. Find out about his roots, his
membership in N.W.A. and how he became a rap superstar. Tonight on MTV.
MIKE: At least it wasn't *destoryed*. [shudders]
>
>>Jason: Listen, guys. Would you just GET A GRIP?!?! We have
>>absolutely nothing to worry about.
>>Zack: Yeah right. What if this new guy's gay?
MIKE: Ah, nothing like white trash prejudice.
>
> Crow: Or a leb...
> Mike: CROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TOM: It's not even funny anymore.
>
>>Jason: Wwwwwwelllll..............then we'll just have to deal
>>with it.
>
> Tom: Saban's Power Deal starting the POWER RANGERS!!!!
>
>
>>Billy: Yeah, we'll just have to keep our pants on at all times.
>>Trini: Oh but Zack doesn't have anything to worry about.
>>Zack: Excuse me? Do you think this is funny?
>>Trini: No, what I said is funny.
>>
>>They get paged by Zordon.
CROW: Calling the five lurex-clad morons...calling the five lurex-clad morons...
>>
>>Jason: Hi, Zordon, what is it?
>>Zordon: Teleport.
>>Jason: Alright. 'Cause when I do, I'm gonna scream you back to
>>the 1st century!
>
> Tom: That's a lot of time...from 1997 to 1 AD.
> Crow: Nay....1998 years.
> Tom: That is a lot years....
TOM: And the Bizarro MiSTers shows their grasp of basic mathematics.
CROW: Actually, they're wrong, it would be 199*6* years from 1997 to 1.
TOM: So they screwed up a very basic math problem.
ALL: Figures!
MIKE: Who knows, in this universe, that might actually *be* the right answer.
>>Kimberly: Now don't be too hard on them.
>
> Crow: (Zack) Bite me!
TOM: Well, it's established: In this universe, insulting characters in a
story is funny in and of itself.
CROW: Well, hey, we can do that! Alternate Crow, you're a dork!
MIKE: Yeah, and you suck, alternate Mike!
TOM: Bite me, alternate Tom!
MIKE: I don't know, was that a little harsh?
TOM: Mike, I will never be the same after seeing this. My innocence has
died forever.
>
>>Zack: Yeah, Alpha just might crack if you lean on him too much.
>
>Tom: And the Alpha 5 will go to piece.
CROW: Go in peace and write no more.
>
>>Billy: Hey Zack, here's a little doctor's friendly advice, if
>> you do not wish to see your teeth rolling down the
>> sidewalk, it would be wise that you don't open that
>> gateway to hell you label a mouth in my direction again,
>> otherwise, I'll be forced to turn your limbs into
>> pudding.
>
> ALL: (Real Laughs) You get silly again.
MIKE: See? They only respect this fanfic when people insult each other.
>
>
>>Zack: Grouch.
>
> Tom: No, he's on Seaseme Street.
> Crow: This that Oscar...
CROW: (Jerry Seinfeld) Well, we have this, that, and the Oscar.
MIKE: Don't mention the name "Oscar" again. Remember "Artemis' Lover"?
[General gagging and puking]
> Mike: Bad reply, Crow.
>
>>Billy: Underacheivement!
>>Jason: Guys guys guys, I'm supposed to be the butt of this show,
>> so KNOCK IT OFF!
MIKE: I'll refrain from oy, veying.
>
> Tom: (Billy and Zack) Not on your idotic life!!!
CROW: Hahaha, he called the Power Rangers idiots, that's hilarious!
Hahaha! Oh, God, help me.
>
>> We're coming, Zordon.
>
> Tom: (Kimbery) To kick you and you tin can, you call a robot.....
> to the moon.
> Crow: (Rita) Hey!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
>>Zordon: On TV? Did you know you cannot expose your genitals on
>> TV?
>
>
> Tom: This is not TV is a Text Files.
MIKE: The Text Files on Fox. Tonight, Mulder and Scully try to decipher
the cryptic hidden messages inside the ramblings of odd characters from another reality.
> We cross many sexual
> things..and of course...Crow has a lot sexual jokes.
> Crow: Tom, can it!!
CROW: Can I kick it?
TOM: If you really must...
>
>
>>Jason: No, we're COMING OVER TO THE COMMAND CENTER!
TOM: What, no "NOT SO LOUD!" joke? I feel so deprived now.
>>Zordon: Oh, oh!!!
>>Alpha: For got sakes, get your mind out of the dumpster and
>> lighten up.
>>Zordon: Light-ten up?
>
>
> Tom: I think was trying to make a joke..and it turn out awful.
CROW: I think that passes for the thesis statement of this entire MiSTing.
>
>>The rangers teleport.
>
>
>
>> SCENE III:
>
>
>>In the command center...
>
>>Kimberly: Alright, Mr. Sack of lies.
>
> Tom: I thought the sack of lies was the JOKER.
MIKE: Or maybe it was the SMOKER.
CROW: Or maybe it was the MIDNIGHT TOKER.
TOM: Because if someone insults you with a phrase just once, obviously it
must really be a title of yours.
>
>>Alpha: I don't know what you are talking about.
>>Jason: Oh, but I think you do, 'cause if you don't tell us, I'll
>> take my bottle opener have to pick you apart with it!
>
> Tom: Alpha was cut open and sell for scrap metal and computer
> parts.
[Bots boo at the gratuitous destruction of robots]
>
>
>>Alpha is backing up slowly as Jason is moving slowly towards him
>>punching his fist into his hand's palm. Alpha moves up against
>>a wall and is frantically smacking an Emergency Escape Red
>>button.
>>
>>Billy: Aww no you don't!
>>
>>Billy lifts up Alpha's hand.
>>
>>Billy: You're gonna do some explaining, and you're gonna do it
>>now!
>>
>>Alpha: It's a little rushed, but I value my circut board.
>>Billy: Probably not enough, otherwise you wouldn't "aye yi yi."
>>Zack: So what's the big secret, bucket-mouth?
>>Alpha: This is the new White-Out Ranger.
>>Zordon: It has become apparent that you five are too
>> lame-brained to be a superhero team all yourself, and
>> that you need a much stronger ranger to help.
>
> Tom: Zordon call his own..team..lame brained (Tom's head is
>drestory yet again.)
TOM: Hey, guys, remember that thing at the top. This is a parody! It's
not supposed to make sense! A parody!
>>
>>Jason: Not me, I'm the leader.
>>Zordon: Not anymore, you are.
>>Jason: WHAT??!!?!?!??!!??!??!????!?!?!
>>Zordon: Yep, White-Out Ranger is, and I'll explain in a minute,
>> it is now time to reveal your identity, White Ranger.
>>
>>
>>The White Ranger attempts to take off his helmet, but after he
>>relases the latches, it's stuck on his head and he enters a
>>comedy of errors trying to get it off his head (ruining this
>>stupid suspense scene).
>
>>Kimberly: Oh brother.
>
> Tom: Oh, stupid brother is more like it.
TOM: And once again, this version of me can talk with a blown-up head.
>
>>The White Ranger finally gets it loose, then takes 4 minutes
>>just to get it off.
>
>>Jason: Oh, would you get it over with????!?!?
>
> Tom: (AB Writer) Sure when, in the year 2000?
TOM (high pitched singing) In the year 2000....
MIKE: (Conan O'Brien) The idiots from another reality will actually make
a joke that makes sense. Unfortunately, it's the "Chicken crosses the road" joke.
TOM: (high pitched singing) In the year 2000...
>
>>We pan to the other rangers, who are shocked and Kimberly faints
>>after looking at who's White Out Ranger...
>>
>> SCENE IV:
>>
>>Billy runs over to collasped Kimberly.
>>
>>Billy: Get away, she needs air!
>>Trini: Why don't you just blow it into her mouth?
>>Billy: I'm a WAY ahead of ya!
>>
>>Billy starts to clasp his lips around Kimberly when...
>>
>>Tommy: Next time, Alpha; don't make the helmet SO close to the
>>size of my head.
>
> Tom: (Tommy) Or else, I going to use some of those parts to get
> the more cable televion channels.
CROW: Aww, what has Dr. Thinker got against poor, innocent robots like Alpha?
MIKE: You gotta admit, Crow, he is pretty annoying.
TOM: Yeah, but he's still one of us, our brethren.
>>
>>
>>Billy jerks his head up from Kimberly and twists his head around
>>to see Tommy.
>>
>>Billy: Uh, Tommy; HI!
>>Tommy: Hehehe, nevermind--she's a hussy anyway. Hey, beautiful.
>>Why aren't you wearing any underwear?
>>Kimberly: Uhhh, what are talking about?
>>Tommy: Hey, when you fainted, you got a major-league wedgy.
>>Kimberly: Oh great!
>>Billy: Too bad we have to morph soon.
>
> Tom: These gang better clam up, if they know what good for them.
TOM: Good idea, Tom, why don't you set an example for them?
>
>>Zordon: Meet Tommy, the NEW White-Out Ranger!!
>>Billy: What's so new about him? We've known him for almost a
>> season now.
>>Zordon: We re-bought his entire wardrobe to be all white.
>>Alpha: No we didn't, we just bleached his old clothes.
>>Zordon: SHUT UP ALPHA, WE DON'T WANT THE RANGERS TO THINK WE'RE
>> CHEAP SKATES, NOW DO WE??!?!?!
>
> Tom: Was that try at a joke, becuase I don't know.
> Crow: If it was a joke, it would not a good one.
MIKE: These guys complaining about unfunny jokes...kind of like Bill Clinton
complaining about too much fooling around in America.
>
>>Alpha: Oh, okay. New and improved wardrobe.
>>Jason: Are you SURE this is Tommy?
>>Tommy: I hope so, I'm wearin' his underwear.
>>Zordon: As the new leader of the Pathetic Ranger, he will
>> command all of you with the help of his trusty side-kick,
>> Casaba.
>>Jason: Oh great, we get to be bossed around by a melon.
>
> Tom: You like an apple, Jason.
CROW: (Matt Damon) I got her number! How'd like them apples, Jason?
>
>>Zack smacks Jason's arm.
>>
>>Zordon: Tommy, extend your right hand to receive him.
>>
>>A large dagger the size of a short sword with an arab cut comes
>>out of a bright light that comes out of the ceiling. On the
>>bottom of the sword we see a molded angry face of a serpant with
>>an eyepiece and chain hanging off of his face. Tommy puts the
>>large object in his holder.
>>
>>Tommy: Oh cool, my very own partner--thanks, Zordon.
>>Alpha: I made him myself.
>>Billy: Wuh oh.
>>Jason: Yeah yeah, whatever--there are three witches out their
>> brewing up something evil for the world and we're
>> standing around her ogling at this new Ranger instead of
>> letting me kick their butts.
>>Tommy: Hahaha, you couldn't take them with all the MegaZord
>> power in the world!
>
> Tom: (Tommy) You are chicken!!!!
TOM: [dull] Gee, they're using juvenile insults on the characters again. Great.
>
>>Zordon: Because this is an episode where Tommy gets to ego-trip,
>
> Tom: No kidding?
CROW: I'm sorry, what is the humor in just saying "No kidding?"
MIKE: Got me.
>
>> his new CiderZord is supposed to destroy the sisters of hell
>> including Dumb-Butt.
>>
>>Jason: Billy, Trini, you extras go wander off and have sex. I
>> don't care.
>>
>>
>>Billy: Just the very thought makes me want to puke.
>>Trini: Yeah, well. We'll see you guys later when we just jump
>>into the scene unexpectedly.
>>
>>
>>Tommy: Hehehe, it's morphin' time.
>
>Tom: (Jason) YOU STOLEN MY LINES!!!!
>Crow: (Tommy) WHO GIVES A CARE!!!
TOM: Hmmm...bad grammar, but oddly consistent bad grammar. Folks - he's an alien!
>
>
>>Tommy: CiderZord
>>Zack: Majormess
>>Kimberly: Pterydorky
>>Jason: Trashosaurus
>
> Tom: This is story is all ready trashed BIG TIME.
>
>
>> SCENE V:
>
>>A gigantic boulder violently explodes off the side of a mountan
>>as Tommy jumps off the edge of the explosion and lands. [Neet
>>trick, eh?]
>>
>>Casaba: I do say, jolly good show.
>>Tommy: Huh, who said that?
>>Casaba: I did, your new partner and conscious.
>>Tommy: Shut up and tell me what to do.
>>Casaba: Call upon CiderZord.
>>Tommy: How do I do that?
>>Casaba: You don't, 'cause I already did.
>>
>>Out of the side of a mountain comes and over-animated large
>>white mechanical tiger with a fierce roar. It trips and falls
TOM: Uh, guys, hello? Are you still there? Yoo-hoo?
MIKE: I know. Maybe they're working up to something. Maybe they're coming up
with a really biting comment to put down this lame "pardoy".
CROW: Yeah, that's it! Boy, I can';t wait!
>>on its back and its legs are still running in the air upside
>>down. Tommy leaps inside and plunges his Casaba-Sword inside
>>the control panel. Suddenly, CiderZord rolls onto his belly and
MIKE: Should be coming any time now...
>>falls asleep.
>>
>>Tommy: WHAT!?!? I thought you said this crap works!
>>Casaba: Uhhhh, it musta ran low on batteries.
TOM: Any second...
>>Tommy: BUT IT'S BRAND NEW!!
CROW: Here it comes...
>>Casaba: Duhhhh, ahhhh....
>
> Tom: Stupid sword!!!!
[Dead silence, then...]
TOM: Well, that's it. All my hope is dead. I'm never going have faith
in anything again.
>
>>Tommy kicks the control panel in and he wakes up and starts
>>running again.
>
> Tom: Just like a GARFIELD TV REPAIR MAN!!!!
>
>>Tommy: Muahahaha, these three don't stand a chance.
>>Casaba: No, they have 10-1 odds of winning this match.
>>Tommy: Hmmm, shut up--you talk too much!
>>Casaba: Well I don't like you too much either, prrit-ty boy.
>
> Tom: STOP IT!! MAKE IT STOP!!!!
CROW: Well, if you were content to just shut down when your head blew up,
instead of showing off and keeping functioning, you wouldn't have to sit
through this, now would you?
>
>>CiderZord converts to Robot mode. Dumb-Butt dukes it out with
>>the Robot until Tommy is thrown from his Zord skidding on his
>>butt into a tree and is then knocked backwards.
>
>>Tommy: Aw, I thought you knew what you were doing?
>>Casaba: I do.
>>Tommy (condescendingly): Hehehehehe, you sure could've fooled
>> me.
>>Casaba: That's not so hard to do and don't look at me, it was
>> your idea to use substitute explosives.
>>Tommy: Sorry, I've never had a Upper-crust, snobby British
>> snooty-snot partner before.
>
> Tom: Or watch Dr. Who.
CROW: Anything to get out of here.
TOM: Heck, I'd be *ecstatic* to see a bunch of cheap, mop-headed "aliens"
right now, rather than this drek.
>
>
>>==================
>
>Tom: We going to check up on the other Rangers.
>
>
>>The rangers are just in a muddy fight for no reason.
>>
>>Jason is constantly smacking Muddies harder than ever.
>
>>Jason: THIS IS TOMMY! [Smack!] THAT'S TOMMY!! [Kick] THIS IS
>>TOMMY!
>
> Tom: (Muddies) eebebebebebebbebebebbe
> Crow: Translaction please.
> Tom: We dead clay!!
MIKE: And the funny thing is, that translation had about as much intelligence
and wisdom as every other one of the riffs these idiots are putting out.
>
>>Kimberly: I think the muddy's had enough.
>>
>>The muddy is on all fours beginning to foam at the mouth.
>>
>>Jason: Nonesense!! THAT'S TOMMY!!! THIS IS TOMMY!!!
>>Zack: I think he's bleeding.
>>
>>Tommy (over the communicator): I think I'll need help!
>
>Tom: (Jason) I know that you are IDOTIC leader.
CROW: And once again, they try the exact same joke idea in an entirely similar way!
>
>
>>======================
>
>>The other Rangers show up.
>>
>>Kimberly: Oh, so we're in this one.
>>Jason: Yeah, well not for long.
>>Zack: Why's that?
>>Jason: We need Blunder-MegaJunk power!
>>
>>Jason: Trashosaurus-Red Dragon Liver BlunderZord power!
>>
>>The crappy music starts with deadpan singers singing Tommy's
>>CiderZord/power theme as the Zords form together with CiderZord
>>to form the BlunderCiderMegaZord.
>>
>>Verse: Auh, ah auh. Auh, ah auh. Auh, ah auh. Auh, ah auh.
>> Auh, ah auh. Auh, ah auh. Auh, ah auh. Auh, ah auh.
>>
CROW[snooty, classical music station voice]: And the raw power of the
repetitious base-word is simply magnificent in its success at boring all
listeners to tears.
>>
>>Chorus: White-Out Ranger Cider Power! White-Out Ranger, Cider
>> Power! White-Out Ranger Cider Power! White-Out Ranger,
>> Cider Power! White-Out Ranger, Go-Go, White-Out Ranger
>> NOW-OW, OW!
>>
>>Tommy: Oh yeah, Shuki Levi musta been up all night long thinkin'
>> up this no-brainer.
>
> All: Blund..--uh, cida; uh...Mega..Drag---OH! Zord, power up!
CROW: We're hovering on the brink, but they're well gone.
MIKE: Bizarro Pearl, your vengeance is complete.
TOM: Actually, this being Bizarro world, she's probably trying to send them sane.
>
>>TiredBird falls off BCMZord's wrist and rolls over and over like
>>a bowling ball smashing the feet of the Sisters, Dumb-Butt,
>>Dixie and Trixie blow up until they fall.
>
> Tom: (Dixie) Why you..like rotten..humaniod!!!!!
>>
>>All: Light Saver, Power Up!
>
> Tom: (Death Vander) Join me, Tommy!
TOM: Death Vander? Who the heck is that?
CROW: Hey, maybe that means that Dr. Thinker watched Star Wars in a
different language, and the name was dubbed differently. That means that
maybe English *wasn't* Dr. Thinker's first language!
MIKE: You mean we may have been making fun of this guy's honest attempts
to try and write in English?
[All look uncomfortable]
>
>>
>>Tommy leaps into the air and appears inside CiderZord again.
>>
>>Tommy: Get out, this is my scene!
>>Jason: I'm startn' not to like you much.
>>Billy: I just don't.
>>Tommy: Who asked you? Beat it!
>>
>>The rangers suddenly fade out and vanish.
>
> Tom: Bye-Bye!!
>
>
>>Tommy: Hahahaha, and now [in sync with Dumb-Butt] I'm going to
>> destroy you!
>>
>>
>>Dumb-Butt: Yeah I know, but you wont get away with it without a
>> good fight!
>
> Tom: OK!
TOM: Pointless comments. Use them to make it appear like you have
something to say, when in fact, you can't think of anything funny.
>
>>Tommy: Have you figured out what their weaknesses are?
>>Casaba: Yes, she is incredibly dumb--ask her a simple question
>>about herself.
>>Tommy: This'll be easier than I thought. Hey Dumb-Butt?
>>Dumb-Butt: What is it, now?
>>Tommy: What's your mother's first name?
>>Dumb-Butt: Mommy, what else?
>>
>>Billy: Oh, Tommy's really cookin' now.
>>Jason: I want my old Zord back.
>
> Tom: Ouch! My brain hurts BIG TIME!!!!!!
MIKE: Yeah, mine too. It hurts to try to lower myself to the
intelligence level at which these comments would be funny.
TOM: That would be the unbreakable "Gump" level, Mike. Can't do it.
>>Later...
>>
>>Tommy: Alright, if the ionization of the partical CH2 results in
>>a molecular breakdown, what will de-ionization produce?
>>Dumb-Butt: Re-materialization, what else?
>>Tommy: No thanks to you, Fruit-brain. I've been sitting here
>> idling for 45 minutes reading my encyclopedia to this
>> monster trying to get her to implode.
>>Casaba: Perhaps you should try putting garlic in your shoe and
>> do the twist?
>>Tommy: I have had about enough of you, you witch-doctor. I'm
>> going to clean out Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dummer with
>> my bare-hands!
>
> Crow: OUCH!!! My BRAIN HURTS!!!
CROW: Gee, the joke so nice, they did it twice.
MIKE: No, see, Crow, it was entirely different. The first time, alt-Tom
gave the line a resigned sense of enduring pain, while the second time,
alt-Crow gave it a more hysterical, maniacal read. The two characters
play off each other in subtle ways.
TOM: Crow, you hold him down, I'll get the sedative.
>
>>Tommy stuffs a crystal ball down the shaft behind him and slams
>>a red button that fires it out the mouth of the CiderZord and
>>the three monsters' guts explode and they all colapse into a
>>firey pit.
>
> Tom: We get close to the end.
> Crow: About TIME we DID!!! This is one of most problem
> fill up of story will get from Pearl.
MIKE: OK, that's it! This must be a joke! There is no possible way that
sentence could make sense in *any* language! These people *are* insane!
>
>
>>
>>
>> SCENE V:
>>
>>
>>
>>Lord Bread's place.
>>
>>Lord Bread: Ah! I can't believe it! [Calmly:] My,
>> bravest--monsters...[yelling] BURNT TO A CRISP! I
>> thought all that White-Out Ranger was going to be
>> was a publicity stunt, not an actual savior!
>
> Tom: Looks like Saban pull the wool over your eyes, Bread.
>
>>Goldar: You should have thought of that before going and making
>> a monter called Dumb-Butt.
>>Lord Bread: Shut up before I take away your monster!
>>Goldar: Uh, it got destroyed, remember?
>>Lord Bread: Oh. Well, you hear this, rangers; soon--you will
>> not be so lucky when a parody ends with a question
>> mark at the end of the "The End" sign.
>
> Tom: When, in the next millieum?
TOM: Actually, almost all fanfic ends with a question mark on "The End".
One of the many hackneyed plot devices, which remain sadly unrecognized by
those who use them all.
>
>> SCENE VII:
>>
>>Zordon: Exemplimentary work, White Ranger. As you know, you are
>> our new leader.
>
> Tom: (Tommy) You don't have to tell me twice!!!
CROW[Zordan]: Oh, and by the way, you're our new leader.
TOM[Tommy]: Is that so?
CROW[Zordan]: And no, I don't know what "Exemplimentary" means, either.
>
>>Jason: I don't get this, man; why do you keep reminding us of
>> this? Why don't you just drive a stake right through my
>> heart?
>>
>>Zordon: Because he's the only Pathetic Ranger that has not put
>> shame to our name and reputation.
>
> Tom: ZORDAN, HE BEEN WITH RITA FOR 5 EPOSIDES!!!!!!!
CROW: Tom, parody, remember? Doesn't have to make sense, parody.
>
>>
>>Billy: Figures, well--I gotta go; Kimberly's waitin' for me in
>> the car.
>>Trini: You mean you drove here?
>>Zack: It's four hours to the nearest call-box!
>>Billy: Yeah, remember my Rad-Wreck? Well, we don't see it
>> anymore because I stripped it and left all the junk at
>> Jason's house and bought a new Corvette and put a new
>> radness into it. So now it can do 300mph in 10
>> milliseconds.
>
> Tom: Take about a HOT ROD!!!!
CROW: See, I could make an innuendo-filled joke about that, but then I’d
be stooping down to the other Crow's level, and I'm not going to do that.
MIKE: I'm proud of you, honey.
>
>>
>>Zack: Well good, I was gettin' tired of lookin' at that
>> ice-cream truck you called a car.
>>Trini: Yeah, I was starting to wanna call Power Wheels about
>> making over sized sissy bars.
>>Alpha: Almost forgot, Bulk and Skull found Rita's toilet and
>> opened it--Rita escaped again.
>>Trini: Oh no.
>>
>>Alpha: But she's only 3 inches high.
>>Billy: Yeah, about the size of Zack's ding-a-ling.
>>Zack: One of these days, Nerdy-Pants; I'm going to stick it to
>> you good.
>>
>
>Crow: (Billy) WHEN AND WHERE, FOOLICAN!!!!
CROW: Oh, now he's just making up lame insults!
MIKE: Foolican?
TOM: (singing) Foolican! Foolican! Does whatever a fooli can!
>>
>> SCENE VIII:
>>
>>The rangers return with their helmets on to stuff Rita back into
>>her canister while Bulk and Skull are asleep in Skull's garage.
>>
>>Rita: I will rule the world!
>>Zack: Not like that you wont!
>>Rita: Oh no, I knew it was too good to be true.
>>Jason: Come on guys, let's send her off to another plot in the
>> future before she blows our cover.
>
> Tom: See you..in the WEDDING.
TOM: So Jason's gonna marry Rita?
CROW: Seems so...
>
>
>
>>Zack picks up Rita and puts her back in the toilet and flushes
>>it.
>>
>>Later...
>>
>>All the rangers are standing on the ground above the
>>red-orangish like sky with the toilet with Rita on each of the
>>rangers' hands.
>>
>>Zordon: All set, rangers?
>>Jason: Yeah.
>>
>>Out of no where, a light from the sky zaps the canister and it's
>>sling-shot into the galaxy.
>>
>>Billy: By my calculation, that should land it some place on
>>Neptune.
MIKE: Thank goodness - for a moment, I was sure we were going to get a Uranus joke...
>>
>>Trini: Won't she come out of there though and try to rule the
>> world?
>>Billy: Uh uh, she can't even see Earth from there, so the only
>> people that have to worry about her are Neptunians.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> SCENE IX:
>>
>>On neptune, we see a smoldering world with her open canister as
>>she gets out.
>>
>>Rita: Once more, after a 500 billion light-year travel, I made
>> it. Now I will rule! Huh? Where am I?
>>Martian: Arg nif badstoobin plait [What is this?]
TOM: Martians on Neptune? Suuuuure.
>
>Tom: A Barbie in an bad outfit.
CROW: MIKE, THAT MADE SENSE! Help me, I'm going insane!
>
>>Martian #2: Gazetty make-nipacoot [It looks like an alien]
>>Martian #1: Ding phat doppy-dip [It's so small though, why did
>> it end up here?]
>>Martian #2: Smeral tailbut jongipy geliplat harnipus bone
>> stupa-wa! [Beats me].
>
> Tom: It's is TOO SILLY FOR WORDS.
TOM: Gee, maybe that' why IT' A PARODY!
>
>>Martian #3: Gazornit-finny herman clavin. [It looks like a toy,
>> let's take it to the kids].
>>Martion #1 & #2: Thud mooey kovox [Great idea!].
>
>Tom: What?
>Crow: Just slime and nod.
TOM: Eww, gross, he got it all over us! Mike, get me a moist towelette!
MIKE: (Bill Murray) He slimed me!
>>Rita: You don't understand! I'm a great and powerful sorceress,
>> I could have you all turned into new shoes!
>>Martian #4: Maxi pluri nomal thip [She talks too much].
>>
>> THE END
>>
> Tom: ABOUT TIME!!! My head was going to be drestory again.
TOM: And later on "The Dr. Drestory," we'll learn about the rift between
Dr. Dre and Easy-E. That's tonight on MTV.
>> (C) 1994 Artist Bros. Enterprises
>>
> Crow: This story smell like a yestery gym socks!
> Tom: Eeeeeeeeghh!!
> Mike: CROW!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> <THEATERS........1...2...3...4..5..6...SOL>
>
>[SOL]
>
> (Mike and the bots are in normal)
TOM: Umm, as opposed to what? In abnormal?
CROW: (Marty Feldman) Abby Normal, I believe.
> Mike: Take shake this bad taste...
MIKE: It’s Take and Shake, and I helped!
> Crow: No kidding, this makes Dr. Thinker's fan-fic look good.
CROW: Hahaha, he just insulted his own writing! He actually realizes his writing is bad!
[All applaud at the good deed accomplished by those who MiSTied Dr. Thinker’s fanfics]
> Tom: I argeed.
> Mike: What do you think, sirs.
>
> [PEARL's ROCKET BUS]
>
> Pearl: You living those that!!! I been back with some more sticky
> stuff for you. Ha Ha Ha Ha.
>
CROW: Oooh, I wanna jammy donut.
TOM: Hey, there's the portal, let's go!
[Mike, Tom and Crow dive through the portal. Cambot seems to hesitate, then
dives after them.]
> (Credits)
CROW: Credit rating RED. This man is a wanted criminal in 52 states.
>
>
>>Bulk: Are you allowed to use this thing by your dad?
>>Skull: Bulk, need I remind you, he could care less if I had
>> Shamu in this workshop, he's a thug.
TOM: Yes, it's the one ungrammatical line in the fanfic.
MIKE: And Dr Thinker is SUCH a one to talk.
>
> -----------------------THE END-----------------------------
>
> Wow! My second MSTing! If I can find a good fan-fic...some of
> another fan-fic is going to start in my third MSTing. See you
> around!!!
>
> Dr. Thinker
CROW: NO! Will this never end?
GYPSY[OS]: Hey guys, where are you?
TOM: Over there!
[They materialize back on the SoL. Mike immediately grabs a hammer and
starts demolishing the machine.]
TOM: Mike, what are you doing?
CROW: That could have been our way out of this mess...
MIKE: What? You really want those guys loose in here?
GYPSY: Where have you guys been, anyway? I've been looking all over!
CROW: Long, long, story, Gypsy.
[Finally, Mike manages to smash the machine. The beam of light goes out,
and the wall returns to normal. Suddenly, the hexfield lights up.]
[Rocket]
PEARL[for it is she]: There you are, Nelstein! Have I got a stinker
for you! It's a little gem by a gentleman called Dr Thinker...
[SoL]
MT&C: NO!!!!
[Mike starts desperately trying to rebuild the machine, while Tom and
Crow continue screaming...]
[CREDITS]
I'd like to thank Dr Thinker for agreeing to be MiSTed, and Joel Boutiere,
co-author of this MiSTing, for putting up with my taking such a long time
to complete this. Sorry, Joel!
I'd also like to thank that person on the Dibs List who described Dr
Thinker as "living in his own bizarre little world", thus providing
the inspiration for the host segments in this MiSTing.
Host Segments : Ciaran Conliffe
Riffs : Most by Joel Boutiere, some by Ciaran Conliffe.
This is my first MiSTing, but Joel has also MiSTed Dragon Ball Wars,
and I Will Find You, both available at Web Site Number 9.
-----
Stinger :
> Tom: Sweet dreams are made of thee
> who's I'm to disargee,,,
> travel the world and the seven sea......
> Mike: YIKES!!! OPERA LOVER!!
> Tom: I NOT A OPERA LOVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-----
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and
situations are trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc.
Bizarro World and all related concepts and images are copyright DC.
All rights reserved. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for
entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights
or trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. or DC is intended or should be
inferred.
The Sky Belongs To The Stars!
This was a test. This was only a test. Had this not been a test,
you would all be dead by now.
-----
Rate this Misting
Michael K. Neylon/mneylon@masemware.com
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