Shoujo Kakumei Sailorsaturn
by Gillian von Karmann

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PLOT: Hotaru decides enough is enough. With the help of her lover, Rei, Sailor Saturn sets out to destroy those who wronged her, restore the ancient land of her allies and take her rightful place as mistress of the universe.
NEW CHARACTERS: Various of Saturn's lesbian lovers: Number 5 (Asuka), Number 6 (Giselle), Number 10 (Kasumi), Number 17 (Martina), Number 32 (Rebecca), Number 51 (Svetlana); Ahamasu; the pope; Saturn's Atlantis associates
LENGTH: 5 chapters, 25,373 words
RATING: NC-17/Hentai

COMMENTS: My cunt! I can't believing of it! It's the German-made fanfiction delight also known as Revolutionary Girl Sailorsaturn! Wordier than a Harry Potter novel and more confusing than a Fellini film! Its all the tragedy, romance and all-out genocide that will make your bionic womb tiiiingle in between your oviducts and vagina, with hope for a sequel! It's all SATURN!

....In all honesty, though, what can I say that hasn't been said about this fanfiction? This charming story almost has it all: pointless lesbianism, loads of language, graphic violence, incest, BDSM, mind (and total canon) rape, hints of cannibalism, pointless plot points, rambled philosophy, rampant OOCness, a songfic randomly inserted in the middle of it (of one of my favorite Genesis songs! NOOO!), incomprehensible science, random pictures, washing of brains, blatant ripping from other anime, color-coded dialogue, incoherent English, and a random block paragraph of doom with nothing but %$*&^(^%^&^%*^%&@ in it. And, of course, orgasmic sunshine and those two little slang words that escape from the mouths of nearly every surviving main character in this story at least five times. I say this story "almost" has it all because the one thing this AU (and I use the term loosely) baby doesn't have is full-blown tentacle rape, which surprised me, since it had just about everything else in it.

It's no wonder, then, why this is considered one of the worst Sailor Moon fanfics ever written. Not only do you have to sludge through block paragraphs and also some weird coding to get through the dialogue, but aside from that (and everything else I mentioned above) you have to read through a story that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Why is Saturn pissed at being a planet killer when she turns out to basically doing precisely that? How can the sailor soldiers possibly lose their powers in the fashion done by Saturn? How can Mars use Ice powers? How can the 4th and 5th seasons not exist in this story when we clearly meet people who only meet the sailor soldiers because of events in those seasons? What the hell is a "truth bug" and the "time-basement"? Why do we have a synchronization rate for this fanfic? What does not being a citizen of the United States and the White House have to do with the writing of this story? How do things smell like "absolute insanity"? What actually happened to Minako after chapter 2? And how does one wipe their feet on someone else's tits?

Obviously, it takes more than one read to get through this dreck to actually figure out the plot, but I doubt many people will even finish it the first time around without rupturing something. If you do, my hats off to you. You survived the attack, and you surely deserve it.

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Sailor Moon and related characters are copyrighted ©1991-2006 Naoko Takeuchi.