Disclaimer. I no own, you no sue? Deal! ::: Ch-16: Culprit revealed! MAMORU AND WHO!?!? "Muahahahahahahahaha!!!!" cackled the main villian in his freakishly girly voice. "You have no hope of escape Senshi of Time!" He proceded to do a fast twirl and went, "BAM!! Muaahahahahaha--Laugh with me henchman Pinky McTutu!" "Muahahahahahahahahaha." came the monotone response of a familiar black haired man. "Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!" continued the main villian. "You'll never get away with this!" Setsuna snarled. "My friends will stop you!" CRASH!!! "What the fuck!?" screamed Main Villian. "Prepare for trouble!" Sailor Venus laughed. "And make it double!" Sailor Moon smirked. "To protect the world from devastation!" Main villian turned to Pinky McTutu with a 'WTF?!' look on his face. "To unite all peoples within our nation!" Pinky McTutu shrugged and mouthed,"Weirdos." "To protect the fires of truth and love!" Setsuna hung her head in defeat. 'I'm doomed.' "To extend our reach to the stars above! "The Inners!" "The Outers!" "Sailor Senshi, kickin youma ass since 1992!" "In the name of the moon, we shall punish you!" The two blondes waited for the final participant of their brand new kickass moto. When she didn't come, Sailor Moon turned to look over her shoulder. "C'mon Rei-chan, do it!" she yelled. "Do I have to?" Came a crabby response. "Yes, now get your hot ass out here dammit!" Moon growled. There was a heavy, defeated sigh, and the black haired girl shuffled in and stopped between the two blonde Senshi. "We're the sexiest lesbians in the universe." Mars groaned blushing horribly, before holding up a shaking fist. "Believe it." "Was that so hard?" Sailor Moon chirped, placing a hand on Sailor Mars' shoulder. Mars glared at the Champion of Justice before narrowing her eyes and growling, "You're sleeping on the couch." "Aww man!" Sailor Moon whined. "Are they done making fools of themselves yet?" Sailor Mercury asked. "Yes." Sailor Mars humphed, wondering why Mercury couldn't do that freakin motto. "Er..." Came the unsure grunt of Main Villian. "Um...are you supposed to be the Sailor Senshi?" "I guess you didn't hear our motto! One more time! Prepare for--" "NO!!" Screamed the everyone as they stopped Venus and Moon from reciting the words of Hell. "Aww," Sailor Moon pouted. "We spent half an hour gettin it all together and everything!" "Some people just have no respect." Sailor Venus grumbled. "Give us back Setsuna-san now!" Sailor Jupiter yelled, thus forwarding the plot another few inches.Main Villian cackled evilly in a high pitched voice that would rival Esmurald's. "I think not! Pinky McTutu! Finish them!" "...Um...Usako...guys..." "Waita minute," Sailor Moon gasped. "Is that--" 'Pinky McTutu' stepped into the light, and revealed that he was Mamoru Chiba. In a frilly pink tutu. "Hey guys." he moaned, a blush coloring his cheeks. "How ya doin?" Silence. "Oh...my..." Venus twitched as the horrible image of Mamoru's attire was forever burned into her retnas. Jupiter and Uranus rushed out of the warehouse to barf somewhere, and Mercury caught the limp body of Neptune while Chibi Moon caught the limp body of Saturn. Sailor Moon stared, her mouth agape her face as pale as a ghost. Mars, however, roared with laughter as she fell to the ground. She then rolled around, beating her fists on the ground in attempt to stop the laughter, but to no avail. "Wh-wh-what are--" she stopped to gasped out more laughs "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING!?" "Shut up." Pinky McTutu grumbled as he scoffed and looked away. Main Villian stepped into the light and giggled, "You like? It's all the rage in henchman fashionware! Isn't dat wight Pinky McTutu?" "I'l slit your fucking throat." Mamoru snarled. Sailor Mars, who had just gotten over her laughter, fell back down at Mamoru's 'code name.' "Shut up Rei!" Mamoru cried. "It's bad enough that Usako left me for a pyromaniac with more issues than National-fucking-Geographic, but you don't have to laugh at me too!" Mars looked up, then erupted into more laughter. "I hate you." the man in a tutu hissed. "Is he still--Hurp!" Sailor Uranus rushed back outside as her face became green again. After spending a good thirty minutes recovering from shock (Venus), recovering from unconsciousness, recovering from sickness, recovering from laughter, and just plain recovering, the Senshi once again took up their positions and finally saw Main Villian. "OH MY GOD!!!!" Neptune shrieked. "IT'S...IT'S..." Mercury found that she could finish her sentence as she hid her gaze in Jupiter's chest. "Micheal...Jackson?" Chibi Moon sputtered in disbelief. The pink haired girl stared, then exploded. "OH THIS IS JUST FUCKING RIDICUILOUS!!!" "Chibi-usa!" Sailor Moon scolded. "Watch your language young lady!" "No, I won't mind my FUCKING languge thank you very much!" Chibi Moon shrieked. "I can take the Koolaid Man, and I can take Kagome being a pimp! I can take spoofing of the fucking Titanic, Snakes on a Plane, and Harry Potter! Hell, I don't give a bloody fuck that me and Taru-chan were used in a sexual innuendo joke! BUT I DRAW THE FUCKING LINE, WHEN YOU INCLUDE MICHEAL JACKSON!!! There're BOUNDARIES Goddammit!! BOUNDARIES!!" With that, Chibi Moon undid her transformation and stormed out. "I don't care about the motherfuckin dental plan anymore, I QUIT!!" And then she was gone, into the 30th century once more. A pause. "Hotaru," Uranus murmured to her shellshocked adoptive daughter. "You're GF's wacked." "Uh-huh..." Saturn mumbled. "Well," Micheal Jackoson said, clapping his hands once, "That was... entertaining. But I'm afraid that you won't be leaving. EVER!!!" The warehouse doors slammed shut and clicked; they were locked. "OH SHIT!!" Mercury squealed. "WE'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY MICHEAL JACKSON!!! AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" "AND MY ARMY OF CHIBI-SETSUNAS!!!" Micheal laughed insanley. "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA--Laugh with me or I'll seem like a jerk." Pinky McTu--er-Mamoru sighed and laughed, but with no enthusiamasm. "Muahahahahaahahahahahahaha." Micheal Jackson laughed along with his tutu-clad henchman. "Now...ATTACK MY PUUPETS!!" At his command, thousands of Chibi Setsunas, all in different colors and sizes rushed from the secret door. :::: Mean while :::: "Bloo!" Mac screamed as the blob opened another secret door and released the Chibis. "How many times do I have to tel--AAAAAAGH!!" Sadly, both creator and created were lost in the tidal wave of Chibis. ::::::: Back to the Senshi :::::: "Guys." Sailor Moon said with surprising calmness. "I just have one thing to say..." "Yes?" The Senshi asked, standing near their leader, ready to fight with her till the end, if that's what she wanted. Obviously, it was not. "CHEESE IT!!" Sailor Moon screamed as she threw her hands over her head and ran away. The Senshi looked at each other, then at the Chibi's, then at each other again, before screaming in unison and following their princess's lead. As the Senshi ran around like headless chickens, screaming, Sailor Mars was suddenly overwhelmed with the need to give the greatest self-sacrifice she would ever make. Well, that and that one time she stood in front of Usagi to prevent her from dieing from Galaxia...but that wasn't the point dammit! She skidded to a stop and faced the oncoming wall of overwhelmingly cuteness. Sailor Moon noticed this and screamed, "Rei-chan! What are you--" "I'll hold them off as long as I can." Mars replied. Sailor Moon rushed and spun Mars around, a firm hand on each of the Fire Senshi's biceps. "Don't Rei! We'll fight them toge--" Sailor Moon was cut off when Mars pulled her up for a deep, frantic kiss. A wind blew from out of nowhere, and Uranus and Neptune began to play a dramatic, sad, romantic duet on their respective instruments that had also appeared out of nowhere. (Creepy isn't it?) Mamoru made a sound of disgust seeing his ex smooch another woman. "Jeez, it's like I don't even exist." Once they borke the kiss, Mars smiled. "Go." She whispered. "I'll stop them." Sailor Moon teared up, hugged her girlfriend, and ran back to the Senshi. Mars frowned and turned to see the Chibis had stopped. "Alright you evil bunch of demented sugar bits!" She spread her arms and closed her eyes. "Do what you want." There was silence before a Chibi that had bull horns spoke up, "Detransform." Mars blinked, but complied, transforming into Rei Hino once again. There was a few snickers when the same Chibi said, "Take it off." Rei's eyebrow twitched. "What?" "Take it off! Take it off! Take it off!" The Chibi Setsunas chated. Rei grimaced, blushed, and reached for the buttons of her blouse. 'It's for Usako, it's for Usako, it's for Usako--' "Sing the song." Interupted a Chibi that reminded Rei of a character from Lord of the Rings. Rei looked confused. "What so--no." Her eyes widened in fear. "Any song but THAT song!!" "Sing it! Sing it! Sing it!" 'It's for Usako, it's for Usako it's for Usako..' "Bom chicka wow wow," Rei whimpered as she unbuttoned her shirt, tears trickling past her closed lids. "Chicka wow, bom chicka wow wow..." "Swing it! Swing it!!" Rei swung her shirt, albeit slowly, over her head, still singing, "Bom chicka wow wow..." The very last thought she had before it went black was, 'I'm so going to kill Micheal Jackson for this!!' ------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------- "Rei-chan!" Sailor Moon sobbed as she saw the Chibis glomp her beloved. One Chibi rose from them and said, "I GOT HER BRA!!" She was then tackled by several jealous Chibis. Another, one that looked like someone from Lord of the Rings, held up a limp hand and yelled, " I GOT HER UNRESPONSIVE CORPSE!!" There was silence as the Chibi looked at the hand, then looked up as she saw the murderous eyes of one Sailor Moon. "Oh shit." were the Chibi's last words before, "MOON GORGEOUS, MEDITATION!!" Sailor Moon then singlehandidly wiped out half the Chibi's, making the rest screech and run, one Chibi still in possesion of Rei's bra. Sailor Moon ran to see that Rei was alive, but not well, her body shaking as she rocked back and forth chanting, "I saw nothing, I saw NOTHING!!" "Rei-chan!" Sailor Moon whimpered, clutching the traumatized, shirtless miko to her body. "Are you okay?" "I saw nothing, I saw NOTHING!!!" "Rei, it's me! Usagi!" "I saw nothing, I saw NOTHING!!!" "Rei-chan..." "I saw nothing, I saw NOTHING!!!" Sailor Moon rolled her eyes and kissed her girlfriend again. Mamoru shouted and threw his hands over his head as he saw his ex smooching with another woman again. "What the fuck happened to canon!?" "Fangirls happened." Micheal Jackson told his tutu-clad henchman. Pinky McTutu glared at his boss and said, "I'll kill you." "I love you too Pinky."