Disclaimer. I no own, you no sue? Deal! A/N: Just to let you know, there's going to be a small tidbit from that movie, Epic Movie. Thank you! :::: Ch-15: The Travel Channel-er-Chapter::: "So it's agreed!" Ami clapped her hands once. "In order to go save Setsuna, yet remain hidden from our enemy, we shall split up and travel to our destination!" Rei raised her hand. "Uh, where is that exactly?" "I'm so glad you asked!" Ami chirped. "Because the kidnapper left a note." She handed the piece of paper to Rei, who began to read outloud," Nyow nyow nyow, nyow nyow, nyow nyow nyo--What the fuck is this?" "It says," Luna began, "I have taken your precious elder. Meet me in Utah if you want her back." There was a huge collection of shouts, consisting of, "Not Utah!" "Anywhere but Utah!" "Oh! Poor Setsuna!" "Where's Utah? What's Utah!?" "Yes." Luna confirmed grimly. "Utah. So, you have to get her back!" "And here's how we're gonna do it!" Ami continued. "Rei and Usagi will go by train, Haruka and Michiru will go by car, Minako will go by plane, and Mako-chan and I will go by boat! Agreed?" "Yeah!" The Senshi shouted. "Then let's get Setsuna-chan back!" "Yeah!" "Let's have milk and cookies when we're done!!" "Yeah!!" -------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------ ::: Minako ::: Minako leafed through a magazine that she had brought with her, not actually reading it as her thoughts were occupied. 'Why did she save me? Anyone else could've, would've done it. But, why her? And what do I feel about her?' "Would you like a cocktail?" The flight attendant asked polietly as she wheeled the cart full of drinks down the narrow aile. "Just a water please." Minako smiled. "Okay then," sh elooked away to the next passenger, tipping the pitcher in order to pour water into the plastic cup. But it wasn't water that came out. A hissing Diamond Back Rattlesnake dropped into the cup, and the attendent gave it to Minako who was submerged in her thoughts once more. She didn't notice the poisoness snake crawl down her leg, or the several species that were clinging to her neck. In fact, noone seemed to notice that the plane was full of snakes, some poeple chatting while others played their nifty PSPs or DS Lites. It wasn't until a hiss caught Minako's attention, and she turned to see an anaconda with its mouth open , baring its long, dangerous fangs. There was pause. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" The Venusian Senshi shrieked, and it was then that all the passengers noticed the snakes that had draped them selves all around the place. Needless to say, everyone was in a panic. One man screamed as a harmless water snake latched onto his nose with its wittle baby fwangs, and Medussa schreeched for no reason, apparently forgetting that snakes were her hair, opened the emergency exit, located right in front of the turbines and jumped out but was sucked into the swirling blades of death. Minako whimpered and began to punch the anaconda. "I picked the wrong day to fly!" she whined. Just then, the hero appeared! "Enough is enough!" the man barked. "I've had it, with these motherfuckin snakes on this motherfuckin plane!" "So have I!" Minako shouted. "Enough is enough!" He barked again. "I've had it, with these motherfuckin snakes on this motherfuckin plane!" "Right!" Minako nodded, slightly confused. "I've had it, with these motherfuckin snakes on this motherfuckin plane!" he yelled. "Why do you keep saying that?!" Minako asked frustrated. "Because Internet bloggers love it when I say, 'I've had it, with these motherfuckin snakes on this motherfuckin plane!" "Okay." the blonde said calmly, holding up a hand. "We get it already." "No, I don't think you do!" He snarled. Minako rolled her eyes and began to mouth with him, "I've had it, with these motherfuckin snakes on this motherfuckin plane!" Minako double-taked and asked with a frown, "Why are you yelling?" "Shit bitch!" He snarled. "I'm always yellin! I'm Samuel-motherfuckin- Jackson!" Minako looked offended. "Bitch!?" But Samuel-motherfuckin-Jackson had picked her up and tossed her out the front emergency exit door. Minako screamed as she fell. :::: Meanwhile...:::: Paris Hilton walked out her door, her beloved puppy snug in her purse, took a moment to pose and sneer arrognantly, "I'm so hot..." ...Right before the rapidly falling Minako landed on her and broke every bone in her body. Minako rose up, dusted off her shirt, and ripped away the last of the snakes. She looked around and noticed a road sign pointing east that said, "Utah-1 mile that way!" The blonde smiled and began to skip towards her destination. ::: Ami and Makoto ::: "The 'Titanic'?" Ami echoed. Makoto smiled roughishly and produced two first class tickets that she's beaten out of this snoppy prick that had called her and Ami the, 'D' word. "Yep! A luxury cruise! We might be off to save Setsuna, but that doesn't mean we can't travel in style!" "I get the feeling that we're gonna be in this horribly spoofed situation that consists of beautiful music and freezing cold water." "Now Ami, where'd you get that idea?" ::::: Later :::: Ami and Makoto walked around the spacious deck of the beautiful Titanic, geting polite catcalls and congratulations all from the second and third class passengers, while provoking sneers and jeers from first class. Eh. Two out of three. "Hey, do you hear that music?" Makoto murmured. Beautiful, romantic music flowed around the two girls and they found themselves being drawn to it. When they found the source, it was near the front of the ship, and two people, a man and a woman, stood there. The man had his arms wrapped around the woman, her back to his front. "Jack, look!" The woman whispered. "I-I'm flying!" "Yes Rose," Jack smiled, resting his head on her shoulder. "You are." The romantic music built to a crescendo as Rose looked over her shoulder and began to move her head closer to Jack's, inching in for a kiss-- "Sorry." Makoto said casually as she shoved Jack and Rose over the railing and sending them into the sea below. The brunette then lifted Ami to the railing and the two of them continued where Jack and Rose had left off. ::: Two parties, a nude drawing, a car, some dude saying Cheerio, and an iceburg later ::: "What d-d-did I say." Ami shivered, sitting on the chunk of wood that was a door, hugging Makoto for body heat, beautiful sad music drifting from an unknown source. "A h-h-horribly s-spoofed scene wi-with freez-z-z-ing wat-ter and c-c-cheesy music." Makoto grumbled. The blue haired girl nodded, silently saying, "I told you so!" The couple made it and were rescued by a boat not too long after, and ended up on a mile long road that led to Utah. ::: Haruka and Michiru :::: "A fucking traffic jam." Haruka snarled. "WHY MUST GOD TORTURE US SO!?!?!?" "At least none of the cars are actually advanced robots in disguise." Michiru joked. Suddenly, the firetruck in front of them transformed into Optimus Prime, and several hunderd cars transformed into his faithful Autobots. "Megatron!" Optimus snarled in his metallic voice. "Today you will be defeated!" As if on cue, the rest of the cars on the highway transformed into the evil Decepticons, led by their commander Megatron. "Prepare to die Prime!" The Decepticon roared. And as the legion of Robots in disguise began to duke it out, Haruka, never one to look a gifthorse in the mouth, drove by. :::: Rei and Usagi ::: "Platform Nine and Three quarters?" Rei asked. "How do we get there?" "The nice man at the Leaky Cauldron said, just run through the brick wall." Usagi repeated. Silence. "What the hell does he think we are--ghosts?" At that moment, they saw a family of red-heads and one black haired boy run striaight through the brick wall. Rei's jaw dropped. Usagi cheered, "Lets do this thang!" And dragged Rei through the brick wall too. "Whoooooooa..." they both said as they gazed at the cool looking train. "Lets go!" Usagi squealed as she hopped on the train, Rei following. In a few minutes, the train began to move, and the Senshi began to walk down the surprisingly wide aile of the train. They were surrounded by people dressed in pitch black robes and gray uniforms, all of them either waving around a stick of wood or babbiling in British accents. "'Ello lovely..." a boy with slicked back blonde hair purred to Usagi. Rei glared and pulled the startled moon princess to her chest. "Don't even think about jackass." the miko snarled. The boy held up his hands and backed away. "Fine! I know when I'm beat gov. Crabbe, Goyle!" At his call, two gorilla-like boys appeared at his side. "C'mon. We're leaving." And thus, the trio of boys left., Crabbe saying, "Yes Mr. Malfoy sir!" Rei was growling low in her throat as she watched them leave, still holding onto Usagi possesivly. A tap on her shoulder made her turn around to see a man in his mid thrities smiling widley, with streaks of gray running through his otherwise black hair. He had a weird shaped scar on his forehead. "Hello, I'm Harry Potter!" he said. Rei blinked. "Just how old are you?" she asked cautiously, tightening her grip on Usagi slightly. "I am but fourteen!" Harry said, still smiling. "As are my friends, Ron and Hermione!" Rei and Usagi looked behind Harry and saw a hot girl with doe eyes and a muscular looking man with red hair. "Whoa..." the Senshi gasped as they took in Hermione, who look twenty- three when she was only 'fourteen'. "I'd so do her if I wasn't your girlfriend..." Rei said. Usagi shriked in outrage and hit Rei on the head. "What!? She's hot!" Usagi paused and said, "Yeah, you're right. Hell, I'd still do her." "Usagi!!" "I'm joking!" As the miko and the blonde began to walk further down the aile to find a seat, Usagi looked over her shoulder and mouthed, "Call me!" to Hermione. Hermione blinked. "I think I was just hit on by a chick." :::: SEVERAL HOURS LATER!!!::: "Look, there's Ami and Makoto!" Minako cheered. Ami looked and saw that Rei, Usagi, Haruka, and Michiru had yet to arrive. Hotaru, Chibi- Usa, and Minako had arrived first. "Hey," Makoto began, "How did you two get here?" Hotaru opened her mouth to explain, when she was interupted by a car stopping in front of them. Haruka and Michiru got out and walked over. "Hey there Firefly." Haruka greeted her adopted daughter. "How'd you get here?" Chibi-usa opened her mouth to explain when Minako said, "Hey, where's Rei and Usagi?" Just then, two spots in the sky appeared and was beginning to come closer. "Is that..." "No way..." "Holy shit! Rei!? Usagi!?" "What the hell are you wearing?" Rei and Usagi landed and it became clear that they had been riding on... broomsticks. They were no longer in their casual wear, now dressed in grey uniforms with red and gold ties and black robes. "Where have you been?" Ami questioned. "At Hogwarts, saving the world from a maniacal snake dude. Y'know. The ususal." Usagi shrugged, pulling out her magic wand and tossing it away. There was a mini-explosion when the stick of wood landed. "And it wasn't Orochimaru." Rei cut off Minako as the blonde opened her mouth to suggest something. "She said snake dude, not the anime Micheal Jackson." She pulled off her black robes. Then they noticed Chibi-usa and Hotaru. "Hey there," Rei greeted. "How'd you get here?" "Sailor Teleport." Chibi-usa droned. "Duh." Hotaru added. There was a moment of silence. "Well, who else besides me feels like a dumbass?" Ami sighed. All the Senshi raised their hands. :::::::: TBC::::::::::::::::::::: A/N: I hope to God no one takes offense to the Utah crack. I got that from Futurama. PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!!!!!!! Ahem, I also hope that none of you kill me for spoofing Titanic. And Transformers. Epic Movie spoofed Snakes on a Plane, and I just used it because Paris Hilton got killed. Yes. So, Please, I do not own the Snakes on a Plane spoof or the Harry Potter thing that says, "I am but fourteen!" That;s Epic Movie's too. I do own The Titanic, Transformers, and the rest of the Harry Potter spoof though! My, this has been quite long. I hope you enjoy it!!