Cynthia: Who's who and who plays what?
Charlie: I'm Charlie, I play guitar. He's John, he plays drums. Kelly over there has the most hair.
Darrin: John does not play drums.
John: I do too play drums. And I like to flirt with Darrin. That's my job in the band.
Cynthia: How long have you guys been a band?
John: Eight years. We got together in 1994. So that would be eight years. Eight hundred years.
Cynthia: How'd you guys meet?
John: I met Darrin at a gay bathhouse in Santa Monica. I met Charlie at a drug and alcohol center and I met Kelly through an ad in a newspaper and that's the whole band.
Cynthia: What are some of your musical influences?
John: Umm... I like Monty Python a lot. You know what else is really good?
Charlie: What?
John: Trigger Happy TV.
Charlie: I still haven't seen that.
John: I like that TV show Friends.
Charlie: What was the question?
Cynthia: Musical influences.
Kelly: My biggest musical influence was John Holmes.
Darrin: The answer to that question is that question sucks.
Charlie: No, I like that question.
Cynthia: What are some bands you like? What's in your CD player?
Darrin: My favorite band is the Smiths.
Kelly: Because he's gay.
Darrin: Because I'm gay.
Darrin's wife: Ask Charlie what's in his CD player.
Charlie: Stevie Wonder. What's wrong with Stevie Wonder? You might be ejected from the bus.
Cynthia: How many albums do you have out now and are you currently working on a new one?
Charlie: Four... Five actually. We just put out alive record. We put it way out. Yes, and we are writing a new record. It will be out early next year. March.
Cynthia: I heard you guys are in the Guinness Book of World Records for the most shows in a year.
Kelly: The most bullshit story....
John: No, we are. We've played more shows than any other band ever.
Cynthia: How many shows was that?
John: 385.
Charlie: 382.
John: 385. Dude, you weren't there for three. I kicked you out, remember?
Charlie: Oh that's right.
Cynthia: And how the hell did you pull that off?
John: Well we tuned our guitars and plugged in our amplifiers and went onstage and did it. We played two or three shows a day on a lot of days. Afternoon show and then an evening show....a dinner set.
Cynthia: Were you guys going for that record or did that just happen?
(laughter)
Charlie: I didn't even know that was a record.
John: We got lucky. A lot of people wanted us to play that year. 1996. People liked our band a lot so we played a lot.
Cynthia: Yeah, I've seen you guys more than any other band. This is number nine I think and that's not even a lot compared to some stories I've heard.
John: Yeah, this one person saw us 75 times. That's a lot. He needs to get a job.
Cynthia: Do you guys have a favorite city you guys like to play in?
John: Chicago is hands down our favorite city.
Cynthia: Where do you guys get the motivation to work so hard at this?
John: Umm... It's pretty fun. I think the older we get, the harder it is to tour as much as we tour because my legs are breaking slowly but surely. As long as people come and see us, its like I feel like we have to. Its our obligation, you know?
Cynthia: What are some ways that you make touring fun or is it just fun automatically?
John: Umm... No, not even. Well, I always find good vegetarian restaurants to eat at and every town's got different stuff.
Kelly: The closest truck stops are the new gay bath houses.
John: We find ways to fuck with our techs. We'll just shave their heads when they don't know it, stuff like that.
Tech with Shaved Head: I woke up like this.
John: We videotape each other masturbating. Stuff like that.
Cynthia: What do you like to do outside of music? Do you have hobbies?
John: Well, we tour so fucking much, its kinda hard to have hobbies. My hobby is, when I'm home, laying in bed and trying to relax for three hours before I record a band or write some more music. But I snowboard probably once a year. I started surfing last year but I suck.
Cynthia: What do you think you would be doing if you didn't get into music? Or can you see yourself doing anything else?
John: I'd be blowing up whaling ships. That's what I'd be doing.
Cynthia: If you could beat up a Backstreet Boy, which one would it be?
John: I don't believe in violence of any type towards anybody.
Charlie: Puff Daddy. Does he count as a Backstreet Boy?
Cynthia: Yeah. OK, do you have any closing comments?
Kelly: Closing comments? Eat right and take Geritol my wife I think I'll fist her.
(yes, those were his exact words.)
Charlie: You know what, nobody thinks that's funny.
Kelly: I know. That's why I keep saying it.
John: Stop eating meat.
Cynthia: Closing comments?
Darrin: Wear condoms.
Cynthia: OK, thanks guys.