| His last monumental flaw has been improved. We sister-upped our beliefs. All the hands that touched him, scrubbed their stuff into him, sanded him smooth until five days later he stands in the exact center of the kitchen, holding his teacup like a kitten, not saying anything. His calmness is a third person in the room and for minutes I presume that he is somehow not breathing. Steven once told me that I don't exist in the morning before my coffee, and I want to remind him of his remark, but I always avoid opportunities for regret. The air is really thin around here. He pulls up one of our scratchy metal folding chairs and sits down, resting his wrists on the table, teacup on a stray mousepad in front of him. | ||
| "Nicety." the beacon of redemption
says to me, all smiles. "Nicety to you, too." |
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| Years ago I became a vegetarian by telling myself that I never liked meat in the first place. So pure, not even fish, I became psychic. I thought and the thin air would facilitate the message to my mother and sisters in Boulder or to my ex the next town over. I don't think they receive very well. I emit. I tell people to eat carrots for better night vision. I give blood, it's very good blood. By default, Steven became vegetarian too-he was, at that time, unable to do his own shopping. We finish our cereal. I say: | ||
| "I'm still hungry." "You're confused." |
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| He thinks he knows me so well. I know him so well. He knows. I think I know. It's sunny in here now and we have not said much, but small talk is for small clay people. The pile of mail and the bent spoon, somewhere should be a hint of today's date. I had read his diary yesterday afternoon, when he was gardening, ten feet and one wall away. I read Sunday's entry: | ||
first thing I saw was birds, birds shaped like men. Far from angels. They came in on a steamship, an old tanker whose face was washed in honey. They buried it as it came ashore, digging in trios while the tide pulled apart their sugary faces. There's a tear in my eye-she's pained by the littlest harmony. I felt it as well, it shied me away, even as I pried open the money jar where it stood brimming with foreign currency.  |
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