Hmm... even at this very moment I am actually questioning whether or not I should be doing what I am doing. However I feel like this is the only way to truly come to terms with what I've done. You always tell me that I should not feel bad for what I did to you because I apologized and you forgave me. I wish I could take that advice, I really do. I can't though. There is one thing I never told you. It's too bad I didn't on some level, but perhaps what has happened has happened for a reason. Anyway, this is it:
Whenever someone asks me if I have any regrets I say one of two things. If I don't trust them then I say, "None." If I trust them, of whom there are FEW people I do and off the top of my head I can think of only three, I tell them, "One." But I never tell them what that regret is. Well Cassie, that is what I am here to do right now.
I have only one regret in the world and that is that I ever broke up with you. I had the best thing in the world right there in front of me and I destroyed it. The wonderful diamond orb that was our relationship I shattered. If I could do anything over in my life I would never have broken up with you. From that one earthshaking decision came more pain in my life than I ever have felt and I hope to never feel again. Not only did I feel more pain than I ever had, I caused more pain to someone I loved dearly than should ever be allowed.
The reason I wanted you to wait for this page is because I have a few rules in my life that I will never change. One of them is that I will never make moves on someone elses girlfriend. I will never make an exception to that rule. I have absolutely no problem with Matt, and I hope you realy believe that. For that reason, I cannot even consider moving on you. He makes you happy and I would hope you do the same, but I will never do anything to hurt what two people have together. It's happened to me too many times to bring that upon someone else.
If you were to ask me today to go out with you, I wouldn't hesitate to say yes. You were the best thing I've ever had and I would give anything to have you back. So, when you are finished reading this, please call me. Until then, I must respect your relationship with Matt and not interfere.
I hope that this doesn't place any undue stress on you right now. I know there's a lot going on in your life. I just want you to know how I feel. It's amazing what you did for me, and I want it back. I want you back.
Cassie, I love you. I mean that from every fiber in my being. And now, I understand you. So, have lovely dreams and sleep tight. If you never read this at least I said it, in a sense. But do me one favor and never forget how much I love you, ever.
Love forever and always,
your guardian Cit