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Father



It's always been so clear to me
How you've never been here for me
Re-planting yourself constantly
Yet never quite enough to change
All those times when I was young
I was treated like a mindless person
Always knowing what was true
Still you kept things to yourself
The fighting remains stained in my thoughts
Screaming
Yelling
I paid the cost
Everything is all so vivid
You hurt my feelings
Not ever to abuse my skin
But worse, to psychologically kill me
The pressure is on
"You must win
You are the first, the best -
You are mine"
I hated those words
Too late, they're said
Just another scar inside my head
You sat and watched your only love
Which wasn't me - left unattended
Nor was it my loyal mom
Who hates you now more than ever
How could you do this to me?
Living without you has been great
I do as I want and stay up late
Do what I want
Say what I say
With you it would never be this way
The notes of hate
And the silences that murdered
Maybe I was just being stubborn?
Too angry to give in to such wrong-doing
Too upset to be taken advantage of again
I've sat and rehearsed
Situations in mind
Soul cannot bare all to this man
Even politely asking my heart
It's so very hard to understand
I've cried and I've cried and I've died today
Lost my sanity in salty tears
Learned a new feature within me today
Discovered an interior emotional fear
I have let you back inside me today
Yesterday forever etched in mind
And I cannot control these words I say
Honest feelings begin to surface
Though you are leaving me once again
I wish you endless luck
Maybe one day I'll be proud of you
Or maybe I just won't give a fuck!