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Don't Pet the Manes - A Special Report

INVERNESS, TAU CETI (AP) – Confirmed reports today shed more light on the untimely disappearance of a top Manes expert in the Pegasus Galaxy. The Associated Press has learned that the final message of missing Jenquai Explorer Velma “Sugarglider” Vai’Sha’Renctdll-maa-Ben-Tshuuu-Nuuu’Rrrrrblaaa-Xkkerrneee-naaa (pronounced “Johnson”) contained the following important information, “Ack….Sunuva…..Mayday….Mayday…..Sparky, where the hell are you?”

Official Net-7 file photo
     Experts believe the message, thought to be the final communication of Warlords Officer Vai’Sha’Renctdll-maa-Ben-Tshuuu-Nuuu’Rrrrblaaa-Xkkerrneee-naaa, may shed light on the circumstances surrounding the popular Warlords character’s disappearance. In conjunction with previously filed reports by the JE, officials fear the worst, although many of the
documents were illegible due to a foreign substance that obscured the writings and the fact that they were submitted on cocktail napkins.
    According to one high-ranking Warlords official, many of the submissions were also discovered to be serving as “papery thin cushions for circular liquid containing devices” and had mysteriously absorbed a substance that appeared to form on the outside of such containers through a complicated process scientists refer to as “osmosified convection transfer.”

    However, despite the unconventional means Ms. Vai’Sha’Renctdll-maa-Ben-Tshuuu-Nuuu’Rrrrrblaaa-Xkkerrneee-naaa utilized to collect data, Sha’ha’dem scientists have formed a preliminary report. Three major tenants formed the the official findings:
        - Do not pet the Manes. This mandate was released by Warlord officials after numerous attempts by “Sugarglider” to disprove the theory. “Hell, she tried though,” said Admiral Kraven “Outsyder” Mohead.
“I once saw her even try to stroke four of them god-awful things at once.”
        - It is not appropriate behavior to tease the Manes, specifically, avoid using the phrase “Here Mansey, Mansey.” According to data culled from research reports, this action only serves to anger the slow witted entities, and often, resulted in the spawn of the beasts right next the tauntee.
         - Beware the presence of Ruined Hulks and Wrecks, there is a reason they are ruined hulks and wrecks. The blatant disregard for the third tenant of appropriate behavior around Manes may have led to the demise of Ms. Vai’Sha’Renctdll-maa-Ben-Tshuuu-
Nuuu’Rrrrrblaaa-Xkkerrneee-naaa, whose official motto was “experience debt be damned.” Several Warlords members, speaking on condition of anonymity confirmed the energetic JE’s passion for searching destroyed ships, adding that her enthusiasm for the activity often showed in stray radio chatter on official guild channels. “Oh my Gawd, she was a freak!” exclaimed Phillip “Killforfun” McKraken.
    It is unclear how Ms. Vai’Sha’Renctdll-maa-Ben-Tshuuu-Nuuu’Rrrrrblaaa-Xkkerrneee-naaa’s disappearance will affect the day-to-day operations of the Warlords, but it is clear that the shockwave will be felt by all those lonely and downtrodden.
    Known amongst the Warlords as a free spirit, “Sugarglider’s” absence has sent shockwaves throughout the powerful guild. “I’d say she was free,” said one unidentified source, “All you had to do was dangle a few shiny trinkets in front of her and she’d meet you in the Prasad Station bar any time you wanted.”