Artificial intellegence is no match for natural stupidity.

It has been said that if you place an infinite amount of monkies by one typewriter each, one of them will eventually write a literary masterpiece. The Internet has proven that this is not the case.

Don't anthropomorphize computers. They hate that

Windows 95 is not a virus. Viruses DO something

Alcohol and calculus don't mix... Don't drink and derive.

"China is a very big country, full of many chinese people." --Charles DeGaulle

To err is human. To really foul things up requires a computer.

In a world without borders, who needs Windows and Gates?

The day Microsoft make a product that doesn't suck is the day they start making vacuum cleaners

There are only 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete.

No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats -- approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less!

But, you know what life really is? You're born, you suck your mother's tits. You get a little older, you suck your girlfriend's tits. You get married, you suck your wife's tits. That's what life is. Life sucks.

Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
1. Writing his memoirs of the Civil War?
2. Advising the President?
3. Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin?

How do you play religious roulette?
You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets struck by lightning first.

Join the Army! Travel to exotic, distant lands. Meet exciting, unusual people, and kill them.

I've always thought that the most extraordinary special effect you could do is to buy a child at the moment of its birth, sit it on a little chair and say, "You'll have three score years and ten," and take a photograph every minute. "And we'll watch you and photograph you for ten years after you die, then we'll run the film." Wouldn't that be extraordinary? We'd watch this thing get bigger and bigger, and flower to become extraordinary and beautiful, then watch it crumble, decay, and rot. ---Clive Barker