xXxjackie20xXx (2:03:27 AM): i dont know about you but im not giving up on you
im really not
The Only Adams (2:03:37 AM): i dont want to give up
xXxjackie20xXx (2:03:55 AM): this is just one really tough spot right now that i think
we can both handle
The Only Adams (2:03:55 AM): i just know you love me more then i could ever love anyone
The Only Adams (2:04:07 AM): and thats what im afraid of
The Only Adams (2:04:15 AM): im afraid im going to get too attached like i always do
The Only Adams (2:04:30 AM): and then messing up and my heart getting broken
The Only Adams (2:04:38 AM): because i will do somethin, i always do
xXxjackie20xXx (2:04:40 AM): zack i love you with all my heart. and you love me
with all of yours. were in highschool. thats as much as we know how to love.
The Only Adams (2:04:49 AM): exactly my point
xXxjackie20xXx (2:04:51 AM): you wanna know something
The Only Adams (2:04:52 AM): we are only in high school
The Only Adams (2:05:00 AM): what
xXxjackie20xXx (2:05:06 AM): Last summer
xXxjackie20xXx (2:05:14 AM): when my boyfriend cheated on me. you know what
I did?
The Only Adams (2:05:17 AM): what
xXxjackie20xXx (2:05:28 AM): I welcomed him back with loving arms
xXxjackie20xXx (2:05:31 AM): can you imagine
xXxjackie20xXx (2:05:34 AM): I welcomed him back
The Only Adams (2:05:38 AM): wanna know what happened to me last summer
xXxjackie20xXx (2:05:44 AM): ok
The Only Adams (2:05:47 AM): that has crushed me for the rest of my life
The Only Adams (2:05:50 AM): my mom sat me down
The Only Adams (2:05:58 AM): and told me for hours about what my father has done to her
The Only Adams (2:06:17 AM): he used to cheat on her once a week, she would hear women in
the bathroom talking about him. and what they have done with him.
The Only Adams (2:06:29 AM): and how he has screwed up our lives forever. putting us in debt
and bad credit
The Only Adams (2:06:34 AM): not paying my mom the money she needs to support us
The Only Adams (2:06:39 AM): and when i learned all this
The Only Adams (2:06:42 AM): i thought about ending it
The Only Adams (2:06:48 AM): and then i realized not to
The Only Adams (2:06:53 AM): and i hated my father for months
The Only Adams (2:07:00 AM): it took me months to forgive my own father
The Only Adams (2:07:16 AM): for the drugs, the drinking, the abuse he put me and my mother
through, both phyiscal and mental,
The Only Adams (2:07:19 AM): and cheating on her
The Only Adams (2:07:23 AM): the money stealing
xXxjackie20xXx (2:07:32 AM): I am so sorry
The Only Adams (2:07:32 AM): and it took me months to begin talking to my own father again
xXxjackie20xXx (2:07:33 AM): i really am
The Only Adams (2:07:43 AM): do you have any idea what that felt like
xXxjackie20xXx (2:07:49 AM): no
The Only Adams (2:07:50 AM): i couldnt stand to know that i was his son
xXxjackie20xXx (2:08:01 AM): im sorry
The Only Adams (2:08:06 AM): dont feel pity
The Only Adams (2:08:11 AM): im just letting you in
xXxjackie20xXx (2:08:16 AM): I have a right to feel pity
The Only Adams (2:08:19 AM): :/
xXxjackie20xXx (2:08:22 AM): I do
The Only Adams (2:08:23 AM): you really shouldnt
xXxjackie20xXx (2:08:43 AM): Its not pity..im just here to listen and help
The Only Adams (2:08:50 AM): im just letting you in on what my life has been like, and why my
heart has such a hard time loving
xXxjackie20xXx (2:09:39 AM): just to let you know
xXxjackie20xXx (2:09:48 AM): for havng a hard time loving. youdo a damn good
job at it.
The Only Adams (2:09:55 AM): thanks
xXxjackie20xXx (2:10:02 AM): im serious.
xXxjackie20xXx (2:10:27 AM): That stuff is hard. Very hard. and for you to love
after something like that is even harder
The Only Adams (2:10:29 AM): i have to try as hard as i can
The Only Adams (2:10:33 AM): because
The Only Adams (2:10:40 AM): i know you are the most special person in my life right now
The Only Adams (2:11:34 AM): and im just afraid
xXxjackie20xXx (2:11:55 AM): of what
The Only Adams (2:12:09 AM): losing a person like you, and my feelings and why they arent as
strong as they should be
xXxjackie20xXx (2:13:01 AM): But thats just it. They are.
