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Baby Chocobo In... Where’s Our Hotdogs?
Chapter One: What Stash? We start as Baby Chocobo is sitting in a room all alone staring at the floor, giggling. Mother Chocobo walks in and fears the worst.
Mother Chocobo: BABY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Baby Chocobo (B.C.): Nothing, Mother, hehe.
Mother Chocobo: Anyway, it’s time for dinner, so get down right away.
B.C.: Ok, I’ll be down in a second.
B.C. Hides a magazine in his pillowcase. The title of it is...
B.C.: SHHH!!! Don’t tell them.
Mother Chocobo: ***From Downstairs*** What happened, where are the hotdogs!
B.C. runs downstairs to see its mother crying. He immediately stamps off in a furious rampage.
B.C. Knocks on somebody’s door.
Squall: Hello? Oh, hi B.C., what ya’ doing here today?
B.C.: WHERE’S ZELL!? Squall: He’s in the bathroom. Why do you want him so badly?
B.C.: Our hotdogs are missing and he took&ldots;
Zell comes bursting in with a wad of toilet paper sticking out of his pants and he’s zipping up his fly.
Zell: WHO SAID HOTDOG, GIVE ME THEM, NOW!!!!
B.C.: You want MORE hotdogs?
Zell: You know about my stash?
Squall: What stash?
Zell: Umm... the stash of... hmm... my...
Suddenly a weird spinning sphere appeared out of the air. A figure falls from it.
?????: I’M NOT A PUPPET!!!!
The figure hastily runs out of the room.
B.C.: He must have our hotdogs!
Zell: GET HIM!!
Zell and B.C. run out of the room after the figure.
Squall: What idiots. ***sighs***
Chapter Two: Time Portals
The mysterious person in standing in the middle of the forest, pondering about the mysteries of life?
?????: What is this place? Where am I? Why does it smell like hotdogs here?
?????: Ha, we found you at last.
?????: The Turks? What are you guys doing here?
Turks: Come on, Cloud. We got here the same way you did.
Cloud: You fell from a spinning time warp continuum into a room with a baby chocobo, a crazy loon, and a guy with a strange sword?
Turks: Well... Um...Yes. I guess. Wait. Is this a trick question?
B.C.: There he is, I knew he’d be here!
Zell: Wait...up .***pant***.. little bird...dude.
B.C.: Where are the hotdogs you weird dude?
Cloud: What hotdogs?
Turks: ***overly innocent*** Yeah...um...what hot....dogs?
Zell: They must have them! ***points to the Turks***
B.C.: Give us back our hotdogs!
Another spinning sphere appears overhead. Out of the time portal pops another figure.
?????: Where am I now? Dang it, Lucca. You said this wouldn’t happen again!
Cloud: Wait a second, you aren’t a Final Fantasy character!
?????: So? I’m Chrono. You know, from Chrono Trigger, and I’m just in here to sell my game. Buy it today for SNES, or, for those of you with a Playstation, buy Final Fantasy Chronicles, and buy it now.
Zell: Shut up, your making Final Fantasy sound bad!
A strange figure is slowly coming up from behind Chrono. To everyone’s approval, Chrono gets sliced in half by the mysterious person.
Mog: Hi, everyone!
B.C.: How are ya’, Mog?
Mog: Great, B.C. It’s been fun, but I must take my leave.
B.C.: Why?
Mog: (sadly) Somebody stole my hotdogs. weep, weep, weep
Zell: You too? There must be a really strange person around here.
Squall: What idiots. ***sighs***
Zell: Where did you come from, Squall?
Squall: (Sarcastic) I just fell out of a spinning time continuum after stealing and eating Mog’s and B.C.’s hotdogs. Everyone: GET HIM!!!! Chapter 3: Mischief in Larger Portions
*** The group (consisting of B.C., Zell, Squall, Cloud, the Turks, and Mog)are transported and awake in a strange room. A girl looks at them oddly.***
Girl: What are you doing here? I didn’t think there were any aeons left!
Zell: What the heck are you talking about?
Girl: You’re not very polite aeons are you?
Mog: What’s an aeon?
Cloud: I’m not an aeon.
Turks: to Cloud Of course not. You’re a puppet.
Cloud: I’m NOT a PUPPET!
B.C.: I’m hungry.
Zell: Has anyone seen any hotdogs?
Squall: What idiots.
Girl: So, let me get this straight. You aren’t aeons and I didn’t summon you here?
Mog: Who are you?
Girl: How impolite of me. My name is Yuna. I’m a summoner. I summon things. It is my destiny to summon aeons, and...
Zell: Thank you, Captain Obvious. Defender of "Duh!"
Yuna: Excuse me?
Squall: Ignore him. He’s an idiot. Anyhow, we don’t really care who you are, or what you do. I just want to get out of this place and go home and talk to Rinoa.
Turks: Who’s Rinoa? A puppet?
Cloud: Drop it already! I’M NOT A PUPPET!
Yuna: Rinoa’s your girlfriend, isn’t she?
Squall: Sort of, well..., um, guys like me don’t need anyone. You see, one day, I um...
Zell: C’mon, Squall. You know she is! Just tell the truth.
Squall: Shut Up! ***jumps on Zell and starts punching his face and numerous other places to remain unnamed. Zell becomes unconscious Squall maintains his composer.***
Yuna: At least you have someone. I used to have someone, but he was only a dream. I miss him. He was the only person I’ve ever loved.
Mog: What happened? Did you wake up, or did he run away with one of your other imaginary friends?
Yuna: ***cries***
Everyone: ***laughs***
B.C.: looks around How did we get here?
Yuna: in sobs I told you already. I summoned you here.
Strange Voice: Haahaahaahaahaa! You simple minded fools! If only it were that simple! Soon you will discover your fate. Soon you will be within my grasp!
Cloud: What was that?
Turks: You tell us "Mr. I’m not a puppet."
Cloud: Well, I’m not!
Yuna: ***still crying.***
Mog: *** still laughing***
Squall: Idiots.
B.C. : Don’t you realize that our problems have escalated? I don’t think anyone fully grasps the situation that we’ve been placed in! We have to figure out where we are and how we got here, and more importantly, why we’re here in the first place! to the group Who’s with me?
Everyone: *** blank stares***
***Zell regains consciousness***
Zell: Have you guys seen any hotdogs?
***Once again the group is teleported to an unknown destination.***
Chapter 4: The Voices
Our characters are warped to a castle with people buzzing around. None of them even notice that they are there.
B.C.: So where do we go now?
Zell: I say we find something to eat.
Mog: Is that all you think about?
Zell: No, sometimes I think about girls.
Yuna: Wait. I think a hear that voice again!
It suddenly grows silent. Everyone starts to listen carefully.
Cloud: BUUUURP!!
Squall: You idiot.
Cloud: You freak. ***Cloud draws his sword and jumps after Squall. Squall jumps out of the way and Cloud slices incredibly hard***
Chrono: AGH! Not again! ***Cloud slices Chrono in half***
Zell: How’d he come back?
Turks: Maybe...
B.C.: I have a guess, but it’s only a guess. Maybe he was only a robot that was genetically engineered to be Chrono so he was but back together by that mysterious voice to kill us!
Everyone: Hmmmm.... Nah.
Off in the distance some voices are heard.
?????: I AM!
?????: SHUT UP!
A loud band crashes and a body flies overhead.
?????: Dang it, Kain. That hurt.
The other person walks in.
Kain: So what, Cecil?
Zell: Who are you, people?
Cecil: I am Cecil, a noble knight of Baron.
Kain: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Try again Sisscecil.
Cecil: That’s it!
Squall: Stop it, you idiots.
Kain and Cecil: Make us!
Squall: RENZOKUKEN!!!!
Kain: Uh-oh.
Cecil: This is all your fault, Kain.
B.C.: Stop it, Squall.
Zell: I’m hungry, I want a girlfriend.
Cecil: I have a girlfriend.
Turks: Is she a puppet?
Cloud: I AM NOT A PUPPET. DROP IT ALREADY!
Cecil: My girlfriend is Ros...
Mog: Your girlfriend is a flower?
B.C.: Maybe Cecil should hook up with Yuna because the obviously can’t get dates with real humans.
Cecil and Yuna: ***Cry***
Everyone: ***Laughs***
Voice: Quiet! I need to talk to all of you.
Chapter 5: Burdensome Quarreling
Voice: Have your travels worn you out yet, my puppets?
Turks: ***laugh and point at Cloud***
Cloud: SHUT UP! ***pulls out sword and chases Turks***
Voice: What’s his problem?
B.C. : Go away mean voice! We’re not afraid of you! to group Right guys?
Zell: I’m hungry.
Squall: Idiot.
Voice: to B.C. It appears that you are a one man army, B.C. I suggest you seek bravery elsewhere, for once you face me, there’ll be nothing but gore. *** voice laughs and fades away***
Cecil: What was that?
Kain: Who gave you permission to talk?
Cecil: Who gave YOU permission to talk?
Kain: Stop stealing my insults, idiot.
Squall: Hey, that’s my insult,... idiot.
Cecil: Yeah, idiot!
Squall and Kain: Who gave you permission to talk? *** pull out weapons and chase Cecil***
Mog: Is it me, or does everyone need to take a nap? Maybe we’d all find true love and be happy. Right, Yuna?
Yuna: ***cries***
Mog: *** laughs***
B.C. : *** rolls eyes *** We have to stop the insanity! We’ll never conquer that voice if we don’t work together!
Cloud: *** still chasing ***
Turks: *** still running***
Squall and Kain: *** slow down to catch breath *** Come..., huff, back... huff,...
Cecil: ***still running***
B.C. : Don’t you see that you’re acting childish? All of you! Listen to me!
The skies open. The group, with new members Kain and Cecil, is sucked up into the sky and prepares for another discrepant adventure.
Chapter 6: A Monkey of a Tale
The group falls from mid-air and land on a field near a castle.
Kain: Where are we?
Cecil: You mean, you don’t know? I can’t believe YOU don’t know! Ha! I guess Mr. Perfect isn’t so perfect after all! Ha!
Kain: Well, do you know where we are?
Cecil: I... um,... you see, we um...
Kain: mimicking Cecil I guess Mr. Perfect isn’t so perfect after all! Ha!
Cecil: *** cries ***
?????: *** laughs ***
A stranger appears and walks toward the group. He continues to laugh.
Turks: He’s got a monkey’s tail! *** point at stranger *** You’re a FREAK!
?????: ***Stops laughing and stares at Turks*** What did you call me?
Turks: F- R- E- A- K! FREAK! *** start to laugh***
?????: *** starts to charge at the Turks, but is intercepted by B.C. ***
B.C. : Excuse me, Sir..., sir... um.
?????: My name’s Zidane. I’m on my way to see my girlfriend, Dagger.
Mog: Dagger? Dagger?! Dagger! DAGGER!!!!!!! *** starts to laugh ***
Cecil and Yuna: *** cry ***
Zidane: *** looks at the group strangely***
B.C.: We’re a little bit lost. Can you tell us where we are?
Zidane: You’re near the kingdom of Alexandria. *** pauses briefly *** You’re not from around here, are you?
B.C. : Nope.
Zidane: Well, what brings you here?
B.C. : Well, it all started when I was looking for some hotdogs, and...
Zell: HOTDOGS!? WHERE? *** looks around madly for some hotdogs ***
Squall: Idiot.
Mog: *** still laughing ***
Cecil and Yuna: *** still crying ***
Kain: Cecil, you cry like a girl!
Cecil: ***cries harder***
Turks: *** pointing at Zidane *** Now we have a puppet and a freak to torment!
Cloud and Zidane: I AM NOT A PUPPET/ FREAK! *** start attacking Turks ***
B.C. : When will it end? When will it end?
Voice: *** in a whisper *** My poor little chocobo. It is only beginning!
The group once again whirls in a vortex of negative space.
Chapter 7: Figaro it Out
The group falls into a large castle in the middle of a desert. You can only guess what will happen.
Yuna: ***Cries***
Kain: Ouch, Cecil. Why did you land on me?
Cecil: I didn’t land on you, you were just there when I fell.
Squall: What idiots.
B.C.: Where are we now?
Zell: Who cares? I’m hungry.
Mog: Why don’t you go get a hotdog?
Zell: WHERE!?
Turks: FREAK PUPPET!
Cloud and Zidane: I AM NOT!
Two figures approach the group.
?????: Who are they?
?????: I’m not sure. How did they get inside the castle?
Squall: Quiet everyone. to figures Sorry about them. They are really strange. I’m Squall from Balamb Garden.
?????: I’m Sabin and...
?????: I’m Edgar.
Sabin: We are the kings of this castle.
Edgar: Well actually, I’m king. Sabin here ran off and decided to become a martial artist.
Sabin: So? I didn’t want to be king. It’s too much pressure.
Zidane: Uh-oh.
B.C.: What?
Zidane: If I marry Dagger, I’ll be king!
Mog: DAGGER! ***Bursts out laughing***
Turks: Hey, that little white thing has wings! ***Start to laugh*** It’s an alien!
Zell: ***Falls on the floor and starts to groan in pain. Holds his stomach*** I’m sooo hungry. If only I had my stash here.
Squall: What stash?
Zell: ***Dies?***
Mog and Turks: ***laugh harder than ever***
B.C.: WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?
Turks: He’s not a person ***Point to Cloud***, he’s a puppet. ***Point to Zidane *** He’s a freak. ***Point to Mog***. He’s an Alien, and ***Point to Zell*** He’s DEAD.
Everyone, even Yuna: ***Laughs***
Sabin: I’m confused
Edgar: I’m KING!
Zidane: AGH!
Turks and Mog: ***Laugh***
Yuna: ***starts crying again***
Cecil: Kain?
Kain: What?
Cecil: We haven’t argued for a while.
Kain: Yes we have.
Cecil: SHUT UP!
Kain: You, Idiot!
Squall: Stop using my insult, IDIOT!
The three jump at each other and a big cloud of dust appears around them. You know, like in the cartoons.
B.C.: I want to go home.
Squall jumps out of the fight. The cloud slowly fades away, and Cecil and Kain are lying on the ground, in pain.
Sabin: WHAT’S THAT? ***points toward the sky***
Chapter 8: Guts and Gore
Everyone looks up to the sky to see...
Everyone: ***SCREAMS***
?????: Yes. I’m the one who opened up all the portals. I am the one who summoned you here...
Yuna: What a coincidence. I summon things too!
Mog: Shut up, Yuna. Think of your boyfriend some more!
Yuna: ***cries***
Mog: ***Laughs***
?????: So, what happened to her boyfriend? Did he dump her? My buddy, Bill, is looking for a new mistress. He’s given up on real women because they always testify against him in court.
B.C.: What do you mean real women?
?????: Real humans! Didn’t you know that you are just made up for the entertainment of children?
Cloud: I’M NOT PRETEND!
Turks: Nope, you’re a puppet.
Cloud: I AM NOT!!!
B.C.: Who are you anyway?
?????: I am known as the cool, the awesome, the handsome&ldots;***screams are heard in the distance***...AL GORE!!!!
Everyone: ***Laughs***
Sabin: Well at least we know he can’t hurt us.
Edgar: I know. He can’t do anything right.
?????: Al? What are you doing to these fine young...
Al Gore: What are you doing here, Bill?
Bill Clinton: To find a new young lady to be my close "friend".
Yuna: ***Laughs*** Who would like you!?
Everyone: ***Laughs***
Al Gore: I like him.
Bill Clinton: GROSS!!!!!
Bill slaps Al across the face. Al fades off in the distance.
B.C.: Mr. Clinton, did you take our hotdogs?
Zell gets up off the floor.
Zell: HOTDOGS? WHERE ARE THEY!?
Turks: He’s not dead!?
Squall: ***Cries***
Edgar: to Bill I am KING!...
Zidane: AHH!!
Edgar:...And I order you to send these fine people home!
Bill: Who said that?
Edgar: I did.
Bill: You’re a pretty young lady.
Edgar: I’m a MAN!
Bill: So? You look like a pretty young lady.
Sabin: ***Laughs at Edgar***
Edgar: In case you don’t remember, Sabin, we’re brothers.
Turks and Mog: ***Laugh at Sabin***
Yuna: ***Laughs at Bill***
B.C.: There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home...
B.C. disappears in a shimmer of dust...only to reappear five seconds later.
Cecil: That was weird.
B.C.: ***Starts crying*** I just want some hot dogs!! WAAAA!!!
Zell sits down beside B.C. and starts crying too.
B.C. and Zell: WAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bill: ***Cries****
Everyone, but Yuna: ***Cries***
Yuna: ***Laughs*** Who’s crying now, huh?
Suddenly, everyone appears back at their own place, at their own time. The question, "Where’s Our Hotdogs?" remains a mystery. Why Al Gore put this trial upon everyone, nobody knows. But there is one thing I do know, now. I have a strange craving for hotdogs. By: Enigma The Unknown and Sister |
