
This short and weird story was written about a year ago, I don't know... in 2002 maybe? That sounds about right. Anyway, I recently read this thing again and has to say one thing. What the hell!? This is definatly one of the stranger things I have written.
Here is a small drawing of some noodles. It is bad so you have to use your imagination.
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Noodles are more than just a popular fabric softener. Noodles can also be used to wash your uncle's Model T Ford. Noodles can also be used as a deadly weapon. Yes, it is true. Because of this fact, noodles have been outlawed in 27 states, each in Nebraska.
Noodles, or NDDLES as I will now call them to save me time, were invented in the year 1765. The inventer, Professor Von Baristary Noodlemeisterbreadhonk wanted to invent an all purpose super foot fungus wax that used hot steam to burn away all the fungus. When he invented NDDLES, he thought it was just another boring thing. It did not cure the fungus like he thought it would. Instead, it did so much more.
Although nowhere near as good as fruit, NDDLES were first introduced to the queen of England. She ate the NDDLES and died, NDDLES being poisenous at the time.
So anyway, after the queen of England death incident of some time after, a man by the name of Gunther Jimmens (Thats g U nther not gunther) decided not to make NDDLES kill people after eating them, because the whole point of NDDLES were to eat them. By figuring out how they were poinenous (they were soaked in a vat of instant death liquid for 16 hours and 18 seconds) he decided that if the NDDLES were not soaked in the vat then maybe they woul come out tasty for a change.
To his supprise the NDDLES were now tasty and yummy, except for the fact that they tasted like a very strong cheese that burned your mouth and smelled like mayonaise. He took it to the lab of super smart scientists that will be always smarter than you no matter what you do lab to have it analized. The people at the LOSSSTWBASTYNMWYDL performed tests on it. They hit the NDDLES with hammers until they exploded, and tried to run it over with a pocket portable mansion. The tests failed to the point where the people at the LOSSSTWBASTYNMWYDL killed themselfs by watching the latest boring meeting of The people Who Try To Open Cans Without Can Openers.
That is when Superman got mad.
Using his almighty super thinking power, he stopped brushing his teeth untill he had narly bad breath. Then he used his super breath to make everyone in the world smell how ranicid it was all because he wanted NDDLES to be what they were supposed to be originaly. A super cheap carbonated bevrage thats good to go for a hot date at only 29 cents a pound.
Knowing that only saltwater whiped cream could ever stop the bad NDDLES, the people of Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxvznowwhatastupidnameforatown got together to make all the refried beans they could handle. 2 minutes later the latest issue of NDDLE The Magazine Hourly came out and said that Superman was no longer mad at NDDLES, for now he was busy tyring to keep the President from stealing his own issues of NDDLE the Magazine Hourly.
The next day all the NDDLES in the world were suddenly struck by a glowing green purple brown color and became normal again. This is how we get the NDDLES of today. Although like any other natural resourse, NDDLES will someday eventually go away. But you can help this by calling 1 800 IWOULDSURELIKETOSAVETHENDDLESBUTILIVEINANTARTICA and find out how you can help.
There is a problem among us. The Atomic Wodden Marshmallow Association is trying to get everyone to buy their atomic wooden marshmallows instead of NDDLES. Furthermore, nobody even wants so save the NDDLES. If they knew what NDDLES were capable of, then they would change their minds in an instant.
Books made out of NDDLES would be a good start. Classic works of literature such as Ben Binny Beans Good Eats and Inglwoo Is Goo would be great in NDDLES. After reading the book, you would even be able to eat it. Yes, another reason why we should protect the NDDLE forests of the sky.
NDDLE clothing. What once was for smashing is now used for wearing! Wear all your favorite clothes but now made with NDDLES. You would be the NDDLE of the town in a full assortment of neat NDDLE wear. This is why we don't want NDDLES to run out. Without NDDLES there would be no Africa. Now put that in your metal and drink it!
Here is another good reason why you should save as much NDDLES as possible. You see, without NDDLES, you would have another boring thing to listen about is History Class. The students of the future would not want to hear about the History of NDDLES as much as the people of today would. And they would have to do things such as take NDDLE exams, NDDLE tests, NDDLE reports, have NDDLE homework, and more things that are almost the same like the ones I just listed.
Now I leave you with this small page of the NDDLE Times, the daily newpaper on everything NDDLE.
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First NDDLE on the Moon
In the 102 billion dollar project to get the first NDDLE on the moon, it was done
last year but we forgot to run the story. A national holiday will be celebrated
every other day so we never forget about it.
Has the world gone insane?
They are thinking about putting tomato sauce on NDDLES and calling it Spagetti or
something. Everyone knows that it should be called Red NDDLE German Suprise.
The Last Headline
This is here because we needed to fill up the first page. Hmmm.. now what. Wait a
minute... you mean we still have to fill up an entire newspaper? AH CRAP! What am I
going to do!?!
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