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2013 League Directory

                                            LEAGUE  DIRECTORY

League Headquarters

Commissioner: Bowie Langhans
Vice President of Attitude Adjustment and Deportment: John Kruk
Umpire: John Travolta
League Psychiatrist: Rox N. DeHead
League Executive Retreat: Funk and Wagnalls Resort
Attorney: Miss Anne Thrope
Legal Assistant: Janet Leon
Players’ Association Attorney: Wilcy U. Encort
Television Network: BWSPN
League Newsletter Editor: Roy “Newsweek” Langhans
Occasional League Draft Pontificator: Scion of Serendipity
League Internet Site: Mother Blones Jog
League Chronicler and Clerk to Rules Committee: Dooley de Scribe
Internet Trash Site: The Fudge Report
Local Newspaper: Sparks Sentinel
Local Newspaper Reporter: Digby “Dirt” O’Dell


Owner: Leon “The OldBay” Uzarowski
Field Manager: Leon “Mr. Computer” Uzarowski
Hitting Coach: Don Baylor
Bench Coach: Pooh
Pitching Coach: Bill Bayne
Fielding Coach: Harry Bay
Publications: Old Bay Journal and Baywatch
Ballpark: Bayhome
Uniform Color: Bay-bee Blue
View: Bay Window
Musical Director: Sheikh Yurbouti
National Anthem Singers: Spice Girls
National Anthem Organist: Dave “Bay-bee” Cortez
Spring Training Location: Bayonne
Fundamentals: BaysBall
National Treasure: Pamela “BayWatch” Sue

Cockeysville Exit

Owner: “Run ‘em Up” Roy “Allen Dulles” Langhans
General Manager: Ron Schueler
Field Manager: Gene Tenace
Vice President of Public Relations: Rex Ryan
Director of Scouting: Bob “Foresight” Robertson
Radio Announcer: Kruk Thompson
Beat Reporter: Roland Hedley
Director of Solace Administration and Celebrations: Cupcake
Ballpark: Cockeysville Stadium (natural turf, domed)
Uniform Colors: Green and white
Mascot: aardvark
Minor League Team: Cockeys Villains
Cockeys Villains Field Manager: Lonnie Smith
Spring Training Location: Key West, Florida

York Trailblazers

Owner and Field Manager: “Lonesome George” W. “Eeyore” Zerba
Ballpark: County Stadium

Suburbia Rumrunners

Co-owner: “Chuckie the Rummy” Chuck “Superman” Simpson, The Man of Steel
General Manager & V. P. of Baseball Operations: Whitey “White Rat” Herzog
Field Manager: Reggie Jackson
Hitting Coach: Ozzie Smith
Pitching Coach: Bob Gibson
Team Consultant: Peter W. “Lefty” Laake, Jr.
Team Secretary: Diane
Local Newspaper: Rumrunner Gazette
Roving Reporters: Frank Deford and Slick Willie
Ballpark: FESCO Field (with centerfield rollercoaster)
Spring Training Organization: Banana League
AAA Franchise: Gettysburg Generals
A Franchise: Bronxville Bombers

National Bohs

Owner and Field Manager: Jeff “Roll ‘em for Power” Herschman
General Manager: Joe Morgan
Ballparks: BohDome and New BohDome

Westminster Blizzard

Owner: “Eagle-Eyed” Karl “The Mailman” Hasselbarth
General Manager: Trader Jack McKeon
Field Manager: Blue Lou Piniella
Baserunning Coach: Jeff Stone
Hitting Instructor: Mario “Do Like I Say, not Like I Do” Mendoza
Conditioning Coach: Sid “Why Is Everyone Sitting on THAT Side of the Plane?” Fernandez
Ballpark: Coors Field

Shenandoah Rebels

President and Field Manager: “Moan and Groan” Bart “Old Man on the Hill” Haller “The Elder”
Ballpark: Bing Crosby Stadium (Der Bingle)
Team Nickname: Boogie Hollow Boys
Mascot: Mad Max
Location: Boogie Hollow
Local Hospital: Front Royal Pool Hall and Emergency Care Center
Local Hospital Research Physician: Dr. Quack N. Bush
Local Hospital EMT: Nawtu Bright
Local Hospital reference manual: “Elementary Medical Procedures for Elementary Teachers
Local Pub: The Village Idiot
Radio Station: WFU2
Radio Analyst: Frank Lee Speaking

Ni River Blues

Owner: Irish “His Wonderfulness” McGowan
Vice President-Operations and General Manager: “Swordmaster of Spotsylvania” Honest John 
Field Manager: Johnny Dickshot
First Base Coach and Hitting Instructor: Chip Hilton
Third Base Coach: Pebbly Jack Glasscock
Batting Coach: Roy “The Kid from Tomkinsville” Turner
Pitching Coach: Bronc Burnett
Bullpen Coach: Fat Crompton
Ball Girl: Cow Patty
Concessionaire: Tow Mein Chow
Affiliation: Herndon Instructional League
Ballpark: Soccerplex
Uniform Color: Paisley blue
Local Newspaper: Wilderness Voice
Local Newspaper Reporter: Digby “Dirt” O’Dell
Team Bus Charter Company: Willie Winkie and Vamos A Tu Vas Limo Service
Moving Company: Irsay’s Midnight Movers
Scouts: Roald Amundsen and Abel Joonszoon Tasman
Public Relations Officer: Rudyard Kipling
Statistician: Nikolay Ivanovich Lobachevsky
Orthopedic Surgeon: Sawyer Bones
Bands: Asleep at the Wheel, and Lost Gonzo Band
Fight Song: Cannonball Yodel

Potomac Warriors

General Manager and Field Manager: “Busker” Bob Scharnberger
Ballpark: Won Time Wigwam
Waterboy: Bob Scharnberger

Riverdale Roughriders

Field Manager: “Tearible” Ted “Gopher Balls” McDonald
Ballpark: Riverdale Stadium
Uniform Colors: Gold and red

Columbia Big News

Owner and Field Marshall: Mike “Read ‘em and Weep” James
General Manager: Mel Brooks
Vice President for Player Development: Bill “This Card’s No Damn Good” Staffa
Pitching Coach: Bill “Spaceman” Lee
Third Base Coach: Bob Newhart
First Base Coach: Steve Martin
Strength and Conditioning Coach: 
Vice President in Charge of Morale: Linda Lovelace
Vice President in Charge of Feel-Good Humor: Ted McDonald
Bullpen Masseuse Squad: Angelina Jolie, Winona Ryder, and the wife of whomever’s reading this
Ballpark: Columbia Lakefront Stadium
National Anthem Vocalist Group: Devo
Backup Vocalist Group: ABBA (sometimes spelled “APBA”)
Team Songs: Red-Hot Women and Ice Cold Beer (New Riders of the Purple Sage), Now I Wanna
	Sniff Some Glue (Ramones), I Hate Every Bone in Your Body but Mine (Poison)
Team Poem: My Beer-Drunk Soul is Sadder than all the Dead Christmas Trees of the World (Charles
Locker Room Janitor and Towel Boy: Karl Hasselbarth

South County Pylons

Owner: Tim Haller “The Younger”
General Manager: Fred Patek
Assistant General Manager: Dean Palmer
Director of Sales and Marketing: Herb Tarlick
Field Manager: Ed Ott
Pitching Coach: Charley Kerfeld
Bench Coach: Eddie Taubensee
First Base Coach: Ron LeFlore
Third Base Coach: Ed Pagliarulo
Bullpen Coach: Floyd Rayford
Hitting Instructor: Richie “The Hacker” Hebner
Scouts: Richard “Dick” Crippledick and Ivan Yankanoff
Strength and Conditioning Coach: Eric Hipple
Honorary Director of Political Correctness: Marge Schott
Mascot: Pylon Pete
Ball Girls: Chesty LaRue, Hootie McBoobins
Ballpark: Public Storage Park (“The Penitentiary”)
Ballpark Meeting Facility: Diamond Club
Ballpark Concessionaires: California Tortilla, Ray’s Hell Burger, El Pollo Rico, Pane E Vino
Local Newspaper: The South County Chronicle
Local Banquet Hall: Mount Vernon Inn
Official Beer: Yuengling Lager
Most popular promotion: Friday Dollar Beer Night
Uniform Colors: Orange and black
Off-season promotion activity: PylonFest
Bands: Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem, Great Big Sea, Eddie from Ohio
AAA Team: Dominion Stouts, Hops Field, Ashburn, Virginia
AA Team: Kalamazoo Silver Swords, Kerby Park, Kalamazoo, Michigan
A Team: Carson City Knights, Knight’s Stadium, Carson City, Nevada
Rookie Team: Lorton Incinerators, Lord Fairfax Field, Lorton, Virginia