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Story Jokes 3

(only the best)

Page in story jokes click to get there 1 ~ 2 ~ 3 ~ 4

 

 

A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The
doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow."

The next day, the dude reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains:

"Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.
She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then her left, but nothing. Hell,
we even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands."

The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOR?"

The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the darn jar open!"

rating: 7


A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain
at a bar in a small town.

He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big
blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "OK
jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde
jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their
worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me
from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my
full potential as a person...because you and your kind continue
to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women
at large...all in the name of humor."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde
pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that
little bastard on your knee!"

rating:5


A young girl gets married and a few days later her mother goes to visit. When she knocks on the door, she is shocked to see her daughter open it naked. "What are you doing?" she asks. "Mom, it's my LOVE dress!! Don't you like it?" I'll come back in a few weeks when the honeymoon is over" replies the mom.

When she goes back, she is shocked when once again her daughter is naked. "Now what are you doing?" "Mom, it's my LOVE dress. It keeps the marriage spicy!"

Later that night the mom decides to try it for herself. When her husband comes home, he gives the same reaction: "Honey, what are you doing?" she give him the same answer her daughter gave her, "It's my LOVE dress! What do you think of it?" Her husband thinks long and hard and says, "I think you should have ironed it!"


Rating: 7

There was a boy whose parents were very strict in his upbringing. 
They never allowed him to meet any girls, except his own 
relatives. However, one day he saw one of his best friends 
kissing a girl and he went to his mother and asked her what they 
were doing.

His mother told him, "It's called kissing and any boy who does 
that to a girl will die that very minute!"

On his 21st birthday he went out with some friends who 
introduced him to one of the sweetest girls around town. 
She knew that he had never been kissed before.

When she eventually got some time alone with him, she tried to 
kiss him but he resisted. She asked him, "What are you afraid 
of, it won't hurt."

He said, "My mother said if I kiss a girl I'll die this very 
minute!!"

She replied, "Don't be a baby, now come on kiss me." 
With that she gave him a hot one square across the lips.

He began to cry, "Oh no I'm going to die!!!"
She said, "Why are you going to die??"
He replied, "I've just kissed you and already one part of 
me has begun to get stiff!!"

Rating: 8


The teacher called on Johnny to solve the next question. "There are 3 ducks sitting on a fence", she said, "and the farmer comes out and shoots one of them. How many are still on the fence?.

Johnny thinks a second and says "none".

The Teacher asked him how he figured that. "Well, he said, when the farmer shot the first duck, the noise scared the other 2 and they flew away".

The teacher said "That's not really the answer I was looking for but I like your thinking".

Then Johnny says "Now can I ask you one?".

The teacher said okay. Johnny says "There are 3 women with an ice cream cone in their hands. One is chewing it, one is biting it and one is licking it. Which one is married?.

The teacher says, "Why, the one that's licking it" to which Johnny answered "Wrong. It's the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking..."

Rating:8


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