Author’s note : All Italic words represent a one’s thought to him/herself
MEMORIES OF PAST
Aeris let her thought flies around. Since Sephiroth and Meteor has been defeated, she has a plenty of time to think, especially since she is in Lifestream, since she was dead……
“Cloud…”, she sighes as her thought comes to a man she really loved. She remembers moments with Cloud. Since his fall to church she was used to be taking care of the flowers in Midgar slums area, her offering to him to be her bodyguard, her adventure and fighting together with Avalanche, her unforgettable date with him at Gold Saucer, and also….her death.
Cloud, do you have the same feeling ? Do you love me like I love you ? Do you live in desperate like I do right now ?. Aeris takes a deep breath.
When we first met, you looked so handsome with your unique-spiky-blondie hair, especially your Mako-blue eyes. I loved to stare at them…, she smiles, and continues, but the most of you I liked so much was your coldness, no…your shyness…, she giggles for a moment.
You never feel love and care since you joined SOLDIER, that’s why probably you were so cold. Maybe that’s also why you looked nervous every time I gave my affection to you. You never imagined that I could come closer to you, don’t you ? But then your eyes turned to a caring, soft ones…it was the same eyes that looked at me when I was stabbed from behind by Sephiroth... Pain suddenly strikes out her thought when she remembered that nasty memory. She is really in desperate to forget it, but she knows she will not be able to. All she can do is just to weep and cry every time that memory comes to her mind, so she does. She feels desperate that she must live her life in Lifestream with that memory tails behind her, and worse, she must face it alone. Aeris sobs for some moment, and starts to sweep her tears that falls to her cheeks.
Cloud, do you remember when I asked Cait Sith to do fortune telling about you and me ? He said that we were perfect to each other, we were made for each other…I was truly happy, and even though that was a fortune-telling, I had a big hope that it would be true. Did you also want it to be happened, Cloud ?
Aeris keeps silent for a moment, and continues ,”…I hope you do………”.
Suddenly, she feels a hand taps her shoulder from back. She startles and cries shortly, then she turns around and sees someone. She gasps and close her mouth with her hands. She can not believe what she is seeing right now. There is a man in blue uniform stands in front of her. He wears a same clothes as Cloud does, that is SOLDIER uniform, and his hair is spiky too, but its color is black.....
“Z-Zack…???”, Aeris’ eyes widens. The man in front of her nods his head, he grins to Aeris.
“Yes, I am”, he replies, his grin still sticks to his face, “…here and now…”, he continues. Suddenly, he holds Aeris around his hands. Aeris is shocked. She never think to meet Zack, her ex-boyfriend, especially in Lifestream. Last time she only knew that Zack had gone for mission from Shinra, and they never met again. Now, he stands in front of her, in Lifestream….it means…..
“Yes, I was failed from my last mission..”, Zack whispers softly in her ears as he already knew what Aeris thinks. He breaks his hug but still holds Aeris’ hands and stares to Aeris who is still in disbelief. Zack’s left brow raises, and with that way, Aeris regains control of herself.
“Well…it’s been long time, Zack…”, Aeris says to Zack. She is trying to smile to him, but deep in her heart, she can not do that. She feels that Zack’s coming is not at the right time.
Zack, Aeris’ ex-boyfriend, was a man whom Aeris was in love before she met Cloud. He has charmed Aeris in his ways, and Aeris seemed to love him.
“That was a long time ago…”, Aeris mumbles. Zack’s left brow raises again, “What did you say ? I can’t hear it, Aeris”.
“Well, you never give news about yourself since your last mission..”, Aeris replies.
“You know, a dead man can’t broadcast news..”, Zack replies again with chuckle. Suddenly Aeris feels better knowing Zack’s chuckle. He is still nice to her even though it has been long time since they have met. She feels a peaceful and warm feeling wraps around her. She never have this feeling since her death since she must support The Avalanche on defeating Sephiroth and Meteor from her world. Even after that, she only felt desperation and sorrow in her life, up to before she met Zack. She then smiles to him and says, “You know Zack, your appearance still looks awful…”.
“Really ?”, grin on Zack’s face goes broader.
”Sure”, as Aeris giggles and replies.
“And you still look innocent, my angel…”, Zack whispers softly. Aeris blushes but still gives him her smile.
“Do you still sell flowers ?”, ask Zack to Aeris.
“Umm…not anymore…it’s a long story, besides, who would buy flowers in this place ?”, Aeris replies with sparkling in her emerald green eyes.
“He still remembers me…”, she thinks.
Zack laughs as he hears her reply, and soon afterward, Aeris laughs too. They are both laughing, releasing their burden on the past, for awhile. Aeris’ body shakes gently as she laughs.
“Oh…how long has it been since I laughed ?”, she thinks to herself. After they run out breath because of laughing, gradually, they fall in silence.
They stare to each other for some moment. Slowly, Aeris feels something inside her heart, but she can not interpret what it means.
There is something wrong…..it feels like a weird feeling….I’m not so sure…...but there he is, right now, still care about me….but…but this is not it….
Aeris gathers all her bravery, then says,”Zack, do you mind leaving me alone, ….for a short time ?”.
Zack now becomes confused. His lips move as if he wants to say something but he only nods after that.
“Aeris…I don’t know what happened to you…but it’s okay…”, he slowly releases Aeris’ hands.
“Thank you for your understanding, it doesn’t mean you must leave me from here, just stay here, Zack, I need companion…I need to tell you everything”, Aeris steps backward, still stares to Zack, and spins around.
“Zack, to be honest, I was happy to meet you again….”, she shuts up for a moment. Zack pays attention to her. Aeris knows that Zack is listening to her.
“..but Zack, I feel that things have gone differently from start. You know I adored you so much at past time, when we were together as lovers. You cared for me so much, and I was flattered. I felt like a real woman…”, she smiles.
“But short time before you disembarked for mission from Shinra, I realized something…important. It was about our relationship…no…it is about my feelings to you, Zack…”, she goes quiet.
“What was that ?”, Zack asks Aeris, he becomes curious for her.
Aeris is still quiet. She then speaks slowly, as she doesn’t want to speak her words,
“I thought…that…I was…not..in…love with you…as lover anymore”. Aeris stops for a moment, waiting for Zack’s response.
“Go on”, says Zack.
Aeris turns around and now faces Zack. Her eyes looks very sorry for what she has said, but Zack still sees at her calmly.
“Zack…aren’t you…..angry….?”, she asks Zack with almost inaudible voice.
Zack shakes his head, “Just go on…”, he says. He pats her shoulder, gives her a slightly better feeling.
“Well…actually I still care about you…”, Aeris continues. “…but in term of brother and sister relationship…”.
Zack’s eyes widens, his brows raise. Zack keeps silent, but his eyes tell Aeris to tell more. Aeris looks at him nervously. She is worry that her words make Zack angry, but she knows it is too late to step back now. She must go on telling her feeling to Zack.
“Zack…my love for you…was a kind of puppy love…We were very young at that time. As time went by, I understood that I just could love you as my brother…nothing more…..”, tears are brimming in her eyes.
“For this, I am sorry, Zack, I do apologize with all my heart that I may have hurt you…I can not love you like the way you do. Now it’s up to you, I will not blame on you if you wish to leave me with anger, disappointment, or whatever feeling… I just deserve that…”. Now tears are falling.
Zack takes a deep breath, strokes Aeris’ hair slowly while watching her looking at him with tearful eyes of sorry. “At least now I know, and you know it, too…” , says Zack calmly. He then continues his words,” I though that I would be the first who tell what you ‘ve just said”.
Aeris is shocked to hear his words.
Really…? She gazes to Zack. A look of disbelief on what she heard depicts clearly on her face.
Zack just chuckles, finally he says,”My angel, it is unbelievable, I must confess it ! What a strange circumstance !!”, he laughs again. Aeris is getting more confused with Zack’s reaction.
Is he gone mad ? But I don’t think so, still I don’t understand. Aeris looks at Zack, she doesn’t know what to do.
“Well, let me explain then,” says Zack after he calms down. “Aeris, I just want to make it short. I did love you at the past, but somehow I felt that was not the way it meant to be. I just could love you, took care of you as…..sister. No, it is not relieving words for what you’ve just said to me. It is the truth, Aeris…you did not hurt me after all, you even made me feel better !!!”, Zack smiles as he ends his words, but he starts to talk again
“I had no idea how to tell you that I just loved you as sister, until I failed on my mission. Now, we meet again, face to face, but still I have no idea how to tell you…without hurting you. Well, I still think that you are still on love with me as lover….how rude I am !”, Zack backs to his laughs again. Aeris still looks at him confusely, but as she watches Zack laughs freely, she knows that he told the truth, she knows that Zack really meant what he said.
He just loves me as sister….and I just love him as brother…what a coincidence !!! Aeris thinks to herself, but with that, she feels her heart lighter. She is no longer feeling burden on her heart to tell Zack that she only loves him as brother since she knows that Zack has the same kind of feeling towards her too, that he loves her as sister. She feels like dark cloud has gone from her mind, replaced by warm sunlight with refreshing air.
After Zack’s laugh is over, he then stares at Aeris, with a broad smile on his face. “Now, sister, are you relieved now ? “
“Sure, Zack, thank you”, Aeris replies with smile. Then they laugh together, again, but both of them have no more burden to bear. They laugh freely, they are laughing for themselves.
After they run out of breath, Zack says to her, in a joking voice, “Well, since you have no lover anymore, you can find a good man for you….”
Aeris is suddenly quiet. She never guess that Zack will throw that question at moment like this. Zack’s face grows strange, a kind of sorry for asking her a sensitive question and sadness for seeing Aeris’ face grows sad.
“A..Aeris…? Did I say something wrong ?”, Zack says, now his voice becomes more serious. Aeris keeps on silent, only her sad look gives him reply. Slowly, tears are forming in her eyes.
“I’m sorry, Aeris…I didn’t intend to hurt your feeling…”, Zack says with comforting voice.
Should I tell him ? Should I tell him how I feel right now ? Aeris hesitates, but finally she throws herself to Zack’s arm, weeping on his shoulder.
Zack hugs her in his arms, he is trying to comfort her.
“Aeris…I never know that you can be very sad like this, there must be something that hurts your heart…and it seems you have been concealing it for a long time…Come on, Aeris…just tell me…”, Zack says to Aeris while stroking her hair softly.
Aeris is just crying and crying. She cries because she feels so sad being questioned by Zack about someone she loves, and she cries because she feels happy that at last she finds a shoulder to cry on.
“Zack…it is very cruel…I love someone, I do really love someone, but he is in another world, world of living…I can’t get him Zack…I can’t..and worse…I haven’t told him that I love him !”, Aeris’ body chokes heavily as she spits every word.
“It’s okay, Aeris, it’s okay…who is he ?”, Zack asks Aeris.
“He is much more like you, he is SOLDIER too…his name is Cloud…Cloud Strife…”, Aeris replies.
“Hmmm…that Cloud guy ? I knew him…”, Zack says. He hopes that his words can comfort Aeris and stop her to cry, but they just can not.
She really loves him…poor Aeris….Zack thinks. He actually hates to see woman crying, but this time he has to make an exception. He just let himself as a shoulder to cry on for Aeris. At least that is all he can do. He feels sorry for Aeris. He knows Aeris as a cheerful, yet very nice and elegant girl.
Aeris…I know that you really care toward other, you must deserve better things..not like this..you are right…it’s not fair what you have done to others…but I can’t help you, I am just ordinary human...I’m sorry, Aeris…I am sorry…
Zack hugs Aeris tighter as he feels Aeris’ tears come more intensely.
Cry on…my angel… pour your tears, pour your sorrow right now… I hope you will find a better way… Zack keeps on hugging Aeris.
